Ghoulish Posted August 27, 2010 Report Share Posted August 27, 2010 Hey so this is my latest Fan Fic, it's an original story that is based around the belief of gaining "Peace" and the conflicts that arised through contradicting opinions. I have alot of ideas for it and hope to get some responses so I may continue with my ideas, anyway hope you like it. [size="5"][font="Garamond"]PeacevolutioN[/font][/size] [spoiler= Character Profiles] [spoiler= Protaganists] [spoiler= Drake, the 91%] Age: 15 Gender: Male Role: Volunteer of PeacevolutioN Abilities/skills: * Increased strength and speed Appearance: He wears a black jacket with fur on the collar and a white singlet along with black pants. His hair is a medium length as it sinks to his shoulders and is straight at the back. Noticeably he has a small scar on his nose. [/spoiler] [spoiler= Lea, the Curist] Age: 14 Gender: Female Role Volunteer, 2nd Belief Abilities/skills: * Able to heal wounds Appearance: she wears a white singlet with blue trimming and a blue mini skirt, she also has short brown hair. [/spoiler] [spoiler= Cory, the Element] Age: 15 Gender: Male Role: Volunteer, 2nd belief Abilities/skills: * Able to heal wounds Appearance: He has short blonde hair that isn't spiked up but runs a bit down his face, he wears a brown jacket with a hoodie attached and wears a black singlet, his pants are slightly baggy cargo ones and his shoes are white. [/spoiler] [/spoiler] [spoiler= Antagonists] [spoiler= Tristan, the Vanisher] Age: 22 Gender: male Role: Volunteer turned UGS Captain Abilties/skills: * Increased Strength and Speed * Vanishes when attacked and reappeares close by Appearance: Wearing a big black coat and black tight jeans along with a white collared shirt with the first 3 buttons undone, he also has short dark brown hair that is slightly spiked all round, he stands at 6 foot 1 inch.[/spoiler] [/spoiler] [/spoiler] [spoiler= Opening Sequence Introduction Chapter] The year 3000 had arrived. The days of anguish and the years of hardships, The months of Mystery and the weeks of Stability, the minutes of question and the hours of delay, the 3rd World War had ended, it seemed as if life had finally been renewed for Earth. The third World War although causing havoc and undying protest, improved life on earth, to one of diplomacy and submission by enemy invaders. The Earth had been introduced to a range of new technological advancements, the Flying car for instance was an acceptable addition to the mechanized world. The Governments of the world had come together to form an improved U.N that promised eternal wellbeing among cultures and races, this government called themselves, the United Global Senate or UGS. Life seemed well on earth and its 15 Billion occupants however there was always one issue that was never resolved…Peace. The legacy of the 3 beliefs seemed to be an undying prospect , it seemed no one was willing to submit their own belief and adopt another. The 3 Beliefs: “Peace can only be gained through War/Fighting” “Peace can only be gained through one’s understanding of another” “Peace can only be gained through those who deserve it” The world was separated by these 3 beliefs, the UGS had set up a distinct TOP SECRET project that was set to maintain a common belief of “Peace” that could be shared through the world and its people, this project was called “PeacevolutioN”. The Project initially intended to take in volunteers and perform unethical test surgeries that would harness abilities and be given to the volunteers, this way the volunteers would maintain the peace of their respected society. After the project was leaked to the world through an unknown source, communities started waves of protest that soon spread, through the world. Upon the surgical test completion, at 90% the protests turned violent, the UGS had agreed to release the volunteers, at the time it was believed that the volunteers were not given their abilities, so there was no need for the UGS to pursue them. After leaked footage revealed that the abilities had been given to the volunteers the UGS formed an army around the world constantly hunting those with the abilities secretly. One aspect of the project didn’t come to fruition however, they did not share the same view of “Peace.” Those with the abilities have now spread into 3 groups following what they believe is the true belief of gaining “Peace.” They are at war with each other and the UGS. The 3 groups aim to spread their belief of gaining “Peace” by any means nesseccary, they recruit stray civilians with abilities and try to convince others of the other beliefs, the world….does not know what’s going to happen next… [/spoiler] [spoiler= Introduction Arc: The 3 Beliefs] [spoiler= Chapter 1: Drake, the volunteer] A Blue sky welcomed the earth as the flow of flying cars maintained their trafficking ways, the streets of the mechanized cities were crowded with people scurrying in an attempt to go to work or get errands done. The small forests of the world brought forth a natural atmosphere that gave birth to a variety of different types of creatures that lay in the forest. Out in the middle of what appeared to be a dirt covered ground with minimal forestry and a deserted habitat stood a giant metallic semi-circle structure. It glistened in the sun’s rays as each individual metallic silver tile on the building shone brightly. A giant semi-circle dark grey door at the front of the structure began to spread wide, emitting a great portion of smoke into the world from within, as the doors separated more and more shadows of people were visible through the white smoke. The doors opened to the furthest extent and the smoke began to become more transparent as it separated and disintegrated into the atmosphere. The revealed shadows were in fact people all of different sizes, wearing different clothes and different hairstyles, both males and females walked out. They all looked at the surroundings in confusion. As it appeared that there were close to 1,000 people, the giant metallic doors closed causing some people to look back. The windy breeze in the air picked up dirt as it waved through the area. The people that had just walked out were looking confused as they steadily treaded onwards. As all the strangers continued to dawdle off they heard a loud mechanical sound, the sound resembled the giant doors opening. As they turned around, the smoke came out of the structure again revealing only 1 person within it, the smoke quickly disintegrated in the air as the figure was a boy, no more than 15 years of age. He wore a black jacket with fur on the collar and a white singlet along with black pants. His hair was a medium length as it sank to his shoulders and was straight at the back. Noticeably he had a small scar on his nose. The boy seemed disheartened as he walked out the building. “Drake!” Came a voice from within the crowd of people. The boy now known as Drake, with eyes half open forced himself to look towards the crowd of people. Out of the crowd