To-Namento! | My greatest fic EVER! PART 2 COMING SOON!!!!

[Monohawks]

I'M BACK, and it's still school time for me. But at least I can still make fanfics. This may be my greatest fanfic ever! (EVER!) I hope you find it interesting

[spoiler= To-Namento! Chapter 1 UP!!!]

[spoiler= Episode 1]

The Will of the Letters

The Will of the Letters

 

[align=justify]A letter was being formed by the hands of a genius. His identity was covered by the blackness of the night. Only the lamp that only shined over the letter showed clean cursive hand writing. It looked almost as if it was printed off by a computer, but it was indeed being written by a feather with black ink on its tip…but it was amusing how skilled he was.

 

The only things that were also being illuminated were the hard wood desk, the stack of envelopes to his right, and a hand that had a ring on the index finger.

 

The ring was made of silver metal and had a sapphire in the middle. It was cut to have the shape of diamond on the bottom which could only be seen through the top of the gem as the metal had cover the rest of the body, of the priceless rock. The top was rounded up and then sharply curved into a flat canvas. It mostly resembled a square that had round edges and lines. The rest was flat with no design except the words "To-Namento" on the side.

 

The letter was almost done, it looked flawless. Not a single word misspelled, the right words were used. Nothing, and I mean nothing…was flawless.

 

"Dear contestant,

You've been chosen by my master Kukoyo, to enter in a fabulous tournament called "To-Namento", a contest of the fittest where you and other people from all over the world will compete for the ultimate prize!"

 

The man was done writing the letter and got up from his wooden chair. He walked over to a door where it leads to a printer room.

 

"What is this prize you may be asking yourself? That will be answered at the end of the tournament. But this challenge won't be easy. It won't be easy for anyone, at all. There will be twenty-five others in this tournament as well, including you! If you decide to come any ways."

 

He opened the door and sitting on a desk in front of him, was a printer that looked like another regular old printer. Except its logo was different from others, than you would expect, it said "Namento Company" on it in gold letters in 3-D. It was the kind of printer that you can lift the top, then put any sheet of paper on it and copy what was written on it.

 

Various buttons with all kinds of color from amber to green was on the machine. It was…threatening somehow, like it had a mind of its own.

 

He walked towards it and opened up the top. He then put the letter on the machine and clamped its mouth shut. He pressed a red button that said "Print" and a green screen appeared in the middle. The screen said "Readying to print". It then said "Printing".

 

A noise came from the copier and a white florescence light broke through the top, shining in a rectangle shape. Pages with the same hand writing on it, was been up chucked by the buzzing machine. At the top of the printer, pages slid out and rested on a vertical platform, where it waited for its brethren.

 

The forced a smile on his face.

 

"We will provide food and drinks, but you must bring your own clothing as we do not provide clothing.

 

"Aside from clothing, you may also invite friends as well so you won't be lonely. I'm sure that you will make new friends as well as you are staying on Tendou Island. A luxurious island where you can relax, dine on fine cuisines, we even got a large practice room for you to improve your skills."

 

All the copies have been made. Twenty-four hot off the press.

 

The man opened the copier's lid and picked up the original copy that was sitting there lifeless. He closed the printer's mouth and picked up the other copies and went straight for the door. He turned the handle, opened the door, walked through, and close the door shut behind him. The printer was left there, still warm from printing the paper.

He went back to his wooden chair. He sat down and placed the stack of freshly, unwrinkled letters, in front of him on the desk. He picked up one of the letters, in folded into three sections, and then grabbed an envelope from the other ones sitting to his right.

 

He put the letter in the envelope and closed the flap, though he did not lick the edges, he instead used seal he pulled from his left shirt pocket. He stamped the seal on the tip of the flap. It was colored gold, had round ridges, and had the initials "NT" on it.

 

"Through, the tournament, you will go through various challenges that will test you if you can go on to the next round. Of course people will get prizes in these challenges; they will be useful to you on the island. What will become of you if you lose this challenge will be announced when you arrive on the island."

