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tallman95

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tallman95

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I know that some people but for the people that don't know I'm writing a series of books called Spirt Quest(Name by Bloodrun) if you don't know what it's about go HERE. I'm not 100% sure if this goes here and if it doesn't mods please move it. Anyway everytime I finsh one chapter in my book I'll post it here for you to read. The first book is called Disapperance(Name by kizzi) I hope you like it. O yeah kizzi's also helping my write it.

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tallman95

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Here's the first chapter. It's kind of short but it's a work in procress. More will be added so keep it here for updates. Plus I was rushing cause I'm leaving in a half hour.

 

[align=center]Book 1: Disapperance

 

Chapter 1: The Man

 

Jimmy was bored , as always, all he did was sit and watch T.V. Jimmy was an orphan living in the local orphange. He live here with his twin brother Johnny. They never knew what happened to their parents everything that they can remember happened in the orphange.

"You want a piece of me punk!" said some kid in the other room. Jimmy knew who that was it was his brother Johnny. Johnny is a stubbon kid can't stand losing. He always gets into fights mand he always wins. He just won't acept losing he once bet up a kid after the kid broke Johnny's arm!

"Yeah you better run!" Johnny said waving his fist at the kid as he walked into the room."So what you doing?"

"Watching T.V." Jim said.

"Watcha watchin."

"A show."

"Forget it. Jim want to go outside and play football?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Cause everytime I play football with you I beat you. You don't admit it, and I end up in the infrimary."

John looked at him funny. "And your point is?"

"Forget it." Jim turned his attention back to the T.V.

"You see that's your problem. You don't know how to have fun. Come one you have to do something other than watch T.V all day."

"Your right I need to go on the computer once a while."

"God what's wrong with you."

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? We've lived in this place or whole live! We don't even know our parents!" Jim was breathing heavly. He had kept all of this surpressed for 13 years." I'm sorry. I was just mad."

"He no prob." As they continued talking on of the workers walked into the room.

"Here are the children you asked for Mr.Nimmo." The nurse said.

"Thank you." Mr.Nimmo said. John and Jim exaimined the man. He seemed nice the only odd thing was that he was unusaly tall. Johnny was the first person to speak.

"Hi I'm.....well sence the nurse said you asked for us you must already know our names."

"That's right. My name is Bob Nimmo and I've come to adopt you."

"What?!" Johnny and Jim said at the same time. "You want to adopt us?"

The man nodded his head.

"Why do want to adopt us and how did you know about us to start with?"

"So many questions, but dont worry I answer them when we get there."

John and Jim smiled at each other finally they would know what it feels like to have a family.[/align]

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Bloodrun

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hmm, you know started off pretty good, but theres something you have to realize about orphan kids especially kids who have been in an orphanage a long time, they learn to not trust anyone, and hate everyone, so having them finally meet a person, and then in like 2 minutes, already love them and want to go with them, is really really, un realistic, im just saying this becuase, if you let there relation build up first, mabe add in a little drama here and there, then have them finally come to trust the guy, it would make the book, a whole lot better =)

 

heh nimmo =nemo!!!! :lol:

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