.:Mimi:. Posted November 28, 2009 Report Share Posted November 28, 2009 [align=center]Chapter 1: Where's your fairy now? Outside, the sky was no brighter then a broken lightbulb. No light managed to seep through the window, only the light emmited by the Lightning that was being cast over Hyrule Castle made it possible to see anything. Zelda strolled up and down the elegant castle halls, filled with Gold and a chest containing a legendary card, waiting for someone to arrive. *Meanwhile, in Kokiri Forest*Link roamed around the green, viney forest floor, searching for a worthy opponent to duel. Suddenly, he saw a Forest Boy with Orange Hair jumping up and down, guardian the exit from Kokiri Forest. Link walked up to him and pulled out his Duel Shield."Would you like to duel?" Link asked the young boy known as Mido."Sure," muttered Mido. "Draw," yelled both boys."I'll go first!" screamed Link. "I activate the field card, "Kokiri Forest", which increases all "Kokiri" cards by 400 Attack. Then, I summon Kokiri Sorcerer, who's original attack is 1700, but is increased by "Kokiri Forest", bringing him up to 2100 Attack. With that, I'll end my turn""Ok, I set a Face Down Defence mode Monster card," exclaimed Mido. "Then, I will end my turn.""Draw," said Link. "I sacrifice my Kokiri Sorcer to Summon, "The Great Deku Tree"! Now, I destroy your monster with my Spell Card, Kokiri Emerald Strike. I attack you directly with my Deku Tree, leaving you on 3600 Life Points. With that, I end my turn!"Mido: 3600 (-2400)Link: 6000Mido turned to his fairy, and whispered something. "Please help me." Suddenly, Mido's deck started to glow, and he dropped to his knees. "Thankyou, Navi," Mido whispered. "DRAW! I summon, "Navi, the Fairy Prince" in Attack Mode. I use his effect, and destroy your Deku Tree. Now, I attack your Life Points directly with Navi. This leaves you on 4400 Life Points. Now, I set 1 Spell/Trap Card, and end my turn."Mido: 3600Link: 4400 (-1600)"This duel is only getting started," Link muttered. "Draw," he said in a monotone voice. "I summon, Kokiri Woman, in Attack Mode. Then, I equip it with "Kokiri's Sword", increasing it's attack by 500, bringing her to 1900 Attack. Now, destroy his Navi!""Not so fast!" screamed Mido. "I activate my face-down card, "Kokiri's Trap! It destroy's your monster!""No it doesn't," replied Link. "I activate Kokiri Woman's effect. On the turn that it is summoned, it isn't affected by Trap Cards. With that, I'll end my turn."Mido: 3300 (-300)Link: 4400"My turn!" said Mido. "I set a Face-Down Spell/Trap Card and end my turn.""Hahaha!" Laughed Link. "Draw. Now, I activate the card, "Kokiri's Unite". This card allows me to summon 2 "Kokiri" cards this turn. I first summon "Kokiri Man". Then, I sacrifice them both to summon "Deku Boss - Ghoma". Now, I attack you directly, causing you to lose 2700 Life Points. With that, I end my turn."Mido: 600 (-2700)Link: 4400"Nooo..." Mido cried. "You'll pay for that! I activate "Kokiri Strike", destroying your Ghoma. Then, I summon "Mido, Forest Bouncer"."You...summoned yourself?!?!?!" Yelled Link."Yes, I did actually." Muttered Mido. "Then, I attack directly for 2100 Damage. I end my turn."Mido: 600Link: 2300 (-2100)"Argh!" screamed Link. "Draw! Now, I activate "Burning Earth", causing you to lose 750 Life Points, and causing me to win the duel!"Mido: 0 (-750)Link: 2300 Mido slowly dissapeared, and Link's deck floated back into his pocket. Navi, who was Mido's fairy, suddenly flew over to Link. "Where's your fairy now?" he muttered. He walked off majestically towards Hyrule Field.[/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted November 29, 2009 Report Share Posted November 29, 2009 ... ... Oh boy. I can tell you're new at this, and I hate to burst your bubble, but... really... why OoT? OoT is the only game in the whole damn series that's actually tragic, except maybe Twilight Princess (no Midna = sad Link). Baaaad choice of games. Also -- you'll see this no matter which review you read -- you switched Link's and Mido's names.