 

The last of the letters were sealed and put into the pile on his left.

 

Also on his left hanging from the wall, was a mailbox like opening with a round handle. He opened it a wide as it he could. It opened about forty-five degrees.

 

He picked up with one hand, one envelope and dropped it down a vent where the opening was. It sled down into the inky darkness where it will settle at the bottom. He did the same with the other one and one by one, they all fell, following each other.

 

"You will be picked up by a boat on April 23. The contest starts April 26, so you will have time to soak in the islands few. I would pack up and get ready for the trip when this letter reaches you, April 23 is close by. We hope we get to see you in person our selves.

-Sincerely

Hayaryu Nemigetsu."

 

The letters slid into a silver pan where they would be picked up and delivered to their house.

 

A man in a blue mailman suit picked up all twenty-five letters, and placed one of each in a circular container that was attached to the wall. They were all aligned horizontally.

 

He put each of the letters in one container. On the containers were addresses of homes of where the letters would be sent. He placed the final one in the last container and walked over to red button that was sitting on the wall next to the last container.

 

With a touch of the button, the letters one by one, then two by two, then three by three started to disappear in colorful mirage.

 

The letters were sent, the tournament would begin soon and everything was prepared. Hayaryu forced another smile on his face, and the lamp turned off, filling the room with black.

[/align]

 

 

[spoiler=Episode 2]

[align=center]

The Fittest of the Fittest ARRIVES! Part 1[/align]

 

 

Nine figures in a crowd were walking to dock nineteen. The five contestants were in the front of the pack, while their friends were walking right behind them. The five contestants were Maylene, Greta, Cynthia, Bruno, and Brawly. All incredible fighter, except Cynthia, she was the incredible champion of Sinnoh. Their friends were Ash, Dawn, Brock, and Candice. Pikachu was resting on Ash's shoulder and Piplup was in Dawn's arms.

 

Ash was talking to Greta and Brawly. "…like I was saying it's been long time since I seen you two! I thought I wouldn't see you, well, in a very long time." Ash was actually thinking 'actually I thought I would see them never again'.

 

"How long is a very long time Ash?" Greta asked. Ash was trying to think of an excuse, scratching his face to look innocent.

 

"Uh…well,"

 

"Yeah Ash, how long?" Brawly asked. Ash was starting to blush, trying to hide that he thought he would NEVER see them again, until he wanted to visit them or something like that.

 

Greta and Brawley continued to stare at Ash.

 

"Well…" The two started to laugh. Ash stopped blushing and looked at them confused.

 

"It's okay Ash."

 

"Yeah."

 

"It has been a long time since we last met each other. I didn't expect to run into here of all places."

 

"Same here."

 

"So don't worry, its okay. Everyone does that sometimes." Ash sighed in relieve that they weren't mad or anything.

 

In Greta's mind 'That darn Ash almost forgot about me!' Her eyes burned in fury with her fist raised up. She was plotting an evil scheme in her mind and got a grin on her face.

 

In Ash's mind 'I know she's going to do something to me. The question is when will she do it?' Ash started to think of all kinds of stuff what she could do to him. He thought of her causing embarrassing accidents, making him dress up as something stupid, or even those...unwanted…things. Ash got a shiver over his body.

 

"Hey you okay Greta?" Cynthia asked as she is seeing her raise her fist and had an evil grin on her face.

 

"Huh, oh, its nothing." She was smiling to keep her plans to herself. Cynthia heard the conversation and knew all too well that Greta will try to take revenge. Cynthia sighed. 'Oh Greta…'

 

Bruno turned towards Dawn.

 

"So miss what's your name?" Dawn looked at Bruno.

 

"Oh! My names Dawn."

 

"Dawn…nice name. My names Bruno." Dawn gasped.

 

"Bruno? Like the Bruno in the elite four?"

