Author's Club

[CrazyKev]

hope that you're in Middle School. =/

 

What if I'm not in Middle School?

[Draco Straybyrn]

I would hope you have a lenient teacher. =p

 

Creativity - 11/15. It's original, but pretty cliche.

Conventions - 8/15. Minor stuff, but it attributes to a major part of the whole thing. =/

Fluency - 10/15. Ehhhhhhh. It flows, but it's so basic and predictable...

Structure - 9/15. It's really really really basic.

 

Overall (Average) - 9.5/15. Sooooo cliche. Soooooo basic. Step it up a couple notches.

[tallman95]

Wait how did I get the same grade with higher ratings?

[Draco Straybyrn]

Hm? I dunno. Unbalanced last time?

 

And if you mean the first post, I haven't updated it.

 

You better not be writing these stories just for the stupid ratings, as that's not what the club is about. -_-;;;

[tallman95]

No not for the ratings I just want to see if I'm getting better.

[Draco Straybyrn]

Put some work into a REAL story, and then post it. I'm off to clean my room for a bit.

[Guest Blud]

Awesome! I never thought I'd get such a good rating! I guess I'm better than I thought I was!

[Draco Straybyrn]

You earned it. Take my advice, though.

[tehodis]

Name: Tehodis

Avatar: My current avatar.

[Draco Straybyrn]

Added.

 

And DANG, that fic is long. No complaints though, I'm looking forward to reading it.

[Guest Blud]

Excuse me, but can I post something non-contest related? It is a paper I wrote for English class. I think it's pretty good.

[Draco Straybyrn]

Of course you can, submissions are open all the time. Make sure you finished it after you registered, though.

[Guest Blud]

ok here it is.

 

 

Ski Lodge Zombie

It was mid-winter and the snow started to fall, although it didn’t make a difference on the crying, snow-covered mountain with skiers as its tears. The night sky glittered like a million fireflies as the lights on the slopes illuminated every snowflake, and the view from the top of the hill was breath-taking. As a skier in a blue coat came to the bottom of a slope, his skis carved into the snow, propelling snow onto the brick patio bordering the ski lodge. He breathed heavily, for the ride down for him was rough. Clouds of steam came out of his mouth as he took off his skis and placed them neatly on the ground and tied them with black and white rope. He then opened and walked through the large wooden door leading into the lodge.

As he entered, he felt the blistering cold from outside rapidly change to soothing warmth as he lingered in front of the huge fire burning in the fireplace. He took off his coat, hat, gloves, and boots then sat down to enjoy a cup of piping hot chocolate. He could almost taste the rich, chocolaty scent from the steam smoothly entering his nose and melting away the bitter cold from his cheeks. He watched the countless number of skiers hustling about the lodge as he sipped the hot chocolate, and when he finished, he stretched and yawned. He got up and walked up to his room on the second floor to lie down for a little snooze. As he was about to enter his room, he stopped, for his eye caught a sudden black movement around the corner at the end of the hallway. He walked to the end of the hallway and saw a little girl holding her doll and sleeping on the bench along the wall and smiled. He was about to turn back when he noticed the girl’s skin, which was pale and ghostly. This struck him as odd. He stopped, and slowly reached over to see if he would wake her up. When he touched her arm, his mouth went immediately dry because she was as cold as the snow covering the slopes of the ski hill. Suddenly, a zombie-shaped shadow appeared on the wall above the girl and raced down the hall and around the corner.

It was when he reached his hotel room door that he realized he forgot his door key. He cursed, and started walking back to the lobby. The walk there was tiresome. He turned the corner and saw the shadow swoop across the wall. His thought of it being an illusion was transformed into fear. The lobby was around another corner, but now he was cautious, for he knew the shadow would surprise him again. But it didn’t. Relieved, he calmly grabbed his key from his locker and headed back, around the two corners one last time. He reached his room and inserted the key, which he dropped when he heard the alarming scream of someone around the corner that threw him against the wall in terror.

He ran down the halls, his feet squeaking each step he took; the shadow swiping him every corner he dashed through. The high voice continued and he followed it, but for each turn he took, the shadow wasn’t as threatening. The last corner was the loudest! He gazed around after stopping his fast pace. Taking another corner was a corpse-like figure whose skin was grey, with blood-stained stripes going down it. The man’s heart pounded. His eyes were as big as dinner plates. He held his breath each time he breathed. His footsteps left dull, red markings on the floor. Its shadow slowly descended from his view, which made him follow. The screaming stopped, and there was nothing in the hall except a knife on the floor, which had no blood on it.