[spoiler=Harsh Review]In the not-too-distant futureSomewhere in time and spaceFanpeople wrote bad fanficsAnd raised them in cyberspaceThe creators shuddered, the canon shriekedAnd some other fans wished they'd never peekedBut one snobby writer thought he'd be goodSo he pulled out the characters that had been misunderstood"I'll send them cheesy fanficsThe worst I can findThey'll have to sit and read them all-And I'll monitor their mindsNow keep in mind they can't controlWhere their sessions begin or endThey'll only keep their sanitiesIf I drag along their friends"NAVI || KAFEI || QUEEN ZELDA || LINKIf you're wondering how the dead can breatheAnd other science factsJust repeat to yourself, "It's just a reviewI should really just relax"For MYSTERY SCIENCE RIPOFF 3892...[6][5][4][3][2][1] Outside, the sky was no brighter then a broken lightbulb.Kafei: In short, not glowing at all. No light managed to seep through the window,Zelda: It had to rely on refraction instead. only the light emmitedNavi: Run-on sentence of happy. by the LightningZelda: Is there an 'n' in the spell? I can never remember.Navi: Lydia and Gordon are in this? Isn't that copyright infringement or something?Kafei: Who? that was being cast over Hyrule CastleNavi: Oh, so that's the setting. Gotcha. made it possible to see anything. Zelda strolled up and down the elegant castle halls, filled with GoldKafei: They're Rupees in Hyrule, you know. and a chest containing a legendary card,Zelda: ...um, what?Link: I really can't think of anything that could be a misspelling of. waiting for someone to arrive.Navi: Very specific. Come on, at least tell us why... *Meanwhile, in Kokiri Forest*Kafei: Meanwhile, back at the ranch... Link roamed around the green, vineyNavi: It's a neologism! Whoopee! forest floor, searching for a worthy opponent to duel.Link: Sorry, are we talking about the same Link? Sure, I'm good at fighting, but it's not like I'm looking for trouble.Navi: If we are, many tears will be spilt. Suddenly, he saw a Forest BoyKafei: Wild Forest Boy appeared!Link: We do seem to be in an RPG, with these capitalizations... with Orange HairZelda: The wild Forest Boy is holding an Orange Hair item!Kafei: Ah, yes... The rare Orange Hair, unique to Forest Boys.Link: Akin to the Green Hair worn by Forest Girls. jumping up and down,Navi: So I guess this isn't Link, either.Link: I hope not. guardian the exit from Kokiri Forest.Zelda: Genitive modifier, please?Kafei: *CDi salesman impression* As long as you have enough rubies — er, Gold! Link walked up to him and pulled out his Duel Shield.Link: That was the single most stupid sentence I've read in my life. Including "Squadela, we're off!"Navi: D'ac. "Would you like to duel?" Link asked the young boy known as Mido.Link: "I would rather not," Mido replied with equal civility. "Now please leave so I can court your older sister with greater ease." "Sure," muttered Mido.Zelda: At least someone's vaguely in character.Kafei: It was one word away from canon defilement, though.Navi: And Link is already damaged beyond repair. "Draw," yelled both boys.Kafei: That one word is here. "I'll go first!" screamed Link.Link: The screaming caught Saria's attention; she promptly rejected Mido even harder than usual and disowned Link.Navi: In this story? She's betting on the outcome. "I activate the field card, "Kokiri Forest",Kafei: News flash — YOU'RE ALREADY IN KOKIRI FOREST. which increases all "Kokiri" cards by 400 Attack.Navi: Y'know, I wouldn't be surprised if the author switched Link's and Mido's names. "Link" is an overenergetic braggart and terrible Duelist, while "Mido" is a quiet boy who practices mysterious martial arts and is generally exasperated by his idiotic peers.Link: I like that explanation. Let's go with that. Then, I summon Kokiri Sorcerer,Link: WE DON'T HAVE SORCERORS. who'sZelda: --nonexistent. original attack is 1700, but is increased by "Kokiri Forest", bringing him up to 2100 Attack. With that, I'll end my turn"Link: *Mido impression* I'm too good for periods!Navi: And, we hope, too male.Link: That did sound horribly wrong, didn't it?Zelda: *nods gravely* "Ok, I set a Face Down Defence mode Monster card," exclaimed Mido Link.Kafei: I guess that's the equivalent of his ordinary-sword-swing battle cry?Link: The battle cry helps force fluids out of the lungs and increases the amount of energy emitted by the body in one moment, as well as having the psychological effects of intimidating the enemy and bolstering the crier — insofar as Hyrulean biology can divine, it's excellent in battle. In card games, these benefits mean... nothing.Zelda: Still, you have to transfer it over somehow. "Then, I will end my turn.""Draw," said Link Mido. "I sacrifice my Kokiri Sorcer to Summon, "The Great Deku Tree"!Zelda: He's only Level 6? Now, I destroy your monster with my Spell Card, Kokiri Emerald Strike.Kafei: Whatever that is, it sounds oddly specific. I attack you directly with my Deku Tree, leaving you on 3600 Life Points.Navi: That thing's ATK is ridiculous!Zelda: It could be a 4000 LP Duel. ...oh, wait, that's still ridiculous.Kafei: 400 or 4400, author? Either way, it's insane. With that, I end my turn!"Link: *Mido impression* While I'm too good (and masculine) for periods, I'm fine with exclamation points! Mido Link: 3600 (-2400)Link Mido: 6000Navi: ...o...kay.Zelda: That's an odd number. For an even number, I mean. Mido Link turned to his fairy,Navi: Who they REFUSE TO NAME...Link: Calme-toi. and whispered something. "Please help me."Link: *whispering* Something. Please help me. Suddenly, Mido Link's deck started to glow,Zelda: --and he felt a strange power welling up within him. "FIREBALL," he screamed, and a massive orb of flames formed in his palm. He hurled it at the Tektite hordes, annihilating many of them — and the magical fount that kept spawning them.Link: Don't remind me of good fics until we've finished the bad one, capisce? and he dropped to his knees. "Thankyou, Navi,"Link: Well, that settles it. The author forgot to switch the names. Mido Link whispered. "DRAW! I summon, "Navi, the Fairy Prince"All: ...Navi: *furious* I'M. A. funking. GIRL.Link: In her defense, it's really not hard to tell. Listen to her voice for about five seconds and tell me that's masculine. in Attack Mode. I use hisNavi: HER effect,Kafei: --which will, naturally, go completely without elaboration beyond the plot-specific purpose I need it to. and destroy your Deku Tree.Navi: I understand the overabundance of my prompts can be irksome, but they didn't kill the funking Deku Tree!Zelda: *Yui impression* *hugs with fingers* Good girl...Navi: *Azusa impression* sfhahsdofhsanflaecaliyfaesawpafdsfhadsolfhasboicsdaeafsdasewe Now, I attack your Life Points directly with Navi.Navi: ANNOYING VOICE ATTACK! This leaves you on 4400 Life Points.Kafei: Tell us the ATK and DEF when you Summon the monster, will you? Now, I set 1 Spell/Trap Card,Zelda: --whose effect is "Destroy 1 monster your opponent controls." and end my turn."Mido Link: 3600Link Mido: 4400 (-1600) "This duel is only getting started," Link Mido muttered.Link: *Mido impression* Just you wait, Link! In four-to-six years, barring unusual events such as the invasion of an evil overlord, Saria WILL BE MINE!Zelda: *Saria impression* No.Link: *Mido impression* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! "Draw," he said in a monotone voice.Kafei: --for the first and last time in his life. "I summon, Kokiri Woman,All: ...