NeoDemonX Posted March 22, 2009 Report Share Posted March 22, 2009 This is my first Fan Fic and this is happening 100 years after Naruto dies and main person is Saruto Desa, he is 12 years old and has the nine tails fox in him and only a couple of peaple know that. And this Fan Fic will start at Ninja Academy and I have a storyline with this Fan fic, so what is your toughts Chapter One[spoiler=New Beginning: Saruto Desa] "Saruto, Saruto wake up its time to go home". Saruto looks up to see who its was. "Who woke me up!" Saruto said angrily. "Its me Kurenai Haruno and we are still at Ninja Academy." Saruto smiles "Oh hi Kurenai, I was just close my eyes for a minute." Yes, shes talking to me Saruto said in his mind. "No you fell a sleep 40 minutes ago." Saruto got up and walk to the door. "Wow, I never though that I would sleep that long in class." as Saruto said as he walk outside. "Ya, ok see you later" said Kurenai as she was walking away. Now I will ask her out "Wait Kurenai" said Saruto as he run towards her. "What" Saruto stop running "Want to go on a date will me." Kurenai walk to Saruto. "So" Then Kurenai punch him in the face and send him flying for a couple of feet. "NO, I will never go on a date with you Saruto and stop asking to." Then she took off. Damn it, not even close Then Saruto want walking home rupping his mouth. Meanwhile at Hokage Tower the 8th Hokage is talking to 3 ANBU. "What is happen in your mission" the 8th Hokage ask them. "Lord Hokage the mission was not a failure. We found a enemy hineout 5 miles south of the village and another 5 miles north of the village." Said one of the ANBU. "Good work, keep up with you spying on those hineouts" said the Hokage smiling "You may go now". The 3 ANBU disapper and the Hokage stand up and walk to the window and look down to his village. Then he heard knocking on the door. "Come In". A man who is a jonin came in. "So its you" the Hokage said angrily.End of Chapter one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soul Legacy Posted March 22, 2009 Report Share Posted March 22, 2009 1. That didn't make any sense until i read it twice over2. don't like Naruto, but i'll read the first chapter anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeoDemonX Posted March 22, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 22, 2009 Oh thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeoDemonX Posted March 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 Yo peopel the chapter one is up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
☨βlack☨ Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 I'm sorry, I'm not trying to flame you or anything, but I think you should just stop now. I had to read so many things twice because you made no sense. Sorry, I'll have to 0/10 you on the Fan Fiction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted March 27, 2009 Report Share Posted March 27, 2009 Needs to be more spaced out.Hineout? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legendhiro Posted March 27, 2009 Report Share Posted March 27, 2009 it seems a lot like the original naruto to me, just with different names for the characters. but i'll read it for now to see where its going. no story can be judged by the first chapter alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Star Child Posted March 27, 2009 Report Share Posted March 27, 2009 i guess its pretty good except for some minor spelling mistakes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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