05bhussain Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 [align=center]Yu-gi-oh! 5d Chapter 1Saga:World Champoinships [/align] It was a quiet and peacfull time at New Domino city as Yusei Fudo was driving down the road to meet his friends at his new house that Jack Atlas gave to him after there last duel they had at the champoinships.Yusei parked his duel runner inside an alley way just of the side of his house as suddenly: Rally: Yusei!, Yusei! quick get inside! Yusei: Whats wrong rally? Rally: No time to explain, look. Yusei and his friends stared at the T.V as an advitiser campaigner was sellling a brand new Duel runner made from Kiaba Corp: Advitiser: Yes folks, a brand new duel runner is all yours If you become the new champion of this years turbo duel championship competion you'll will get this fabulous red crimson holographic duel screen with other features and 70,000 horse power. Also you'll get the duel runner signed by JACK ATLAS. Yusei: Competion? Rally: So Yusei are you going to enter? please say yes, please. Yusei: Why not? I think I need a new duel runner anyway. Rally: Oh! sweet Yusei Yusei: (THINKING) Anyway why not, I need a break wants in a while Tank: I you sure about that yusei, It's two months until the tournement and I'm worried that somone will try to steal that duel runner. Nervin: Will you ever stop complianing? Blitz: Yeah! Tank: Just trying to make our friend happy as all! Yusei: That's enough guys! Rally: Are you sure yusei what these guys are saying? Yusei: No rally, sector security is tight to get into so no one would be stupid enough to go on there own. Even though if they tried it'll just be suicide. Rally: Are you sure yusei? Yusei: I'm positive, When I tried to get in there I barely got out. I bet now the security is even more tight to get in to, so it will be impossible. Blitz: What about if someone does break in? Yusei: Jack will be taking extra procautions? As the time passes the sun goes down and ends up dark and becomes night time. But a disturbing threat approaches the Facilty, Who is it? In the night Yusei is sleeping on his bed thinking what's going to happen to the duel runner and what he lied to his friends. Yusei: Something's not right, what's this feeling that something's wrong. Well I'll just have go and check out. In the quiet and still night Yusei rushes off to the facility to see what's bothering him. Who is this person? And why is yusei so botherd about the duel runner anyway? Find out in next week's chapter!!!! 4/04/09 P.S If you think this is good give points and rep please! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenboy820 Posted March 29, 2009 Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 Do not beg for points and rep, some ppl will neg rep you: I ran into that probkem once...Anyway I think that most chapters should have at least 1 duel.If this is a duel fanfic then can I submit a character? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendo Fish Posted April 1, 2009 Report Share Posted April 1, 2009 I don't think this is necessarily bad, but I really can't judge as of yet. Try to spell-check this story by pasting it on Microsoft Word or Apple Pages, if you own a Mac. The first chapter felt a little short to me. That may be just me, though. Since I don't really watch Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's, what's "the duel they had at the championships"? Why did Jack Atlas give him a house? Who's Blitz and who's Rally? I understand this IS a 5D's story, but I also think it should have more of a background on said characters and things. Maybe you could say "Previously, on Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's..." and post a bit of what happened at the end of the duel? Anyways, I'd like to read the next chapter. I can't really judge as of yet. *has written some Pokemon stories which Kendo Fish can't post at the moment* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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