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAZelda: That card title is as sexist as Twilight!Navi: Mido's real fairy could'a come up with that!Link: I dunno. Given my usual preference against fighting girls, it could be fairly effective for about a turn. in Attack Mode. Then, I equip it with "Kokiri's Sword",Kafei: Hey, look, I referenced the canon! That makes my fic better!Link: Please stop referencing canon. We don't like being reminded that this is based on a masterpiece.Navi: A masterpiece we're all from. increasing it's attack by 500,Kafei: One apostrophe and you wind up sounding like Yoda.Zelda: Don't do gratuitous apostrophes. bringing her to 1900 Attack.Kafei: So not only is her feminity implied to be her weapon, it's not a very good one?Link: This author doesn't like women much, does she? Now, destroy his Navi!"Navi: Oh, so now you use my name? I'M A DEFINITE PROPER NOUN AND I DON'T BELONG TO ANYONE!Link: If you did, I would never have seen Termina or medieval Earth.Kafei: All hail Navi's independence! "Not so fast!" screamed Mido Link. "I activate my face-down card, "Kokiri's Trap!Kafei: Oh, that's original. "Kokiri Woman." "Kokiri Trap." "Kokiri Sword."Link: Hey, it beats "The Company." ...oh, wait, it doesn't. *whimpers* It destroy's your monster!"Zelda: Hold me.Navi: *Yui impression* *hugs finger* Good girl.Zelda: *Azusa impression* sfhahsdofhsanflaecaliyfaesawpafdsfhadsolfhasboicsdaeafsdasewe "No it doesn't," replied Link Mido.Kafei: *Link impression* But it does.Link: *Mido impression* No, it doesn't! BECAUSE I SAY SO! *normally* Nice impression of me, by the way.Kafei: Thanks. "I activate Kokiri Woman's effect. On the turn that it is summoned, it isn't affected by Trap Cards.Zelda: That's oddly convenient. With that, I'll end my turn."Link: *Mido impression* Being struck by annoying voice attack has humbled me. I will use periods now. BUT SARIA WILL STILL BE MINE!Zelda: *Saria impression* No.Link: *Mido impression* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Mido: 3300 (-300)Link: 4400"My turn!" said Mido Link. "I set a Face-Down Spell/Trap Card and end my turn."Kafei: Who actually says "slash" in that context?Link: He adds "in that context" because of his experience with the other two meanings of that word. Especially the... disturbing one.Zelda: We're gonna get a lot of that in the future, aren't we?Navi: *sighs* Yep. "Hahaha!" Laughed Link Mido.Navi: I'm pretty sure Microsoft Word has a "replace" function, y'know. Not that hard to replace "Link" with "Mido" and vice-versa.Zelda: Hey, we could do it. "Draw. Now, I activate the card, "Kokiri's Unite". This card allows me to summon 2 "Kokiri" cards this turn.Link: *Mido impression* See, I'm patriotic! I refuse to run Double Summon or Ultimate Offering, instead opting for a theme-based card! I first summon "Kokiri Man".Zelda: I take back my feminist rants and replace them with snarky comments on unoriginality.Link: Even the person who came up with "The Company" added in stuff like "Xeos" and the "Dead Zone," and stuff like that. Then, I sacrifice them both to summon "Deku Boss - Ghoma".Link: I take back my comments on patriotism and replace them with snarky comments on Mido being an idiot.Navi: Really, who runs the monster that destroyed one's home and turned it into a monster's breeding ground?Kafei: I en't running "Termina Moon," that's for sure. Now, I attack you directly, causing you to lose 2700 Life Points.Zelda: You could just say it had 2700 ATK to begin with.Kafei: Mentioning DEF values would also help. With that, I end my turn."Kafei: *Link impression* My Spell slash Trap Card is powerless to stop them! Mido Link: 600 (-2700)Link Mido: 4400"Nooo..." Mido Link cried. "You'll pay for that!Link: Oh, so now he's in character all of a sudden. I activate "Kokiri Strike", destroying your Ghoma.Zelda: We think you mean "Kokiri /Emerald/ Strike.Link: If not, someone's having waaaay too much fun coming up with unoriginal card names, and I don't mean the Hyrulean Duel Monsters Printing Press. Then, I summon "Mido, Forest Bouncer"."You...summoned yourself?!?!?!" Yelled Link Mido.Kafei: *Link impression* No. Actually, I Summoned you. "Yes, I did actually." Muttered Mido Link.Navi: Link Muttered, "Yes, I did actually."Link: And now he's me again! Make up your mind! "Then, I attack directly for 2100 Damage.Navi: *cough*broken*cough* I end