 

"That’s right!" Dawn gazed at him with sparkling eyes.

 

"Wow, I never knew that Ash knew an elite four member of Kanto!" Greta was talking to Brock and Ash. Brawly was looking up at the sky, dreaming of what kind of waves exist at this island.

 

"The blond girl right there is Greta, a Frontier Brain of Hoenn. And that’s Brawly; he's a gym leader from Hoenn as well. Plus I use to train him myself."

 

"Wow, you trained Brawly?"

 

"Yeah I did. I made him work hard in all kinds of obstacles. He's a great surfer as well." Dawn looked at Brawley and spotted a surf board that was orange with blue wavy lines going down the middle of the board.

 

"I can see that." They both laughed.

 

Greta asked if Brock made any good recipes lately.

 

"Any new recipes…well…not much has changed. But the food always gets better and better each time I cook it."

 

"You can say that again Brock." Ash went into his own world where everywhere was Brock's cooking. It was so dang good that he couldn't get enough of it.

 

"I got to try some again sometime. Your cooking is like gourmet meals." Brock blushed feeling praised.

 

Greta noticed Dawn.

 

"Be the way who's that girl. I never saw her before." Maylene answered her question.

 

"That’s Dawn. She travels with Ash and Brock."

 

"Oh, she sure is pretty." Dawn continued to talk with Bruno about her contests and how Ash has been doing.

 

Candice was next to Ash, asking him a question.

 

"Hey Ash?" Ash looked at Candice.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"How's Dawn doing?"

 

"Well, she's been herself as usually. Nothing really changed, but something tells me that she changed in her." Candice got an idea for her own humor.

 

"Oh? You two aren’t dating yet?" Ash almost tripped, but quickly regained his balance, blushing.

 

"Dating?"

 

"Oh come on, you two make such a cute couple. Why don’t you date her? Or are you two…secretly dating?" Ash was blushing more now.

 

"What, no! Were…just friends. That’s it. Nothing more" Another thought came into her head. She snuck up behind Ash and put her hand on his shoulders.

 

"Oh? You mean girlfriend and boyfriend, right?" Ash was red all over now; steaming from the top of is head.

 

"WHAT! NO!" Candice started to laugh.

 

"I'm just teasing you Ash." Ash glared at her.

 

"Not funny Candice." She continued to laugh.

 

Greta heard what Candice was saying. 'Why didn't I think of that. I could have embarrassed him so.' She looked over to Dawn who was still talking to Bruno. Then Cynthia joined in the conversation. 'So her names Dawn? Candice is right. They do look like a good couple.'

 

A hole appeared at sea, only 1 mile away from Veilstone harbor. In it was a vast dimension of black with goops of red and greens that appeared and reappeared in the background. A vessel came out of it. It was an irregular kind of boat that you wouldn't normally see at sea. It had the body of a yacht, and had five sections of it that were rounded on the sides of the water craft. But it had the colors of a yacht though.

 

The boat emerged from the inky colors and the hole disappeared. Its location was locked, and it started for Veilstone City Harbor.

 

The gang was waiting about five minutes when they were at Dock nineteen. Ash suddenly complained.

 

"MAN, when's that boat going to get here? We've been sitting here for FIFTY whole mintues."

 

"Ash…it's only been five minutes." Dawn said.

 

"Oh," Ash laughed. "Yeah I forgot." Brawly kept looking at the sky, still in his own little world.

 

"You so stubborn Ash." Dawn crossed her arms.

 

"I"AM NOT!"

 

"YES YOU ARE!" They continued arguing. Candice thought to herself.' Those two have a hate-love going on.'

 

Maylene was sitting on the dock when she saw a boat coming at the dock.

 

"Hey guys look!" Maylene stood up pointing at the boat.

 

Everyone looked at what Maylene was pointing at. It looked like a yacht.

 

"FINALLY, the boats here!" Brawly snapped out of his day dreaming and stood up.

