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Konnichiwa, fellow card makers! I've been here for some months, but I really haven't posted my own creations in Casual/Advanced, so I've decided it was about time to do it *nervous*. Anyway, these cards are an expansion of the already powerful "Dragonmaid" archetype, (like they needed it) and, as you will see, will use some of the characters in the anime the archetype in itself is based on. Feel free to comment and critique anything you want, my goal is to make them as good as possible, to the point they could be used in advanced! PSCT and OCG corrections are quite appreciated!

Also, make sure you hear this song while checking the cards!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcQSpKvvmUI

I don't own any of the images used, both the characters and some of the backgrounds, credits to their respective owners.

Le'ts go, Kobayashi-san!

TohruWeb.thumb.jpg.4285c823f9fc231bfd4e6bc9ad7661bc.jpgUrhotWeb.thumb.jpg.8df8ad91f7f68b587d1bd831a33729b8.jpg

Tohru, the Strongest Dragonmaid        FIRE
Level 10
Dragon / Fusion / Effect
1 “Dragonmaid” monster + 1 Dragon monster
You can discard 1 card; Special Summon 1 Level 4 or lower “Dragonmaid” monster from your Deck in Defense Position, but negate it’s effects. When another face-up Dragon monster(s) return to the hand (except during the Damage Step): You can target 1 “Dragonmaid” Spell/Trap in your GY; activate it, but banish it, face-down. When you take effect damage: reduce that damage to 0. You can only use each effect of “Tohru, the Strongest Dragonmaid” once per turn.
ATK 3100 / DEF 1900
 

Urhot, the Strongest Dragonmaid        FIRE
Level 11
Dragon / Fusion / Effect
1 “Dragonmaid” monster + 2 Level 5 or higher Dragon monsters
This card’s Fusion Summon cannot be negated. If you control 3 or more “Dragonmaid” monsters with different Attributes and Levels: You can destroy all monsters your opponent controls in their Main Monster Zones. Your opponent cannot target “Dragonmaid” monsters for attacks, except this one. When your opponent would Special Summon a monster(s) (Quick Effect): You can negate the Summon, and if you do, destroy that monster(s), also, after that, return this card to the Extra Deck, and if you do, Special Summon 1 “Tohru, the Strongest Dragonmaid” from your Extra Deck. You can only use each effect of “Urhot, the Strongest Dragonmaid” once per turn.

KannaWeb.thumb.jpg.daa59e73985e85d5525d4a24cce6680b.jpgAnkanWeb.thumb.jpg.b385f515aa8d0503c31d1958f6b36ab2.jpg

Kanna, Dragonmaid’s Pupil            WIND
Level 2
Dragon / Tuner / Effect
When a “Dragonmaid” monster is Normal or Special Summoned, you can Special Summon this card (from your hand), and if you do, you cannot Special Summon other monsters for the rest of this turn, except “Dragonmaid” monsters. Gains 300 ATK/DEF for each other Dragon or Thunder monster on the field. At the start of the Battle Phase: You can return this card to your hand, and if you do, Special Summon 1 Level 7 “Dragonmaid” monster from your hand or GY. You can only use each effect of “Kanna, Dragonmaid’s Pupil” once per turn.
ATK 500 / DEF 1600
 

Ankan, Dragonmaid’s Pupil            WIND
Level 7
Dragon / Effect
Cannot be destroyed by card effects while you control a Fusion Monster. You can only use each of the following effects of “Ankan, Dragonmaid’s Pupil” once per turn.

  • When an opponent’s monster declares an attack (Quick Effect): You can discard this card; negate the attack, and if you do, change that monster to Defense Position, also that monster’s DEF becomes 0.
  • At the end of the Battle Phase: You can return this card to your hand, and if you do, Special Summon 1 Level 2 “Dragonmaid” monster from your hand.

ATK 2600 / DEF 1600

ElmaWeb.thumb.jpg.3ae7484cf3e4518607478e40fbb31adb.jpgMaelWeb.thumb.jpg.32705e162fa2581d5431247d1ec87889.jpg

Elma, Dragonmaid’s Rival            WATER
Level 9
Dragon / Synchro / Effect
1 “Dragonmaid” Tuner + 1+ non-Tuner monsters
If this card is Synchro Summoned: You can banish 1 “Dragonmaid” monster from your Deck. Once per turn: You can target 1 Spell/Trap your opponent controls; return it to the hand, and if you do, all “Dragonmaid” monsters you currently control gain gain 200 ATK/DEF. This card can be treated as 2 materials for the Fusion Summon of a “Dragonmaid” Fusion Monster. If this card leaves the field: You can Special Summon the “Dragonmaid” monster banished by this card’s effect in Defense Position, but negate its effects.
ATK 3000 / DEF 1800

