Lights Afterworld

[L Lawiet]

[spoiler=Backround]

The Second Rule of the Death Note States

 

- The notebook shall become the property of the human world, once it touches the ground of (arrives in) the human world.

 

 

- The owner of the note can recognize the image and voice of the original owner, i.e. a god of death/shinigami.

 

 

- The human who uses the notebook can neither go to Heaven nor Hell.

 

This is the story of Lights Death.

 

 

 

[spoiler=Recap]

When we last saw light he died at the hands of Ryuk. He died after his secret was blown by Near or Nate River. What happens next. Its a little short tho more to come.

 

 

 

[spoiler=Part I The Death of Light]

 

"We are sorry to inform you Ms. Misa Amane but your fiance is dead."

 

The words, muttered by the man on the phone, sounded like a joke in Misa's ears.

 

"What is this, a joke? Do you know who I am?"

 

"Ma'am Im sorry but, Light Yagami passed away sometime this evening." Said the man in a solomn tone.

 

"My 'She paused for a moment' Light."

 

Misa suddenly burst out into tears. She new somewhere in her mind his time would come.

 

"Ma'am we send our depesed regrets."

 

The phone became silent as Misa fell to the floor.

 

"Light's go-" Her voice trailed off, she couldn't finish what she now knew had happend.

The memory of everything came back. Beyond all odds she knew everything.

 

"RYUK!" She knew what happened.

 

Ryuk stood there just watching, unable to be seen by Misa.

 

"You...Monster!"

 

His Death Note grazzed the tip of her finger.

 

"He didn't love you Misa." Ryuk said. "He used you."

 

"Kill Me! Ryuk Kill Me!" Misa said frantically.

 

"Killing you won't bring light back but, it should be pretty fun."

 

Ryuk had his pen in hand

 

"This is it." Ryuk started to write.

 

"This isn't it." Said light. "I want to do it!"

 

 

[Erinyes]

Right then. I know you put the recap in a spoiler, but also put, Do NOT read this if you haven't finished reading/watching Death Note. Spoilers Ahead. (Bold letters may help). Actually, perhaps you should put it on the top of the page, because if I haven't finished reading Death Note upon reading this, I would have been p!ssed.

 

Now, the main problem with this story is lack of description. For people who know nothing about Death Note, they do not have a clue what Ryuk, Misa, or Light for that matter, look like. Your writing is okay, just a few grammar errors, but just needs to be more descriptive.

 

Lastly, I have no idea how Misa knew Ryuk was there or gained her memories back, and I can assume that Light is now a shinigami, but your cliffhanger was badly placed at the end.

[Lord Smeagle]

Great in concept, deeply flawed in execution. Erinyes pretty much covered it. Death Note deserves better treatment than this.

 

You want to add more description, for sure. Light just appears randomly. It's jarring. And if you were going for shocking cliffhanger, it's not much of one, considering everyone who saw the show knows Light died, and the Light-Shinigami theories have been circulating forever.

 

Perhaps you ought to describe Light in the Shinigami world, either speaking from there or teleporting into ours?

[L Lawiet]

okay thanks guys

[GenzoTheHarpist]

You read the end of the series, but i'm wondering did you skip the part at the end that said humans simply disappear into nothingness when they die? Which kind of contradicts the whole idea of this story, and i'm loath to violate canon in fanfics.

[Lord Smeagle]

You read the end of the series, but i'm wondering did you skip the part at the end that said humans simply disappear into nothingness when they die?

 

Not exactly. I'm pretty sure it says that all humans go to Mu, which means "nothingness." But there's no reason that Mu isn't the name of Shinigami World...?

[GenzoTheHarpist]

Except for the fact that the shinigami world is not nothingness. And if every human who died went there, then the place would be way more populated.

[Erinyes]

I think just humans who used the death note go there. Or only humans who use the death note excessively, like Light or Misa, go. Then again, Ryuk did say all humans are equal in death.

[GenzoTheHarpist]

I don't want to restrict story ideas, so this is the last thing I say. That is the one thing it couldn't be, because the last rule of the death note is that every human goes to mu regardless of circumstance.