Project BlackStorm

[DMZ]

Hell(yes, that's hell) everyone, I am DMZ
Originally joined the site as a card maker, I have expanded my interests somewhat.

I don't exactly know whether this is the right forum to post in(the other being literature) so if not I request admins to move it.

This is about a short story of mine called Project BlackStorm. It's (originally enough ) about a group of people in an area similar to Chernobyl. The rest of the details you can fill in.
This provided free of charge(dóh) and for your pleasure to read. It's licenced under Creative Commons, meaning you may copy and distribute it freely as long as you do not sell or modify it(or use as your own work).

What I am really hoping for here are some good comments and most important, critique. I can handle any critique possible, but if you do criticize my work please make sure to state a decent reason.

Bear in mind my english is not perfect, so bear with me as you read. The story has been checked and rechecked numerous times for errors, but if you find any, all good. Just post em here.
The story (.pdf) can be downloaded here : [url="http://www.mediafire.com/?paa6hz0qfj1qmqm"]http://www.mediafire...paa6hz0qfj1qmqm[/url]
It's virus-free, my own account, and should be 593 kb(to avoid spoofing and malware)

Hope to hear soon,

DMZ

[DMZ]

Bump

[DARKPLANT RISING]

Why not just post it...?

No one would care to download.

[Umbra]

I read the first few pages, (first eight) and it's actually not that bad. It's interesting, and even a brief scan-through draws me in a little. It's better than the average story on here, definitely. The pdf-format actually enhances the read, makes it less of a wall of text.

That being said, I have a few errors to report. The most common one is the capitalization of "said"-equivalents after dialog - "Stammered Mark", et cetera - the proper way to do it is simply adding a comma after the quote, and keeping the word lowercase. Punctuation is another thing - try to remember that. Your greatest weakness in that department would be commas.

I'll comment on the full story once I've read it, but definitely thumbs up so far.

[DMZ]

@Evangelion
It's a 20 page-story....
Takes ages to load.

@Umbra
The capitalization after brackets is intentional and I am aware of the comma/lowercase combo.
Comma usage...stil haven't got used to it. Hope you can read over it.

[Umbra]

It doesn't matter if it's intentional; it's grammatically incorrect.

Now that I've finished the story, I can say that I liked it and look forward to the continuation.

[DMZ]

bump

[DMZ]

@Umbra
Since you seem to be well informed in the English department, how should I write if I put a question/exclamation mark at the end of the character's line? Grammar dictates a capital after that.

[Umbra]

Not if it's a quotation. The quotation marks separate the sentence from the context, giving it its own "grammatical bubble", so to say.

"I'd like to agree, but unfortunately, that's not going to happen.", he said, keeping an eye on the front door.

While I'm not a fan of the "said" format, the above would be perfectly valid.

[bury the year]

[quote name='Umbra' timestamp='1293138249' post='4877777']
Not if it's a quotation. The quotation marks separate the sentence from the context, giving it its own "grammatical bubble", so to say.

"I'd like to agree, but unfortunately, that's not going to happen.", he said, keeping an eye on the front door.

While I'm not a fan of the "said" format, the above would be perfectly valid.
[/quote]

"I'd like to agree, but unfortunately, that's not going to happen[color="red"][b],"[/b][/color] he said, keeping an eye on the front door.

That's how you do it.

[DMZ]

Bump

[DMZ]

buump