my first fan fic: the story of a duelist (why is no one viewing this)PLEASE VIEW this

[PsycicMaster10101]

from now on since my computer is mucking itself up Sapphire is known as Ruby

chapter 1:

[spoiler=the mystery girl]

Ken woke up to the sound of his alarm clock he slowly got himself up then looked at the time yes the first day of school he thought he got up and dressed then ran down stairs as quick as he could.

 

Ken Chronicle is a 13 year old boy with blond hair his friends are Destiny Cycle a 13 year old girl with pitch black hair and Kyle Samuri a 13 year old boy with ginger hair.

 

"kenny why are you rushing" Kens mom asked .

 

" sorry mom its the first day of duel school can you give me your deck please" Ken answered.

 

" no you can take your own" she said.

 

"fine" Ken said in an angry voice.

 

kenny stormed out of the door muttering to himself "stupid mom" then when he was about half way to duel school he saw a girl she was walking the same way as him but she looked like she was crying.

 

"hello im Ken Chronicle is anything wrong?" Ken asked.

 

"oh hello im Sapphire Yuk *cough* and yes earlyer this group ganged up on me and took my deck away and i need help getting it back" answered Sapphire.

 

"they took your deck how evil i will help where did they go?" asked Ken.

 

"they went this way through that allyway" Sapphire answered pointing in the direction of an allyway.

 

they walked down the allyway for what seemed like ages but finaly reached a camp they walked through the gate and suddenly where knocked to the ground by a rope.

 

"intruders!" someone shouted then Ken blacked out when he awoke he and Sapphire where in a cage then he saw a shadow approuching.

 

"(he is supposed to speak like this because this is his accent)ello little children finaly wake are ya well here in the Warrior Gangs ideout ya ave to battle ya way out im the first duelist so ive given the litle girl er deck back and one of ya as to duel me" the Wg member said.

 

"thats cruel but i guess we have no choice i will duel you" Ken was interrupted.

 

"fine ill let both of ya out of the cage" the Wg member said letting us out of the cage.

 

"now lets duel my names Vonguard by the way" Vonguard said.

 

 

 

chapter 2:

[spoiler=Ken v.s Vonguard]

 

Vonguard: Ill start fings off by summonin maurauding captin in atk mode (atk 1200) now is ability summons my comrade swordsman of landstar (atk (including his effect) 900) (maurauding captins atk now 1600) now i tune my comrade swordsman of landstar to my maurauding captin to synchro summon my gaia knight the force of earth (atk 2600) then i set a card face down and end my turn (life 8000 hand 3).

 

Ken: My turn draw i activate capture and relese this card special summons a capture beast monster as long as i have none on the field so i special summon capture beast crow kricarni (def 1500) and normal summon capture beast ox rampardos (atk 1900) now i use rampardos's ability destroying kricarni and since kricarni was destroyed by a capture beasts effect while in defence position its ability destroys your gaia knight.

 

Vonguard: Ah oh no but oh well because i activate threatning roar.

 

Ken: Fine i end with a face down (life 8000 hand 2).

 

Vonguard: Draw i activate pot of greed so i draw two more times now go monster revorn summon gaia knight force of earth and know i summon dark tinker and tune him to gaia knight to synchro summon colossul fighter (atk with effect 3100) now attack destroy rampardos.

 

Ken: Oh know you dont i activate foul capture it can only be activate when you attack a capture beast monster it gets changed to defence position and your monster is destroyed.

 

Vonguard: Darn i end my turn (life 8000 hand 3).

 

Ken: This is the last turn draw. now i activate my field spell card forest of the capture beasts this card which lets me special summon from my grave kricarni and tribute them both for capture beast gorilla upitus (atk 2900) now the abilitys of both rampardos and kricarni since they where tributed now i draw a card and you lose 500 life points. Now i activate captured for battle so i remove kricarni and rampardos from my grave and upitus gains there attack points to his untill the end phase but i have to pay 2000 life points (atk 5700) now direct attack (Vonguard life 1800) and finaly i activate capturing nature's price so i tribute my upitus and you lose life points equal to his original attack points. (vonguard life 0).

 

"nooooo" Vonguard shouted as his deck was vapourised by his duel disk.