came a shoving girl with tears in her eyes, she wore a white singlet with blue trimming and a blue mini skirt, she also had short brown hair and appeared to be around 14 years of age. Drake's eyes could barely see half of their normal capacity as he continued to struggle to keep his body standing. As the girl continued panting heavily and dashing towards the appeared to be wounded Drake, the mechanized doors closed behind them, emitting a loud mechanical noise. As she was in 3 metres of the wounded Drake he mumbled. “L..Lea…” Drake then fell on his stomach causing the girl now known as Lea to call out. “Drake!” The girl continued to run towards the fallen boy and knelt down by his side, she slowly turned his body so he laid on his back. Tears began to drop from her eyes as she looked at the unconciouse Drake. The girl then turned her attention to the crowd of people. “Don’t just stand there help him!” The crowd of people looked on with mouths open slightly, they seemed confused as they didn’t respond to Lea’s request. “Well?!” She called out as tears began streaming down her eyes and she clenched her skirt tight in her fists. She lay her head on Drake’s stomach still releasing her tears of sadness. A boy from the end of the crowd closest to Drake and Lea seemed to start to move towards them to lend assistance however as he was about to move forward, a taller man with a small white beard and white hair wearing a vanilla coloured robe top and bottom put his arm in front of the boy and simply shook his head. “Look away Cory.” The man stated directing his statement to the boy. The boy known as Cory looked up observing his expression, Cory seemed confused and upset over the fact that he wasn’t permitted to help the boy. He slowly turned his body around still attempting to face Drake and lea as the crowd of people began walking off. Cory had short blonde hair that wasn’t spiked up but ran a bit down his face, he wore a brown jacket with a hoodie attached and wore a black singlet. His pants were a close to tight black jeans and his expression seemed like one of sadness for the 2 kids, he appeared to be about 15 years of age. Lea looked up as she noticed the crowd of people walking away into the distance. Her rage built up as she clenched the dirt on the ground around her fists, she suddenly stood up and yelled at the top of her voice. “You cowards!!!” There was no response from the moving crowd. Lea looked as if he she was about to call something else out. She then noticed the boy who was looking back, Lea thought for a second and turned her attention back to the fallen Drake. She knelt down and lifted one of his arms over her shoulder, struggling and using all her strength, she began to walk into the direction the people went. “Don’t worry Drake.” Lea began, her voice struggling to reach its normal pitch as her efforts were all being diverted to lifting Drake over her shoulder. “I’ve known you my whole life…I won’t let anything happen to you…we may be volunteers…But we will gain our own Peace…” Drake’s face remained unresponsive as the 2 walked onward into the dusty and dirty environment not making any ground in terms of catching up to the other people. “We will gain our own Peace…” [font="Garamond"][size="7"]PeacevolutioN[/size][/font] [/spoiler] [spoiler= Chapter 2: Straco, the General] The once bright sunny day had converted to a night sky and cold breezy environment over the sand covered desert. Lea panting heavily and with one eye closed and another half open continued to carry the unconscious Drake. Each step revealed more signs of exhaustion as she often fell on one knee completely over worked. The light sand kicked into the air after each step. “All…my muscles are sore…but I can’t stop here…it shouldn’t be too far before we reach home…” Lea whispered to herself in an attempt to keep herself moving. Shortly after Lea’s new found determination she collapsed onto the rough sand, barely able to keep her eyes open she saw the face of Drake still unconscious and laying on the sand helplessly. “I…I’m sorry Drake…” She whispered as she prepared to shut her eyes. Suddenly in the distance she saw a hovering vehicle heading in their direction, it was visible due to the sand being swept side to side due to the force of the wind under the hovering vehicle and by the headlights lighting up a big portion of the area. Lea struggled but managed to get to her feet holding one arm and waving it carelessly in the air. “Hey! Over here! Please!” She called in an attempt to gain the attention of the 3 strangers in the jeep like hovering car. In the jeep a fat man wearing cargo pants and an army camouflage vest looked through binoculars noticing the 2. He had a long black mullet for a haircut. “Hey look someone’s up there Spud!” He said with a goofy tone catching the attention of the driver. “Huh?” The man known as Spud began as he squinted his eyes. “Oh yea! We have to help them!” he stated eagerly. “Good eye Tub!” directing his appreciation to the fatter man and giving him a thumbs up. The man known as Spud wore an army camouflage jacket and pants and a black singlet, he was also quite skinny and had a black Mo hawk. Lea lifted Drake’s arm over her shoulder as she lifted his arm over her shoulder, her exhausted expression revealing a relieved sense of satisfaction. As she watched the hovering jeep approached, her face turned to shock, her eyes widened in fear. The jeep stopped and sunk to the sandy ground as Spud jumped out and ran to Lea. As he approached he assisted Lea by taking Drake off her shoulder and putting his arm over his Spud’s shoulder. “Are you alright ‘ere?” Spud asked turning his attention towards Lea who remained with her shocked expression as she looked at a symbol of a gold pyramid with a blue circle dot in the centre of it displayed on the side of the jeep. “Th…that’s…the symbol…” Lea thought to herself ignoring Spud’s question. A hand touched Lea’s shoulder causing her to quickly turn her head to reveal that it was spud’s hand. “err….are you alright missy?” He stated with a confused tone. “huh…oh yea I’m fine thankyou.” Lea replied with a fake smile on her face. The 2 began walking to the jeep. Through the process of helping Lea and Drake, Tub looked on with a suspicious expression at Lea. When Lea opened the side door and sat next to Tub she smiled nervously. Tub continued his suspicious expression while spud put the unconscious Drake in the front seat. He looked back and noticed Tub’s expression of confusion and smiled. “Don’t worry ‘bout him his always suspicious of new people. I’m Spud by the way and this is my brother Tub.” Lea faced Spud and replied. “I-I’m Lea…anne, Leanne and this is Dranz.” Referring to herself and Drake. Spud smiled as Lea looked to her right and out at the desert. Spud then turned and observed Tub’s face. Tube looked at Spud and nodded once with a big frown. Spud looked on with a bit of shock as he then turned serious and nodded back, he then faced the front and turned the hovering car off allowing