Anyone want to review this? I'm looking for some help! (Episode 2 Posted)

[CrystalCyae]

YAY! CHpter 2 was pretty awesome!
Just one thing that threw me off....
[quote name='gαтє¢яαѕнєя' timestamp='1291260951' post='4823647']
“Hold it right there. You ain’t takin’ another step.” Paralyzed from a combination of fear and shock, Scarlet did just that, freezing in place. Was she hearing things? It sounded like there was someone behind her, but she was too scared to move. Her confusion was quickly put to rest by the sound of footsteps, as [b]the man [/b]behind her took just two steps forward. Two, simple steps, and her fear was uncontrollable at this point.
[/quote]
See that bolded part? I never sa you mention she knew a man was behind her, and as stated slightly later in the chapter, she was trying to visualise his face, hence stating she never knew who or what was behind her. For all Scarlet knew the person behind her could've been a lady, and child/boy/girl, or a very well trained parrot.
That's the only bad bit. Otherwise, KEEP WRITING!

[gαтє¢яαѕнєя]

[quote name='Obsidan' timestamp='1291274752' post='4823818']
YAY! CHpter 2 was pretty awesome!
Just one thing that threw me off....

See that bolded part? I never sa you mention she knew a man was behind her, and as stated slightly later in the chapter, she was trying to visualise his face, hence stating she never knew who or what was behind her. For all Scarlet knew the person behind her could've been a lady, and child/boy/girl, or a very well trained parrot.
That's the only bad bit. Otherwise, KEEP WRITING!
[/quote]

Well, the realization that it was a man came from hearing the voice. He's got a loud, obnoxious, burly southern voice, that upon hearing it would basically tell you right off the bat that he is in fact, a man.

[CrystalCyae]

ok, that maks sense.

[-:=Brandon=:-]

And so the duels begin...I really liked chapter 2, I thought the guy would push her off the cliff or sumin XD Just one thing. When you add new chapters, can you put them on the first page instead of links on the first page. I'm still watching...I'll know when you release the next chapter, my eyes are everywhere...

[gαтє¢яαѕнєя]

The thing I don't like about putting everything in the first post is that it takes so long to load once it's open.

I had considered starting the duel in this episode, but I ended up changing my mind because I want the duel to be a full episode, as opposed to having part of it take place in this one. There's some interesting plot development to be seen in the duel.

Anyone else got opinions?

[legendhiro]

well, what a pleasant surprise here on YCM. a good fanfic! the buildup is good. great even. to go two chapters without a duel is commendable. though i gotta say, sometimes i feel that the tension is almost too much. too heavy. still, i am really looking forward to reading the next chapter and getting a look at the characters' decks.

[gαтє¢яαѕнєя]

[quote name='legendhiro' timestamp='1291520414' post='4830161']
well, what a pleasant surprise here on YCM. a good fanfic! the buildup is good. great even. to go two chapters without a duel is commendable. though i gotta say, sometimes i feel that the tension is almost too much. too heavy. still, i am really looking forward to reading the next chapter and getting a look at the characters' decks.
[/quote]

Hey, thanks! You know, I like Duels. I like to use them, too, but I feel like it's important to establish a [i]reason[/i] for the Duel to happen, to make it important to the plot, as opposed to just throwing a Duel out there because "it's a YuGiOh Fan-Fic". I'm still working on Episode 3, and hopefully the first Duel will have a good outcome.

I'm trying to establish the story as a character you can really connect with, in a way. Not like you've experienced it, but you want to see her be able to do what's right, kind of.

[-:=Brandon=:-]

Everyone may be just waiting for the 3rd chapter =D

[gαтє¢яαѕнєя]

[quote name='-:=Brandon=:-' timestamp='1291753300' post='4836376']
Everyone may be just waiting for the 3rd chapter =D
[/quote]

Hey everyone! Haven't had the chance to finish writing the third Chapter yet! I should get to it soon, hopefully within the next week!

[-:=Brandon=:-]

aarghhh