My First Ritual card

[The God of Darkness]

 

[♥ ЅϯᵲåώӀӞ℮ᴙʀɣ−ɴɨɨ−ƈħåɴ ♥]

Why does this feel like a Ritual version of Goyo Guardian? (With some minor edits?)

 

I don't see why I would use this if I could just get Goyo Guardian instead =/.

[Card Board Box]

The OCG is fine, but all this card is, is a Ritual version of Goyo Guardian.

[♥ ЅϯᵲåώӀӞ℮ᴙʀɣ−ɴɨɨ−ƈħåɴ ♥]

...all this card is, is a Ritual version of Goyo Guardian.

 

I. Just. Said. That.

[Card Board Box]

I. Just. Said. That.

 

Wow, I didn't even read your post until now. Geez, that's awkward. o_O

[angel killer315]

eh i agree and 1 time you wrote filed instead of field.... doesnt goyo guardian take control of the monsters he destroyed but this guy you can special summon from the grave at the end phase if he is destroyed

[The God of Darkness]

Why does this feel like a Ritual version of Goyo Guardian? (With some minor edits?)I don't see why I would use this if I could just get Goyo Guardian instead =/.

 

 

The OCG is fine, but all this card is, is a Ritual version of Goyo Guardian.

Hmm.....I never heard of Goyo Guardian until now but thanks you guys for telling me that. This is the card again but I edited it

 

 

Lore: This monster can only be Ritual Summoned with the Ritual Spell Card "Hells Gate" You must also offer monsters whose total Level Stars equal 8 or more as a Tribute from the field or your hand. When this card destroys a monster your opponent controls and sends it to the Graveyard Special Summon the destroyed monster to your side of the filed at the end phase also inflict 300 damage to your opponents life points for each spell and trap card on there side of the field.

[Card Board Box]

"When this card destroys a monster your opponent controls and sends it to the Graveyard Special Summon the destroyed monster to your side of the filed at the end phase also inflict 300 damage to your opponents life points for each spell and trap card on there side of the filed."

Fixed Version:

"When this card destroys a monster your opponent controls and sends it to the Graveyard, you can Special Summon the destroyed monster to your side of the field and inflict 300 points of Direct Damage to your opponent's Life Points for each Spell and Trap Card on their side of the field."

 

[♥ ЅϯᵲåώӀӞ℮ᴙʀɣ−ɴɨɨ−ƈħåɴ ♥]

Well, you changed it a bit, but you're only making it more overpowered than it already is.

[The God of Darkness]

"When this card destroys a monster your opponent controls and sends it to the Graveyard Special Summon the destroyed monster to your side of the filed at the end phase also inflict 300 damage to your opponents life points for each spell and trap card on there side of the filed."

Fixed Version:

"When this card destroys a monster your opponent controls and sends it to the Graveyard, you can Special Summon the destroyed monster to your side of the field and inflict 300 points of Direct Damage to your opponent's Life Points for each Spell and Trap Card on their side of the field."

 

ok thanks

[The God of Darkness]

Well, you changed it a bit, but you're only making it more overpowered than it already is.

ok how can i make it not to be overpowered?

[♥ ЅϯᵲåώӀӞ℮ᴙʀɣ−ɴɨɨ−ƈħåɴ ♥]

Reduce its ATK and DEF and do not include the extra effect from your last revision? I don't know.

[The God of Darkness]

"When this card destroys a monster your opponent controls and sends it to the Graveyard Special Summon the destroyed monster to your side of the filed at the end phase also inflict 300 damage to your opponents life points for each spell and trap card on there side of the filed."Fixed Version:"When this card destroys a monster your opponent controls and sends it to the Graveyard, you can Special Summon the destroyed monster to your side of the field and inflict 300 points of Direct Damage to your opponent's Life Points for each Spell and Trap Card on their side of the field."

 

 

Reduce its ATK and DEF and do not include the extra effect from your last revision? I don't know.

is this better?

 

 

Lore: This monster can only be Ritual Summoned with the Ritual Spell Card "Hells Gate" You must also offer monsters whose total Level Stars equal 8 or more as a Tribute from the field or your hand. When this card destroys a monster your opponent controls and sends it to the Graveyard, you can Special Summon the destroyed monster to your side of the field and inflict 200 points of Direct Damage to your opponent's Life Points for each Spell and Trap Card on their side of the field.

[♥ ЅϯᵲåώӀӞ℮ᴙʀɣ−ɴɨɨ−ƈħåɴ ♥]

I meant that you should remove the extra effect you just added, and reduce its ATK and DEF even more.

[~{Rochster}~]

the ocg is kinda bad. you need to add the periods.

[The God of Darkness]

the ocg is kinda bad. you need to add the periods.

Were because I was looking at Black Luster Solider, Relinquished and both of their rituals to summon them to make sure my OCG was wright what periods did I miss?

[~{Rochster}~]

the ones thats after hell's gates.

[Jaime Duferier]

well, possibly make it so that instead of a brain control, you could have the second effect instead with:

"inflict 100 x the level of the monster this card destroyed as battle damage"

maybe?

[The God of Darkness]

well, possibly make it so that instead of a brain control, you could have the second effect instead with:

"inflict 100 x the level of the monster this card destroyed as battle damage"

maybe?

That is a good idea