DARKPLANT RISING Posted June 9, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 9, 2010 Made chapters 3~5, and edited 1 and 2. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stigma_Horrizone Posted June 9, 2010 Report Share Posted June 9, 2010 cool!! I've just done reading chapter 3 and it's awsome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted June 10, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2010 thx ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted June 11, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2010 bumped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted June 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 12, 2010 bumped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted June 13, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2010 Is it too long for people...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted June 15, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 15, 2010 Bumped. Why doesn't anyone read this? Is it too long to waste time on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted June 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 16, 2010 Seriously, guyz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted June 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2010 Everyone... *sob sob* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dream Posted June 23, 2010 Report Share Posted June 23, 2010 I like it, in parts, but sections are confusing. I hope to see more chapters soonish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted June 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 23, 2010 I like it' date=' in parts, but sections are confusing. I hope to see more chapters soonish.[/quote'] thx ^^ Could you tell me which sections? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eibon1307 Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 Its not to long Kenta. People just love to be looky-loos and not say much. I am reading it but it will take me some time because I am only on between job hunting and I have to share an internet cord with an Xbox live/PSN addict who never asks for the cord and just takes it even if your using it. Once I am done i'll post my comments. I'm hoping to read most of it Sunday so I shouldnt take long to finish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ichigo Kurasaki Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 not bad dude i must say this is very well written with a good plot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ichigo Kurasaki Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 not bad dude i must say this is very well written with a good plot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted June 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 thx ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted June 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 thx ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ichigo Kurasaki Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 no problem,btw send me a pm if you want to know a secret Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ichigo Kurasaki Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 no problem,btw send me a pm if you want to know a secret Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 Ooh, pretty awesome concept-wise. Can't quite figure out the protagonist, though. Is he Harry Potter-ish, or Nanoha-ish, or just a loser...? Anyway, the trouble with first-person is that it means the whole story has to be told in the protagonist's voice. The very first paragraph has this problem: The world was angered.Lightning crackled across the skies, flashing out the wasteland that was my domination. Rain battered my chamber’s drenched windows, pouring down as through wet, invisible hands were sliding down it.Me, as I read: Neat, an epic. Last sentence structure is kinda awkward, but...Now, if there was a computer I could surf the net on, or something entertaining like that, it would be good in a rainy day like this. Unfortunately, there is nothing like that in this castle, which is pretty awkward as I’m the third in command government official of the Dark Lord Empire that covers 40% or more of the world, someone who should have enough riches to buy a single bloody Computer.lolwutI thought this was an epic! That sort of alternation between Lemony snark and epic description shows up throughout the whole rest of the story, and the transitions are really awkward. Incidentally, the above has another pervading problem that shows up throughout the story — tangential, run-on sentences. Specificially, that last sentence.Unfortunately' date=' there is nothing like that in this castle, which is pretty awkward as I’m the third in command government official of the Dark Lord Empire that covers 40% or more of the world, someone who should have enough riches to buy a single bloody Computer.[/quote']Unfortunately' date=' there is nothing like that in this castle, which is pretty awkward, as I’m the third in command of the Dark Lord Empire that covers 40% of the world. There should be someone in this empire who should have enough riches to buy a single bloody computer.[/quote']There's some redundant words in there I took out, but you get the idea. But it reminds me a bit of a Magical Girlfriend series, except it's Magical Evil Emperor's Left Hand instead of Magical Girlfriend. Kenta's much, much more unlucky, too. But where does Kenta live? The dichotomy between the name Kenta and Das Pleto doesn't really make sense if they all live in the same empire. Oh, and plz rview mah fic plz. pretty plz? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted June 28, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2010 Thx for the long comment ^^ Well, I'm Jap, my grammer and order of words isn't something I can call good (though I do try my best). Sorry on that one.... As for the name Kenta, he lives in a different place from Das Pleto. The Republic was invaded by the Empire, and Kenta's from the Republic. Both nations are resemblants of the current ones, something coming later. Anyways, I'll look. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted June 29, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2010 bumped Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted June 30, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 30, 2010 bumped yet again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted July 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2010 bumped again ...What, no one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted July 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2010 bumped again ...What, no one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted July 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2010 bumped again ...What, no one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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