Something i wrote...

[£>-ShådøwBøx-<3]

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Story: Theres Not Enough Time in the World

Its Tuesday, two hours until i get to go home to my lovely wife Lillian.

But till then, i have to focus on the case of a bunch of damn teenage bank thieve geniuses. They called themselves the "Psycho Suits" why such a name? I have no freaking idea. I ruffle through a stack of papers on my desk, i find the "Psycho Suits'" IDs in a portfolio, their names are John Clubs, Edgar Spades, Micheal Diamond, and Rex Hearts. Ha, now i know why the "Psycho Suits." I walk over to my assistants Lilith's desk and ask her to run scans on the Psycho Suit's home adresses and phone number. Her fingers were rapid while typing and she liked to call herself 'Otaku'. Lillith finally finished running the scans, with a deep shame in her voice she says, "Sir, i tried everything, but these kids are just to smart the phone numbers bounce off so many lines its impossible to keep up." I slam the desk, "DAMN!!" i quickly feel ashamed and say, " Sorry Lilith, i didn't mean to snap like that..." She quickly responds, "No sir i get it, i would be that frustrated to if i had worked on these little rascals for weeks and nothing had lead up to their capture." I walk out the room slowly, and as i cross the threshold of the door i say, "You think i'll ever put these kids where they belong?" She says, "Sir, i don't think, i KNOW you will...

 

Im so self-centered, so i like feedback!!! :D:D:D:D:D[/align]

[Niño]

Ehh, you switch between first and second person a lot, the language is using too much slang, even in stories where it's set in an old Cockney England sort of place they use complete English with a few letters missing perhaps, e.g. "I 'adent..." but other then that, it was a nice plot line, good work, but this really should be in Fan Fic bud. ;D

 

Oh and, wall of text is a wall of text, get my hint.. ;D