Blood Scent. My A-Level English Literature Coursework

[LiAM]

Like a blind child who crawls forward because it smells its mother, I hunt you down. Sunlight only confuses the mind; your scent is a rancid corpse on a humid summer’s day. Each velvet drop of crimson bathes my flesh, purifies me. I long to be cleansed by your righteous odour, I will devour every fraction of you. You redeem me. I am hidden in your shadow; you protect me from losing my mind.

Oh, do stop fighting and don’t resist, can’t you see that I need you. I have searched an eternity for this revelation. Stay. Why do you leave in such haste? Your blood scent is still fresh. Come, I intend not to harm but to rescue. Rescue you from this damned world and bring you to my paradise. Rest where the angels sing; once they start, you will hold your breath. They will sing for you alone. Then, you will sing, and you will sing for me alone, and the angels will hold their breath.

Flesh like clouds, fingers like ice, eyes so blank, I press your head to my chest and hold you, oh so cold. You say everything by saying nothing. We sit in the corner of my room, across from the boarded window, so comfortable in the dark light. Lacking warmth I press myself to your fragile body, skin so cold to the touch, body so still, why don’t you ever look at me, I know what I have done is wrong to you, but the outcome is so right for us; the light only distorts your true vision. Innocence kisses my cheeks as I spoil the sheets. See like me. Love is a curious matter, our interpretations of love are different, love continues even in death, and soon you will be a part of me like I am now a part in you.

A lonely wax candle in the evening wind salivating over my glorious meal, what a beautiful guest you make, at my table, you don’t say much do you? An exquisite date. Dance? No? We dine like kings, every bite I take, I look up to your face, and you stare. Stare. A life time’s work and all you give me in return is a stare. Chewing the meat I once loved, I feel complete; I am becoming more and more human as you purge me of the unclean. We are united once again.

* * * * *

I get up early every morning. Cold; oh but I still get up. I sat on that bench across from your door down the street. Watch you leave your sanctuary and enter my domain. She’s so ugly. The chilled air was crispy and rough on my skin, the early morns howl; barking at your feet, gnawing at your frail flesh. You know you don’t want to go, but this is your only chance of being loved. She doesn’t love you, but anyone with you now will cure your sorrow.

I crawl after you and stalk your journey. Every weekend, you would drag her along to the local park; she goes along because she doesn’t want to be alone. The weathers’ warning signs were clear enough, but you fought against it and followed greed; now nature will have its way, and I shall have mine. Her vision only lies to her emotions; she has fallen for the tricks of sight and ignored truth.

Memories of your elegant strolls, capturing the open air in your hamper for two, while you sit there with your no good, b**** of a girlfriend. You sit on that odourless little field, without a care in the world, and you just talk away about your expensive lifestyle. You saw this coming. She could tell you were a liar; she wasn’t yours to begin with. You stole her; stole her from her life, brought her into your deceptive eyes as you once did to me and infatuated her like a fly to a flame. Eyes of passion crossed with eyes of deceit. How you prance in your own glory.

* * * * *

Your eyes were mysterious things. You had eyes of diamonds. But now, your eyes aren’t so precious, your diamonds are for me alone. You’re mine. It’s a shame that b**** of yours actually noticed your vacancy at home. Stop staring, your charm isn’t so precious, I have been saved of your lies and I have saved the world from your torment.

Finding you was the easy part. Oh and your hair, short, but sophisticated, went well with your charcoal turtle neck and stonewashed jeans, not to worry, I washed your clothes again, they’re clean, cleaner than myself. No one knows of my loneliness, except you.

 

 

 

Notes:

Font removed-

Grade: A

Can post the commentary by request.

 

[spoiler=[b]Commentary[/b]]

Commentary

I have chosen to use the novel of Enduring Love by Ian McEwan as my stimulus. I decided to choose the themes of obsession and madness which are shared by the characters of Joe Rose and Jed Perry; Jed suffers from a disease called ‘de Clerambault's syndrome’ (where he genuinely believes that another person is in love with him) after the incident at the start of the novel. Jed’s character, quite similar to that of the character in my piece falls mad and has the intention to murder for what he believes is right.