 

Mael, Dragonmaid’s Rival            WATER
Level 10
Dragon / Synchro / Effect
1 “Dragonmaid” Tuner+ 1+non-Tuner monsters
If this card is Synchro Summoned: You can target cards in your opponent’’s GY up to the number of “Dragonmaid” monsters in your possession that have returned to the hand during your previous turn and this turn combined; banish those targets, face-down. (Quick Effect): You can target 1 “Dragonmaid” monster you control and 1 monster your opponent controls; send both targets to the GY. If this leaves the field: You can Special Summon 1 monster sent to the GY by this card’s effect, but negate its effects. You can only use each effect of “Mael, Dragonmaid’s Rival” once per turn.
ATK 3300 / DEF 2200

* For those who have watched the Anime, they'll know this dragon isn't Elma's Dragon version. Sorry, I couldn't find a suitable artwork, so I used this one.
ChargeWeb.thumb.jpg.060bbca1c64048620f9620b7bafb1438.jpgKotatsuWeb.thumb.jpg.032b373cb906314008f1b7b8bb56938d.jpg

Dragonmaid’s Charge Time
Continuous Spell
Once per turn: You can place 1 Charge Counter on this card. “Dragonmaid” monsters you control gain 200 ATK/DEF for each Charge Counter on this card. If this card has 3 or more Charge Counters, “Dragonmaid” monsters you control gain 1 of the following effects based on their Level.
Level 4 or lower: This card can make a second attack each Battle Phase this turn.
Level 7 or higher: Your opponent cannot Tribute, use as material, take control or change the Battle Position of this card.
If this card is destroyed by your opponent’s card effect, inflict 500 damage yo your opponent for each “Dragonmaid” monster you control. You can only control 1 “Dragonmaid Charge Time”.
 

Dragonmaid’s Kotatsu
Continuous Spell
The first time each “Dragonmaid” monster you control would be destroyed by battle each turn, it is not destroyed. When a “Dragonmaid” monster you control is targeted by a card effect: You can idscard 1 card; negate the activation, and if you do, if the card targeting your “Dragonmaid” monster is another monster, negate it’s effects. If this card is in your GY: You can banish this card, face-down; shuffle 3 “Dragonmaid” monsters in your GY into your Deck, and if you do, draw 2 cards. You can only use this effect of “Dragonmaid’s Kotatsu” twice per Duel, and only once per turn.

ElectroWeb.thumb.jpg.b1b2300b967f49951ae06febbe6f698b.jpgKobayashiWeb.thumb.jpg.297851210fb96a725fe2b82edba7bfc7.jpg

Dragonmaid’s Electro-Spark
Normal Spell
This card gains the following effect(s) based on the number of “Dragonmaid” monsters you control at activation.
1+: Inflict 500 damage to your opponent.
2+: Target 1 monster your opponent controls; banish it.
3+: Target 1 Spell/Trap in the same column as that targeted monster; return it to the hand.
4+: Your opponent cannot activate cards or effects during this chain.
5+: Your opponent skips their next Battle Phase.


Kobayashi’s House
Field Spell
This card is always treated as a “Dragonmaid” card. All “Dragonmaid” monsters on the field gain 300 ATK/DEF. If a “Dragonmaid” monster you control returns to the hand due to a “Dragonmaid” card effect: You can pay 1000 LP; Special Summon that returned to the hand “Dragonmaid” monster, but negate its effects. During your Standby Phase: Gain 200 LP for each “Dragonmaid” monster you control. If this card is destroyed by your opponent’s card effect: You can Tribute 1 “Dragonmaid” monster; Set this card, also add 1 “Dragonmaid” Spell/Trap from your Deck to your hand, but you cannot activate or Set it during this turn. You can only use each effect of “Kobayashi’s House” once per turn.

AmbushWeb.thumb.jpg.484625bbdfa0ebed1b71ceaba2f31f5e.jpg

Dragonmaid’s Ambush
Normal Trap
If you control no monsters, Special Summon 1 Level 4 or lower “Dragonmaid” monster from your hand or Deck, and if you do, you can target 1 monster in the same column as that Special Summoned monster, and if you do that, negate the targeted monster’s effects until the end of this turn.
 

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Have been reading up on Dragonmaid cards.

