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Atonement, the Judging Punisher Dragon


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Hello there! This is my first time posting here, so ill try to do my best to conform to what is expected. Here is a card i made today: Atonement, the Judging Punisher Dragon! its a Lightsworn card, and essentally the xyz upgrade (in its own way) to Judgement and Punishment, and also Judgement, the Dragon of Heaven.  i hope you enjoy it, and i hope to make more custom cards that everyone will enjoy soon. Please, let me know what you think. i am a bit nervous. (Note: all Artwork is not mine, i usually just get my artwork off of Google from various Cardfight!! and Bushiroad artwork, so i hope thats ok. also this card has the creator as Kazuki Takahashi as i wasnt sure if putting my username would be better, or stick to realism)

Atonement, The Judging Punisher Dragon 

Rank 8 (accidentally made the card art Rank 10) 

2600ATK 3000DEF

2+ Level 8 Dragon monsters                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 
When this card is Xyz Summoned: send the top 5 cards from your Deck to the GY. This card gains 100 ATK for every "Lightsworn" monster in your GY and face-up in your banished monster zone. Once per turn, During either player's turn (Quick Effect), you can detach 1 Xyz material from this card: return all cards (should be face-up cards)your opponent controls to the hand. During the End Phase, if a LIGHT Dragon Synchro monster is attached to this card as Xyz Material:  shuffle into the Decks, all cards in the GYs and all face-up banished cards, except "Lightsworn" monsters. You can only use the effect of "Atonement, the Judging Punisher Dragon" once per turn.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

atone.jpg

Edited by Lukus Garvin
errata
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Hey @Lukus Garvin, first of all, congratz on your first post, and welcome to the site!

Allow me to help you a bit with the PSCT n.n

Quote

If this card is Xyz Summoned: Send the top 5 cards of your Deck to the GY. Gains 100 ATK for each of your "Lightsworn" monsters banished and/or in your GY. Once per turn (Quick Effect): You can detach 1 material from this card; return all face-up cards your opponent controls to the hand. During the End Phase, if this card has a LIGHT Dragon Synchro monster as material: shuffle all cards banished and/or in both player's GY into the Deck, except "Lightsworn" monsters. You can only use each effect of "Atonement, the Judging Punisher Dragon" once per turn.

You see, simple is best, and Konami is trying to use clearer but simpler terms and methods in the card grammar. Here's the list of things I changed:

1) When -> If. Reason being, When is prone to miss the timing. If is used most of the time for this kind of "At summon effect", and works better.
2) From your Deck -> of your deck
3) This card gains -> Gains. Now Konami uses this short version for changes in ATK/DEF
4) During either player's turn . (Quick Effect) IS the correct way to specify an effect has Spell Speed 2 in a monster.
5) (should be face-up cards) . Really, just mention face-up in the specification of which cards are affected.
6) Xyz Material -> material. Yep, sounds lame, but avoid saying Xyz Material, that's not used anymore. Still use Xyz Summon or Xyz Monster, tho.
7) Not positive the shuffling effect is perfectly worded, but it's a lil' better.
8) A liberty I took, but I'm saying "You can only use each effect" instead of "the effect". I'm not sure what was your intention with this clause, but I'm taking a wild guess, thinking you want each of the effects to be used OPT. If not, and you want to limit only the last effect, you'd need to use this effect instead.

 

About the card in itself... damn, man, I'm sorry but I feel it could be more balanced. For starters, it's rather weird that it requires 2 8+ monsters as material. Sure, Xyz Monsters have some variations on their requirements, but I've never seen anything of the sort, it feels too convenient, imo (if you know of a Xyz Mob that can do this, pls let me know). 5 cards to the GY at SUmmoning is strong, but ok, it's the Archetype's gimmick. Now, return ALL face-up cards your opponent controls to the hand, doesn't target, and can be used twice... that's no good, I'd say. Think of Brionac... the poor thing can only return 1 card to the hand at the cost of discarding 1 yourself. Of course, Brionac is easier to Summon, and affects card indiscriminately, but still... then we got that brutal effect of absolute shuffling... yeah, I'm aware it requires a Dragon Synchro mob to work... it just feel crazy, still, I'd rather it only affects your own cards. Perhaps you could change the detaching effect by making it cost 2 materials. That way, everything becomes balanced: you either screw your opponent's field, or don't activate it and wait for the Dragon Synchro super shuffling effect to apply. Well, this is just a suggestion, of course. Remember that everything I tell you here is to help, ok? n.n

Enjoy your stay in YCM!

P.D I almost forgot to mention, well, it's not mandatory to mention where the artwork comes from, and yeah, you can take it from wherever, as long as it's legal. But the act of crediting the artist is a very nice thing to do, so if you want to do that, you're more than welcome to do it.

Edited by Rayfield Lumina
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