 

"I guess that means we can go" Ken said as he and Sapphire walked out of the gate then they saw a woman.

 

"MOM!" Sapphire shouted surprised to see her.

 

"oh Sapphire your safe" the woman said hugging Sapphire.

 

"wait thats your mom but thats Blair Yuki!" Ken said.

 

 

 

chapter 3:

[spoiler=starting school]

"thanks for helping sapphire get her deck back" Blair said.

 

"your welcome" Ken said.

 

"well i guess ill be seeing you around" Blair said walking away.

 

"see ya" Ken shouted.

 

Blair disapeared and Ken and Sapphire ran to school. Ken looked at the school board and saw he was in the same class as Kyle and Sapphire but not Destiny he walked to the class and sat down next to a boy then the teacher walked in.

 

"good morning class im mr Misawa your teacher now i hope everyone knows the rules and has there 40 card decks with them if not go to the school card scrapyard at lunch. Right here is our school lessons "said mr Misawa handing out a piece of paper.

 

"Lesson 1 and 2: rules and stratagys

break: have outside class duels

lesson 3: acedemic parts of dueling

lesson 4: we watch old filmed duels and right down notes

lunch: go to the cafetiria and card scrapyard or duel

lesson 5 and 6: class duels and on rare occasions tournements" Mr Misawa read from the paper.

 

"now we will have a test on rules" Mr Misawa said

 

the whole class moaned and then Kyle stood up.

 

"yes young man what do you want?" mr Misawa.

 

"i want a duel and if i win we have no test" replied Kyle.

 

"fine then" said mr Misawa,

 

"DUEL" both players shouted.

 

 

 

Chapter 4:

[spoiler=duel Kyle v.s Mr Misawa]

mr Misawa: Ill start things off draw i summon water riker in atk mode (atk 1600) and activate the cheat book of spells which adds H2O bonding to the top of my deck now i use water rikers effect to send remove it from play now i set a card and end my turn (life 8000 hand 2)

 

Kyle: Fine my turn draw i activate terraforming to at scrapyard from my deck to my hand and now i activate scrapyard so i can dicard my scrapyard servent to add scrapyard servent to my hand from my deck and now there abilitys special summon them (atk 0) now i tribute them both to summon scrapaiu the scrap destroyer (atk 1800) now i use his ability removing from play both scrapyard servents to wipe ten cards from your deck to the grave.

 

mr Misawa: grr.

 

Kyle: your up (life 8000 hand 3)

 

mr Misawa: Draw now water rikes seconed effect activates H2O bonding without having to pay the costs so i special summon water dragon now i normal summon fire trooper and tribute him to deal you 1000 damage now water dragon attack and water riker direct atk (Kyle life 4400) now finaly i use water rikers ability to look at the top card and since its water burst its removed from play your up (life 8000 hand 2).

 

Kyle: i use monster reborn to bring back scrapaiu and now i summon scrapyard generator he now union equips to my scrapaiu and increases his atk by 1000 but i have to send the top 2 cards from my deck to the grave during each of my standby phases.

 

mr Misawa: it still doesnt have enough atk points to beat my water dragon because now i play my face down water dragons fury so water dragon atk increases by 800.

 

Kyle: oh no fine then i atk water riker (Mr Misawa life 6800) your up.

 

Mr Misawa: I draw now i activate water burst and since i dont have to use activation costs my water dragon stays but you lose 2800 life points (Kyle life 1600) now water dragon atk scrapaiu (Kyle life 800).

 

Kyle: ha you only destroyed scrapyard generator.

 

Mr Misawa: i know but unlucky for you i drew okazii so you lose 800 life points (Ken life 0).

 

 

 

chapter 5

[spoiler= a mystyrious sensation]

 

"Ok i lost i guess we have a test" Kyle said sadly.

 

"No that duel took most of the time just talk to your friends now" Mr Misawa said.

 

everybody looked in happyness then ran to a different desk I walked to the desk Kyle was at because he noticed that he was sitting next to Sapphire.

 

"Hi Kyle nice duel hi Sapphire" said Ken.

 

"Oh hi Ken" Sapphire said.

 

"Wait you two know eachother" said Kyle.

