Green Roses

[grassman131]

here is my chapter one and two of my fan fic. New chapters posted ASAP. If you want to see a spoiler then google image mr.linden's library.
[spoiler=Chapter 1-Ignoring Warnings] He had warned her about that book. Now it was too late. Victoria clutched the book close to her as she opened the well-oiled door and walked casually, as she did not want to call attention to herself. The sidewalk felt smooth as she stepped on it with her pink sneakers. The feet in her white and purple checkered socks carried her all the way to the front door of her house, which was next-door to Mr.Linder's house, whe one she had just hastily exited. As the lock clicked with the key in it she remembered the note on the door as she went to return her book. "Victoria, I have gone on a vacation. Feel free to continue my books until I return, just don't take that book! -Mr.Linder".
As the sneakers slipped off her checkered socks she started to look the book over. It had no title on the front and definately looked one-of-a-kind. A stinging pain hit Victoria's had out of nowhere. It turns out that the plant-like decorations had fake thorns that had pushed into her hand as she forced the book into her hand as she forced the book into her palm. As the book turned over in her hands she got a glance at the green cover that seemed to be decorated with green roses. Victoria was confused with this as she had never heard of green roses before. But she decided that was of little importance.
With that thought in the back of her head she raced up the stairs, into her room, and onto her bed. She let the thought of how long it would take her to read it, and estimated about three nights. As her fingers worked to find the new page she waited, preparing herself to enter a new world. The first page was open and Victoria's eyes darted back and forth as they read each word on the page. [i]The main character is a lot like me[/i] thought Victoria.
And she was exactly like Victoria, with long brown hair, blue eyes, and a tan, but not too tan, skin color. This interested Victoria and she read on. The girl in the story went to a school that was similar to Victoria's. The girl's name was Sorenitie and she did many things like Victoria. Sorenitie's friends were Hunter, Max, and Violet. They hang out at an ice cream parlor much like the one in Victoria's neighborhood. As Victoria read she wondered what was so bad about this book and why was the cover covered in green roses?[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Chapter 2-Horrible Tidings] She heard the garage door opening. Her mom wasn't supposed to be home until 6 p.m. and she had just gotten the pook at 4 o'clock. Her head spun as she glanced at the clock in her room. It was 6:15!
Victoria gasped as she saw the clock and looked down at the page number, 63! Victoria couldn't believe the time she had spent reading about that. It had just seemed like just a normal morning in her life. As she click of the opening door sounded so did the flipping pages in Victoria's book. Looking at the pages she saw that they were full of words that described her average morning. "Victoria, honey? I'm home!" shouted her mom, Agnes. "I'm reading Mom." Victoria replied almost by routine. She slammed the bood closed because it was creeping her out, and wnced as the thorns pierced her tan skin.
Victoria flinched and the book slammed against the floor and Victoria sucked the blood off of ther hands as the waited for the stinging pain to stop. There was a thundering and slamming sound as Agnes raced up the stairs and into her room. "Is everything all right?" asked Agnes as she observed the blood on Victoria's hands and on the book "What in the world?"
"It's fine mom," assured Victoria as she pushed her mom out of the room out of the room "Everything is fine." The door vibrated as it slammed once again. A tissue was lifted from it's resting place and used to wipe the blood off of the thorns. The book was then placed on a free spot on her shelf was borrowing from Mr.Linden. She then slipped out one of her favorite sas stories "..., Then You Die". It was about a boy who was teased and bullied in school by kids who thought that they were just joking around. Eventually at the end he gets fed up and jumps off a cliff. Despite the fact that she had read it many, many times, it still always brought tears to her eyes. It said "true story" on the front, but she didn't believe that people could be that mean.
Pages flipped until it came to her first place where she cried in the book. It was where one of the people the boy considered his friends called him a hippo. It brought tears to Victoria's eyes wet she filled the empty spot on her shelf and took out her MP3. She then turned on her favorite station and slowly drifted off to sleep.
A sudden noise woke Victoria. She looked around, but saw nothing wrong. Knowing she wouldn't be able to get baack to sleep she took out the green book careful not to touch the thorns, and read about how the girl woke up to find her room trashed by plants. Victoria crept into sleep again, leaving the book open with vines whipping out of the spine.
The beeping to the alarm clock should have woken her up by now. Violet stretched her arms and looked around the room. Victoria's eyes widened as she saw the damage in her room. She checked her body for scratches and cuts on her arms and legs. Some were bleeding so she got out her first-aid kit. It should have been in the third drawer, but it was sprawled out on the middle of the floor. Victoria reached down from her blood-stained bed, then she used her hands to grab the bandage dispenseir and started to pull them out to put over her wounds. But before Victoria applied them she snatched the alchohal prep pad ans wiped down her wounds. She grimaced as the wet pad hit her cuts and scratches and dripped the alchal into the blood-filled crevices of her skin. She looked back to where the first-aid kit was scattered and saw something peculiar, a green rose.[/spoiler]

[Loki Mordere]

Not bad. I don't see where the climax is though. have you made one yet?

[grassman131]

yes I have much more written, just need to type it. I haven't introduced much yet but if you look up the spoiler image then you may have some idea.

[Phantom M.C.]

paragraphs, don't just leave them clumped together, other than that i see a few spelling errors, but its pretty good,

[grassman131]

thank you! I will fix those soon.

[grassman131]

edited with paragraphs!

[grassman131]

second chapter is up!

[Loki Mordere]

Is this going to be goreish or anything.....? Because alot of people like scary stories, but only a few are really good that have gore in them.

[grassman131]

no gore, just really tense and desprerate situations.

[DARKPLANT RISING]

I was quite shocked to see that a LV 2 member with a name composed of only uncapitalized letters and numbers was able to write something of this level. I mean, this is a compliment coming from me.

Your ability at describing is quite good for YCM; however, you might need some improvement in how to show a scene, abd the start needs some more tension. Otherwise, it looks really ok. Good job.

[Loki Mordere]

[quote name='grassman131' timestamp='1284763957' post='4635085']
no gore, just really tense and desprerate situations.
[/quote]
good. I really am not a big fan of books full of that stuff, or movies of that kind.

[kid2695]

a little editing help: every time someone speaks you have to make a new paragraph.

[DARKPLANT RISING]

[quote name='kid2695' timestamp='1285630542' post='4662113']
a little editing help: every time someone speaks you have to make a new paragraph.
[/quote]
I thought Rinne doesn't like that.

[bury the year]

[quote name='=The End Gamer=' timestamp='1285932879' post='4670687']
I thought Rinne doesn't like that.
[/quote]

Rinne does like this. In fact, that's how writers... well, write. O_o

As a rule of thumb, whenever the narrative attention gets shifted to a new character or plot device, whether this be through dialogue, time skip, or something else, you should put in a new paragraph.

[DARKPLANT RISING]

[quote name='Rinne' timestamp='1286047785' post='4673996']
Rinne does like this. In fact, that's how writers... well, write. O_o
[/quote]
Oh.
*Checks*
It's another mod. My bad.

[---------------]

Really good, so far, but you definitely need some proofreading, especially in Chapter 2.

[grassman131 has obtained Atman's Seal of Approval!]

(superficiality ftw)

[n.gangster]

seems okay ...