 

"YEAH, I CAN FINALLY SURF NOW!" His eyes were burning with excitement. Everyone just mad a grin.

 

"How can you surf now, were not even near the island." Maylene said. Brawly slumped over in depression.

 

"Oh…"

 

The oat pulled up to the dock, but the gang was a little baffled, because it looked like a yacht, for the most part anyways. The rest of it had five circular ovals that stumped out the side of the boat; it seemed to look like that way to them.

 

They continued to stare at the strange water craft that float at the dock. A hatch open o the side which slid into the boat and ramp came out from the boat and landed on the dock.

 

To Ash, this was his queue to go on board and get to the island already.

 

"FINALLY, ITS HERE!"

 

"I'm going to surf like crazy over there!" Brawly added.

 

"Let's get going already!" Bruno agreed.

 

All three rushed on to the boat.

 

Greta sighed. "Those three are energetic all the time I can tell." Dawn nodded her head.

 

"WHOA!" Ash yelled. Everyone look heard Ash yell. It sounded like he was astonished.

 

"YOU GUYS GOTTA CHECK THIS OUT ITS AMAZING!" The gang didn't know what to think to go in or stay. But if Ash yelled 'amazing' then it must be alright.

 

They all walked in.

 

Dawn, Candice, and Brocks eyes were sparkling in amazement. A hall way was in front of them and seemed much larger in the ship than outside. The top of the walls were polished with marble that sparkled off of the light that was hidden in the ceiling, the bottom have of the wall was cover in red like marble that was also polished. Going to the side between the two marble.

 

The hallway was weirdly shaped though. It wasn't rectangular like normal hallways; it was oval all the way to the end of the hallway.

 

Two doors were to their right and left, and in front of them was another two doors. Above the doors where lighting that shined over the door like and exit sign would. Though the lights didn't shine.

 

The first door on the left, closet to the entrance had a poke ball sign on the sign. The door next to it had a symbol that looked like one of those families's coat of arms. The door to their right closest to the entrance had a katana symbol on the sign The door next to it had a weird symbol that looked like it started at one point, then gone into a spiral and then stopped. The door at the end of the hallway on the left side had a circular object with strange markings on it. It looked like a marble. The last door which was next to it had the actual sign that you would see in a movie theater. It said exit on it.

 

Everything was so luxurious.

 

"Wow, this place is amazing!" Dawn said.

 

"I'll say." Agreed Brock. Cynthia spotted the pictures over the doors.

 

"Hey guys look." She pointed to the poke ball sign.

 

"Hey," Maylene said. "that's a poke ball!" Brawly spotted another the coat of arms sign.

 

"That one has a coat of arms on it." The picture had a bullet pointed up in the middle, surrounded by a shield, and had two rifles points to the corners, facing each other.

 

"And look, that one has looks like a poke ball to, only that one has weird markings on it." Brock spotted the other picture down the hallways.

 

"Why's that picture have a katana on it, and what's with the weird looking spiral?" Ash was talking about the other to symbols on their right. Everyone was stumped.

 

The boat started to move unexpectedly. Everyone heard the motor running and some started to get freaked out.

 

"Hey what's going on?" Candice was a little nervous.

 

"I expect you all to have a good time on the yacht." Everyone jumped wondering where the voice came from.

 

"Up here." Everyone looked up and saw a speaker.

 

"Don't worry, were just heading off to pick up the other contestants for the tourney. No need to panick." Everyone sighed.

 

"So where is this ship going anyway?" Asked Ash.

 

"Our next destination is Namimori Harbor. We have then three other locations that were going to before we arrive at the island." Brawley bent over again depressed.

 

"Aw man, I'm so pumped about the waves right now and this happens." Brawly sighed.

 

"Sorry for the inconvenience, we will arrive shortly though. It won't take more than an hour." Brawly huffed.

 

"Fine, I can wait." Brawly crossed his arms.

