God GAK Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 The Disappearance of SabinaThe Disappearance of Sabina Once upon a time, there was a kid. His name was George. George really loved animals, but he never had the chance to have one. Christmas was approaching and George knew what he would ask their parents to buy him. A cat! The days were passing and George was getting more and more upset each day. Finally, after 1 week, Christmas was there! By the time George woke up, he rushed into his parents’ bedroom asking them for a cat. Once they heard about that they looked at each other astonished probably thinking: “Our son wants a cat? No way.” They answered him that they could not buy a cat because a cat needs to be cared after many times a day. In addition, they told him that they are very busy and that they would not be able to take care of her. George was sad by those words but he answered sobbing that since it was Christmas they could make an exception. His parents were moved, because they saw how desperately he wanted a cat. So it happened. After lunch they went to the nearest Pet Shop to buy a cat. There were many cats in there. Black, blond, in many colors. As George was looking around, his eye fell on a lonely grey cat. She seemed kind of sad because she was ugly and nobody wanted to buy her. He looked at her and told himself “I am going to take this one. She surely needs somebody to look after her.” He quickly ran towards his father and took him close to that cat. His father complained that she was not a beautiful cat at all. George told him that he doesn’t care if it is beautiful or not. He just wanted to have one and that is the one he liked. When they went home George was very happy that he had his own pet. He would look at it all the time without doing anything else. He told his parents that they should give her a name. The name is one of the hardest choices to make because that is how you are going to call the animal for its whole lifetime. They thought of many names like Lora, Scarlet and many more, but they ended up with a name George thought of. Sabina. They all thought it was a beautiful name. The days were passing and George was having a great time with Sabina. He was caressing her all the time and she was purring. After a few weeks, George and his family moved. During the movement, George realized that Sabina was missing. They were shocked. They could not believe that their precious and one of a kind cat had disappeared. They were searching the whole neighborhood but there was no sign from Sabina. George was so sad that he could not sleep. When he woke up he started searching for her again. He had actually “scanned” every alley around the house. He and his family were in such a difficult situation that they put posts all over the neighborhood with a big money reward. George was wandering if he would ever find his beloved cat again. At the end of the following day the packets were sorted and the house got finally organized. The family had dinner and they were all very sad when a strange noise came from a drawer. With small and hesitate movements Sabina slowly sneaked in to everybody’s delight. George hugged Sabina and everybody was very enthusiastic. George was pleased that Sabina was back and thanked God for letting him see her again. His parents were very happy as well, and they promised George to take care of the cat all the time. Please rate. That one took me forever. I worked really hard on this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyber Altair Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 nice. 10/10 how much your teacher gave you. and is it really a true story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daxinator Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 well sound like a little kid story but 9.5/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyKev Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 well its nice but it could use seperate paragraphs 9.5/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tehodis Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 What grade are you in? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 It seem shortand you said its real but it begins with Once upon a time and thats like a fairy tale.Its alright. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tkill93 Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 I'll give you a B- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slash Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 That's good 9/10 :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
God GAK Posted January 2, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 What grade are you in? Well' date=' i am 12 years old, but i'm not sure what grade i am in the american form. I am in the first year at high school. nice. 10/10 how much your teacher gave you. and is it really a true story. The story was meant to be given after the holidays. And it is a true story that my mom told me about 3 days ago. I just added some more things i thought of to make it more interesting well its nice but it could use seperate paragraphs 9.5/10 When i wrote it in MS Word it had paragraphs. I couldn't do it with paragraphs in YCM I'll give you a B- Why only B-? That's good 9/10 :D Thanks dude. It seem shortand you said its real but it begins with Once upon a time and thats like a fairy tale.Its alright. Dude, it is not that short. It was meant to be at least 200 words and i made it 650. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tkill93 Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Some structure problems. Your not indenting, and not enough good supporting sentences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
God GAK Posted January 2, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Indenting means what? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tkill93 Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Space before the first word of each paragraph. Like this and only at the beggining of each paragraph Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
God GAK Posted January 2, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Well, when i wrote this in word it was like this. When i pasted it here there spaces weren't there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodrun Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 hmm well it would be even better if it had a moral to it, or a lesson, and some of your sentences were very repetative, meaning you just said the same thing, just in different words, hmm, but i do like the story, and i do believe it would make a great child story, you just have to add a moral to it, or a lesson, or maybe even add something like, during the time she was lost, she had kittens or something, it feels to me like its missing something lol9/10 =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
God GAK Posted January 3, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 3, 2008 Thanks for the full review blood. I gotta add a lesson to it. you are right. i will add something more to the story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodrun Posted January 3, 2008 Report Share Posted January 3, 2008 Thanks for the full review blood. I gotta add a lesson to it. you are right. i will add something more to the story lol your welcomeif you do a little correction with the wording like i mentioned, if this is for a gradeyou would get a really good grade lol =) plus teachers like it when you throw morals standards and hoopla like thati like to make my teachers have brain farts, lol it completely destroys their arguements in class :lol: =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
God GAK Posted January 3, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 3, 2008 Thanks for the full review blood. I gotta add a lesson to it. you are right. i will add something more to the story lol your welcomeif you do a little correction with the wording like i mentioned' date=' if this is for a gradeyou would get a really good grade lol =) plus teachers like it when you throw morals standards and hoopla like thati like to make my teachers have brain farts, lol it completely destroys their arguements in class :lol: =)[/quote'] OK and thanks again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RestLess-BoTics Posted January 3, 2008 Report Share Posted January 3, 2008 I like it! B+. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITI3L33 Posted January 6, 2008 Report Share Posted January 6, 2008 It is good. 9/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwhale Posted January 6, 2008 Report Share Posted January 6, 2008 Nice Story =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodrun Posted January 7, 2008 Report Share Posted January 7, 2008 Thanks for the full review blood. I gotta add a lesson to it. you are right. i will add something more to the story lol your welcomeif you do a little correction with the wording like i mentioned' date=' if this is for a gradeyou would get a really good grade lol =) plus teachers like it when you throw morals standards and hoopla like thati like to make my teachers have brain farts, lol it completely destroys their arguements in class :lol: =)[/quote'] OK and thanks again just a reminderthe competitionproject #1he been postedi suggest you check the threadwe have until wednesday >.< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glorious eXcess Posted January 7, 2008 Report Share Posted January 7, 2008 dude, if youre 12 and in High School, youre like a genius Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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