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Icyblue Saga

Raylen

By Raylen
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Raylen Newbie

Raylen

Posted
Posted

My attempt at epic poetry. Please do not take offense.

 

[spoiler= Part 1]

Icy, Icy, the dark horn calls,

Icy, Icy, past the falls.

Icy, Icy, run your ground,

Icy, Icy, by that you are bound.

 

Take your run, take your wings,

the gifts of all - the gifts of kings.

Four devils, four leaders, one must face,

your opponents, a devil's race.

 

Icy, Icy, a night yet falls,

Icy, Icy, hold your ground.

Icy, Icy, a dark horn calls,

Icy, Icy, by that you are bound.

 

A trek up the hills, up the mountains,

up, the hills, to the eternal fountain.

Lies the first - angel's race,

a devil's ace.

 

Icy, Icy, take your spirit,

Icy, Icy, take your time.

 

 

[spoiler= Part 2]

 

Take your place, Icy,

Prepare your arms.

Ready your self, ready your mind,

The sword, the shield, all refined.

 

Icy, Icy, trek up the mountain,

Icy, Icy, trek up the hill.

Above the hill there is the deed,

Only one, Icy, can fulfill.

 

Their lies an arcane witch,

Magic, spells, and galore.

From the snds of time, enriched.

The first one among the four.

 

Icy, Icy, trek up the mountain,

Icy, Icy trek up the hill.

Icy, Icy, take your arms,

Icy, Icy, be prepared.

 

 

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Dark Newbie

Dark

Posted
Posted

Doesn't sound like it was about Icyblue.

 

Otherwise I'd recommend you work with TAoHtS. +1 if you know what that is.

 

Ehh... sounded a little werid when I sang it out loud. Second stanza is best, imo.

 

like the alliteration

 

o_O

 

I'm not one to nitpick this much, but duuuude. There wasn't a single alliteration in that.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alliteration

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Brushfire Newbie

Brushfire

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Otherwise I'd recommend you work with TAoHtS. +1 if you know what that is.

 

I'm not one to nitpick this much' date=' but duuuude. There wasn't a single alliteration in that.

[/quote']

 

Lol, Huntar.

 

And repetition right after the previous word can count as alliteration. "Icy Icy" is still alliteration.

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Marly Newbie

Marly

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I thought it was wonderful. I loved your choice of vocabulary and the way it sounded, especially stanzas 2 and 4. Personally, I would've switched lines 2 and 3 of Stanza 3, but the way you have it now also makes it come together well, it's just a matter of preference, I guess.

 

Keep it up~

 

Otherwise I'd recommend you work with TAoHtS. +1 if you know what that is.

 

I'm not one to nitpick this much' date=' but duuuude. There wasn't a single alliteration in that.

[/quote']

 

Lol, Huntar.

 

And repetition right after the previous word can count as alliteration. "Icy Icy" is still alliteration.

 

I think what you're referring to is an Anaphora. But I suppose those can still be classified as Alliterations, although I'm not completely sure.

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Brushfire Newbie

Brushfire

Posted
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Otherwise I'd recommend you work with TAoHtS. +1 if you know what that is.

 

I'm not one to nitpick this much' date=' but duuuude. There wasn't a single alliteration in that.

[/quote']

 

Lol, Huntar.

 

And repetition right after the previous word can count as alliteration. "Icy Icy" is still alliteration.

 

I think what you're referring to is an Anaphora. But I suppose those can still be classified as Alliterations, although I'm not completely sure.

 

Yeah, you're right.

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Raylen Newbie

Raylen

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It's good' date=' but writing poems about people on the internet is REALLY lame, no offence.

[/quote']

 

Who are these "devils" and "leaders" exactly? I think we're going a bit far to call anyone whose ever opposed Icy on any issue ever part of a "devil's race". =/

 

Actually, I was writing this for a project.

 

Icy was just a character I made loosely based on Icyblue here.

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Mysterium Tremendum Newbie

Mysterium Tremendum

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Part 1 -

Your Rhyme Scheme changes:

First 2 Stanzas: AABB

Next: ABAB

And then you change it back, I think the rhyme scheme needs to be the same, but I'm not sure, learning poetry now and haven't really asked about that.

 

you make very good use of anaphora: Icy, Icy

 

Part 2 -

The 3rd Stanza has a good rhyme scheme, ABAB. The rest is free verse. Very good but I think you should play to your rhyme scheme more.

 

Very good, there are probably more elements but I don't have time right now to read over more and pick them out.

 

Note: The capital letters refer to the words that rhyme at the end of each line.

If its ABAB, that means the As rhyme with each other and the Bs to each other.

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RiffMaster Alex Newbie

RiffMaster Alex

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It's good' date=' but writing poems about people on the internet is REALLY lame, no offence.

[/quote']

 

Who are these "devils" and "leaders" exactly? I think we're going a bit far to call anyone whose ever opposed Icy on any issue ever part of a "devil's race". =/

 

Actually' date=' I was writing this for a project.

 

Icy was just a character I made loosely based on Icyblue here.

[/quote']

Oh okay. It is a nice poem though, keep up the good work!

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