 

"All right then." The poke ball sign lit up and showed the colors of the poke ball.

 

"Please enter you room and please wait there until your called out. We are closing on our next location." The door slid open and everyone went in. The door slid shut, and locked itself.

 

Inside the room was a red leathered couch, a red leather chair, and a table were drinks could be put on. It had the same décor as the hallway.

 

"Is everything in this place so luxurious?" Brock asked.

 

"I guess so." Ash answered.

 

A hatch slid open above their heads, and out came another speaker like the one before.

 

"Hello again." They looked up and saw the speaker.

 

"We are expecting this trip to be a little bumpy, so if you use the drink dispenser, please be careful with your drink."

 

"Drink dispenser?" Candice asked.

 

"Over there on your left." They looked to the left and saw a drink dispenser that was hanging from the wall. There was just one nozzle though, the other thing that seemed off that there was just one kind of drink.

 

"Why is there only one kind of drink?" Ash asked.

 

"Don't worry; it's not what you think actually. If you push on that lever, the drink will change into another drink."

 

"Wow really?"

 

"It would be boring and unsatisfactory for anyone here if there was just one drink, right?"

 

"Right…" Ash felt a little embarrassed.

 

"Like I said before, it will be awhile before we get to our destination, so please enjoy the cruise." The speaker slid back in and the hatch closed.

 

Everyone seemed confused, but then again relax with the atmosphere they were now in.

 

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going to catch some sleep before we get there." Ash said.

 

"Yeah, me to." Greta said. Ash laid down in the chair and Greta sat down on the couch.

 

"Hey guys, have you ever heard of Namimori town?" Cynthia asked Maylene.

 

"No I haven't, why?" Everyone was relaxing quickly like the situation there in is nothing. Brock was talking to Candice about how his breeding been going. Bruno, and Brawly were talking about stuff that happened in their past that was funny. Brawly also introduced himself to Dawn.

 

Cynthia however knew something was off. Everything was so relaxing yet it felt like some evil is lurking around the whole ship. And what was Namimori town? Neither Cynthia nor Candice heard about it, and by the looks of it, no one else did either.

 

Cynthia felt nervous. "It's nothing, just wondering if you knew about it." Maylene was looking at her curiously, she knew something was going on was Cynthia, but she let her be, for now anyways.

 

A sudden jolt shook the ship. Everyone almost fell over and it woke Ash and Greta.

 

"What the heck was that?" Asked Bruno.

 

"Yeah it felt like an earthquake!" Dawn was getting nervous. Ash was rubbing his head because he landed head first on the floor. Greta seemed perfectly fine, but shocked of what just happened. 'That tremor shook the whole room!"

 

"This must be the bumpy things that the speaker mentioned about." Ash and brock nodded.

 

"It was probably a wave that hit a ship." Said Cynthia. Everyone was still nervous but calmed down.

 

After forty-five minutes, four more tremors occurred again. Everyone was surprised to feel more tremors. Cynthia knew these weren't ordinary tremors, but she kept it a secet from everyone, trying to avoid panic.

 

"Man how many more of these are there?" Ash asked.

 

"I don't know." Dawn answered. Everyone was till recovering form the previous tremors.

 

The hatch slid open again and the speaker came out.

 

"Sorry if it was a bumpy ride, the other contestants didn't appeal to it either. But it's all over now, were here at the island!" Everyone was excited, especially Brawly and Ash.

 

"YEAH, LETS SURF!"

 

"FINALLY, I GET TO CHALLENGE OTHER TRAINERS!"

 

"Now hold on, there's an…entrance exam first." Everyone was then depressed.

 

"The entrance exams will determine if you will stay or not. Including your friends."

 

"WHAT! That’s no fair." Ash complained

 

"Yeah!" Agreed Candice.

 

"Sorry, but those are the rules of this tournament. Please exit into the hallway." The speaker receded into the boat and the hatch slid close.

They had no choice, but they all exited.