I left the characters nameless and descriptionless, leaving information like this missing conveys how the victim is unimportant in this story of blind rage and obsession. Another reason I left the characters nameless is to show that people like the ones in the story are generally anonymous and kept secret, also to create a horror story feel as this protagonist could be anyone.

The main aspects of this story were kept to an outrageous level and even debatable of decency, featuring most things which are almost sickening to a majority, topics include: Stalking, murder, rape, necrophilia and cannibalism; all relating to a dark sense of obsession. The themes of the novel are intricately ordered to create what I feel is a most shocking series of events which gradually reveal the plot to expand on the effect of tension and suspence.

For the whole piece I have kept certain aspects enigmatic and use of euphemisms to allow the reader to tell the story in their own way, gradually revealing more story as each paragraph continues, the reader can slowly realise the true intentions of the story. This technique creates impact for the reader in a sense that the story isn’t blatantly obvious to the reader and the satisfaction from decoding euphemisms creates a more powerful and disturbing story.

The protagonist is delusional, claiming the light is wrong, constantly using his sense of smell to describe things; showing how different he is to a common man. The line of when ‘the angels sing’ is, in my view, one of the most powerful lines when understood. It’s a long extended euphemism for him drowning or suffocating the victim, as he holds his breath while the protagonist sings or conducts a ceremony, and the angels are there to disguise the brutality; creating a very biblical reference in the cleansing of sins.

After the murder of the victim, a necrophiliac rape takes place, proving once again the sickness of the lead character; this is made evident by him ‘I press myself to your body’. The line in which he asks ‘why don’t you ever look at me’ suggests the sexual positioning and orientation of the event. The euphenism of ‘spoil the sheets’ climaxes the section of the rape along with the desired outcome where the protagonist exclaims ‘I am now a part in you’, again conveying the explicit and sexual nature of the paragraph.

I used the characterisation technique of the ‘wax candle’ which is described as ‘salivating’ over the meal, portraying the melting wax as saliva as if it itself is in awe of the prepared food, also, this is another effective way to make the protagonist appear more delusional in the sense he sees inanimate objects to have human characteristics.

I have tried to use the pronouns ‘I’ and ‘You’ often when referring to the characters to show the stories direct telling of the two people and how the obsession of the protagonist is focused only on the victim. Sometimes using ‘We’ as if the character is talking for the victim, ultimately giving them no choice and controlling every aspect, even in death.

At this point, the scene is set for a candlelit dinner, where he becomes vexed by the way he is stared at, the reader at this point should be able to assume that after a few cannibalistic metaphors ‘chewing the meat I once loved’, that eating the victim and being stared at by him are impossible to happen at the same time, leaving the only suitable explanation that the victims’ head is on a platter on the table served up with the dinner.

Whilst eating, he claims that he is becoming ‘more human’, thinking that the victims’ death will make him better. Ending the paragraph with ‘we are united once again’, alluring back to rape when the first union took place.

I have made use of an analogy in terms of biblical references relating to the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. The victim in the story being a symbol of Jesus, and the protagonist being a symbol of the men who captured and killed him. His death, similarly to the New Testament story, is to save man and cleanse people of all evils and sins. ‘You redeem me’-as in to payback for the protagonists’ loss of humanity, paying back with the victims blood; this is what the main lead in this story believes in his mind.

During the flashback, separated from the monologue by asterix, he explains where the intention of desire came from, feeling jealous of the victim’s relationship and also feeling hate for his characteristics and motives, creating a mixed palette of fear and love which grows into a portrait of emotions. The woman, who is left nameless as the protagonist doesn’t know the name or care for a name is described as a promiscuous woman whose intention is to take a small fortune of the victim’s wealth, described as a ‘jabroni’ creates a real sense of disgust . At this point the reader should fall on the protagonist’s side, and agree with the wrong doings of the woman; however, throughout the rest of the story, the minor apathetic event seems inconvenient with the rest of the story.