it to ascend off the ground, turn and fly off. Lea yawned a big yawn and noticed Tub had stopped looking at her suspiciously. There was no talk as everyone kept quiet. “So..what were you’se doing in the desert anyway?” Lea asked trying to break the silence. Spud turned his head slightly back as he replied. “You never know what you find out ‘ere.” He then looked forward thinking to himself. “You never know…” Tub turned his head to face Lea and asked. “And what were you two doing out here?” His previously goofish tone had changed into a serious one. Lea hesitated for a second as she thought of a reason she then replied. “We got lost…Drake passed out due to exhaustion.” Tub after hearing the reply snickered and turned his head away. Lea sighed a sigh of relief. “One last question.” Tub stated causing Lea’s eyes to open widely in fear as he continued. “How long have you been a Volunteer!?” Lea now had a scared expression as she was speechless for a second. “A…A volunteer…? O-of course not! We ju-“ “Cut the act!” Spud interrupted. “We saw you looking at that there symbol! You know what we are and we know what you are!” Lea looked completely freighted as a knife appeared in front of her neck, she turned her head slightly to see Tub holding the knife and glaring at her. “That’s right.” Spud began as he turned his head slightly. “We’re Government Bounters.” A tear began to form in Lea’s eyes, Drake remained unconscious. Spud drew his mobile phone from his pocket and put it to his ear. “What have I done…” Lea thought to herself as the car continued to hover at a rapid speed through the desert. ** Meanwhile a giant room was welcomed by the sounds of rapid movements of footsteps. A man covered in the darkness of the room and looking out a window that led into a giant white laboratory with many scientists and army soldiers inside, looked on at the laboratory. His face was the only thing visible, he was quite pale and looked to be about 6”5, he had short blonde hair and a blonde moustache, he also had a glass eye and big scar going down that side of his face. His face looked strict as it was covered with a displeased frown. The sound of rapidly moving footsteps became louder and louder as it was revealed a man with short brown hair a white lab coat and glasses ran towards the giant man. “Sir!” he called with confidence as he continued to run towards the tall man, the scientist had a yellow envelope in his hand that looked to be about 30 cm long and wide. As he approached he stopped and held the envelope out forward. Without turning his body the man snatched the envelope off the scientist with his left hand, revealing he was wearing a green army general suit. He opened the envelope still looking out the window. He then pulled a slip of paper out of it. He looked down at the picture he drew out, he then threw the envelope on the ground. “Are they sure!” The man demanded in question, he had a very deep and sinister voice that caught the scientist off guard causing him to jump slightly. “Y-Yes sir! Apparently…they’ve found him…” The man continued to look at the picture and began laughing a sinister laugh. Noticeably on the paper was a photo of a boy no more than 15 with brown hair, it was Drake. “Experiment 91%” The man thought to himself as the scientist asked. “Should I send more men General Straco?” A giant grin engulfed the face of the general. [font="Garamond"][size="7"]PeacevolutioN[/size][/font] [/spoiler] [spoiler= Chapter 3: Tristan, the Captain] The hovering jeep, flew just above the desert, Tub continued to hold the knife in front of the neck of the petrified Lea. Drake remained unconscious while Spud released a big exhausted yawn. Lea observed the expression on Tub’s face, he often yawned and leaned his head back with his eyes closed, he’d then shake his head in an attempt to stay awake. Lea took this chance to her advantage, these 2 men were Bounters, their profession was to hunt the “Volunteers” as instructed by the UGS. Lea waited for Tub to lay his head back as he did Lea instantly pushed the knife and arm forward, she then covered the eyes of Spud causing him to steer recklessly, Tub, upon feeling the changing motion of the jeep quickly awoke only to notice the jeep crashing into the ground, the impact caused Lea and drake to fly out the jeep and crash into the sand. Lea lay slightly injured due to the crash, the jeep remained upside down with spud and Tub inside it, she saw Drake laying a few metres away from her, Lea quickly got to her feet lifting Drake off the ground and put his arm over her shoulder. She turned her head back to the crash hearing the moaning exerted by Spud and Tub and the sound of the jeep turning over. Tub had now pushed the jeep off the 2 bounters, he then pulled Spud up. Noticeably they were both slightly injured and dirty due to the sand. Spud wiped off the small strain of blood that led from his mouth to his chin. He then pulled out from his pocket, the same large knife/sword that Tub was holding. “You…you ‘ave done it now girl!” Spud called out as the two slowly walked towards the volunteers. “We’ve had that jeep for our whole lives!” The growing frustration of Spud could be measured in his voice. Tub clenched his fist. “You’ll pay for that!” Tub called, his monstrous tone echoing through the desert. There was a slight windy breeze that could be noticed as it drew sand and carried it through the air. Lea watched as Tub and Spud began circling her and the unconscious Drake. They had a big grin on their face. “We’ve been looking for a long time for Mr. 91% there!” Spud called in amusement as he began closing in on Lea and Drake. Lea fell to her knees as the two approached, she held onto the body of drake, putting his head next to hers and over her shoulder. She held onto Drake tightly as tears began swimming and dripping from her eyes. “Drake!!!” She called out, Suddenly Drake’s eyes opened wide! Lea looked on with amazement in her eyes and a sense of hope that was exerted through her smile as Drake released her grip of him and stood straight up. Drake stood tall, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath and a deep release, he quickly opened his eyes and clenched his fists as he noticed Lea with tears streaming down her face. With a serious and frustrated tone he began speaking. “Lea…who did this to you?” Spud and Tub both looked furious as they gripped the handles of their blades tightly. “You ‘ave a lot of nerve you volunteer trash!” Spud called out causing Drake to question him. “Volunteer?” He thought to himself. “Hey Spud let’s take him out here!” Tub said with aggression as he smirked. “I couldn’t agree more Tub!” Spud replied in agreement causing Tub to grin and lift his blade in the air as he charged in at Drake. Lea held her head down, unable to bring herself to witness the event about to take place. As Tub approached he swung the blade down towards Drake, Drake didn’t move his body but rather just his elbow in a quick motion he planted the elbow in Tub’s gut causing him