He darted away from the knife to search for help. As he flew around the corner, he saw a lady in a blue dress walking down the hall. He dashed toward her to ask for help, but she was in the elevator by the time he reached her. It wasn’t until the doors completely closed when he heard mushy, slow footsteps coming down the hallway right by where he stood. He had his door key, so he quickly entered his room and closed the door in terror. The zombie was taking the corner, slowly, and every step it took the man shook in fear. The shadow of the zombie’s feet was visible from the light entering the bottom of the man’s door. It stood by the door, and the man slowly turned around, shaking, and sneaked over to his bed. But a spark of light entered his eyes from the floor. He looked down and screamed! A knife was lying on the floor by his bed!

 

[Umbra]

My first entry for the Author's Club:

 

[spoiler=Voices of the Nature]

Aliyah couldn't believe what he saw. The forest, where he had spent over five-hundred years of study, was burning. All of Aliyah's friends were lit; Gabon the Oak, Kith the Pine, and Edda the Maple. All of them had fallen into the searing flames. Aliyah couldn't hold the tears back, for this was too much for an elf to take in on one day. The Grand Northwestern Forest hosted many innocent creatures, such as squirrels, rabbits, and the occasional fox that had been injured. But most of them were already gone, and their Spirits remained there. For it was said about the Northwestern Forest that it was sweeter than any heaven possibly could be, and apparently, even the dead agreed on that. Aliyah, born with what the elven shamans called “the fourth eye”, could see the lingering spirits of the dead. Normally, these spirits would be in vain, trying to cling on to their former body and live again. But in the Forest, all spirits were calm.

Aliyah...

He turned around, for the whispering voice of a Tree Spirit had stirred his mind. Some of the trees were still alive? But fire would kill them at touch! How could anything stay alive in the Lights of Madness?

Aliyah?

Aliyah sighed. He recognized the voice; it was an elder pine that lived not long from here. He opened up his fourth eye, and let the spirit wander. Soon, it came to the elder pine.

I'm here, Dolus.

Aliyah felt the old spirit of the tree recognize him.

Oh, there you are, Aliyah. I've been trying to find you for hours.

I'm deeply sorry I couldn't reach you in time, Dolus. What has happened here?

The old tree shivered.

It was Sarael, the Witch Doctor. He came to us a Midnight, the most fatal moment for the elven magic and the most important for the Darke, and spoke to Hegronil.

Aliyah nodded. Hegronil was the king of the Tree Spirits, and quite a sturdy.

What happened?

Sarael imploded him. He fell to pieces. Then, he burned the forests in a split second. The fires have burned ever since.

Aliyah's spirit fell down to the ground. Sarael... The blood-eyed son of a demon! He would live to pay for this.

He then rose again, and a fire was burning inside him.

Don't worry, Dolus. He will pay for what he did to you and the Forest. Restore thy Spirit and Soul, and shield thy body from harm.

Green sparkles appeared all over Dolus's bark, and soon his burns were cured.

Thank you, young Spirit Seer. Find the traitor for us, and exact revenge on him.

 

 

Several miles away, Sarael had already payed for what he had done. The implosion of the Tree Spirit King and the incinerating of the Western Forests took their part of the price, but most of it was taken by Nogug. The demon himself, in the shape of a seven-year-old boy with scruffy clothes and a dirty cloth cap. In his left hand, he held a flute. However, the boy had a slightly red skintone, and unnaturally black eyes. The demon had came to Sarael a few weeks ago, and told him of the Darke Lorde's plans. How Sarael would rule the elves. The thought was tempting, and Sarael accepted. Then, Nogug gave him powers beyond those of the elven sorcerers and wizards. He gave him, as he called it, pure power. After just a few days, Sarael learned how to drain the soul of his enemies, trapping them within rocks, branches, or the occasional gemstone. Nogug had told him of great secrets, and he could never turn back. Not after this.

 

 

[Draco Straybyrn]

-Tuffguy-

 

Creativity - 13/15. Typical ski lodge with zombies, but more in depth and beautifully twisted than normal.

