jdag Posted December 14, 2007 Report Share Posted December 14, 2007 i want some help. i an making a book, but i want a few ratings. here it is: The Time Twins PROLOUGE: As Juan and Josanna(the oldest twins in Cannorot county) were going to school, they spotted something in the distance. It was a huge house-shaped object. "What is that?" questioned Juan. "I have no worldly idea," Josanna said. "Let's go find out!" exclaimed Juan. As they walked they noticed there were people inside. It was Jose` their next door neighbor! " What could he be doing way out here?" Juan asked. "I don't know." Josanna said,"Let's go ask him." "Yo! Jose`!" Juan exclaimed. "What's up man. What brings you guys out here?" "Why aren't you at school?" said the twins in perfect harmony. "I thought yesterday was the last day." "Well, you thought wrong," Josanna blurted out. "Well, what's the point in the last day anyway? All we do is run around bein' happy celebrating the fact that tomorrow is when we get to stay home and play video games like halo6. Why not just cut it off early and skip the last day of school, so we can start summer early?" Jose` said. As the twins thought it over, they were also thinking about how he had always come up with the greatest plans that they could think of. I mean heck, he came home with strait A+'s on his report cards. Josanna said, "You know that's actually a pretty bad idea." "Especially for you!" Juan added. "But he still has a good point Juan," Josanna said "Your still as beautiful as ever Josanna," Jose` said. "Let's leave Juan," she said. "Or Jose' and I are going to stop annoying you. Right Jose'?" He asked. "Fine," he said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tallman95 Posted December 14, 2007 Report Share Posted December 14, 2007 Didn't you take this idea to make a book and post it here from me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdag Posted December 15, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2007 half way but nobody i asked would help me so i posted it here:)y did you vote 10 times??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kizzi Posted December 15, 2007 Report Share Posted December 15, 2007 6.5/10. I think you need to lower the speech a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdag Posted December 15, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2007 it is just the rough draft so i think i did pretty good for a rough draft. don't u? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kizzi Posted December 15, 2007 Report Share Posted December 15, 2007 Yep. Don't forget, less speech.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Instinct Posted December 15, 2007 Report Share Posted December 15, 2007 it's pretty good for a draft so far =D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdag Posted December 15, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2007 i would like some help writing this book though.... any ideas?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdag Posted December 2, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 2, 2008 I tossed that book. no one would help me around town and now i have another. i'll post it soon:) sorry for double posting:( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
..:Grimmjow:.. Posted December 2, 2008 Report Share Posted December 2, 2008 Nice 7/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pikachu Posted December 3, 2008 Report Share Posted December 3, 2008 My GOD, hello ancient thread, welcome to the present.The story has too many conversations, intros need more description and introducing the scene Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Megaworm Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 tl;dr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 Too much speech for a rough draft. I'll give it 7 out of 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodrun Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 Prolouges usually have very little conversations between characters, and a more narrative epilogue, to help give the meaning of the book across. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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