Azmodius Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 What is this stew we have fondled with?False love,False hopes,Doomed to die,Lost in a Cyber-nightmare spinning down into the abyss,Filled with toxins, disguised as hopes and dreams For the future,Some wonderful ones, chosen by god,To incur light.Cyber-ruins tower over us,To complex to understand,The old ones can't take it. I was lost in false hopes, dreams, as we are doomed to die. Chosen by god, purities remain false A false love story, Doomed to die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RestLess-BoTics Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Nice. How long did it take for you to write this? -glassberry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azmodius Posted June 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 bout 5 minuets. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haseo Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Wow. This is a really good poem. Great job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juuzou Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 Cool, 5 minutes is amazing for a poem like this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhHerro Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 I said this to Icy last night. It always amazes me how some people can literally just pull poetic genius out of their asses in under five minutes. Nice poem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 Now that's what I call skill for being able to write this is merely 5 min. If I tried it would have taken me almost half an hour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 All of you should read the Poets Laureate and the New Poets Laureate... But very good job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adama. Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 What is this stew we have fondled with? How would you fondle stew? Perhaps you should look up 'fondle'False love' date='False hopes,Doomed to die,Lost in a Cyber-nightmare spinning down into the abyss,Filled with toxins, disguised as hopes and dreams [b']I like this line a lot[/b]For the future,Some wonderful ones, chosen by god,To incur light.Cyber-ruins tower over us,Too complex to understand,The old ones can't take it. I was lost in false hopes, dreams, as we are doomed to die. Chosen by god, purities remain false A false love story, Doomed to die.Some corrections and comments added in the poem. Overall, I really like it, I love the ideas and I think it says a lot. Good poem {3.{Adama} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HORUS Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 What is this stew we have fondled with?False love' date='False hopes,Doomed to die,Lost in a Cyber-nightmare spinning down into the abyss,Filled with toxins, disguised as hopes and dreams For the future,Some wonderful ones, chosen by god,To incur light.Cyber-ruins tower over us,To complex to understand,The old ones can't take it. I was lost in false hopes, dreams, as we are doomed to die. Chosen by god, purities remain false A false love story, Doomed to die.[/size'] What is this stew we have fondled with?The first line is retarded. Fondling stew? Fondling is something you do to a woman's breasts. Are you sticking your hand in a pot of stew and grabbing the lumps in it? Shouldn't stew be really hot? Wouldn't you be burning your hand? False love,False hopes,Doomed to die,The next three lines are cliches/lame, especially the third. Congratulations, you've realized you are going to die. Just like the other 6 billion people on Earth. Lost in a Cyber-nightmare spinning down into the abyss,The fifth line, while also cliched, mentions a 'cyber-nightmare'. What the hell is a cyber-nightmare? Is it like, a computer dreaming about short-circuiting? Either way, the abyss has become epicly cliched by emos who think that poetry is for explaining how emo you are. Filled with toxins, disguised as hopes and dreamsThis next line I find to be the only respectable line in the poem. It's actually quite good, despite the random-ass comma. Some wonderful ones, chosen by god,See my avatar. Cyber-ruins tower over us,To complex to understand,The old ones can't take it.Again with 'cyber-'. This time it's ruins. What the hell are cyber-ruins? Towers of...electronic connections? If humans made cyberspace, they ought to be able to understand it. The old one's can't take it? The old ones can't take anything, except Floridian heat. I was lost in false hopes, dreams, as we are doomed to die.Chosen by god, purities remain falseA false love story,Doomed to die.More cliches, another reference to a non-existent deity, and then 'purities remain false'. What the hell does that mean? Purity is neither true or untrue. It's not something that can be false. Anyways, more cliches follow. In conclusion, everyone who commented positively on this poem has never read a good poem. All of you, please go read Mending Wall by Robert Frost and analyze it thoroughly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soul Legacy Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 Now that's what I call skill for being able to write this is merely 5 min. If I tried it would have taken me almost half an hour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Careless Whisper Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 What is this stew we have fondled with?False love' date='False hopes,Doomed to die,Lost in a Cyber-nightmare spinning down into the abyss,Filled with toxins, disguised as hopes and dreams For the future,Some wonderful ones, chosen by god,To incur light.Cyber-ruins tower over us,To complex to understand,The old ones can't take it. I was lost in false hopes, dreams, as we are doomed to die. Chosen by god, purities remain false A false love story, Doomed to die.