ExKirby Posted May 31, 2009 Report Share Posted May 31, 2009 My first Fan Fic, in which everything rests on luck of dice... [spoiler=Character Bios][spoiler=Red]He and Blue are gods, ruling their factions. He controls the Rebellion. [spoiler=Blue]Red's brother, who controls the infinitive Empire. Both him and Red can control their followers. [spoiler=Simon]The leader of the Rebellion. Black hair, blue eyes, red shirt, black trousers and a handy pistol. He also carries a knife, which comes in handy when it comes to assasinations. [spoiler=Mark]The technician of the Rebellion. In the same uniform as Simon, and with brown hair, brown eyes and a wrench, a shotgun and a fusion cutter, he drives around in any vehicle he can find. [spoiler=James]The heavy guy of the Rebels. He boasts a Bazooka, Missiles and RPGs. With standard uniform, no hair and green eyes, he can take on most vehicles and buildings. [spoiler=Chris]The Rebel's sniper man. With run-of-the-mill uniform, blonde hair, grey eyes, a sniper and a need for headshots, he can take out an enemy within 500 yards. Also comes with Night Vision goggles. [spoiler=Rifleman]The standard Imperial Trooper. Think the Stormtroopers from Star Wars, with a single, thick blue stripe down their arms and you get the picture. [spoiler=Book 1][spoiler= Prologue][align=justify]A table, glass topped, model of Domni City beneath it, was sat in a pitch black room. Models of Simon, Mark, James, Chris and a few riflemen were there. It was zoomed in, making it easy for the people watching to see. There were only two watching anyway. Red and Blue. They lead the factions. But why bother with such a small area? Well, it controlled the fate of the world. The top of the table held 2 decks of what looked like "Yu-Gi-Oh!" cards, one red die, one blue die, and 12 cars face up on the table. All that was visible of Red and Blue were their golves. Each of them was holding 5 cards. The spirits of the dead were flying around the table. And to think that those two pairs of gloves controlled the world. Domni City. 6 months ago. All was peacefully safe. The Rebels controled it. However, the power-hungry Empire blew up a Smart Bomb on it. 90% of the population was killed in that one blast. The remainders of the city was just a bunch of wrecked buildings. The suvivors managed to reconstruct some of the buildings. And lucky them, they were the war factories. They would fight back, and retake Domni City. And then we got here. Simon, Mark, James and Chris, trying to push their way towards the enemy base. But how would they do it? After all, the main troops in the Empire are robots, and in this age, they are easy to make. But, if used right, they could take back what was rightfully theirs.[/align] [spoiler=Chapter 1-A Way][align=justify]Red held 5 cards. Blue held 3. Red's hand was made out of power boosts. Blue's had an ambassador, a boost and another Rifleman. The cards on the field were, for Red, Simon, Mark, James and Chris, and for Blue, 8 Riflemen. It was Red's turn, and although he had more powerful cards, he was outnumbered 2-fold. Back in Domni, things were panning out as the game above suggested. 4 Rebels, 8 Riflemen, and an epic fight. Above, Red played the spell "Assassinate", which allowed Chris to instantly dispose of an enemy and disarm their effect. Bang. The rifle robot fell to the ground. And because he was disarmed, he couldn't use his re-spawn effect. Now it was Blue's go. He started by playing his Rifleman at his base, a mile away from the battle. It would take him 3 turns to get there. He then played the spell "Reincarnate", which allowed him to re-spawn a troop. The Rifleman card, which was shattered into fragments and its soul released out of the card, free to fly with its brethren, acted like time was reversed for a moment. The card patched itself back up, and the blue soul flew back in. Back to reality, the bullet wound in the Rifleman was fixing itself. He brought himself back up, and picked up his gun. Blue then used "Focus Fire", adding 500 ATK. Blue then gave an order for him to attack Simon, who only had 700 DEF. Seeing as Riflemen start with 500 ATK, that makes 1000 vs 700. It all came down to Simon's effect-a die roll, that would boost his ATK and DEF by 100 per dot. Red picked up the crucial die. He held it like a shot put, then flicked it forward. it bounced twice, then started spinning on a corner like a top. The numbers 1, 2 and 4 were visible. What was needed was the last of the three. It spun for a good ten seconds, and then... Tu! The die had decided its number. It glinted in the light of the sun. A 4. The bullet aimed for Simon was dodged, and then the firer was greeted with a bullet of his own. The battle was back at square one.[/align] Power Card; Simon I will kindly accept ideas, so long as they fit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendo Fish Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 There's only a prologue so far, but it's alright. Just make to sure to describe IN the story and not JUST outside of it. Don't concentrate on sounding fancy instead of setting up an actual story, either. Red and Blue = Master Hand and Crazy Hand. Be careful what you reference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExKirby Posted June 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Meh, I was saving all the action until the actual first chapter. BTW, Red and Blue are PAIRS of gloves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExKirby Posted June 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Good news everyone! I finished Chapter 1! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soul Legacy Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 There both OK, but you could use a better writing style =/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExKirby Posted June 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2009 What to you mean by that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted June 5, 2009 Report Share Posted June 5, 2009 I think he means that your writing is very impersonal. Show more about how the characters are thinking during the duel, and not just their actions. It's an interesting premise, though. ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soul Legacy Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 Yes, show there thoughts, we get more intrested ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExKirby Posted June 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 Thanks for the advice, I will try to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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