Tohru
From what I gather, Tohru is meant to search for the maid you want which gets bounced by their fusion Spell, so you can save up your Normal Summon for after Tohru drops onto the field. The other effect seems to be to extend with Sendoff or Hospitality. Dragonmaid Welcome already retrieves them and doesn't get rid of them forever so that bit just sounds like something meant to be used when the other option is disrupted by the opponent, and I can see it with how prominent those things are. Also, the wording on Tohru implies she can't bypass the hard once per turn clause in the Spells, as she activates them directly rather than activating their effect.
The effect damage negation is a bit out of place compared to the rest. The archetype doesn't seem to run anything having to do with it and it doesn't really compliment any of the other effects on the card. Even in the flavor I can sort of see Tohru wanting to protect Ms Kobayashi but wouldn't say that was the focus on their relationship....

Urhot
What does the Fusion Summon bit work like? This card doesn't have an inherent Summon condition (a clause that explains how to fuse it without needing an effect). Like, Super Polymerization cannot be responded to, but you can still do stuff like Bottomless Trap Hole their monster once the Fusion gets to the field, so the effect Summoning and the Summon itself are different things to point at, and I don't think this would give "Dragonmaid Changeover" immunity.
Makes me think on how the Egyptian Gods have both, a clause that you can't negate their Summon, and a clause nothing can respond to their Summon, and I think your Urhot card can only really get the latter.

You don't need to put "all monsters your opponent controls in their Main Monster Zones". It's a bit redundant. 
If you say "all monsters in your opponent's Main Monster Zones" it already implies they control them and that it excludes the Extra Monster Zone.
Btw, you forgot to write the ATK/DEF. I can see it in the card just fine but still thought I'd point that out.
The last effect I recommend you change the "When" for the word "If". It doesn't sound too different but "When" has chances of the timing it can activate on against certain plays.

Attack protection is fine, Raigeki effect is cute but considering you are using up 3 materials + your Fusion spell on it, I'd say it is more than fair. I like the Summon negation too, which is one-time unlike some of the Synchro bosses that can just negate those things and repeat every turn. I wouldn't say to change that, I quite like it. Tohru isn't a bad thing to float into although it's very much up to the opponent to bait this out so as a casual player I very much appreciate the drawbacks built in.

Kanna

IDK about the idea of making her a Tuner. Your Synchro is Elma and I don't recall them being very supportive of each other in the anime. If anything they got friendly as the whole group eventually did but it wasn't particularly close for these. They started off on different factions and are more so on Truce over anything else. If Tohru had been the Synchro, I would have seen it more, or even better, have Kanna be the Synchro and have the human girl she hangs out with be the Tuner.... that'd work better flavor-wise in my opinion.

Other than that I find the card itself fine, disregarding the flavor part I mentioned xP

Ankan

Pretty standard stuff. I learned that all dragon forms of the maids have that effect protection clause and their own bounce-to-revert-to-maid part. That is nice considering their defining effects are all as hand traps, and this is basically a Kuriboh other than that. Even if it can't force Links to Defense, at least it gets the attack negation going, so it does what it is setup to do.

Elma

Only one thing I wanna point out (everything else seems fine to me): That backrow bounce effect is something better suited on low Level Main Deck monsters. Usually the Spells/Traps you'd wanna use something like that on are the ones that floodgate you out of playing, and those wouldn't let you do the Synchro Summon to begin with. It is the kind of effect that works best when you can access it under lockdowns so you can start playing, otherwise it is just an ok bonus that does no harm but could be in a better place. Take for instance the "Lunalilght White Rabbit" that fills in this same kind of niche for its own archetype.

Mael

Huhh... I have no idea how you'd go about keeping tabs on it. Sounds like a mess in a deck that already is about bouncing back and forth through your monsters. Keeping tabs in a controlled manner would alert the opponent of this, and not doing so would be a nightmare to recount for.
Otherwise I can get behind everything else xP

Charge Time

Nice way to bypass Kaijus, Ra Sphere, and Nibiru. Tough flavor doesn't quite add up, you see: Charge Time implies your cards are resting in some way, but the way the card effect will play out is that your monsters will get an ATK boost and get more aggressive with a double attack feature for the small ones.... while they are charging up. It'd make more sense if the card had a way to get off the field or get inactive in some manner, signifying charging is done, and THEN you'd gain the extra bonuses. Though this is mostly a nitpick, gameplay-wise the card works.

Kotatsu

It now occurs to me that the Continuous Spells having ways to get into the GY by the archetype would be a neat way to make Charge Time work under flavor... anyways... the "Twice per Duel" is a bit arbitrary and honestly it is overdoing it. How are you gonna be retrieving the card having been banished face-down on a consistent way, and how often are you gonna see all 3 copies to use it on in a single duel? Even if it does, what difference makes 2 uses vs the 3 copies you can have of it? I think "only once per turn" works well enough. You are getting rid of your GY setup for this so it is fine. Pot of Avarice isn't game-breaking nowadays so I think it should be fine without any X times per Duel clauses.