Conventions - 14/15. I found but one flaw.

Fluency - 13/15. It was slightly confusing at times, but it flowed very beautifully.

Structure - 14/15. Your descriptions were wonderful, even if they were a bit too much at times. Good job.

 

Overall (Average) - 13.5/15. If a bit short, a well-told story.

-Umbra-

 

Creativity - 14/15. Typical elves and all that, but it was much different and not too cliche.

Conventions - 14/15. One tiny error.

Fluency - 14/15. Easy to understand, and very well-flowing.

Structure - 13/15. It's a bit choppy.

 

Overall (Average) - 13.75/15. Very beautiful, I'd love to see more.

[Guest Blud]

Yeah I know, it's short. It was only chapter 1, that was my assignment. But thanks!

[Draco Straybyrn]

-Tehodis-

 

 

Creativity - 15/15. One of the most original works I've seen recently, book worthy.

Conventions - 15/15. Perfectly flawless.

Fluency - 14/15. It was a bit confusing at times, but flowed really well.

Structure - 14/15. Sometimes choppy, but wonderful overall.

 

Overall (Average) - 14.5/15. A beautiful mastery. I want more!

[Sixty]

I'll join. Do we write books or poems?

 

Name: YM7

Avatar: My avatar

[tallman95]

When did tehdois join anyway by the rating I want to see it.

[Draco Straybyrn]

Her work is on the front page under featured submissions.

 

Aye me, I'm such an idiot.

 

[align=center]-Contest Winner Announcement!-

 

Congratulations to Tehodis on winning our first contest! At this point, you may pick an Assistant Co Leader.[/align]

 

The next contest is coming soon, so be ready!

[CrazyKev]

Her work is on the front page under featured submissions.

 

Aye me' date=' I'm such an idiot.

 

[align=center']-Contest Winner Announcement!-

 

Congratulations to Tehodis on winning our first contest! At this point, you may pick an Assistant Co Leader.[/align]

 

The next contest is coming soon, so be ready!

 

o.0 that was a fast contest, congrats tehodis!

 

Anywho, I witing a 3-5 chapter story (not fan-fic)

So be ready, 'cause it WILL be long XD.

I'm only on chapter 1 though...:shock:

 

And I'm ready for the next contest!

[Draco Straybyrn]

It won't happen for a while though. Good to hear Kev.

[tehodis]

Okay, here's something I wrote today, after my exam. It may be the start of something longer, not sure. For now, this is what it is...

 

[spoiler=Searching for...something]

I kick my feet up against the dashboard, rolling down the window, a cool breeze swinging my hair in front of my eyes. The blinding lights of cars passing still shines through them, and I close my eyes, listening for his return of footsteps to the car. It's been like this for a week now, pulling over off of random strips of the highway, him stumbling out into the desert, searching. I've grown tired. This has been the 5th stop tonight and I feel like we're going in circles despite the flat stretch of road we've been following. He's not going to find anything. He never finds anything. I pick up my cigarette that's been resting, burning slowly against the rim of a cup holder, taking a drag as I hear a faint shuffling of sandy footsteps outside of my window. Flicking on the interior light in order to see out into the darkness, he approaches my window- sullen, and more importantly, empty-handed. Just like I told you. Just like I tell him. But like any obsession, only the host that the parasite is feeding on can rid itself of the menace. So long as he keeps thinking the way he has been, our nights are going to continue the same. And, of course, he's going to keep insisting that I come with him. My body aches from lack of sleep and it's temporary home to this stiff seat, and I'm wishing this was the last stop for the night, but as he opens the driver side door, his sharp breath of determination and the brisk way he starts the car, slamming the door shut, lets me know that we'll be searching right into the morning. I hope for early sunrise.

 

[Draco Straybyrn]

Creativity - 14/15. You don't need much to say it all.

Conventions - 15/15. Flawless as usual.

Fluency - 13/15. If it were longer, I'd like the flow more. It's not the length, it's just harder to get a flow within a small piece. Very well done, though.

Structure - 14/15. I daresay it works well.

Overall (Average) - 14/15. I'd like it more if it were longer, but you pulled it off anyway. Congratulations.

[II DEFiiNED II]

Sorry, but, I am going to quit this, because, I am never really going to write anything like a fan fic.