 

They were in the hallway when the exit sign lit up. The speaker was there where they left it.

 

"Now, one person step into the transporter room. This is part of the entrance exam.

 

Everyone was getting mad. But like again, they had no choice.

 

"Its okay, it will transport you on the island safely."

 

"I'll go in first!" Said Ash. Ash walked in and colorful lights surrounded him and disappeared. It had transported him to somewhere.

 

"Transportation complete. Next one." Next was Dawn, then Candice, Bruno, Maylene, Greta, Cynthia, Brawly, and then Brock.

 

They appeared in various locations. Everyone gasped at what they saw.

 

The island was huge, they were surrounded by building that looked run down. The sky was dim as well. It looked like one of those horror flicks.

"W-what is this place?" Asked Dawn.

 

The voice boomed out of knowwhere.

 

"Your first task is to find five other contestants and find the hidden key to a certain door. If you do this, you will be accepted onto the island!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

PLEASE COMMENT! =3

[Kendo Fish]

IM BACK Im isn't a word so I'm not sure what you're on' date=' and its still school time for me. Who is the it in question? Or is your grammar just not good? But at least i can still make fanfics. And you can still forget to capitalize I. That's, like, basic English. This may be my greatest fanfic ever! (EVER!) A magnum opus at your age which is probably 13? I hope you find it interestin

[spoiler= To-Namento! First Chapter (Actually prologue) is up! [color=brown]Why isn't it just the prologue, then? Stupid title mumbo jumbo.[/color]]

[spoiler= Episode 1]

The Will of the Letters

The Will of the Letters

 

[align=justify]A letter was made being formed by the hands of a genius. Made AND being formed. His identity was covered by the blackness of the night. Only the lamp that only shined over the letter has showed clean cursive hand writing. Redundancy department of redundancy, reporting for duty to report. And this sentence is...awkward. It looked almost as if it was (WERE) printed off a computer but it was indeed being written by a feather with black ink on its tip. In other words, a QUILL PEN, or just QUILL. And the whole second part of that sentence was just filler, methinks. That's like saying, "Bob was walking fast. It looked like Bob was running, but no, he was walking fast."

 

The only things that were also being illuminated you just said it was only the paper being illuminated! You must be in denial! YOU'RE IN DESPAIR! I guess were the desk and a hand that had a ring on the index finger. WOW. That deserved its own paragraph because it was SO MYSTERIOUS. Sarcasm rules. Or was that sarcasm back there? This sentence is sarcastic! OOH.

 

The ring was made of silver medal (a medal of which he won at the boy scouts cookie-eating contest and had melted into one) and had a sapphire in the middle. It was cut to have the shape of diamond on the bottom which could only be seen through the top of the gem as the metal was cover the mid section of the priceless rock. You can see the diamond by looking through your finger. OOOOOKAY. That makes no sense. No way, no how. The top was rounded up and then sharply curved into a flat canvas. It mostly resembled a square that had round edges and lines. The rest was flat with no design except the words "To-Namento" on the side. I think that was a bit too much description for one plot ticket MacGuffin whatever.

 

The letter was almost done, it looked flawless. Envelopes where to his right. Thanks to your grammar it's almost saying, "Envelopes WHERE??? To his right!"

 

"Dear reader, shouldn't reader

You've been chosen by my master Kukuyo (hm, that's the name of an office supply company, not to mention kuku sometimes meaning multiplication table) to enter in a fabulous tournament called "To-Namento" (and that SO doesn't mean Tournament), a contest of the fittest where you and other people from the other four corners of earth (maybe it should be THE earth) will compete for the ultimate prize!"

 

The man was done writing the letter and got up from his wooden chair and walked over to a door where it leads to a printer. Past-tense? Present-tense? WHA!?!? Also, congratulations! It's a run-on!

