My triumphant-ish return to CC [False Justice]

[~Shore]

[align=center]

This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Special Summoned by Tributing one LIGHT Monster you control. When this card is Summoned, destroy all LIGHT Monsters your opponent controls. When there is a "False Justice" Monster on the Field, this card cannot be destroyed by battle. If there are no "False Justice" Monsters on the field during your opponent's End Phase, this card is returned to your hand.

When this card is in face-up Attack Position, all LIGHT monsters your Opponent controls are switched to Defense Position. During each Battle Phase when you control a face-up "Corporate Master" Monster, you can send one of your opponent's Monsters to the Graveyard.

 

My OCG is pretty rusty I think. These are my first cards in a very long time. Rate and comment plz.[/align]

[Lord Smeagle]

Stick it to the man! Boycott this post!

 

Nah, just kidding.

 

7.9/10.

[~Shore]

Any reasoning behind the rating?

[~ P O L A R I S ~]

I don't usually post here nowadays, but neither do you. ;D

 

[spoiler=Shadow Overlord Naios]

 

Name:

 

It's alright, might be a little clichéd though. "I AM THE SHADOW OVERLORD". Also, it's Level 1, so having it be an "Overlord" could be a bit of an issue. Might recommend "Shadow Manipulator Naios".

 

Picture:

 

Hot, but crop out the text at the bottom there. S'unrealistic.

 

Miscellaneous Perfectionist Details:

 

The Set ID prefixes have ALWAYS been 4 characters in any set released in a fairly long while, at least the past 2 years (too lazy to check the exact amount of time), so new cards should probably keep with the trend, just sayin'.

 

Set ID suffixes always contain "EN" followed by three characters these days too. You could use "E" if you want it to be a European edition, but that's rather silly and others could treat it as having missed the "N" if you'd habitually use it and enter contests and such with it, so "EN" followed by 3 digits is a preferable suffix.

 

Balance:

 

It's a nuker which can't be destroyed by battle, which sounds intense at first, but the low stats, Tribute cost, and the reliance on "False Justice" monsters should usually be enough to recompense.

 

If it returned during your own End Phase, it could be a problem as you could just turn any LIGHT monster into a nuke, but because you need LIGHT monsters and "False Justice" monsters to keep the engine running, it should be alright.

 

Might want to think about changing it from a Semi-Nomi to a Nomi. With "This card can only be Special Summoned by", one can actually Special Summon it again from the Graveyard or wherever with other cards so long as they met its original Summoning requirements. This means they can use "Limit Reverse", "Graceful Revival", etc as LIGHT monster nukers, which could start to get a little cheap.

 

By using "This card cannot be Special Summoned except by", it can't be Special Summoned by alternate means even if its original Summoning condition was met.

 

OCG:

 

Fix based on your current effect:

 

This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Special Summoned by Tributing 1 LIGHT monster you control. When this card is Summoned, destroy all LIGHT monsters your opponent controls. While there is a "False Justice" monster on the Field, this card cannot be destroyed by battle. If there are no "False Justice" monsters on the field during your opponent's End Phase, this card is returned to the owner's hand.

 

"one" = "1"

 

Attributes don't have the "m" in "monster" capitalized.

 

"When there is a "False Justice" Monster on the Field" might be better as "While you control a "False Justice" monster" (this would result in only activating for your own "False Justice" monsters, which I might recommend. However, if you'd still like it to work for any "False Justice" monster on the field, yours or your opponent's, use "While there is a "False Justice" monster on the field".

 

Archetypes don't have the "m" in "monster" capitalized, and the "f" in "field" isn't capitalized unless you're mentioning Field Spell Cards.

 

"this card is returned to your hand" = "return this card to the owner's hand"

 

 

[spoiler=False Justice: The Hammer of Oppression]

 

Name:

 

Great name, however, a colon's unorthodox for Archetype and name division, consider using a comma or a hyphen instead.

 

Picture:

 

Background's a little vague and it'd be nice if it showed the monster's full body, but it's fairly suitable.

 

Miscellaneous Perfectionist Details:

 

 

The Set ID prefixes have ALWAYS been 4 characters in any set released in a fairly long while' date=' at least the past 2 years (too lazy to check the exact amount of time), so new cards should probably keep with the trend, just sayin'.

 

Set ID suffixes always contain "EN" followed by three characters these days too. You could use "E" if you want it to be a European edition, but that's rather silly and others could treat it as having missed the "N" if you'd habitually use it and enter contests and such with it, so "EN" followed by 3 digits is a preferable suffix.[/quote']

 

Balance:

 

A Level 4 1900 ATK beatstick with nothing but two costless beneficial effects is pushing it, especially one as potentially crippling as its first. Hard to judge the second as I don't know how hard it'd be to get out a "Corporate Master" monster and maintain it or whether it puts any restriction on "False Justice", but I'd assume that it in of itself would be potentially just as bad as the first if not very worse.

