the great tournament of egypt

[The Greatness]

Each Chapter consists of three parts. Each chapter is the same round of the tournament, but each part, shows the duels of three friends that round. The chapter starts right off with the duel. So can the one of the 14-year-old's, Mike, Kate, and Jon, make it all the way?

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1 - Part 1/3]Can Mike beat the great 16-year-old duelist, Daryl Rips? I just have to say this duel is the shortest duel ever.... This duel contains, custom cards as well as official ones....[spoiler=Mike Vs. Daryl]Mike - 8000

Daryl - 8000

 

“I’ll go first” Mike had said in confidence after he drew his cards and they settled themselves. “I play, ‘Celtic Guardian! (L:4 / A:1400 / D: 1200’ in attack mode. And I activate ‘The Swordsman’s Blacksmith’ to increase its ATK by 500, making it 1900 ATK. I also play ‘The Tornado of Eternity’, disabling you to play Trap or Spell cards for 3 turns! I end my turn.” He said all this in a rush, not evening thinking about what’s going on.

 

Mike - 8000

Daryl - 8000

 

“Alright,” Daryl shouted at Mike, “I’m going to finish you off!”. Daryl stared laughing, Daryl yelled, “I draw”. “What do you know, I play, ‘Beaver Warrior’ in attack mode.”

 

“Beaver Warrior, isn’t going to do much, but die!” Mike screamed in anger and amusement.

 

“He would…” Daryl said, in a soft voice, “…if I hadn’t won the duel!” “I reveal to you, all the pieces of Exodia the Forbidden One!”

 

“WHAT! Already!? How did you get them so fast!?” Mike said in shock.

 

“The luck of the draw, my friend!” Daryl said, laughing and pointing at Mike. “Goodbye” he said as he left the field and the staff holding the tournament quickly cleaned up the field.

 

 

 

[Umbra]

Woah, woah, woah. Way too fast for a chapter, even when you're publishing them parts at a time. We have no idea what either Mike or Daryl look like, so you should elaborate on your description - which is your main flaw. Not to mention the use of Exodia so soon without any real backstory to it.

 

Still, has potential if you improve it.

[The Greatness]

chapter 1 isnot much of anything it's just duels, but chapter 2 is something else...

[Rucario]

Weather Report or Kendo Fish.....

 

WEATHER REPORT!!!!!!!!!!! THIS GUY NEEDS A WEATHER REPORT!!!!!!!

[Kendo Fish]

I'm afraid I can do that, Rucario. WEATHER REPORT. or MST. Whatever you Rinnes call it these days.

[spoiler=Chapter 1 - Part 1/3]Can Mike beat the great 16-year-old duelist' date=' Daryl Rips? I just have to say this duel is the shortest duel ever.... This duel contains, custom cards as well as official ones....Who's Mike, who's Daryl, why are they dueling--[spoiler=Mike Vs. Daryl]Mike - 8000

Daryl - 8000

 

“I’ll go first” Mike had said in confidence after he drew his cards and they settled themselves.First of all, you need to put a comma in what he said, the quote. Second, this could be rephrased awesomely as "Mike said confidently...". Third, how do cards settle themselves? It's not like his hand is a hologram...IS IT!?!? “I play, ‘Celtic Guardian'! (L:4 / A:1400 / D: 1200PARENTHESES Place the apostrophe somewhere else in attack mode. He uses Celtic Guardian. HE USES CELTIC GUARDIAN. Come on, there's practically a million better cards than that to make your signature monster! Like, oh, say, OBNOXIOUS Celtic Guardian! And I activate ‘The Swordsman’s Blacksmith’ to increase its ATK by 500, making it 1900 ATK. I also play ‘The Tornado of Eternity’, disabling you from playing Trap or Spell cards for three turns! I end my turn.” He said all this in a rush, not even (gosh, how'd you confuse that for a time of day?) thinking about what was going on. Is this a tabletop duel, or did the holograms actually do something?

 

Mike - 8000

Daryl - 8000

There's no point in listing what hasn't been changed, is there!?

“Alright,” Daryl shouted at Mike which I thought was a given, “I’m going to finish you off!” unnecessary period Daryl started laughing, Daryl yelled, Daryl danced, Daryl fell, Daryl did too much crap, Daryl died. Then his dead corpse said, “I draw. What do you know, I play, ‘Beaver Warrior’ in attack mode.” He uses Beaver Warrior. BEAVER WARRIOR. Even the Giant Stone Soldier guy is better and they were both in some of the first sets! This guy SUCKS. He's not great if he uses THIS idiot.

 

“Beaver Warrior, isn’t going to do much unnecessary comma but die!” Mike screamed in anger and amusement. And if you keep using that deck, so will Celtic Guardian over there.

 

“He would…” HOW I'D CHANGE IT: Daryl said softly, his voice raising to a shout, “…if I hadn’t won the duel! unnecessary quotations I reveal to you, all the pieces of Exodia the Forbidden One!” He used Beaver Warrior why?

 

“WHAT! And yes, it's just an exclamation. Nothing more. So he's happy about this. Not questioning it. In any way. Got it? Good. Already!? How did you get them so fast!?” Mike said in shock. How come everybody "says in confidence" or "says in shock" instead of "cackled" or "said, the words seemingly piercing through Mickey's delicate heart"?

 

“The luck of the draw, my friend!” Daryl said, laughing and pointing at Mike. “Goodbye COMMA” he said as he left the field and the staff holding the tournament quickly cleaned up the field. There was a field? There were staff members?

 

 

 

I didn't understand this. Maybe you should start by posting the setting, why they're dueling, if they're using duel disks, what they look like, why they're dueling with cards that haven't been usable since Metal Raiders...and so on. Don't be discouraged! I've seen much, much crappier than this. I'm really glad that you spell-checked and look intelligent enough to do this story 'till the end. Though...I still don't know what this tournament's about. Does the winner own the country of Egypt? :I

 

All in all, as Rucario told, the number one flaw is the lack of description. Work on that and save the planet (figuratively)! THE POWER IS YOURS!!

[RyanAtlus]

Sorry for being rude, but i lol'd.

Only one card played, and that's a chapter?

[The Greatness]

yea, this is a test for my other fanfic.