 

"What kind of prize you may think it may be? Sounds REALLY awkward. Maybe, "What prize, you say?" That will be answered in due time, while the tournament is in progress. (PSSST. The real prize is staying on a game show for two years where you're confined to one room and have to win a bunch of sweepstakes and lotteries in order to get out. It's terrible. Don't trust this guy.) How many people will there be in this tournament? See? he just admitted it. To-Namento is poor man's Japanese for tournament. Not to mention that dash in the name is odd, to me, at least. It shall start out with twenty-five people, five from a certain country including yours, all with their own talent. Four corners? Five countries!?"

 

He entered the room and sitting on a desk was a printer that looked like another printer. And this other printer you speak of? It looks like pie. Except its logo was different from others, it said "Namento Company" on it in gold letters. He walked towards it and opened up the top. He put the letter in the on the machine and closeD it. He pressed a red button that said "Print" and a green screen appeared in the middle was saying "Readying to print". Wouldn't it say READy and not READYING!? It then said "Printing". A noise came from the copier and it was printing out copies of the letter. This intense description makes me feel terrible.

 

The forced a smile on his face. That made no sense. Who's this The of which you speak and how'd he get there?

 

"We will provide food and drinks of course but make sure to bring your clothing as we will not provide it. What a run-on, methinks. We will make sure you feel at home as well and welcome you with open arms."

 

There were twenty-five pages printed out for twenty-five people. He took the freshly made copies from the gear beast WHA!?!? What man older than ten would describe a printer as a gear beast? and walked back into the other room, shutting the door behind him.

 

He sat down and folded the papers plural three times so it singular! What's up with that!? would fit into the envelopes sitting and waiting to enclose their job to deliver the letter safely. Paper doesn't enclose jobs, it just holds messages, waiting to be rediscovered by some lucky reader, if you wanna be poetic about it. How does the paper deliver the letter, anyways?

 

He picked up one and put a letter in it and let closed it does "and let closed it" make sense? think about that for a while, revealing that the flap had bright gold letterING on it...somewhere saying "To-Namento". He then pressed a gold seal on it that was circular and was halved to the flat side could close the envelope. [TO the flat side could close it? That makes no sense either.It had the initials "NT" on it.

 

"You may also bring friends along as well if you want the company. Also AND as well in the same sentence! REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY REPORTING FOR DUTY TO REPORT! This tournament will be broad casted which should be one word all around the world! Your performance will leave the audiences in awe, gaping COMMA seeing what other contestants including you YOU'RE one of the OTHER CONTESTANTS? Read it over and make sure it makes not too much sense could do and what no other mere human can do." That was a long sentence, I think. And it somehow felt disconnected from the rest of the letter. "You'll do amazing performances but you don't know what they are!" My thought would be going to the bathroom. I'm out.

 

The letters were done and sealed away in there THEIR wielders. Envelopes wield paper? That's a bit of an odd metaphor. Just like "somebody left the cake out in the rain..." but different, y'know? He picked them up in a pile and opened a compartment near his left side and since you don't specify I'm gonna say this "compartment" is in his pants pocket where he could deliver letters.

 

He put them at the edge and let go of them. I...don't think that's a compartment. That's a mail slot. They slid down into the darkness and the flap closed. The letters appeared at the bottom of a building where they sat in the tray, waitng there to be picked up by some random person. Not the mailman. Not an official. A random person. I dunno, I thought this guy had a pretty good idea of whom he wanted to get the letters. But he just lets a random person get them in the Letter Lottery or something!?

 

Someone did come by and picked them up. He was in a blue suit that looked like one of those people who delivers mail. His outfit looked exactly like a person. It wasn't a mailman uniform. It was a man suit. His head was inside the suit's mouth. He had good reason, though; he was a golden retriever. He walked over to five machines that were meant to deliver to a letter station for them to be picked up. Such intense, mostly meaningless description goes into every word of this story. It's almost purple prose! And by complete coincidence, this golden retriever is a mailman! HA!! He put each of the five machines fives letters. THAT...made NO SENSE. He then pressed a button that was blue (which would have sounded less awkward as simply BLUE BUTTON in my opinion) and then the machine sped off to its location. He did the same with the others and they sped off as well. They were shaped like cheetahs and ran at 65 MPH. Actually, they WERE cheetahs. They were just in machine suits.

