Contemplation: A Short Story

[HORUS]

I diverged away from my artistic short stories to write this short story for my English Composition 12 class. The content disturbed my teacher and guidance counselor and prompted them to arrange meetings for me with the school psychologist. I was thoroughly amused. Anyways, enjoy.

 

 

It's a long way down. It has to be a long way down, otherwise I would not be here. Otherwise I would find somewhere else, a place from whence this drop would surely end my life, but I know that this drop is quite enough. I know because I have been here many days. I know because I have watched one before me plunge to his death before my eyes, from this very spot.

 

I know why he took that course, why he decided to step off this ledge, why he left us. He and I had never met. But I feel as if in standing in this very spot, in contemplating making the same decision he made that I have met him, that I know his thoughts, that I am as one with him, his mind and body. He was neither martyr nor coward. He was a man who sought release from the martyrs and the cowards, the arrogant and the self-pitying, the feared and the fearful. He is as I am.

 

Every day, for two months, I have come here to stand and wonder and contemplate. Every day, for two months, I have come here and thought the same thing. It is always the same.

 

Every day, for two months, I have left my unkempt apartment in the early morning before the morons wake up to slam taxi doors and order a jolting ride to their ambitious job at the bank. I traipse up the narrow stairwell, my hand gliding up the slender, filthy handrail until I reach a doorway to the roof, still lit from the outside by a dim lamp. I twist the rusted knob of the door and press outward, swinging solemnly forward with the screech of the un-oiled hinges. Letting the shabby door fall back into place behind me, I cross the sloped tin roofing to find the brick ledge upon which I now stand. And then I contemplate. I contemplate for minutes on end. I contemplate for hours on end. On occasion, I contemplate for nearly a day.

 

I need not worry about obligations or commitments, appointments or contracts. I have nothing: nothing to lose, nothing I wish to gain, nothing I care for, but for her. I care not but for she who I see walking along the pavement below. When I see her I tell myself that I am not here to contemplate a release from life as my predecessor did. I tell myself that I am here to watch for her, to wait and see whether she comes by, her hair flowing like soft, rare silk over tumultuous clouds, her steps like an elegant queen in an eloquent ballroom, her body as steam rising from the earth through a geyser of ultimate beauty, bested only by her conscience.

 

And on every day, for two months, I have turned from my post on the stable, red brick balcony to walk back indoors because I have seen her. At the end of the day it no longer matters whether it is a long way down or whether the drop is long enough to give me the release I so badly want. I twist the doorknob once again and pull the grimy door open as the lamp flickers to life above my head. My hand slides back down the peeling banister, catching on the angles of its twists along the wall. Reentering my dim apartment, I think again of her and of why I live, and I understand that I live to see her because of what she is, because she is all that I am not.

[Muluck]

I hate this! Yet I love this. I'll explain why, I hate this because it's too short-Yes I know, short story duh- But I mean it's like when you bake a cake, you mix all those random ingredients together to make this liquidy mess then put it in the oven to bake. As it bakes you get all these wonderful aroma's and you can feel why you made the cake to begin with. Then when it's done you take it out and throw it away.

Your short story has no ending to a perfect melody, but this is the same exact reason why I love it.

 

I hope.. you understand what I mean.. Lol..

[CinnamonStar]

...What's the part that earned you a visit to the psychy?

 

Anyways it's a well-written story bro. I almost cried at some parts (I'm not a person who cries easily at such stuff, but I swear I would).D:

The part describing the girl is beautiful. Only thing I'd say is the lots of adjectives at some parts. Sometimes it's better to leave them out and try another way to convey your imagery or else it looks as if you just looked up fancy adjectives to add in.

"Her body as steam rising from the earth through a geyser of ultimate beauty, bested only by her conscience" is better though.=)

 

And personally I think the shortness is good here. Making it longer would just make it boring and stretchy.:/

 

Good job bro.:)

[Muluck]

...What's the part that earned you a visit to the psychy?

 

Anyways it's a well-written story bro. I almost cried at some parts (I'm not a person who cries easily at such stuff' date=' but I swear I would).D:

The part describing the girl is beautiful. Only thing I'd say is the lots of adjectives at some parts. Sometimes it's better to leave them out and try another way to convey your imagery or else it looks as if you just looked up fancy adjectives to add in.

"Her body as steam rising from the earth through a geyser of ultimate beauty, bested only by her conscience" is better though.=)

 

And personally I think the shortness is good here. Making it longer would just make it boring and stretchy.:/

 

Good job bro.:)

[/quote']

 

And personally I think the shortness is good here. Making it longer would just make it boring and stretchy.:/

 

I know, but it's like a first date, or kiss if you want to get risky. You want it to go smoothly then when it's all over with you wish it had never ended.

