KH and TOUHOU crossover PROLOGUE UP

[Jord200]

Prologue

 

It was late one night when a scream echoed threw The Castle That Never Was. It was Xemnas.

"Everyone wake up for an emergancy meeting!" yelled Saix. "This BETTER be important." snarled Larxene. "How am I supposed to be focused during gambling when I'm up at 2 am?!" complained Luxord. "How am I supposed to practice my Sitar if I'm sleepy?" said Demyx. "Enough. We have a problem. Lord Xemnas has been kidnapped." said Saix. "Thats a good one Saix!" laughed Xigbar. "You woke us up just to tell us Mansex got kidnapped?!" roared Larxene in rage.

 

"This is no joke." replyed Saix sternly. "He's right." came a voice. A white robed figure appeared. He carried a Halberd and had a mask with strange symbols on it. "I am the one who kidnapped Xemnas." said the figure. "Where is lord Xemnas?!" howled Saix. "Great. He's gone beserk, and I've memorized the kind of damage he'll cause." said Axel. Right when Saix was about to make contact with the figure he vanished. "What just happened?" asked Roxas. "I don't know, but I don't need to know to win!" said Xigbar. The figure then made Xigbar vanish as well.

 

One by one the Nobodies vanished in thin air, until one was left. "Brainless men. I'll handle this!" said Larxene. "Time for you to go on a trip as well." said the figure. "Wh-whats happening? What are you doing to me you freak?!" yelled Larxene. Larxene blacked out and layed unconsious. Then a blonde girl in a white and blue sailor outfit approached Larxene.

[Spirit of DMG]

...kinda fast-paced. Then again, you stated it was prologue, so. I'd work on extending the actual chapters a little. Give those of us who have no idea who these people are a little more info on what they look like

[Jord200]

Thanks. It was my goal that this would go better than my last fan fic. You have word that the chapters will be nice and long.

[Guest Merciful Idiot]

Seeing as Larxene said 'Mansex', I'll assume this the crossover between KH Abridged and Touhou.

 

Give each speech a new line, that is unless, the person speaking simply continues after 'Bob Said'. Don't just do:

"Oh gawd, Xemnas has been kidnapped!" yelled Saix. "That's a good one!" laughed Xigbar. "No, it's true!" said a white figure who came from the shadows. "I am your fath-errrr....I kidnapped Xemnas!"

 

It makes it all odd. And can you describe a bit? So every single Organization member sleeps in one room? And right after Xemnas's scream, Saix knows it's Xemnas and tells everyone to wake up?

 

I've played 358/2 days and I know that each member has their own room. Could you at least describe a little bit more?