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The joke thread "Post your jokes here"

Aniri Wulf

By Aniri Wulf
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Aniri Wulf Newbie

Aniri Wulf

Posted
Posted

[spoiler=info]If this has been made, please send a link and lock. also, please move if in wrong section. All you do is tell your jokes of all kinds (yo mama, knock-knock, or any other)

 

 

[spoiler=Example]Say "I'm a man" after every sentence I say

You go to the store "I'm a man"

You buy a skateboard "I'm a man"

You see a girl "I'm a man"

You take her home "I'm a man"

You have sex with her "I'm a man"

Then she whispers in your ear "I'm a man"

 

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Twig Newbie

Twig

Posted
Posted

So' date=' there's a man crawling through the desert...

[/quote']

 

Super long joke is super long.

 

 

[spoiler=Laugh]

So it was Christmas and all the students were giving the teacher gifts. While the kids were in recess, the teacher opened a box. When the kids when back in, the teacher went to the kid that gave her the present.

Teacher: Thanks for the chocolate.

Kid: Are you talking to me? I didn't give you chocolate.

Teacher: Then what did you give me?

Kid: I gave you a bunny!

 

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Eury Newbie

Eury

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Posted

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!

 

The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.

 

The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day.

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Twin Seed Newbie

Twin Seed

Posted
Posted

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing' date=' decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!

 

The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.

 

The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day.

[/quote']

LMAO Lol, cwatididthar?

 

Lemme think........this is all I got:

Your mama's so dumb, she has to put make up on her head to make up her mind :/

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Blazer Newbie

Blazer

Posted
Posted

These are some kids jokes I got from a website.

 

 

 

 

 

Why did tigger look in the toilet?

[spoiler=Answer]He was looking for pooh

 

 

Why is a mathbook useless?

[spoiler=Answer]It has a ton of problems

 

 

When is a baby good at basketball?

[spoiler=Answer]When it dribbles

 

A black guy and a Jew are walking down the street' date=' when a white girl walks by.

 

The black guy says, "Let's knock her down and screw her!"

 

The Jew says, "Out of What?"

[/quote']

Lol :lol:

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bakupenguin Newbie

bakupenguin

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Posted

lol [spoiler=teacher joke]there was a teacher who taught that it was impossible for Jonah to be swallowed by a whale because the mouth was too small. a little girl said "yu-huh! ill ask him when i go to heaven!" "what if Jonah went to hell?" the teacher asked. the girl responded "then you ask him"

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Aniri Wulf Newbie

Aniri Wulf

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LMAO wow...

 

Three guys are hunting in the woods. One with brown hair, one with black hair, and a blond.

The brown hair leaves and comes back with a deer "I followed the tracks, I saw the creature, and BAM, I shot it" Then the black hair leaves, and comes back with a bear. "I followed the tracks, I saw the creature, and BAM, I shot it." So then the blond leaves and comes back looking like he got mauled. The brown and black hair ask "How did that happen?" He replies "I followed the tracks, I saw the creature, and BAM, I got hit by a train"

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Snitch Newbie

Snitch

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Posted

[spoiler=PG-13?]Three pregnant women are sitting at McDonalds. Since none of them know the genders, they're all discussing this.

 

"Well," says the first women, thinking. "I was on the top during it, so...it should be a boy, right?"

 

The second women nods. "Well I was on the bottom, so it'll be a girl!" She looked incredibly pleased, when suddenly the third women bursts into tears. After twenty minutes of calming her down from this sudden outburst, the first women goes, "What was wrong?"

 

And she starts crying again, exclaiming: "I'm going to have puppies!"

 

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Lord.Alucard. Newbie

Lord.Alucard.

Posted
Posted

[spoiler=PG-13?]Three pregnant women are sitting at McDonalds. Since none of them know the genders' date=' they're all discussing this.

 

"Well," says the first women, thinking. "I was on the top during it, so...it should be a boy, right?"

 

The second women nods. "Well I was on the bottom, so it'll be a girl!" She looked incredibly pleased, when suddenly the third women bursts into tears. After twenty minutes of calming her down from this sudden outburst, the first women goes, "What was wrong?"

 

And she starts crying again, exclaiming: "I'm going to have puppies!"

 

[/quote']

 

ROFLMFAO!!!!!

I loled so damn hard at that one.

