My newest card, Rate plz

[mega96pain]

This is my newest card

Then this card is normal summond, you can bring up too 3 level 4 or less fire attribute monsters from your graveyard into your hand. When this card attacks a defence postion monster it is automaticallt destroyed. This card cannot be equiped with any spell cards. When a water attribute monster is in play he losese 500 ATK and DEF points

[Toot]

bad ocg

the pic is a little blurry

6.5/10

[hyaku_hachi]

@Toot, if would be more helpful if you actually explained more of your comments, he/she is new and can't get better if they don't know what they did wrong.

 

Back on topic I'll try to fix this best I can (I am still kind of bad at OCG myself)

Your lore:Then this card is normal summond, you can bring up too 3 level 4 or less fire attribute monsters from your graveyard into your hand. When this card attacks a defence postion monster it is automaticallt destroyed. This card cannot be equiped with any spell cards. When a water attribute monster is in play he losese 500 ATK and DEF points

 

My changes: When this card is normal summoned, you can bring up to 3(considering lowering right now it is OP-overpowered) level 4 or lower fire-attributed monsters from your graveyard to your hand. If this card attacks a face-up Defense Position monster, destroy the monster with this card's effect without applying damage calculation.(From Ninja Grandmaster Sasuke's effect.) This card cannot be the target of an equip Spell card.(Not sure if this is right.) When a water-attributed monster in on the field, decrease the ATK and DEF of this card by 500.

[Toot]

lol yeah thats true

i'll start doing that now

[Hollow Ichigo!]

Oooh lets see

[spoiler=]

Then this card is normal summoned, you can bring up too 3 level 4 or lower fire attribute monsters from your graveyard to your hand. When this card attacks a defence postion monster it is automatically destroyed. This card cannot be equiped with any spell cards. When a water attribute monster is in play It loses 500 ATK and DEF points.

 

Thats just some of the errors its also kinda oped

 

 

[Esplin 9466 Primary]

Then this card is normal summond, you can bring up too 3 level 4 or less fire attribute monsters from your graveyard into your hand.

~When this card is normal summoned or set you may add up to 3 level 4 or lower Fire monsters from your graveyard to your hand

 

When this card attacks a defence postion monster it is automaticallt destroyed.

~If this card attacks a Defense Position monster, destroy the monster immediately with this card's effect without applying damage calculation.

 

This card cannot be equiped with any spell cards.

~This card can not be equipped with equip spell cards.

or

~When an Equip Card is equipped to this card, destroy the Equip Card. (Gearfried the Iron Knight's effect)

 

 

When a water attribute monster is in play he losese 500 ATK and DEF points.

~if there is a face up water monster on the field, decrease this cards ATK by 500

or

~decrease this cards ATK by 500 for every Water monster on the field.

[~Duo~]

Then this card is normal summond, you can bring up too 3 level 4 or less fire attribute monsters from your graveyard into your hand. When this card attacks a defence postion monster it is automaticallt destroyed. This card cannot be equiped with any spell cards. When a water attribute monster is in play he losese 500 ATK and DEF points

 

My try at OCG fixing.

 

When this card is Normal Summoned, you can return up to 3 Level 4 or lower FIRE monsters from your Graveyard to your hand. When this card attacks a defense position monster, destroy it automatically without applying damage calculation. When an Equip Spell is equipped to this card, destroy it. Decrease the ATK and DEF of this card by 500 x every face-up WATER monster on the field.

 

7/10

[Anbu-of-Sand]

I'm pretty sure some of you got the OCG wrong...

 

When this card is Normal Summoned, you can add up to 3 Level 4 or lower FIRE Attribute monsters from your Graveyard to your hand. If this card attacks a monster in Defense Position, destroy that monster with this card's effect without applying damage calculation. This card cannot be equipped with Equip Spell Cards. Decrease this card's ATK and DEF by 500 for every face-up WATER Attributed monster on the field.

 

I'm 98% sure that's the correct OCG. Maybe 1 or 2 mistakes on wording...

Now onto the card. Okay name. The picture is a bit on the blurry side though.

This card is pretty decent. It needs 2 tributes to be normal summoned, which is balanced.

I like the great capabilities of recycling so many monsters back to your hand. Just love it.

That classic defense position destruction is quite good if you ask me for this card's effect.

That last part makes it just balanced how it can decrease in ATK and DEF.

Not that bad for a new member. I'll give it a 7.4/10

[Hollow Ichigo!]

I know one thing i forgot to add was instead of too change to .... to

[touzaikokon]

Effect: 1.5 points.

It does a lot. It's okay, but I think it's trying to do too much in one card. Needless to say, OP'd.

 

Grammar: 0 points.

Is English not your first language? Fix:

 

When this card is Normal Summoned, you can add up to 3 Level 4 or lower FIRE monsters from your Graveyard to your hand. When this card attacks a Defense Position monster, destroy it immediately with this card's effect. This card cannot be equipped with Equip Spell Cards. All WATER monsters lose 500 ATK and DEF.

 

Style: 2 points.

Prince of Persia...eh. Card looks okay.

 

 

Overall: 3.5/10