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Pop Culture Review Skits


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Guest Supreme Gamesmaster

Hai. So, if you have a PC card that you think is alright, I can get some of my kewl judges to rate 'em on the five stats and generally give you a boost (or, more likely, decline) in reputation.

 

You're lost, aren't you.

 

Well, what I rate on are five statistics which your card would have at Level 20 promoted.

[spoiler=The Stats]

OCG: Official Card Grammar. Having good grammar, and using Kazuki Takahashi-esque word choice.

PLY: Playability. How well the card fits into the current metagame, and how useful it would remain in future metagames.

EOT: Effect-Origin Translation. How well the card's effect and metagame usage relate to the subject in popular culture.

RLG: Rulings. How well the effects circumvent ruling conflicts.

CSM: Cosmetics. How good the card looks. Rates based on illustrations, set ID, et cetera.

 

 

 

This is how you apply for a review:

[spoiler=Application]

Card Name:

Card:

Card Effect:

Self-Rating:

 

 

 

You have to rate your own card based on how good you think it is; use E, D, C, B, or A. This determines how harsh the panel of judges is; if you think your card is great, you'll be faced with pop culture's most infuriated couple, whereas bad cards will get the calm, mentor-like advice of wise old people.

 

The actual reviews are in skit form; based on your self-rating, three people from pop culture will grade your card. These people become steadily more competent and ill-tempered as your self-ratings improve.

 

[spoiler=Review Archive]

 

 

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Card Name: Gaara of the Desert

[spoiler=Card:]64239.jpg

gaara...

 

[spoiler=Card Effect:]If this card is Special Summoned, pay 400 Life Points during your Main Phase 1 if there are 4 or more monsters in your Graveyard to place 5 Sand Conters on this card. Each time this card destroys a monster your opponent controls, place 1 Sand Counter on this card (max. 10). When there are 3 or more Sand Counters on this card, remove all the Sand Counters to increase the ATK of this card by 50 for each Sand Counter removed.

 

Self-Rating: A (I want harsh crits.)

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Guest Supreme Gamesmaster

Thy judges (who, of course, never see or hear each other):

Gale, Fire Emblem VI: Sword of the Seal

Miledy, Fire Emblem VI: Sword of the Seal

Link Xalax, Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

 

[spoiler=Teh Review]

G: The first sentence is painfully confusing. Which cost are you supposed to use, anyway?

L: All of them.

G: ...okay... It should be multiple sentences, in that case.

M: Amen to that. Something like, "During your Main Phase 1, if this card was Special Summoned and there are 4 or more monsters in your Graveyard, you can pay 400 Life Points to place 5 Sand Counters on this card." Wait... 400 Life Points? Pfah! That's not an impediment at all! Unless you're up against a card that deals 7600 damage, you aren't losing anything!

L: That's a mere 5% of your Life Points... not fun. Triple that if you want something decent, or even bump it up to 1500.

G: No, the rest of the card is pretty lackluster, so we'll just stick with 1000.

M: So, thus far: "During your Main Phase 1, if this card was Special Summoned and there are 4 or more monsters in your Graveyard, you can pay 1000 Life Points to place 5 Sand Counters on this card." Moving on.

G: It gets a Sand Counter every time it destroys someone.

L: Considering that Stratos, Dark Grepher, Lyla, Zombie Master, and Laquari are the only things a beatstick would need to run over, that effect is pretty much useless.

G: I think the idea is that you're supposed to take off the Sand Counters right away.

M: To increase its ATK by 250? The scary part is, that's just enough.

L: Not for Laquari, it isn't. That should be much more significant.

M: You'd get a Level 4 monster that could run over Stardust if you increased that amount by 50!

G: After it's run over five monsters — without using the ATK boost. From what L is saying, not an easy task.

L: And that's considering it was Special Summoned. It has to start from scratch otherwise.

M: And you might as well be Special Summoning Kuraz or PMD... Alright, gotcha there. So, we up it to 100.

L: Two stats down, three to go. I see a ruling problem: does it still get Sand Counters if it's Normal Summoned? If not, that should be worded to explain that the Special Summon is required to get the effect.

M: That would also make the first sentence a lot cleaner, and balance the whole thing out. Sounds like a plan.

G: Right, so, two stats left. EOT... oh, geez, we've got a problem.

M: How bad is it?

G: The title should answer that even before you see the manga files.

M: ...The dude uses SAND, and he's a BEATSTICK. He should have some kind of concealment effect, or at least some disruption!

G: That effect might work well for Naruto, but not this guy.

