Yugioh Shuffle - New FanFic

[PremierAameer]

This is a fanfic I had in mind for some time now.

 

[spoiler=Disclaimer]This fanfic is purely fan made and not for profit. Some material (ie. characters, cards and references) found in this fanfic do not belong to me.

 

 

[spoiler=Plot]

This story takes place sometime after the Yu-gi-oh! GX series. Jaden Yuki and friends have already graduted and are now World Class Duelists.

 

 

[spoiler=Characters]

1. Syrus Truesdale

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1 Preview]

"My turn!" Syrus yelled and drew a card from his deck. "Yes! Exactly what I needed!"

Syrus was facing off against Chinese Champion, Toru Choy, for the title of Eastern Champion

Toru had 4000 LP, 2 cards in hand, 3 powerful looking monsters in attack position and 1 set card in his Spell/Trap Zone.

Syrus on the other hand had 1300 LP, 2 cards in hand and Gyroid in attack position.

"First I'll summon Expressroid in attack position"

A spunky monorail with arms and legs appeared on Syrus's field.

"When I summon Expressroid I get to add two -roid monsters from my graveyard to my hand. The two that I choose are Jetroid and Stealthroid."

He retrieves the two cards.

"Now I can activate Vehicroid Connection Zone and fuse my Gyroid, Jetroid and Stealthroid to make Super Vehicroid Titanic Turbine"

The three Roids fly up into the sky as storm clouds form above Syrus. Then a red and black winged robot with turbines on its back appeared and landed on Syrus's field. " Its over for you!"

"I wouldn't be so sure!" Toru said and revealed his facedown card "With my Two-Pronged Attack Trap card I can tribute two of my monsters and destroy one of you monsters!"

"Not exactly" Syrus exclaimed "Thanks to my Vehicroid Connection Zone my Turbine Titan cannot be destroyed by Spell and Traps cards! You just destroyed 2 of your own monsters and made my job three times easier!"

Toru gaped as his monsters exploded into hundreds of tiny holgram shards.

"Now it's time to finish you off!"

 

 

[Crystal Beast 123]

Hmm. First of all, have a space between your lines, and edit it, making sure punctuation marks are used and used correctly. Next, there is no background for this Toru Choy guy, he appears out of nowhere. I'm not sure if sataring in the middle of a duel is such a great place to begin, but you did a very nice job of it.

 

A little editing, and it's great!

 

8/10

[PremierAameer]

Thank you very much for your review! =)

 

I'm typing from my phone so things like punctuation and spacing are a bit of a problem.

 

Also don't mind Choy he's just a face and has little significance in the story.

 

Again thanks and I encourage others to give their feedback too

[Crystal Beast 123]

Your welcome. :D