Electro Spark

At least the second burn effect I see among these, and I'm starting to think Tohru's anti-burn effect is only trying to nullify this in a mirror match. Btw, some of the stuff is flavor-wise so specific to Kanna that it almost seems odd implementing it to any other dragon.... Like, Maids don't normally charge up, but Kanna does because she's an electric dragon.... Wanna see how the Kitchen Dragonmaid needs any charging up if it appeared in the anime xD
anyways... on to the card....
1 Kind of a bonus I see.
2 This is fine. It pretty much guarantees you'll use the Spell for THIS at the very least, but retrieving it every turn with the Dragonmaid support is kind of scary.
3 This is perfect for the niche I was talking about of getting out of a floodgate situation... but considering the opponent gets to play around it, I wonder how it'd work out in practice.
4 no response clause I see.... umm this is pretty much like the Sky Striker S/T already, if not a little stronger than those... does it need this?
5 Ufff.... this is a snowball effect. Get the board and you'll be doing this for the rest of the duel. No Battle Phase forever. And considering the other effects above.

Two things to point out: Even if some of it is random 500 burn or a "no reply" clause, it is a lot of random effects in a single card. This one is a bit of a problem card IMO. You bounce something, banish something, cannot be responded, burn a little bit, and prevent their battle phase, potentially every turn for long enough to go beyond a comeback. I know this archetype can swarm so this is iffy.

Kobayashi's House

The self-retrieve is a bit overkill. You already have ways to retrieve it, and it is more strategic to have your S/T be weighted against each other depending on the scenario to see what they wanna retrieve with Tohru or Dragonmaid Welcome (and the Fusion Spell already brings back itself). 
This card already does enough by replenishing field presence (even at effects negated) and making up for the LP cost by giving you LP back... which I see the flavor of it but gameplay-wise it sounds like a bit of clutter where you could get rid of both the LP cost and the LP gain and more or less get the main game-benefits of it. Well I guess it doesn't particularly hurt.

Ambush

Sounds like a sweet opener card. You face something like a Darklaw or a Crystal Wing, so you just Summon a monster from your Deck and negate the issue.
Problem is that it being a Trap demands a tame turn of setup that you might not have. It doesn't even permanently negate so the threat is back when you get to play again. Sounds like a card that should either get an "activate from hand if... " clause, or be a Quick-Play or even just a Normal Spell for the sake of immediate usage.

The Emergency Teleport effect I'm not too worried about because the clause "if you control no monsters" is a surprisingly harsh drawback once you use these kinds of cards. So that's fine.




 

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I honestly love these cards but honestly have no way to test them out which is a bit of a bummer. Although, I'm working on that, it will take a while.

 

Also, I saw the cards but haven't been able to give them enough attention to give an opinion on them individually due to work. Monday's are always extremely busy for me.

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12 hours ago, Sleepy said:

Have been reading up on Dragonmaid cards.

12 hours ago, Horu Ishayuki said:

I honestly love these cards but honestly have no way to test them out which is a bit of a bummer. Although, I'm working on that, it will take a while.

Thank you very much for taking your time and giving me your critique, which I'll read very carefully in order to improve my cards. To be honest, I was worried these were too horrible since no one had replied before, to the point I got depressed even though not getting replies happens often to many people. I'm someone who sadly jumps quickly to conclusions and thinks the worst, sorry about that.

About the critique in itself, well, I won't defend myself, lol, I have a looong way to go in order to make advanced-level cards, that's why I posted in Casual. I agree with basically most stuff. I gave Tohru the effect damage negation effect to reflect her power to revert the destruction caused. About the relation among the characters that might be reflected in the flavor, I honestly didn't think too much about it. I figured Tohru had to be the boss monster since she's called the "Strongest Dragonmaid" even in the series, and I felt it needed to be an alternative to House Dragonmaid. The relation (non-relation) between Kanna and Elma didn't went through my head at all XD I only thought I needed a Tuner and that Elma, as being a Dragon of Order, needed to be a Synchro. In truth, Kanna should be in the next alternate artwork of BEWD 🙂 . The burn damage in Electro Spark is a bit of a random stuff like you Sleepy said, only in order to make you have 2+ Dragonmaid to activate the good effects of the Spell. It was hilarious when I imagined the other Dragonmaids trying to refill their power in the plug. I just thought of lil' Kanna there. All in all, I kinda was more focused in the effects rather than the flavor and all that, but I'll keep everything in mind, so thanks again.

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