 

When the swimmers where (WERE) about thousands of feet away, being observed by the blue suited man, a big gaping hole appeared in front of the speeding beasts. Here, there's not enough description. That's almost like saying, "One day a Soul Reaper named Rukia went to Ichigo's house and gave him special powers just as a giant Hollow was about to kill his family." The hole had different colors in it, mostly black red and green, that looked menacing. They didn’t stop for anything, but they went into it instead, being enveloped by the colors. The hippies said "Ooh, colors, man" and dived in. Who else but a hippie, hobo, drug user or baby would go in there? Unless you specify that "they didn't want to, but the color took them, sucked them in", it's kind of dumb.

 

The other ones did the same thing. I thought it sounded like all of the swimmers went in already...also, this REALLY needs to be separated from the previous paragraph. Sarcasm rules! This sentence is sarcastic! OOH. Each hole had a different entrance to a certain place where the letters would be delivered. What other holes? So the mailman shouted and his voice echoed as he crawled into his own eye. Then he saw a hallucination of swimming hippies saying "Ooh, colors, man" and he follows them. Inside the colorful hole are more holes. Then he gets reawakened. "Ooh, a letter. Better read it!"

 

"If you do decide to come, please don’t hesitate to come. Redundancy department of redundancy reporting for duty to report. There will be much stuff to do and many challenges for you to overcome. Overcoming challenges is a selling point? Unless it's Biggest Loser, I'm not in. And I wouldn't even want to go on biggest Loser because I'm not that fat. So no. This is one thing you will not want to miss. The starting date is April 23, and a boat will pick you up on April 22. The trip will be a little bumpy, but if I were you, I would get packed immediately. No prizes! No profit! No fun!

-Sincerely

Hayaryu Nemigetsu."

 

The letters were sent, the job was done, now all the man who had the ring (I would've understood if you just said THE MAN, or even Hayaryu, honestly) had to do…is (WAS) wait. Today was April 18. The letters would arrive in two days. The man forced a smile again and the head lamp turned off, turning the whole room into a room of black.[/align]

 

 

 

 

 

PLEAZ COMMENT! =3

AAH! Dreadful spelling. And yes, it does count. FOR YOUR REPUTATION!! Slightly. Ah, whatever.

Overall I'd like to see you continue, but only after you make your supposed best story ever better, in terms of grammar, sense and readability.

 

(Also, if that was your Bleach/Naruto fic I said I would review a while back, I totally forgot about that. I didn't think it was too good, anyways.)

[Monohawks]

... OKAY I'LL IMPROVE IT. I was being lazy.

But I dint realize it was so off. Ill make it better, just watch.

And the bleach comic...yeah not my best, but it was the first.

And im fourteen, nice geuss though, you were close. But you did made my flaws funny though, im still cracking up XD

[Monohawks]

bump

Okay I fixed all the flaws (hopefully) and it should be more of an interesting read now.

[Kendo Fish]

Dang, in my previous review I forgot that they said the prize would be revealed after the tourney. Anyways, either I'll edit this post to review this again or post again. I've gotta review something on another forum, and its fifth chapter is preeety long.

[Monohawks]

well how good is the prologue now, im about to post up the first chapter.

[Kendo Fish]

I'm not gonna weather report it again. Yo. It's improved, though the grammar is off (was been, soak in the islands few) and some sentences should have periods in places instead of so many commas ('it looked flawless' should be its own sentence, or have a ; put in front of it, for example). Maybe check over it once more?

[Monohawks]

okay, thanks

[Monohawks]

BUMP, THE FIRST CHAPTER IS UP, PLESE READ.