to cough blood from his mouth and be thrown along the ground, skidding along the sand and coming to a stop after 15 meters. Spud watched on in horror and fear. Tub was lying motionless his face implanted in the sand and his eyes rolled to the back of his head. Drake turned his head towards Spud. Lea lifted her head and noticed Tub face implanted on the sand. Lea stood up slowly standing behind Drake. “You…that was my brother!” Spud yelled in anger as he charged at Drake, Drake with a displeased expression dashed forward, Spud upon approaching slashed his knife at Drake. Drake easily ducked under the knife and released his right fist into Spud’s gut sending him through the air and skidding far along the sand. Blood poured from his mouth as he lay on his back with eyes rolled to the back of his head. Lea smiled and faced Drake with an expression of happiness. Drake turned to her with a confused look as he put his hand on his forehead. “Hey Lea what happened?” Drake asked, the serious and dramatic expression of Drake had now reverted to one of confusion. “How did we get out here?” Lea didn’t respond but rather engaged herself in a hug with Drake. “Ahh, Lea are you okay?” Lea released Drake from her grasp, she wiped tears from her eyes. “Don’t make me worry again!” Lea’s voice had completely changed from sad and worried, to angry and frustrated, she turned her body and folded her arms with a cross look on her face. “Ahh, sorry?” Drake replied as he shrugged his shoulders. Suddenly Lea and Drake turned their attention to behind them, a rage of wind had roared up all of a sudden, Drake turned as he noticed a big black helicopter hovering 10 metres above the sand, noticeably a man wearing a big black coat and black tight jeans along with a white collared shirt with the first 3 buttons undone, was hanging off the edge of the door of the helicopter facing Drake and Lea, he jumped out the helicopter, landing on one knee, he then stood up. The man also had short dark brown hair that was slightly spiked all round. His black shades hid his eyes as his hands remained in the pockets of his black jacket. He was standing at about 6 foot 1 inch and his skin tone was neither tanned nor pale. A voice coming from the seat of the flier of the helicopter spoke out. “Are you sure you’ll be fine Captain Tristan?” The man known as Tristan remained facing drake and Lea. “Get out of my sight.” He said softly in a dark and sinister tone. The pilot abided by Tristan’s statement as he quickly left the area with a nervous look on his face. Drake and lea watched the helicopter fly off, they then focused on Captain Tristan. “Who are you!” Drake called out as he stood ready for any kind of attack that may come his way. “We’ve been searching for you…Drake or should I say…91.” Tristan said as he stared blankly at Drake fixing the position of his black glasses. “91?” Drake questioned as he turned to Lea who simply shrugged, Drake turned back to Tristan. “Who are you!?” “Tristan, but you can call me captain..” Lea observed Tristan briefly she noticed on his visible chest, just below his neck was the gold pyramid symbol with the blue circle in the centre of it. Lea pointed towards the pyramid. “His with the UGS!” Drake noticing this stood in a fighting stance. “What do you want!” Tristan remained with an angered expression. “I want you to come with me, the UGS seeks your power.” Drake angered, dashed towards Tristan, he then jumped in the air and headed for the captain who remained in the same stance and stayed with the same expression. [font="Garamond"][size="7"]PeacevolutioN[/size][/font] [/spoiler] [spoiler= Chapter 4: Cory, the Element] Drake approached Tristan while coming down from jumping in the air, releasing his right arm forward with force Drake attempted to punch Tristan’s face, Upon the fist reaching Tristan’s face there was no contact as it appeared that Tristan had vanished then straight away reappeared 1 metre to his right. Drake landed on one knee and turned his head backwards confused at what had just taken place. Drake stood up and jumped backwards, he then stood in a fighting stance while Tristan slowly turned his body to face Drake, his hands were still in the pockets of his black coat that of which waved in the wind. “I swear I hit him?” Drake wondered to himself as he eyed off his opponent. “You’re really slow.” Tristan began. “And you’re the 91%...” “What do you mean 91%?” Drake questioned causing Tristan to sigh. “You don’t remember do you…” “Remember what?!” Drake asked in frustration, Tristan merely smirked causing Drake to dash at him and throw a right hand fist. Tristan once again as the fist approached, disappeared reappearing straight away 1 metre to the left. Drake instantly spun around throwing a kick towards the newly appeared Tristan. Tristan once again disappeared as the kick approached. Drake returned his leg next to his other standing still and wondering where Tristan had disappeared to. Drake stood cautiously turning his head side to side. “You are incredibly slow, I’m disappointed.” The dark voice of Tristan came from behind Drake, without hesitation Drake threw his right hand at Tristan, Tristan blocked the attack with the back of his left forearm. The collision of the fist and the forearm caused a shockwave to rally through the area. The sand along the ground rose slightly as the shockwave progressed through the area. The force pushed Lea a metre back landing on the ground. “Drake…What was that…strength…” Lea thought to herself as she slowly rose to her feet watching the ongoing battle take place. Drake was in the same amazement as Lea as he looked at his hands standing still. Tristan appeared to not share the same amazement as Drake or Lea as he pulled his arms back, clenched his fists tightly then pushed them both forward together pushing with great force against Drake’s chest sending him far back through the air and skidding along the ground performing undesired forward rolls. Drake finally came to a stop as he lay on his back, He attempted to lift his head as he struggled to perform the simplest of actions. He pressed against his chest gritting his teeth in an attempt to not show pain. “Drake!” Lea yelled out as she watched Drake struggle but finally get on one knee then finally get to his feet. He leaned forward slightly releasing his hold on his chest and instead holding his right arm. “What…strength.” Drake thought to himself as he glared at the 6 foot tall Tristan who in an attempt to intimidate Drake remained with his arms forward in the same position they were in when they struck Drake. The bottom of Tristan’s coat blew in the wind, Tristan released the stance of his hands and returned them to his coat pockets. “What is it with this guy?!” Drake thought to himself as he reminisced of the current events. “One moment his there…the next his not?!” Drake relinquished his grip on his arm as he faced Tristan in a fighting stance. “No doubt his to strong.” He thought. Suddenly in the distance to his left Drake turned