 

...Why am I comparing this short story about contemplation of suicide to a first date? .. :?

[CinnamonStar]

Like a porn film where you just see the foreplay but then before they really start it ends?

[Muluck]

Like a porn film where you just see the foreplay but then before they really start it ends?

 

0_0'

 

..Yes, exactly like that.. Sorry, you caught me off gaurd.

[~/Coolio Prime\~]

Like a porn film where you just see the foreplay but then before they really start it ends?

 

Like public television strippers?

[~ P O L A R I S ~]

You're contemplating suicide. Congratulations. Thoroughly amusing. Don't do it though. It's messy and requires an awful lot of paperwork and digging to get sorted out after resolution.

[Polycarp]

I absolutely love this!! ^_^ Very well written. Like Opal said, very beautiful about the girl.

 

I'm guessing it was the first paragraph that got you the trip to the psychologist? =/

[-Griffin]

I love it, found the ending snappy, but with a nice point. Bravo, someone no YCM can write something that doesn't burn my eyes.

[HORUS]

My teacher and counselor inferred that I have suicidal tendencies (which is actually quite true; I visit 2 psychiatrists a week and take antidepressants) so they asked the school psychologist to talk to me.

 

It's short because the assignment was meant to be 2 pages. Also, think of it as a kind of a journal entry.

[Shinji Hirako]

...What's the part that earned you a visit to the psychy?

 

Anyways it's a well-written story bro. I almost cried at some parts (I'm not a person who cries easily at such stuff' date=' but I swear I would).D:

The part describing the girl is beautiful. Only thing I'd say is the lots of adjectives at some parts. Sometimes it's better to leave them out and try another way to convey your imagery or else it looks as if you just looked up fancy adjectives to add in.

"Her body as steam rising from the earth through a geyser of ultimate beauty, bested only by her conscience" is better though.=)

 

And personally I think the shortness is good here. Making it longer would just make it boring and stretchy.:/

 

Good job bro.:)

[/quote']

You don't think it may be the entire Suicidle tendansie to the story.

 

But yeah it kind of kills you deep down because I'm pretty sure most people have had these kind of thoughts at least once in there lives.

[CinnamonStar]

Shinji: Well he doesn't kill himself in the end right? Because of her.

 

I know so many depressive people in my surroundings that I don't notice anymore.

[Womi]

*clap**clap**clap**clap*

You didn't disappoint, Horus. You didn't.

[Shinji Hirako]

True, but meerly the thought to put it to pen and paper may have worried them. I know what phycologists are like ¬_¬ they make a big deal over nothing. And lul at depressing people.

[Amethyst Phoenix]

You know, when I walked in here, I expected some sappy depressive story about how wonderful suicide is and "Sweet release" and all that jazz.

 

However, upon getting to the ending I realized that it's sending a message of hope: that there are things worth living for, like (from the narrator's perspective) the girl.

 

 

Bravo, Horus.

[Muluck]

My teacher and counselor inferred that I have suicidal tendencies (which is actually quite true; I visit 2 psychiatrists a week and take antidepressants) so they asked the school psychologist to talk to me.

 

It's short because the assignment was meant to be 2 pages. Also' date=' think of it as a kind of a journal entry.

[/quote']

 

It's short because the assignment was meant to be 2 pages. Also, think of it as a kind of a journal entry.

 

Yeah I finally had to come to that conclusion. Either way I have to love it. =D

[OMGAKITTY]

Finally, writing I don't have to tear apart piece by piece because it sucks.

 

Well written, good flow. Hooks the reader and keeps them hooked. Ends on a semi-positive note, to boot.

 

Props.

[Dark]

My teacher and counselor inferred that I have suicidal tendencies (which is actually quite true; I visit 2 psychiatrists a week and take antidepressants) so they asked the school psychologist to talk to me.

 

It's short because the assignment was meant to be 2 pages. Also' date=' think of it as a kind of a journal entry.

[/quote']

 

It's a story though, I don't think they should be allowed to infer something like that, although it is true. I relay suicidal thoughts in my stories all the time, but never have I thought about suicide in real life.

 

Nevertheless, it was a wonderful story.

[Cyndaquil]

FUKME, way to go Horus.

[Cyber Altair]

That's pretty funking awesome. Lend me your brain for my English exam on Monday, pwease =[