Even during the flashback the lead character still seems to ‘crawl’ as if he were a beast and still dismissive of the light, much like a night-venturing beast, this comparison can create a good persona for the undescribed character, making him look slightly rough and tired or badly dressed, this becomes clear from the flashbacks hidden metaphors.

The wind in the flashback is described as a ‘howl’, described also as ‘barking’ and ‘gnawing’, verbs personifying it to an animal, mainly a wild wolf, being rough, vicious and blood thirsty, this strong reinforced metaphor is symbolic of the victims actions and natures turn against him, the power of the wind becomes a biblical symbol for the protagonist, and can feel its sharp judgement.

The way he describes how vain the woman is further extended with the simile of ‘like a fly to a flame’; I thought this to be another powerful use of language once understood. The fly resembling the woman as a pest, something tiny, inconvenient and common; and the flame resembling the victim, burning with passion, bright and forever growing into something bigger. However the flame simile has a double connotation of raging fire, full of destruction and burning everything else around it, which is perfect for the madness of the protagonist and mixed emotions he possesses.

After the flashback, the protagonist goes onto say how easy he was to find, either he knew the victim previously or he is boasting about his techniques to hunt like the wind, but then, still being fickle, he changes the subject to the victims hair, obviously, even after the brutal massacre and torturous events that the victim felt, the protagonist is still obsessed and obviously still mad, which is reinforced by the empirical knowledge given by the lead character, ‘I washed your clothes again, they’re clean, cleaner than myself’. He cleaned the dead victims clothes, which aren’t wearable by him either and possibly kept as a trophy, but he washed them so they are cleaner than himself, I wanted to lead the reader into thinking the clothes were washed in blood, as the protagonist has performed all the events covered in the victims blood in an attempt to be purified, cleansing the clothes in the same fashion as he cleansed himself is again to create a great sense of madness and prolonged obsession, still unsatisfied by the work done so far, this leads to the protagonist becoming violent again and creating more obsessive bonds with people.

Ending with the line ‘No one knows of my loneliness, except you’ is used to create the final sympathy vote with the brutal character, and because the victim is the only one who knows the loneliness through experience, then the protagonist still remains lonely and continuously obsessed.

 

 

 

Thanks for reading, it really does mean a lot to me :)

[The Final Messenger]

The font makes it helluvalot harder to read it. And is it supposed to be a poem of some sort

[LiAM]

ZOMBS421253k' timestamp='1280530912' post='4463262']

The font makes it helluvalot harder to read it. And is it supposed to be a poem of some sort

 

I found it easy to read the font, but it's gone now.

 

And no, it's a short story.

 

The specification was a shorty story or the opening chapter of a novel.

[Quiksilver]

...So it's a story about a spurned lover? Or is it about a obsessed killer? I dunno. I would enjoy reading the commentary- help me understand you known. By the way, did you said it was the beginning of a novel? 'Cause I would enjoy reading the rest of the story. Such detailed imagery. It's quite good, if a little vague. Nice job.

[LiAM]

...So it's a story about a spurned lover? Or is it about a obsessed killer? I dunno. I would enjoy reading the commentary- help me understand you known. By the way, did you said it was the beginning of a novel? 'Cause I would enjoy reading the rest of the story. Such detailed imagery. It's quite good, if a little vague. Nice job.

 

This is actually only a short story sorry.

 

But my teachers loved it.

 

The vague and suggestive nature of it, all the clever double metaphors and symbolism of Jesus and sacrifice, fickle nature etc.

 

It's about and obsessed killer as you put it, I based it on the fact that a character from 'Enduring Love' has 'de Clerambault's syndrome' where he believes another person is in love with them - hence the obsession and misguided emotions.

 

I will get to posting the commentary for you, it's just around the same length, it'll be up within the next 10 minutes. :)

 

P.S. Thanks for reading, it means a lot to me when people appreciate my work.

 

-----------------EDIT---------------------

Commentary is up :)