his head as he saw what appeared to be a hovering motor bike headed in their direction. The noise emitted through the movement of the hovering bike gradually increased as it began approaching. Tristan merely turned his head slightly. “Belief 2, looks like they’ve heard of Drake’s appearance.” Tristan thought to himself as the boy on the motorbike approached. Drake took a step back as the boy on the bike who appeared to be no more then 15, jumped off landing on the sand. He had short blonde hair that wasn’t spiked up but ran a bit down his face, he wore a brown jacket with a hoodie attached and wore a black singlet, his pants were slightly baggy cargo ones and his shoes were white. Drake stood weary of the figure in front of him. Lea observed the boy from a distance, she remembered the day they walked outside the big building and saw the boy in amongst the group of people. “What’s he doing here…” Lea thought in confusion. The boy standing in front of the bike turned his head back towards Drake. “Quick get on the bike, we have to leave.” The boy stated talking to drake. Drake was weary to reply then asked. “Who are you?” “I’ll answer later.” The boy faced Tristan. “Trust me you don’t want me to fight this guy, his one of the 8.” “The 8?” “8 Captains of the UGS, Vanishing Tristan is the man before you. We need to leave.” Hesitant at first Drake abided by the boy’s request and sat on the big white metallic hovering bike. The boy kneeled down and picked up small amounts of sand and put them in his jacket pocket. He then, while still eyeing of the standing Tristan jumped on the metallic bike and held onto the 2 bars that guided the bike, after a quick second the bike hovered over the sand landing just in front of Lea. “Lea, we have to go.” Drake held his hand out, Lea grabbed his hand and was pulled by Drake on the bike. The boy then pressed forward on the hovering bike forcing it to dash at a rapid speed forward, he then turned and drove off to the direction he came from driving past Tristan. Tristan watching the current events, followed in pursuit, it appeared as if he was vanishing then reappearing in a rapid style. Tristan was gaining ground on the rapidly moving bike. “Darn his catching up!” Drake stated as he looked back. “Leave him to me” The boy said calmly as he took out the sand in his pockets. The sand somehow disappearing and merging with his hand. The boys hands somehow turned into the colour of the sand, he then turned his body so he was facing backwards, he was only inches away from drake’s face as he lifted his arms straight out and pointing forward in the direction of the sprinting Tristan. “Extinguish!” The boy called out, suddenly the boy’s hands began emitting 2 large streams of sand that merged together conducting the sand on the ground forming a giant goldish brown wave of sand headed for Tristan who had now stopped watching on with no fear or hesitation at the giant sand pile headed his way. As the sand crashed into Tristan and the surrounding the boy smiled and turned back guiding the hovering bike forward. Drake and Lea watched on speechless. The boy remained facing forward as the hovering bike continued to glide above the ground. “I’m Cory by the way, but people call me Element.” The Boy known as Cory stated as the bike continued to advance through the desert. The large pile of sand remained still on top of Tristan, until big portions of the sand began flying off the pile. Suddenly Tristan stood up pushing the sand off his back. Tristan walked out of the sand, standing on the now small pile of sand. His expression was still the same displeased appearance. He brushed the sand off his coat with his hands and watched the Hovering bike fly off into the distance. [font="Garamond"][size="7"]PeacevolutioN[/size][/font] [/spoiler] [spoiler= Chapter 5: Kurosan, the Shadow] A giant metallic skyscraper lay in the centre of a giant city, the city would normally release many people and hovering cars constantly roaming through the streets of the city, however due to the weather the streets were emptied, it was a depressing sight. The roaring rain engulfed the city with puddles accompanied by the darkness of the clouds, plaguing the city with limited sunlight and constant sounds of thunder. Walking along a pathway towards the giant structure of the building that bore with it many glass windows, was a man in a big black coat, Tristan. Captain Tristan cared little about the rain drenching his face and his clothes he maintained his displeased expression as he walked into the automatic doors that separated for his entrance. Noticeably on top of the giant skyscraper was the gold pyramid symbol with a blue circle in the centre, indicating that the structure was operated by the UGS. Tristan walked into the skyscraper leading himself into an open area with red carpet leading to the front desk that had behind it 2 women, the women upon seeing Tristan enter greeted him. “Captain Tristan welcome back, the lift is ready for you.” Tristan payed no attention to the woman and walked over to the big sized elevator that stood to the left of the front desk. He pushed the button on the side of the elevator doors allowing them to open, the elevator room was quite big, the back of it bore windows to outside the skyscraper, they were drenched with the outside rain. Tristan walked in, still keeping his hand in his coat pocket and facing out the window of the elevator. He began remembering his short fight with Drake. “And he is the test subject?” He thought to himself as the elevator stopped at a hotel number that didn’t appear indicating that it was a secret room. Upon the doors opening Tristan walked into the big open room, it was a large room with a big desk at the end of it. Behind the table facing out the glass window was a very tall man about 6 foot 5 inches wearing a green suit, he was wearing a green army hat and had visibly a short blonde moustache and hair. “Stracon?” Tristan questioned as he walked closer. “General Stracon to you!” The man turned around to reveal it was general Stracon, he had a furious look on his face. Tristan sat on the chair opposite to the table putting his leg on an angle over his knee with his arms on the arm rest. “I haven’t called you that since I joined the 8, why are you in my building.” Tristan asked with a confused and slightly sinister tone. General Straco hit his fist on the table causing the ground to shake slightly along with the roof. “Remember who’s the one that gave you this office boy!!!” General Straco roared with anger. “I take it I’ve done something wrong.” Tristan mocked as Straco turned and folded his arms facing out at the drenched windows. “You disgust me…you let the test subject go!!!” Straco closed his eyes as he rubbed his forehead with 3 fingers. Straco then turned his head to Tristan with a big grin on his face. “I don’t think you’re cut for this assignment, I think I might put Kurosan in your place instead!” Tristan immediately leaned forward with a frustrated expression as he took