 

"yes I helped Sapphire get her deck back from the Warrior Gang Sapphire is the daugter of Jaden and Blair Yuki" replied Ken.

 

"Wow no way!" said Kyle.

 

"yes i am by the way Ken i havnt thanked you for getting my deck back so i got you this card" said Sapphire getting a card out of her pocket and handing it to Ken.

 

"Wow this is mirror force thanks Sapphire" Ken replied.

 

"No thank you" Sapphire said as the bell went and she kissed Ken on the cheek then walked out the door.

 

Ken went red and every other student whistled. A few uneventfull hours later at the begging of lunch Ken and Kyle lined up at the cafeteria together but they couldnt find Sapphire and they decieded to go to the scrapyard.

 

"Wow look at all these great cards to add to my deck" Kyle said holding out cards like card destrution, dark world lightning and more.

 

"I have not found any cards for my deck" said Ken then he spotted a card called Capture beast king dragon Axedraon wow this card is brilliant i think ill keep this a secret.

 

Hey thats weird I can feel a week presense inside these cards I wonder what it is.

 

They walked out of the scrapyard and noticed a duel just starting between Destiny and Sapphire.

 

 

 

chapter 6

[spoiler=duel Destiny v.s Ruby]

 

Destiny: ill start because I know destiny is on my side I set two cards face down and one monster face down your up (life 8000 hand 3).

 

Ruby: My turn draw I summon elemental hero neos alius(atk 1900) and activate common soul selects my neos alius and special summons my neo spacian dark panther(atk 1000) (alius's atk 2900) then I set one card face down now alius attack her face down.

 

Destiny: You cant destroy my monster because its arcana force 0 the fool.

 

Ruby: Fine i end my turn (life 8000 hand 2).

 

Destiny: My turn draw now I activate the field spell light barrier which means I get to choose the effects of my arcana forces so I soul exchange so I can tribute your alius for my arcana force XIV Temperence I choose his heads effect. Now your dark panther is returned to your hand because of my mystical space typhoon destroyes commen soul now temperence direct attack.

 

Ruby: Not so fast I activate the wall of revealing light so I pay 4000 life points (life 4000) now you cant attack with a monster with 4000 or less attack points.

 

Destiny: Oh no you dont I activate trap jammer so my attack still goes through (Ruby life 1600) now I end my turn (life 8000 hand 0).

 

Ruby: Draw now I activate monster reborn to bring back alius and I activate pot of greed so I draw 2 more cards. Now I activate super double summon so neos alius has his gemini effect so his name is treated as Elementle Hero Neos. Now I summon neo spacian dark panther now go contact fusion. Up from the spaces above I summon you ruler of dark space Elemental Hero Dark Neos (atk 2500) now I equip him with instant neo space. Now i use dark neos's ability negating the effect of temperance now dark neos attack temperance. (Destiny life 7900) your turn (life 1600 hand 0).

 

Destiny: My turn draw now I flip a coin since its tails the power of light barrier is negated. I activate tribute to the dark one now I tribute the fool and dark neos and we both draw two cards now i set a monster and end my turn(life 7900 hand 1)

 

Ruby: My turn DRAW i activate apperance of neos so i special summon neos (atk 2400) from my deck to my field and special summon rainbow dragon (atk 4000) from my deck to your field now i activate super polymarization fusing neos and rainbow dragon from the end of the rainbow I call you from the rainbow space summon Rainbow Neos! (atk 4500) now i summon neo spacian aqua dolphin and tribute him for neos's effect returning your monster to your deck now attack (Destiny life 2400) your turn (life 1600 hand 0)

 

Destiny: Draw flip coin darn tails i set a monster your turn (2400 hand 1)

 

Ruby: Draw i summon neospacian grand mole. Mole attack now its effect returns both to our hands direct attack Rainbow Neos Rainbow Pulse (destiny life 0)

 

 

 

chapter 7

[spoiler= The tag tornement]

 

All the students around started clapping.

 

"Nice duel Ruby" Ken said.

 

"Oh you were watching that duel Ken" muttered Ruby.

 

"Yeah the way you handled those neo spacians were awesome" said Kyle.