my turn."Mido: 600Link: 2300 (-2100)Kafei: /Very/ dramatic. "Argh!" screamed Link Mido.Navi: *Mido impression* THE ILLUSION! IT BURNS! "Draw! Now, I activate "Burning Earth", causing you to lose 750 Life Points, and causing me to win the duel!"All: ...Link: Well, that was cheap.Zelda: Gives you a reason to hate him, though. Mido Link: 0 (-750)Link Mido: 2300Kafei: Hey! What happened to the 2100 LP from last turn? Mido Link slowly dissapeared,All: ...Navi: And so, our main hero dies before the story even begins.Kafei: I'm doomed. and Link Mido's deck floated back into his pocket.Zelda: This is what they call "bathos."Navi: Why floating? Navi, who was Mido Link's fairy,Kafei: WE KNOW. suddenly flew over to Link Mido.Navi: ...Zelda: Oh, dear.Navi: ALRIGHT, THAT IS IT! I HAVE HAD IT WITH THIS HORRIBLE RAW GARBAGE THAT CALLS ITSELF A FANFIC! YOU'VE INSINUATED THAT I'M MALE AND MASCULINE ENOUGH TO BE CONSIDERED MALE, AND THAT I'M MUTE, WHEN ON THE CONTRARY, HALF THE FANDOM WANTS TO KILL ME FOR TALKING TOO MUCH! AND NOW YOU THINK I'M PROMISCUOUS ENOUGH TO JUST UP AND LEAVE LINK WITHOUT EVEN A MOMENT OF MOURNING?! I AM NOT THAT jabroniY OF A SLUT! HELL, I'M NOT A SLUT IN THE FIRST PLACE! AND I WARN YOU, IF I'M NOT SOBBING OVER LEAVING LINK EVERY funking NIGHT, I...Link: "Slut?" "Promiscuous?" "Sobbing over leaving [me] every funking night?"Navi: ... *turns red* G -- well, you know, metaphorically --Zelda: It's fine.Link, Navi: No; no it's not. "Where's your fairy now?" he muttered.Kafei: You left out the part where Mido Link brags about his fairy. Now that just sounds like a stupid title drop rather than a slightly witty, ironic line. He walked off majestically towards Hyrule Field.All: Huh?Zelda: So, wait, that entire Duel was a metaphor for the first Dungeon?Navi: I guess so.Link: Can't wait to see Kaepora Gaebora...Navi: You'll probably have to Duel him.Kafei: Who knows? The way this characterization is going, he might be the most competent character in the fic.Link: True, that. True. [1][2][3][4][5][6] [spoiler=Straight Review]THE PROBLEMS: Aside from the broken premise, you need to review characterization and TPO. For example, there's no reason in the world why Link would wait until today to Duel Mido when the Kokiri leader had tormented him for years beforehand. Also, there's no reason why he'd go around looking for fights; he never battles civilians in the game and conspicuously doesn't fight the innocent Gerudo guards, so why make him belligerent now? Lastly, your cards are awful; pretty much any Deck in even YCM's deckbuilding section would stomp either of these fools flat.THE SOLUTIONS: Er... hard to say; it's a broken premise. At least make the Duels more concise and interesting (read: make the Decks better), and choose your opponents better. But trying to shoehorn Dueling into the second-darkest of all Zelda games (and the only one with a tragic ending, come to that) is a very bad idea to begin with. At least use Oracles or Adventure of Link; it might fit in with those whimsical realms.THE GRADE:Concept: F Of all the Zelda games to turn into a children's card game, you just had to pick the single most tragic game in the series.Plot: D There isn't one.Scene Development: C It's passable. We don't know much about our location, but we do know barely enough to form some visualization.Linguistic Conventions: B+ The story's a mess, but a readable one.Characterization: D- Link acts like Mido and Mido acts like Link. Then, over the course of a Duel, they both turn into Yuki Judai. Joy.Overall Appeal: D Somewhere, a fairy is crying. At least it's readable.FINAL GPA: 1.28 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duel tester Posted December 1, 2009 Report Share Posted December 1, 2009 well it may not sound god.but i think you might have a decent fan fic.pull out a few more chapters and i tell you what i think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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