My First Card, Please Rate!

[Mr. Recon]

 

 

This card cannot be normal summond or set. This card cannot be special summoned eccept by offering 3 face-up DARK atribute monsters on your side of the field as well as removing from play one or more "Peten the Dark Clown"(s) from your graveyard. This card's ATK is equal to the number of "Peten the Dark Clown"(s) removed from play in the way above x1000. Once per turn, during your opponent's Standby Phase, you may special summon one "Animated Corpse Token" (ATK 1200, DEF 0) in either ATK or DEF position. If your opponent declares an attack this turn, he/she must chose the "Animated Corpse Token" as a target. Destroy the token during the end phase.

 

Img credit to Wanderly

[NeXodus]

There are many problems such as miscapitalization, Special, Normal Summoned should be capitalized. Same with Set and Graveyard. Offering should be Tribute or Release, dayum, Offering is EXTREMELY old OCG. That was way back in the Yugi Era. It is the... Yusei Era?

I dunno, anyways, the picture is pretty good but the card is overpowered.

[Mr. Recon]

THX Peten was like one of my favroite cards ever, also I'm not up to date with 5D's

[CMRenji]

This card is great for a first card. May be Underpowered but that's in my opinion. I will fix the OCG(Original Card Grammar):

 

This card cannot be Normal Summond or Set. This card cannot be Special Summoned except by Tributing 3 face-up DARK monsters you control and removing from play one or more "Peten the Dark Clown"(s) in your graveyard. This card's ATK is equal to the number of "Peten the Dark Clown"(s) removed from play in this way x1000. Once per turn, during your opponent's Standby Phase, you may Special Summon 1 "Animated Corpse Token" (Fiend-type/EARTH/1 Star/ATK 1200/DEF 0) to your side of the field. During this turn, your opponent can only select the Summoned "Animated Corpse Token" as a target. Destroy the token during the End Phase.

 

I think that's right. Very good. 9.7/10

[-Athena-]

This is wonderful for a first card :). 9/10 :). I'm glad to see a new member with a non-joke card.

 

Some OCG errors and good picture. I like the effect but little OP. Keep up the good work, I'm look forward to see your other cards :)!

[Mr. Recon]

Thank to all of you, I will take all this into account when I make my next cards. =)

[windninja96]

meh.

OCG errors, misspelled words,overall, not my favorite card

[Ghoulish]

windninja if you're not gonna be helpful then you're best to not comment at all.

 

OCG fix:

 

This card cannot be Normal Summond or Set. This card cannot be Special Summoned except by Tributing 3 face-up DARK monsters you control as well as removing from play 1 or more "Peten the Dark Clown"(s) from your graveyard. This card's ATK is equal to the number of "Peten the Dark Clown"(s) removed from play by this effect x1000. Once per turn, during your opponent's Standby Phase, you can Special Summon 1 "Animated Corpse Token" (/Star ?/ Attribute? / Type?/ATK 1200, DEF 0) in either Attack or Defence Position. Whenever your opponent declares an attack, your opponent must select a "Animated Corps Token" you control as an attack target.

 

A bit of a confusing effect, however very creative, especially for a new member, well done i look forward to seeing cards from you.

 

Some OCG Tips:

 

Capitalization: These words should appear like this, Special Summon, Normal Summon, Flip Summon, Set, Graveyard, Deck, "A"ttack "P"osition, "D"efence "P"osition, [Described] Counter.

 

"Your side of the field": You can use that term, however the updated term is "You control" or "your opponent controls".

 

i'd have a lot more advice on OCG for you, but you have most things down already, just remember when you bring a token forth, it has to have a star level, attribute and type as well.