 

"Hi Ken hi Kyle we were dueling because Ruby said theres no such thing as fate!" said Destiny.

 

"Yeah thats because there isn't!" shouted Ruby.

 

"Right just cal-" Ken was interupted by the bell.

 

Destiny stormed off Kyle went after her leaving Ken and Ruby alone.

 

"Well we better get to class" said Ruby going red as they walked together to class.

 

They got to class just in time as the teacher walked through the door and they sat down at there desk's.

 

"Right then now were going over to the gym for the first dueling lesson for the interclass tag team tornament we will be joining with Mr Chain's group, I will be tagged with Jack Truesdale from our group and Mr Chain will be tagged with Mark Rhodes from his group, the rest of you get to choose your partner" said Mr Misawa.

 

The class walked over to the gym and saw a tall black haired man standing infront of his class Kyle had teamed up with the boy who sat next to Ken, his name was Jordan Spiral, Ken was tagged with a boy called Lei Beast and Ruby tagged up with Luke Pheonix.

 

"Let the tag tornement finaly begin!" Mr Misawa and Mr Chain shouted.

 

Immediatly after that Kyle and Jordan came up to them.

 

"Lets Duel" they shouted activating there duel disks.

 

 

 

Chapter 8

[spoiler= duel Ken & Lei V.S Kyle & Jordan]

 

Lei: My go first draw. I summon gladiator beast Bestari attack mode (atk 1500) now I set one card face down your up (life 4000 hand 4).

 

Jordan: My turn draw. I summon my Plasma Fish in attack mode (atk 900) then I use his ability discarding Crystal dolphin lv 5 from my hand to special summon a Plasma Fish Token in defence mode its defence becomes its number of stars x 500 its stars equal to the monster I used to summon it. (def 2500) then Plasma fish gains attack points equal to all Plasma Fish tokens on the field, which is 200 x its stars, (atk 1900) then i use its ability again discarding flying fish from my hand to summon another Fish token in defence (stars 3 atk 600 def 1500) so my Plasma fish's attack goes up to 2500 i end my turn for my monster cannot attack the turn it uses its ability (life 4000 hand 3).

 

Ken: my draw so i play DNA Fusion fuseing the Rampardos and Krikani in my hand to summon Capture beast Albatross Storm (atk 2500) to my field then i summon Capture beast Rat Rico (atk 200) then I Tune my Rico to my Storm. There capture is dangourous to man kind help me set them free king of the beasts Capture Beast King Dragon Axedraon! (atk 3000). Now Axedraon attack his Plasma Fish.

 

Jordan: ahh (life 3500).

 

Ken: Now bestari direct attack (Jordan and kyle life 2000) I end my turn (life 4000 hand 2).

 

 

[RyanAtlus]

LOL you only used 4 points in your fic.

You shouldn't write in script format, and learn how to use punctuations.

Also, you almost didn't use any capital letters.

Study some basic English Spelling, and then re-write it.

[PsycicMaster10101]

what do you mean by only 4 points plus im only righting in script format for the duals

[RyanAtlus]

what do you mean by only 4 points plus im only righting in script format for the duals

 

A point is a little dot at the end of each sentence.

Make your chapters longer, and please, learn those -eff-ing punctuations. *basic grammar*

 

Also, your storyline is awfully familiar. Even some of the names sound like I allready heard them. *cough*mystery guest*cough*

[Mysty]

what do you mean by only 4 points plus im only righting in script format for the duals

 

A point is a little dot at the end of each sentence.

Make your chapters longer' date=' and please, learn those -eff-ing punctuations. *basic grammar*

 

Also, your storyline is awfully familiar. Even some of the names sound like I allready heard them. *cough*mystery guest*cough*

[/quote']

 

The point LC's referring to is called a period.

Yeah the chapters need to be made longer and need to be put in the click to view boxes.

Yeah, the plot does seem kinda familiar. Not to be mean, but it's like you're trying to make a cheap ripoff of my fic.

Also, you can do the click to view boxes by typing this:

[spoiler*=Title]Text.[/spoiler*]

NOTE: Do not put the *s in.

If you do it correctly, it should like this:

[spoiler=Title]Text.