L: As far as cosmetics goes, five-letter set IDs aren't fun, and I'm not seeing a Secret Rare holo.

 

 

A-judges don't banter much; they would if G and M were allowed to know each other's identities, but this is done via IM to keep everyone irritable.

 

FINAL GRADES:

OCG: 26

PLY: 22

EOT: 16

RLG: 27

CSM: 15

FINAL NICHE:

Male General. Your cards are good, but you've put the wrong faces on them; they represent the opposite of what you're trying to portray. You could also do with making them a bit more playable.

FINAL OCG:

If this card was Special Summoned, it gains the following effect: •During your Main Phase 1, if you have 4 or more monsters in your Graveyard, you can pay 1000 Life Points to place 5 Sand Counters on this card. Each time this card destroys a monster your opponent controls, place 1 Sand Counter on this card (max. 10). When there are 3 or more Sand Counters on this card, remove all the Sand Counters to increase the ATK of this card by 100 for each Sand Counter removed.

FINAL DECK:

Not playable enough. Lightsworn Twilight has Lyla and Breaker, though this might play backup.

FINAL JUDGMENT: 21.2; C-

FAIR

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Guest Supreme Gamesmaster

I can grade fake Pokémon cards, though in that case, cosmetics would matter much more (after all, fake Pokémon cards are much more GFX-oriented).

 

I don't see why YGO cards of Pokémon could be interpreted as illegal.

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238665smc.jpg238665z.jpg

238665smc.jpg

 

Lores

Meta Knight, Paladin of The Orange Ocean

This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card cannot be Special Summoned except from your hand or Deck by sending 3 Warrior-Type monsters and "Galaxia" from your side of the field to the Graveyard. Once per turn, you can select 1 "Galaxia" in your Graveyard and equip it to 1 of your opponent's monsters. This card cannot destroy monsters by battle. You can only control 1 "Meta Knight, Paladin of The Orange Ocean" monster.

 

Galaxia

If "Meta Knight, Paladin of The Orange Ocean" is not face-up on your side of the field, this card is treated as a Countinous Spell card and cannot be destroyed by effects that destroy Spell Cards. When this card is equipped to a Level 7 or lower monster, destroy and remove from play the equipped monster and equip this card to a "Meta Knight, Paladin of The Orange Ocean" on your side of the field. When "Meta Knight, Paladin of The Orange Ocean" on your side of the field is equipped with "Galaxia", your opponent cannot select Warrior-Type monsters on your side of the field as attack targets except "Meta Knight, Paladin of The Orange Ocean". In addition, your opponent cannot select Warrior-Type monsters as the target(s) of Spell or Trap Cards.

 

 

 

Image Credit

Meta Knight

- Kirby Super Star Ultra - Offical Artwork

- Background by me.

 

Galaxia

- Kirby: Right Back At Ya! Anime EP 99

 

Card Name: Meta Knight, Paladin of The Orange Ocean

Card: 238665smc.jpg

Card Effect: This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card cannot be Special Summoned except from your hand or Deck by sending 2 Warrior-Type monsters and "Galaxia" from your side of the field to the Graveyard. Once per turn, you can select 1 "Galaxia" in your Graveyard and equip it to 1 of your opponent's monsters. This card cannot destroy monsters by battle. You can only control 1 "Meta Knight, Paladin of The Orange Ocean" monster.

Self-Rating: C

 

( i included galaxia in the quote

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Card Name: Auron - The Legendary Guardian

Card: 97062cxh.jpg

Card Effect:

This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card cannot be Special Summoned exept by sending one EARTH- and one LIGHT-Attribute Monster from your side of the Field to the Graveyard as a Tribute. As long as this card is on your side of the Field, increase the ATK of all Warrior-Type Monsters on your side of the Field excluding this card with 700. If "Tidus - The Dreamer of Zanarkand" is on your side of the field, your opponents can't select this card as an attack target.

 

Self-Rating: B

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Name: Reptilian Beast - Feraligatr

Card: 222059cle.jpg

Effect: This card can only be Advance Summoned by the effect of "Reptilian Beast - Croconaw". When this card attacks, your opponent cannot activate any Spell or Trap cards until the end of the Damage Step. Once per turn, you can place 1 Bite Counter on this card(Max. 5). Remove 5 Bite Counters from this card to inflict 500 Points of damage to your opponent. If this card is the only monster you control, inflict 1000 Points of damage instead.

Self Rating: c+

(You have to include the difficulty to summon. You have to Release 1 Totodile, then 1 Croconaw)

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