Orza Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 [align=center]Well I won't lie. This is not my first time writing a song. However, it is my first time sharing it. I just want some suggestions on how to extend the lyrics and get some constructive critisicm on it. This isn't metal or any sh*t like that, although I do prefer it to most things. This is more R&B based. Just rate. Key points ( Brackets ) are used for repition of the word. /Forward slash. Is used for fast tongue. Almost into rap but not. (oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh)(oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh) I stayed up all night on the phone talking to you, hoping you would stay on the line (line) just waiting for another call (call) and all I could do was look like a fool (fool). /Fast Tongue Waiting up and out, for your response to me asking you out. Finally you said yes, and I must digress, it felt the best (best) Finally you came round’ (round) I was kissing you, trying not to make a sound (sound) not to ruin the moment, trying not to let down your low front. /Fast toungue Waiting up and out (out) for your response to me asking you out. Finally you said yes, and I must digress, it felt the best. (oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh)(oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh)[/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shrekstasy Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 You're not so tough now, without your fingers. I'd like to see you try and shoot a funking arrow now. And with these eyelinds, that I have severed I will attach them to my wall so he can watch you die (watch you die). The pain of silence and isolation has made me cold. Premeditated and filled with blood lust. I have my way again. And when its over, I'll dump their bodies with no regard for clues. Was cupid, awake when you hacked apart this body? You brought this on yourself, with all your words of poison. Another severed head to pride upon my mantle piece. And in the silence of what was so distorted I slash my wrists. Ive had eternity to sit and plot your death And very day that passes I am left without a heart. And in the silence of what was so distorted I slash my wirsts. The pain of silence and isolation has made me cold. Has ripped my heart out. The pain of silence and isolation has made me cold. It left me for dead. It left me with nothing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orza Posted June 26, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 You're not so tough now' date=' without your fingers. I'd like to see you try and shoot a f***ing arrow now. And with these eyelinds, that I have severed I will attach them to my wall so he can watch you die (watch you die). The pain of silence and isolation has made me cold. Premeditated and filled with blood lust. I have my way again. And when its over, I'll dump their bodies with no regard for clues. Was cupid, awake when you hacked apart this body? You brought this on yourself, with all your words of poison. Another severed head to pride upon my mantle piece. And in the silence of what was so distorted I slash my wrists. Ive had eternity to sit and plot your death And very day that passes I am left without a heart. And in the silence of what was so distorted I slash my wirsts. The pain of silence and isolation has made me cold. Has ripped my heart out. The pain of silence and isolation has made me cold. It left me for dead. It left me with nothing[/quote']I laiiik<3 By you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Womi Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 I can't hear the music! D: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orza Posted June 26, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 I can't hear the music! D:Did you block up your speakers with your jizz again Omi? >;/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shrekstasy Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 You're not so tough now' date=' without your fingers. I'd like to see you try and shoot a f***ing arrow now. And with these eyelinds, that I have severed I will attach them to my wall so he can watch you die (watch you die). The pain of silence and isolation has made me cold. Premeditated and filled with blood lust. I have my way again. And when its over, I'll dump their bodies with no regard for clues. Was cupid, awake when you hacked apart this body? You brought this on yourself, with all your words of poison. Another severed head to pride upon my mantle piece. And in the silence of what was so distorted I slash my wrists. Ive had eternity to sit and plot your death And very day that passes I am left without a heart. And in the silence of what was so distorted I slash my wirsts. The pain of silence and isolation has made me cold. Has ripped my heart out. The pain of silence and isolation has made me cold. It left me for dead. It left me with nothing[/quote']I laiiik<3 By you? Oh no. Stuff I write would get me b&.The Red Shore - "Valentine's Day Massacre" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orza Posted June 26, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 You're not so tough now' date=' without your fingers. I'd like to see you try and shoot a f***ing arrow now. And with these eyelinds, that I have severed I will attach them to my wall so he can watch you die (watch you die). The pain of silence and isolation has made me cold. Premeditated and filled with blood lust. I have my way again. And when its over, I'll dump their bodies with no regard for clues. Was cupid, awake when you hacked apart this body? You brought this on yourself, with all your words of poison. Another severed head to pride upon my mantle piece. And in the silence of what was so distorted I slash my wrists. Ive had eternity to sit and plot your death And very day that passes I am left without a heart. And in the silence of what was so distorted I slash my wirsts. The pain of silence and isolation has made me cold. Has ripped my heart out. The pain of silence and isolation has made me cold. It left me for dead. It left me with nothing[/quote']I laiiik<3 By you? Oh no. Stuff I write would get me b&.The Red Shore - "Valentine's Day Massacre"If Twisted listens to them, they are my new favourite band<3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Womi Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 I can't hear the music! D:Did you block up your speakers with your jizz again Omi? >;/ No. Why do you keep asking that? It happened only once. >.< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orza Posted June 26, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 I can't hear the music! D:Did you block up your speakers with your jizz again Omi? >;/ No. Why do you keep asking that? It happened only once. >.<I'm sorry babe.<3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Womi Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 I can't hear the music! D:Did you block up your speakers with your jizz again Omi? >;/ No. Why do you keep asking that? It happened only once. >.<I'm sorry babe.<3 Aww...Tonight.Bring the red stuff.I got the candles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orza Posted June 26, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 I can't hear the music! D:Did you block up your speakers with your jizz again Omi? >;/ No. Why do you keep asking that? It happened only once. >.<I'm sorry babe.<3 Aww...Tonight.Bring the red stuff.I got the candles.Sure thing. [; Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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