 

 

Also, dual and duel have different definitions. The card game battles you are referring to in this fic are duels, not duals. Also, learn better grammar. Also...

-Destiny Hero - Diamond Dude's ATK is 1400.

-Bastion's last name is Misawa. I figure Bastion Misawa is the teacher.

-One of the rules of fan-fiction: if you use a character in a previous fic, don't change his/her deck or personality. You broke this rule with both Blair and Bastion. Technically in my fic I broke that rule with Jaden's deck, but I was figuring he would use his Evil Heroes once he became secure with using them. You have no reason for Bastion to have a Diamond Dude or for Blair to have Lightsworns.

Those are just a few things.

[PsycicMaster10101]

one sec im refering to blair having lightsworns because

1. you dont see hear real deck

2. she uses lightsworns in yugioh YUGIOH TAG FORCE 3

 

but im sorry i took your ideas its just this is my first fan fic and i have bad ideas but i do know i can use your deck archetypes (you know what i mean)

---

mystery guest ill try not to copy you to much any more

[PsycicMaster10101]

there ive made changes to my fan fic

[Mysty]

I sure hope Ken Chronicle isn't using a Time deck. Also PsycicMaster, add an h after the first c in your name. Get the Alias Emporium to change that for you. Your name should probably be PsychicMaster10101.

As for the fic, add more punctuation. Cool idea naming Jaden's child Sapphire and giving Sapphire Jaden's Neos deck. I suggest that Sapphire instead be named Ruby because Ruby sounds like a girl's name, Ruby Carbuncle was Jesse's duel spirit, and Ruby Carbuncle is the second best, if not the best, Crystal Beast.

 

one sec im refering to blair having lightsworns because

1. you dont see hear real deck

2. she uses lightsworns in yugioh YUGIOH TAG FORCE 3

 

but im sorry i took your ideas its just this is my first fan fic and i have bad ideas but i do know i can use your deck archetypes (you know what i mean)

---

mystery guest ill try not to copy you to much any more

 

I've checked yugioh wikia and she DOES use Lightsworns in Tag Force 3, but out of all 5 of her decks, she uses her Maiden in Love + Cupid's Kiss combo the most. Have her use Lightsworns if you want though.

 

I think I will only let you use my Aura, Mind-Eater, Stone-Wing, and Synchronized archetypes. The Egg, Kingdom, and Time archetypes are very important to me and are, or at least will be, important in my trilogy.

[PsycicMaster10101]

ive finised chapter 6

[Mysty]

Learn punctuation and other English stuff, as said many times before. Cool changing Sapphire's name to Ruby. You still need to adjust the first few chapters so that they all says Ruby rather than Sapphire. Other than that I figure the fan-fic is kinda good. I wonder what's in store.

[PsycicMaster10101]

im not good with puntuation but im trying my best i cant change the first chapters to ruby because my computer keeps reloading the page how it was before i changed it

---

chapter seven is up

 

what i mean by kepps reloading is that i keep pressing control R at the start of changing it to Ruby

[Mysty]

A tag team tournament. Although not original, I really can't say a lot because tag team tournaments are used a lot. Good fan-fic so far.

[PsycicMaster10101]

Good fan-fic so far.

 

thanks im thinking of having a duel later on in the story where Ruby uses Jadens E-hero deck

---

sorry i couldnt finish chapter 8 im really busy at the moment Jordan, Luke and Lei wont be very importent in this story but they will be mentioned a bit.

[PsycicMaster10101]

ive decided to stop this fanfic since im not doing well im going to start over with a better idea

[bury the year]

Just reading the names gave my brain's right hemisphere a major case of the snickers. Seriously. If I met a kid in real life with those names, I'd laugh until I passed out. Then get up and roundhouse kick their parents for having the audacity to humiliate their children like that.

 

Change the names, or I denounce all of your future attempts at writing. EVER.

[PsycicMaster10101]

do you have any better ideas for what names to change mayby some characters to use in another fan-fic i might make

[Kaidesgen5]

Just try to make as very little remembered characters as you can. You shouldn't include ALL the descendants of EVERYONE in the show.

[FrogNinga]

what a coincidence i have a dog named ruby and psycicmaster10101 why do you have soon to not exist in you sig