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Niño Newbie

Niño

Posted
Posted

[spoiler=You will laugh or at least smile at this joke]

Three men are trapped on an Island and some armed Nomads come along and say "we will let you go, but only if you can only bring back 10 fruits" the first man comes back with 10 apples smiling they say "you can go, only if you shove them up your ass without making a sound, if you do, we will kill you" this being his only option he accepts, he gets to two and he yells out in pain, so they kill him, the next man comes along with 10 grapes they set the terms and he accepts, he gets to nine and then he laughs... when he got to heaven the first man asked "why did you laugh they were only grapes?" the second man replied "yeah, but I saw the next guy come along with 10 pineapples".

 

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Zorc: The Dark One Newbie

Zorc: The Dark One

Posted
Posted

[spoiler=info]If this has been made' date=' please send a link and lock. also, please move if in wrong section. All you do is tell your jokes of all kinds (yo mama, knock-knock, or any other)

 

 

[spoiler=Example']Say "I'm a man" after every sentence I say

You go to the store "I'm a man"

You buy a skateboard "I'm a man"

You see a girl "I'm a man"

You take her home "I'm a man"

You have sex with her "I'm a man"

Then she whispers in your ear "I'm a man"

 

 

I lol'd

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Silent Omega Newbie

Silent Omega

Posted
Posted

[spoiler=Don't bother clicking]So two men are at a bar...

 

The first man says, "Hey, I'm going to be like Hitler and kill all the jews and one clown."

 

The second man replies, "Why one clown?"

 

The first man replies, "See! Nobody ever cares about the jews!"

 

 

Eh, a man was drowning in the ocean.

 

A boat comes to him and the man inside shouts, "Quick! Get on!"

 

The man replies, "No! God's going to save me!"

 

A 2nd boat comes and the man inside shouts, "Quick! Get on!"

 

The man replies, "No! God's going to save me!"

 

A 3rd boat comes and the man inside shouts, "Quick! Get on!"

 

The man replies, "No! God's going to save me!"

 

Finally, the man dies and goes to heaven.

 

He asks God, "Why didn't you save me?"

 

And God replies, "I sent you three boats, didn't I?"

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Pikachu Newbie

Pikachu

Posted
Posted

[spoiler=Lulz]

So an American, Australian and Chinese were heading to the newly-opened fusion restaurant to try out the new food. The waiter at the entrance counter showed them to one of the beautiful window seats. Another waiter gave each of the men a nicely-designed menu. Each of them read the menu and ordered the food they usually ate. The food arrived faster than expected. But the Australian's food did not arrive yet.

 

The American had a large Double Cheeseburger with Fries in front of him. To the other two men's surprise, he chucked the whole plate out of the window. "What are you doing?" Asked the Chinese man. "I'm getting bored of the stuff from my country.", he replied.

 

The Chinese man had a bowl of noodles with pork. Yet again, the Chinese man threw the whole bowl of noodles out of the window. "Why did you do that?" asked the Australian. "I'm getting bored of the stuff from my country.", he replied.

 

The Australian, unexpectedly, grabbed the Chinese man's shirt and launched him out of the window. Everyone in the restaurant was shocked and asked "Why did you chuck him out?".

 

""I'm getting bored of the stuff from my country.", he replied.

 

 

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:^) Newbie

:^)

Posted
Posted

[spoiler=Lulz]

So an American' date=' Australian and Chinese were heading to the newly-opened fusion restaurant to try out the new food. The waiter at the entrance counter showed them to one of the beautiful window seats. Another waiter gave each of the men a nicely-designed menu. Each of them read the menu and ordered the food they usually ate. The food arrived faster than expected. But the Australian's food did not arrive yet.

 

The American had a large Double Cheeseburger with Fries in front of him. To the other two men's surprise, he chucked the whole plate out of the window. "What are you doing?" Asked the Chinese man. "I'm getting bored of the stuff from my country.", he replied.

 

The Chinese man had a bowl of noodles with pork. Yet again, the Chinese man threw the whole bowl of noodles out of the window. "Why did you do that?" asked the Australian. "I'm getting bored of the stuff from my country.", he replied.

 

The Australian, unexpectedly, grabbed the Chinese man's shirt and launched him out of the window. Everyone in the restaurant was shocked and asked "Why did you chuck him out?".

 

""I'm getting bored of the stuff from my country.", he replied.

 

 

[/quote']

 

So true.

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