For once, I'm jumping on the bandwagon.

[Infinitus]

I'm making a poem. Hurray for repetitive trends.

 

In a long forsaken land, void of life,

What remains is but a Joshua Tree.

A survivor of the struggle and strife,

It bends to none, while the beasts must concede.

 

Perilious dangers of earth, wind, and fire,

This tree has lived unscathed, and without wound.

This tree does not give in, nor break or tire,

but the animals, had to yield quite soon.

 

The birds burned, when the flames came to ignite.

The critters fled, when the ground had shaken.

Things got worse, when the clouds had blocked the light.

The place was a home for those forsaken.

 

The Tree stood, but the animals had toiled.

The fallen beasts' blood, it used for beverage.

The remnants of the dead became it's soil.

The brave tree stood on ambitions pillaged.

 

It did not burn by the pain of the fire.

It did not quake at the shaken ground.

It did not break when the wind began to tire.

The tree stood, when life could not be found.

 

This is the tale of a great survivor.

One that would never bend, break, burn, or flee.

It did not die, when death had conspired,

Against the will of a Joshua Tree.

 

FYI: I don't believe you necessarily need words that make you sound smart to make a good poem. However, it does help, I do admit.

 

Rate, comment, and I'm sure many will hate, so go ahead. Also, I'd appreciate if you guys could point out any mistakes.

[~ P O L A R I S ~]

I'm pretty sure this is last year's bandwagon.

[Lyfe.]

I'm pretty sure this was the stupidest bandwagon ever.

 

It's like hopping into a car full of smelly hobos. Why would you do it?

 

Although it isn't as bad as the FSJAL trend...*shivers*

[Dark]

lawljoshuatree <_<

 

You started repeating words, which made it sound repetitive and a tad boring.

 

The birds burned, when the fire came to ignite.

The beasts fled, when the ground had shaken.

Things got worse, when the clouds had blocked the light.

All life became barren, and the land was forsaken.

 

2nd line is a bit out-of-tune. Sing it out loud and you'll see what I mean. Not entirely sure, but check your syllable count between lines 2 and 4.

 

Overall, it was okay. Some minor improvements here and there (and the removal of 'Joshua Tree', as that just ruined the feel of the poem) would have helped.

[Infinitus]

@Dark: I looked at that line, and I realized number 2 was only 9 syllables, and number 4 was over 10.

 

OH SHI-

 

Also, other than Joshua Tree, which words were repeated? Also, a Joshua Tree is a tree that was blown by the wind so often when it was growing as a sapling, that it grew in a bent manner. It is known as a symbol of resilience.

 

Also, I've noticed about 5 or 6 new poem threads. So, I think another bandwagon is coming.

 

EDIT: Lines 2 and 4 of stanza 3 were fixed.

[Dark]

Actually, I always thought (or at least when I grew out of my noob stage) that poetry on YCM was complete and utter bullshit. So I made a lulz poem to mock it. Turns out it was half-decent. So I made a lulz thread, which is still mocking it. I'm like Frunk. ^_____^

 

And the thought of a Joshua Tree... uhh... yeah.

[Infinitus]

Actually' date=' I always thought (or at least when I grew out of my noob stage) that poetry on YCM was complete and utter bullshit. So I made a lulz poem to mock it. Turns out it was half-decent. So I made a lulz thread, which is still mocking it. I'm like Frunk. ^_____^

 

And the thought of a [b']Joshua[/b] Tree... uhh... yeah.

 

You're pissed because Joshua is a religious figure?

[Dark]

Actually' date=' I always thought (or at least when I grew out of my noob stage) that poetry on YCM was complete and utter bullshit. So I made a lulz poem to mock it. Turns out it was half-decent. So I made a lulz thread, which is still mocking it. I'm like Frunk. ^_____^

 

And the thought of a [b']Joshua[/b] Tree... uhh... yeah.

 

You're pissed because Joshua is a religious figure?

 

lolwut

 

I could swear you were referring to Icyblue, as his name is Joshua. I was thinking you had a bit of an obsession problem. :3

 

I guess it's mostly 'cause you are using a name in a poem, and IMO, it doesn't give it a poetic feel. More like a story when you use names.

[Infinitus]

Actually' date=' I always thought (or at least when I grew out of my noob stage) that poetry on YCM was complete and utter bullshit. So I made a lulz poem to mock it. Turns out it was half-decent. So I made a lulz thread, which is still mocking it. I'm like Frunk. ^_____^

 

And the thought of a [b']Joshua[/b] Tree... uhh... yeah.

 

You're pissed because Joshua is a religious figure?

 

lolwut

 

I could swear you were referring to Icyblue, as his name is Joshua. I was thinking you had a bit of an obsession problem. :3

 

I guess it's mostly 'cause you are using a name in a poem, and IMO, it doesn't give it a poetic feel. More like a story when you use names.

 

A Joshua Tree is an actual type of tree. It's a bent tree, because it grew up in wind.

 

I stated that, didn't I?

[Dark]

This is exactly why my future career does not include botany. ^_____^

[Infinitus]

I suppose. Perhaps mathematics would probably best suited to your department.

 

So, what were the words that you said were repeated?

[Dark]

Fire and flee stuck out to me the most when I read it through again.

[Infinitus]

Fire and flee stuck out to me the most when I read it through again.

 

Should I change fire to, say, flames?

 

I could change the first flee to concede. 1st stanza, line #4?

[Dark]

Not my poem. Repitition is sometimes good, but I doubt your song is based around Fire and Flames (that was not an odd reference).

[Infinitus]

Not my poem. Repitition is sometimes good' date=' but I doubt your song is based around Fire and Flames (that was [i']not[/i] an odd reference).

 

I know, but Earth, Wind, and Fire are important to the poem, because they were what destroyed the land. (I'll call your song reference, and raise you a band reference.)

[Infinitus]

Bump