An oringinal yugioh fan fic!

[lookatthatawesomecard15]

I never go on fan fic but I wrote this a while ago and I thought I would share a little of it with you. It is a yugioh story with oringinal characters. I hope you enjoy!

 

Zack read the ancient writing on the wall. It read Arzon’s deck may not be touched unless he gives it to you thyself with his own claw hand. If you do not receive it from Arzon, you will be trapped in this tomb forever!

I’ve come all this way, I can’t turn back now,” Zack said.

 

The giant tomb walls were wet and sticky and there was a bad stench in the room. Zack walked toward the deck, his whole body shaking. He placed his hand on the deck to pick it up and his hand started to turn black! The nails on his left hand started to sharpen! Zack quickly shoved the deck into his dueling disc and stared at his hand.

 

“The curse of Arzon’s dragon claw, it can’t be!” Zack exclaimed.

 

Black smoke arose from the ground thicker than clouds, in the middle of the dim hallway, leading to the exit. An odd looking man stepped out of the smoke. One of his eyes was brown and the other was yellow and he had a scar that reached from his cheekbone to his chin. The man was wearing a black robe and he wore a blue glove on his left hand.

 

“How dare you steal my deck!” the man yelled.

 

He noticed Zack’s claw hand. “You’ve received my claw hand, impossible! “No matter, I’ll just get rid of you my way,” He said as he picked five cards from his deck.

 

“Arzon, I can’t duel you!” Zack gasped. “You’re going to have to if you want to see daylight ever again,” Arzon sneered. Zack picked up five cards from Arzon’s deck. “I play Barrier of Fiery Shadows,” Arzon hissed. Suddenly, black fire surrounded them. “This card’s effect creates a vortex around us. Who ever loses is going to be trapped in this tomb forever, hah, hah, hah, hah, hah,” Arzon laughed.

 

Arzon played a card in defense mode and put two cards face down. ”I end my turn,” Arzon yelled. Zack looked at his cards. He had beetle of firer shadows and the beetles alter in his hand.

 

“I play the beetles alter which if I sacrifice a card in my hand I can play beetle of fiery shadows in attack mode,” Zack exclaimed. Zack sacrificed black beetle (1200atk and 900def) and played beetle of fiery shadows in attack mode (2300atk and 1700def). “Beat that Arzon!” Zack yelled confidently.

[legendhiro]

seems a bit unfinished.

 

 

and, you know, not good.

 

 

it needs length for one, as well as a real buildup and consistent description. we get good description of the events and decent description of the villain, but none of zack or of his monsters. its like you don't want us to know who he is. are you embarrassed by him or something?

[Erinyes]

Like lengendhiro pointed out, you seemed to have ended it abruptly. It seems a little cheesy and short, but I'll have to read more to fully be able to rate this as good or bad. Your grammar is decent though. I only spotted small errors.