Shrekstasy Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 For school, we had to write a poem (no, it's already been turned in). We had to write a eulogy, and I liked it--writing and everything. I want to get better at poetry, so I'm posting anything I do here. [align=center]DreamsWandering aimlessly into my nocturnal sleep,Will it simply cause me to weep?Trembling from all of this fear,Am I losing it, my dear?As the night falls and out comes the moon,I dream about ending it soon.All of this bloodletting is leaving me pale.I begin to cry - hidden by a black veil.I am feeling so eaten up inside,All I do is sit and my time I bide.I suddenly burst from my dream.I scare at my blank face and scream. [spoiler=Eulogy for a Tick]Eulogy for a Tick“You’re the infection, my friend.Disgusting, right to the end.”Burrowing into my gore,Making me feel downright poor.Parasitic as a leech,My friend, you are not a peach. Draining all of my blood;You’re name is mud.Wham! My fist slams your head.My friend, you are now dead. *The quote is from Korn - Ever Be.[/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shrekstasy Posted March 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2009 ~Bump.~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tiger Posted March 14, 2009 Report Share Posted March 14, 2009 It's pretty good. =) You have some room for improvement, though. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Posted March 14, 2009 Report Share Posted March 14, 2009 The last line is epic. Kinda emo, but then again thats the focus, now ain't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted March 14, 2009 Report Share Posted March 14, 2009 Quite gruesome. Did your teacher respond in any way? You could try to find better rhymes. Also, the scansion is very shaky.Meh, you should try and get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shrekstasy Posted March 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2009 Quite gruesome. Did your teacher respond in any way? You could try to find better rhymes. Also' date=' the scansion is very shaky.Meh, you should try and get better.[/quote'] The class clapped.What is scansion? New poem added. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted March 15, 2009 Report Share Posted March 15, 2009 Quite gruesome. Did your teacher respond in any way? You could try to find better rhymes. Also' date=' the scansion is very shaky.Meh, you should try and get better.[/quote'] The class clapped.What is scansion? New poem added. Scansion is the scanning of the poem. The rhythm of the poem.It could use some improving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soul Legacy Posted March 15, 2009 Report Share Posted March 15, 2009 It's pretty good. =) You have some room for improvement' date=' though. :)[/quote'] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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