[/size'] It is nice literature, but it needs better flow. Every poem has flow, and before anyone says it.. No, not every poem has rhyme. This is a good example of Free Verse, but I do believe you should practice a bit more. This is only my opinion, I don't speak on behalf of otherse, only myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smear Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 What is this stew we have fondled with?False love' date='[b']False hope[/b]s,Doomed to die,Lost in a Cyber-nightmare spinning down into the abyss,Filled with toxins, disguised as hopes and dreams For the future,Some wonderful ones, chosen by god,To incur light.Cyber-ruins tower over us,To complex to understand,The old ones can't take it. I was lost in false hopes, dreams, as we are doomed to die. Chosen by god, purities remain false A false love story, Doomed to die. [align=center]What's this? Subliminal messages? :mrgreen:[/align]Now that's what I call skill for being able to write this is merely 5 min. If I tried it would have taken me almost half an hour. Also' date=' this ^[/color'] What is this stew we have fondled with?False love' date='False hopes,Doomed to die,Lost in a Cyber-nightmare spinning down into the abyss,Filled with toxins, disguised as hopes and dreams For the future,Some wonderful ones, chosen by god,To incur light.Cyber-ruins tower over us,To complex to understand,The old ones can't take it. I was lost in false hopes, dreams, as we are doomed to die. Chosen by god, purities remain false A false love story, Doomed to die.[/size'] What is this stew we have fondled with?The first line is retarded. Fondling stew? Fondling is something you do to a woman's breasts. Are you sticking your hand in a pot of stew and grabbing the lumps in it? Shouldn't stew be really hot? Wouldn't you be burning your hand? And Horus, you just made my day. :mrgreen: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zorc: The Dark One Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Wow.That is a nice poem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
六兆年と一夜物語 Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Amazing poem. The flow; the feel; it makes a great impact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Careless Whisper Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Amazing poem. The flow; the feel; it makes a great impact. Someone didn't read mine nor Horus's posts... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azmodius Posted June 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Troll poem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homo Erectus Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 This poem sucks incredible ass. GTFO you stupid nub, and come back when you can write decent decent poetry. Oh, actually, forget that; GTFO AND DON"T COME BACK, RETARD! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mors Secundis Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 funk you Homo erectus Nub my funking arse your a person who doesnt understand awesomeness if you gonna be like that to the legend be unkind in your own stupid thread and i don't think you were here in 07. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homo Erectus Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Piss off, you stupid noob. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mors Secundis Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Erm lets see Me= 14 post and I've read the rules.You=5 post and probably haven't read the rules. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Docomodake Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Erm lets see Me= 14 post and I've read the rules.You=5 post and probably haven't read the rules. Obvious noob that can't detect an obvious troll being obvious is obvious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HORUS Posted June 7, 2009 Report Share Posted June 7, 2009 Anyone who said this poem is good is completely retarded. COMPLETELY. RETARDED. I cannot stress that enough. This is a horrible poem. The fact that he wrote it in 5 minutes is evidence of that. It usually takes me at least 3 good hours, or several hours over several days, to write a 3 stanza poem. Then again, i use iambic hexameter and other complex poetic forms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azmodius Posted June 7, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2009 ^ Horus is right. This was just a troll oportunity for me. Backfired with you idiots sympathy for shitty poetry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zeaux Posted June 7, 2009 Report Share Posted June 7, 2009 In 5 minutes O_OJust \O/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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