his black shades off revealing his brown eyes. “Not Kurosan!” Tristan argued in fury as the sounds of clapping came from the right of Tristan. Tristan pushed his chair back and stood up looking to his right, out of the shadow of the wall walked a man about 5 foot 8 inches wearing white gloves and a black bandana around his neck. “Kurosan!” Tristan whispered in anger as he glared at the man that walked closer to Tristan, his eye pupils were black and his hair was also black and quite long, shoulder length and straight, he also had a black paint like substance around his eyes. He bore a big grin and wore a Black tight jacket with a big black collar, his skin was pale and he wore white tight jean like pants. Kurosan walked until he was within a metre of Tristan he then smirked and turned to face General Straco. “I assure you this is a wise choice sir.” Kurosan applauded as he folded his arms and turned to the angered Tristan. “Straco! Kurosan is inexperienced! I will get the job done!” Tristan pleaded in an angered tone. Straco waited a second unresponsive, he then turned and faced the 2. Straco smirked. “1 chance! You fail then Kurosan get’s the task!” Straco walked towards the elevator and walked inside it. Kurosan turned to Tristan and smirked. “We should get along.” Kurosan mocked. “I mean we’re both captains, 2 of the 8!” Tristan began clenching his fists in anger. “What do you sa-“ Suddenly Tristan threw a punch at Kurosan upon the fist approaching Kurosan appeared underneath Tristan’s arm points a s unique looking black dagger with the edge pointed to Tristan’s Forearm. “You know what they call me.” Kurosan began. “Hell, you have fought me yourself. The Shadow” Tristan at a fast pace moved his arm off the tip of the dagger, Kurosan chuckled as he walked towards the elevator and entered it, waving his arm with a smirk on his face. The elevator then closed. Tristan walked to the glass window looking out it. He then looked at his arm that was on the point of the dagger. It had a cut on it that went through the coat and his shirt and slightly cut the edge of his skin. Light drops of blood dripped from his cut. Tristan instantly and rapidly turned to his desk hitting the centre with the bottom of his fist, the result was the desk splitting in two. Tristan put one palm on each side of the desk as he began panting lightly due to his rage. “I will get Drake…” He thought to himself. ** Meanwhile, In a plains like environment with light and well cut grass covering the ground, the hovering bike sped rapidly through the field. Drake and Lea still had many questions on their mind about this Cory boy but agreed to wait until they got to the venue stated by Cory. “Yup there it is right there!” Cory stated pointing one arm forward at the distance, visibly was a big square shaped building that appeared to have 2 levels on it. It was far off from any civilization as the surrounding atmosphere was plains and giant boulders of rocks with giant mountain a bit of a distance south of the building. As they approached the 3 noticed 2 Identical men standing in front of the doors of the building. They both had short white beards and wore red robes. They appeared to be of quite an elderly age as shown through their wrinkles and long white hair. Cory stopped the hovering bike 5 metres in front of the two men, the hovering bike then descended and stood on the ground as Cory, Drake and Lea, hopped off. Drake and Lea looked at the big structure in front of them. “Wh…What is this place?” Drake questioned. Cory smiled as he walked next to him. Drake and Lea observed the giant “2” imprinted on the front of the building. “This is the home of those who reside in the 2nd belief.” Cory replied. “The second belief?” Lea questioned, at this point the two elderly men that stood at about 6”2 walked over. The two twins smiled as they shook Drake’s hands and then Lea’s. “Pleased to meet you two” they both greeted simultaneously, these were no ordinary twins, they could mimic what each other were saying. “Welcome to the home of the second belief. I am Magus” “I…I-“ Drake began but was then interrupted. “Please, Please, you do not need to introduce yourself, we know all about you.” Drake looked at Cory who nodded to him and signalled for them all to walk inside, they all moved towards the entrance as the doors automatically opened. [font="Garamond"][size="7"]PeacevolutioN[/size][/font] [/spoiler] [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghoulish Posted August 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2010 add 1st chapter, Drake the volunteer, anyway hope you like it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghoulish Posted August 29, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 29, 2010 bummpp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghoulish Posted August 29, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 29, 2010 ill be posting chapter 2 later on today, it'll get more interesting i believe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghoulish Posted August 30, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2010 not one comment? really? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghoulish Posted August 31, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 chapter 2 added, Straco the general. I hope i get some comments soon, the action part of this fic will start in the next chaper, these are basically the chapters that led to the start of the first actual non introduction chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghoulish Posted September 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2010 chapter 3, tristan, the Captain added, hoping to get a comment... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghoulish Posted September 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2010 loving the 69 views and no comments, added chapter 5, Kurosan, the Shadow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twig Posted September 1, 2010 Report Share Posted September 1, 2010 I don't understand how a WORLD War improved life on Earth. “Peace can only be gained through War/Fighting” That's a little ironic, don't you think? Basically, this says "Peace can only be gained through chaos." Great logic. “Peace can only be gained through one’s understanding of another” If I know everything about the raccoon that took my sandwich, I'd still hate the raccoon. “Peace can only be gained through those who deserve it” Us humans haven't had peace for so long. Does that mean we don't deserve it? Harsh. And obtain peace, some genius decided to make superweapons(Project Peacevolution). Yeah, that will definitely solve the problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghoulish Posted September 2, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2010 when i get homeme and if my nets working ill reply to to that showing why u are retarted. edit: [b]"I don't understand how a WORLD War improved life on Earth."