 

Perhaps make the first one "Once per turn, you can change the battle position of 1 face-up LIGHT monster your opponent controls" or something watered down like that, maybe take a leaf from Koa'ki Meiru Beetle's book, who switches LIGHT monsters to Defense Position when they're Special Summoned.

 

The second effect could have to do with lowering opposing monster's stats during the Damage Step only when it or a Corporate Master monster attacks, world's your oyster though, might be a good idea to water both effects down or add some drawbacks though.

 

OCG:

 

Fix based on your current effect:

 

All LIGHT monsters your opponent controls are changed to Defense Position and remain in Defense Position while this card is in face-up Attack Position. Once per turn during your Battle Phase while you control a face-up "Corporate Master" monster, you can send 1 monster your opponent controls to the Graveyard.

 

Referenced "Level Limit - Area B" for OCG on the Defense Position control effect.

 

"During each [_____ Phase]" = "Once per turn during your [_____ Phase]". In this case "Battle Phase".

 

"one" = "1".

 

"monster your opponent controls" is a little more up to date than "opponent's monster".

 

 

 

Just constructive critisayin'.

[~Shore]

Whoops, forgot to change it from "Corporate Master" to "Shadow Overlord"

 

The idea was that they go together- the Shadow Overlord is not particularly powerful because he is the boss, he hides behind the grunt. The Hammer of Oppression strikes the LIGHT monsters down for him, but without his grunt, he is fairly useless except for killing LIGHT monsters which he is also dependent on.

 

Thanks for the criticism, it was really helpful. You really do know your YGO, kinda overwhelming since I think more about concept than practicality, it's good to have that perspective.

[Lord Smeagle]

It's an interesting concept, because they're DARK monsters that require LIGHT monsters. This in turn suggests being run in tandem with Twilight or Chaos builds, so you might want to give your set something that would help Lightsworns or Chaos/Sky Scourge...just a thought.

 

Obviously crop the pic and change the "Corporate Master" to "Shadow Overlord" and I'll raise my rating.

 

On second thought, I won't. I'm witholding my new rating until I see more of your set, because I really do want to see more of it.

[~Shore]

There is no more so far.

 

Also, not a big YGO follower, so I have no idea what Lighsworn or Chaos Scourge are.

[~ P O L A R I S ~]

In Lightsworn's case, you're probably better off not knowing. :P

 

But seriously, they're overpowered luck-based abominations.

[Lord Smeagle]

You don't know Lightsworns? Man, you have been out of it for a while.

 

Lightsworns are the pack leaders in the current meta. All their effects mill your Deck, and they have a boss monster that nukes the entire field, sans itself, for 1000 LP. Seriously, Google or Yugioh Wiki them.

 

Sky Scourge is less known, but they were basically watered-down, legalized versions of Chaos Emperor Dragon and Chaos Sorcerer. You have to remove DARK Fiends and LIGHT Fairies for them.

[~Shore]

I haven't been gone long. I just don't buy YGO cards. I think I just started with the Caius The Shadow Monarch structure deck, and then split this case with a couple decks and a bunch of boosters in it with my Brother, then fused them together, and that's my Deck. I don't take YGO seriously. I bought the cards cuz the game is fun, but I didn't want to get into a spendtremendousmoneyonstuffyoubarelyuse situation like I did with pokeymanz.

[~Shore]

I haven't been gone long. I just don't buy YGO cards. I think I just started with the Caius The Shadow Monarch structure deck, and then split this case with a couple decks and a bunch of boosters in it with my Brother, then fused them together, and that's my Deck. I don't take YGO seriously. I bought the cards cuz the game is fun, but I didn't want to get into a spendtremendousmoneyonstuffyoubarelyuse situation like I did with pokeymanz.

[~Shore]

I haven't been gone long. I just don't buy YGO cards. I think I just started with the Caius The Shadow Monarch structure deck, and then split this case with a couple decks and a bunch of boosters in it with my Brother, then fused them together, and that's my Deck. I don't take YGO seriously. I bought the cards cuz the game is fun, but I didn't want to get into a spendtremendousmoneyonstuffyoubarelyuse situation like I did with pokeymanz.

[~Shore]

I haven't been gone long. I just don't buy YGO cards. I think I just started with the Caius The Shadow Monarch structure deck, and then split this case with a couple decks and a bunch of boosters in it with my Brother, then fused them together, and that's my Deck. I don't take YGO seriously. I bought the cards cuz the game is fun, but I didn't want to get into a spendtremendousmoneyonstuffyoubarelyuse situation like I did with pokeymanz.

[~Shore]

I haven't been gone long. I just don't buy YGO cards. I think I just started with the Caius The Shadow Monarch structure deck, and then split this case with a couple decks and a bunch of boosters in it with my Brother, then fused them together, and that's my Deck. I don't take YGO seriously. I bought the cards cuz the game is fun, but I didn't want to get into a spendtremendousmoneyonstuffyoubarelyuse situation like I did with pokeymanz.