My first card: please comment.

[JayhawkFan]

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[senatheEND]

Umm that sucks XD what happens when they ram this card with a weaker monster(2500 will work) xD and it gets removed and you take damage xD

 

3000-2500=500

card gets RFG'ed

you take 1500

WIN for your opponent

[JayhawkFan]

:P

Umm that sucks XD what happens when they ram this card with a weaker monster(2500 will work) xD and it gets removed and you take damage xD

 

3000-2500=500

card gets RFG'ed

you take 1500

WIN for your opponent

 

That was the point. I was later going to create a card that cancled out that part of the effect. I just wanted to get my first card out there.

 

How about something like this:

[/img]

[touzaikokon]

Welcome to the forum! A couple of things to note:

 

1. You've got too many tags around your picture. When you get the images from the card maker, it already has them for you, so there's no need to add more.

 

2. Typically, people post effects below the card, so it's easier to read. This is optional if you don't have a lot of text, but the most preferred option by members.

 

 

Alright, let's get to rating your card...and remember: I rate harshly, but I will cut you some slack.

 

Effect: It's interesting, but a bit under-powered. Unless the card Summons itself or something, the effect isn't very helpful. And senatheEND made a good point by saying that it can get rammed to remove it from play and inflict damage. You could change the effect so that the turn player takes the damage, or so that it only blows up when you inflict direct damage...and maybe something to help this card summon itself, too. (1.5 points)

 

Grammar: Alright. So, on YCM, we have what's called "Official Card Grammar." This basically makes your text look all nice and...well, official. There's an OCG/Grammar thread on the forum, (search it), that should help you out going forward.

 

Here's your card lore with grammar fixes:

"This card may attack your opponent's Life Points directly. When this card inflicts Battle Damage to your opponent, remove it from play and take damage equal to half of this card's original ATK."

 

Short, simple fixes, the main thing is that you need to capitalize the proper words and consolidate a few phrases. (2 points)

 

Style: It looks okay, but the picture needs more cropping, IMO. Everything else seems more or less in order. (2.5 points)

 

 

Overall: 6/10