[/b] The allied nations who seek peace defeated those who's intentions were to dominate the world? defeating them wouldn't help would it... [b]“Peace can only be gained through War/Fighting” "That's a little ironic, don't you think? Basically, this says "Peace can only be gained through chaos." Great logic."[/b] lol wtf? how can you even think that, what do you think the U.S. army is doing in iraq? To try to maintain or gain peace they are fighting off the taliban hence the belief that to gain peace you need to fight, even the simplest of morons can understsand that, so what does that make you? [b]“Peace can only be gained through one’s understanding of another”[/b] [b]"If I know everything about the raccoon that took my sandwich, I'd still hate the raccoon."[/b] Great example that had nothing to do with the in depth meaning of the belief. Through understanding the racoon you'd know that it took your sandwhich because it was starving, and any human being could understand that [b]“Peace can only be gained through those who deserve it” "Us humans haven't had peace for so long. Does that mean we don't deserve it? Harsh. "[/b] Think of that belief as a cult's beliefs, there are cult's that mislead people as there are beliefs, this is the group who are the sadistic volunteers that believe only they deserve peace, its a story that needs "bad people" if you can understand that. [b]"And obtain peace, some genius decided to make superweapons(Project Peacevolution). Yeah, that will definitely solve the problem."[/b] wow....honestly you didn't read it at all, the project, PeacevolutioN, brainwashes the volunteers into beliveing one thought of how to gain peace, they then, with supernatural abilities watch over their communities to maintain that view of Peace resulting in a world with Peace, and yea that will definately solve the problem. You know what this (your post) was, it was simply an attempt to start an argument, you had no intention to read of understand the fic i created, because we have had a small feud in the past you simply came in here with the intention of mocking anything I made no matter how good or bad it was. You didn't take anything in the story or opinions into consideration, you are really sad. It's funny watching you suck up to moderators it really is, now do yourself and me a favour, don't comment on any thing I made, if I wanted comments more useful then yours than i wont ask for comments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twig Posted September 2, 2010 Report Share Posted September 2, 2010 [quote name='~Soulciety~' timestamp='1283388583' post='4590812'] when i get homeme and if my nets working ill reply to to that showing why u are retarted. edit: [b]"I don't understand how a WORLD War improved life on Earth."[/b] The allied nations who seek peace defeated those who's intentions were to dominate the world? defeating them wouldn't help would it... [b]“Peace can only be gained through War/Fighting” "That's a little ironic, don't you think? Basically, this says "Peace can only be gained through chaos." Great logic."[/b] [i]lol wtf? how can you even think that, what do you think the U.S. army is doing in iraq? To try to maintain or gain peace they are fighting off the taliban hence the belief that to gain peace you need to fight, even the simplest of morons can understsand that, so what does that make you?[/i] There's a difference between trying to stop a war and starting wars. The people who believe in this way of peace would want to start wars. The US are trying to stop wars. [b]“Peace can only be gained through one’s understanding of another”[/b] [b]"If I know everything about the raccoon that took my sandwich, I'd still hate the raccoon."[/b] [i]Great example that had nothing to do with the in depth meaning of the belief. Through understanding the racoon you'd know that it took your sandwhich because it was starving, and any human being could understand that[/i] But I was hungry too, so I'd still hate the raccoon. Thing is, if the raccoon asked to share instead of just taking it, I would have given it some. [b]“Peace can only be gained through those who deserve it” "Us humans haven't had peace for so long. Does that mean we don't deserve it? Harsh. "[/b] [i]Think of that belief as a cult's beliefs, there are cult's that mislead people as there are beliefs, this is the group who are the sadistic volunteers that believe only they deserve peace, its a story that needs "bad people" if you can understand that.[/i] I guess this one makes sense even though the cult's belief is horribly wrong. [b]"And obtain peace, some genius decided to make superweapons(Project Peacevolution). Yeah, that will definitely solve the problem."[/b] [i]wow....honestly you didn't read it at all, the project, PeacevolutioN, brainwashes the volunteers into beliveing one thought of how to gain peace, they then, with supernatural abilities watch over their communities to maintain that view of Peace resulting in a world with Peace, and yea that will definately solve the problem.[/i] What do you think will be the reaction when they see these superhumans? -People also wanting super abilities. -People fighting to get these super abilities. -People protesting(like you said). You even said in your opening sequence that a new war started because of these superhumans. You want a quote? Here's what you wrote: "They are at war with each other and the UGS. " [i]You know what this (your post) was, it was simply an attempt to start an argument, you had no intention to read of understand the fic i created, because we have had a small feud in the past you simply came in here with the intention of mocking anything I made no matter how good or bad it was. You didn't take anything in the story or opinions into consideration, you are really sad.[/i] First of all, I don't even know who you are, and I'm not going to bother to look at your name history. Second, ever heard of criticism? I was trying to point out plot holes. Third, why would I want to start an argument? Fourth, you just violated the Jack Witt Clause. Reported. [i]It's funny watching you suck up to moderators it really is, now do yourself and me a favour, don't comment on any thing I made, if I wanted comments more useful then yours than i wont ask for comments.[/i] I don't even understand the second part of this sentence. And I don't know where you're getting the sucking up part. [/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghoulish Posted September 2, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2010 read ur post, how does it give any sort of critisicm to the storyline, characters, writing or anything of the sort just the first like pararaph of the opening. Also "At war with the UGS" is an expression, it's not a full on war, it's like to say they are constantly attempting to live a better life and on the way the UGS are trying to destroy them, but you have to remember that the UGS doesn't follow 1 of the 3 beliefs. Also i'll have to check what the jack witt clause is again. belief 1: Although that is true, they still need to fight to ensure that peace is gained, the whole point of this belief is to show the people that would, start and maintain a war for the goal of Peace. Beief 2: Right but the racoon can't speak, your sympathy towards the racoon would no doubt compensate for it's actions. Also what if a starvin little boy took bread from your shop because he couldn't afford it, would you not understand that action? Belief 3: People may envy the abilities, however you could also predict that due to the abilities causing the volunteers to be brainwashed and not have a mind of their own people may see this as an unattractive prospect also they would see the level of Peace that's obtained and wont mind. EDIT: Just reviewed jack witt clause, and no i don't consider that a critique comment, you had no interest of reading the actual purpose or meaning of the fic or understanding the story in general but rather looked at it and read maybe 2 paragraphs and writing the first thing that came to your head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twig Posted September 3, 2010 Report Share Posted September 3, 2010 [quote name='~Soulciety~' timestamp='1283461006' post='4593055'] read ur post, how does it give any sort of critisicm to the storyline, characters, writing or anything of the sort just the first like pararaph of the opening. [b]I was pointing out plot holes and things that are wrong with the beliefs. By fixing those plot holes, the opening sequence and whole story itself might be improved. [/b] Also "At war with the UGS" is an expression, it's not a full on war, it's like to say they are constantly attempting to live a better life and on the way the UGS are trying to destroy them, [b]Even if it's not a war, it still has caused a lot of chaos.[/b] but you have to remember that the UGS doesn't follow 1 of the 3 beliefs. [b]What do you mean? They don't follow any of the three beliefs or they only follow two beliefs?[/b] belief 1: Although that is true, they still need to fight to ensure that peace is gained, the whole point of this belief is to show the people that would, start and maintain a war for the goal of Peace. [b]My point is that people who believe in this belief would want to start wars which is the total opposite of peace.[/b] Beief 2: Right but the racoon can't speak, your sympathy towards the racoon would no doubt compensate for it's actions. Also what if a starvin little boy took bread from your shop because he couldn't afford it, would you not understand that action? [b]You seem to have forgotten what you've wrote. “Peace can only be gained through one’s understanding of another” Meaning that both the raccoon and I or the little boy and I would understand each other. If the boy/raccon understood me, he would know he could have just asked for some, but that's not the case. The problem with this belief is that if only one understands another, then the other might be the chaos whereas I'm the peace. If we both understand each other, then we might be both in peace. But look at this in another way. An emperor wants more land for his kingdom, let's call him emperor A, so he attacks a neighboring kingdom. The emperor of the neighboring kingdom, let's call him emperor B, knows what emperor A wants while emperor A knows that emperor B doesn't want to lose any land. Both understand each other perfectly, but they are still fighting.[/b] Belief 3: People may envy the abilities, however you could also predict that due to the abilities causing the volunteers to be brainwashed and not have a mind of their own people may see this as an unattractive prospect also they would see the level of Peace that's obtained and wont mind. [b]But here's the problem. How many superheros are there? How many criminals are there? Superheroes can't be everywhere at once. (Example: Batman only protects Gotham City). The superheroes might be able to keep peace in one city, but they can't keep peace in all of them.[/b] EDIT: Just reviewed jack witt clause, and no i don't consider that a critique comment, you had no interest of reading the actual purpose or meaning of the fic or understanding the story in general but rather looked at it and read maybe 2 paragraphs and writing the first thing that came to your head. [b]Are you a mind reader? Are you stalking me? How do you know what I'm thinking? That's right. You don't know what I'm thinking, so where are you getting all these nonsense. I wasn't even being mean. I made a few sarcastic comments, but I didn't cuss, I didn't just say "It's bad.", and I didn't even flame/shout/etc. And I only criticized a small portion of your story. Why are you going ballistic? Is it because of some history I had with you that I don't remember? I don't even know who you are.[/b] [/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 3, 2010 Report Share Posted September 3, 2010 Both of you stop the arguing now or the fanfic will be locked and both of you will be have your warning level increased. -Shadius Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghoulish Posted September 3, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2010 its done, twig if that was seriously an attempt of constructive critiscicm then im sorry and wil take it into consideration Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghoulish Posted September 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2010 added character profiles, and still no comments? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dabir Posted September 10, 2010 Report Share Posted September 10, 2010 I like your pacing, although you could do with a really pedantic proofreader. I can't work out exactly why PeacevolutioN needs a capital N, but if it isn't important to the plot then I'll happily pretend the strange capitalisation isn't there while I'm reading the story. My main issue, aside from the spelling, punctuation and grammar, is that everything seems a little under-explained. It seems more like you're narrating a video game than writing a story. Before you add any more, I recommend you proofread what you've got so far, fix the spelling errors and see if you can improve it any further with more description of the environment and characters, then send it to someone with excellent grammar and writing skills, so they can check over it. What you've given us is an interesting setting, followed by people doing things. What is absent, and what would help the story immensely, is a little description of the characters' personalities and backstory. It's halfway to being good, it can make it all the way there if you keep improving what you have and don't just throw in more of the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghoulish Posted September 11, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 11, 2010 kk, yea i often tend to write as if you're watching a , but yea i'll try to make the improvements and provide better descriptions thanks for the comment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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