I am Fate. Embrace me. Posted December 19, 2010 Report Share Posted December 19, 2010 A man is walking through the New Domino Museum of Heroes. "If not for that fool, Yusei, I would have been ruler... And if only she had a bit weaker of a mind... Overcome by pitiful emotion..." The man muttered. (Oh, and in this fan fic, characters can use cards I made up.) "Still... Next time it will be different... I have 3 trump cards... Mental Master and Mental Mistress, and Psychic Dragon. I will conquer all!" He walked away. Yusei sees the man. "What's with that guy? I could have sworn I heard my name mentioned... And something about him being ruler, or something..." He pondered. "Hey you!" He yelled to the man. "Want to duel?" He asked the man. "Fine then, if you insist." The man said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astro Dude Posted December 22, 2010 Report Share Posted December 22, 2010 Nice start dude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I am Fate. Embrace me. Posted December 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 Thanks. I'm sure you can guess who the "Strange Man" is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 HE WAS EATEN BY CCARAYHUA HURR DURRRR Didn't I already say it? The thing isn't the level of here... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I am Fate. Embrace me. Posted December 24, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 24, 2010 Exactly what do you have against me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted December 24, 2010 Report Share Posted December 24, 2010 ...You seem to have it wrong. I don't have anything against you. At all. The thing is, most people here hate these sorts of things. If you go on with this, they'll find you and flame you to bits. So I recommended you stop it before that happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I am Fate. Embrace me. Posted December 25, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 25, 2010 Why would they hate Yugioh stories??? That's what this place is all about, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Blue Posted December 25, 2010 Report Share Posted December 25, 2010 [quote name='The Duel Destroyer' timestamp='1293262813' post='4881996'] Why would they hate Yugioh stories??? That's what this place is all about, right? [/quote] I'm not sure but I think he's talking about the [b]quality[/b] and [b]length[/b] of the story. The idea of the Fan Fic section is to write Fan Fictions, not just based off of Yu-Gi-Oh!. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted December 25, 2010 Report Share Posted December 25, 2010 [quote name='The Duel Destroyer' timestamp='1293262813' post='4881996'] Why would they hate Yugioh stories??? That's what this place is all about, right? [/quote] No, as Blue mentioned above, the quality is important. I don't hate you, I'm worried about you. "Foe Fics" are raging. No offense, many foe fics are better than your story. You might be targetted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I am Fate. Embrace me. Posted December 28, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 Well, how do I counter that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
--------------- Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 You can't, you supposedly intelligent person! Gawd, looking at that pitiful paragraph made my eyes bleed, but it looks like I'll have to endure it to make corrections. [quote name='The Duel Destroyer' timestamp='1292735175' post='4863700'] A man is walking through the New Domino Museum of Heroes. [B]Wow. What a terrible intro. If you're gunna start a story with a description, then you have to be more... well... DESCRIPTIVE! Instead of just saying where the man is, describe the man. Describe his attire. Are there many people around him? Exactly what 'Hero' is he near? What time is it? Catch my drift?[/B] "If not for that fool, Yusei, I would have been ruler... And if only she had a bit weaker of a mind... Overcome by pitiful emotion..." The man muttered. [b]That's too much dialogue to put 'the man muttered' at the end of. You should establish that the man is muttering earlier into his monologue. Plus, who is he muttering to? Add 'to himself' after 'muttered'.[/b] (Oh, and in this fan fic, characters can use cards I made up.) [b]NO! NOOO!!! NEVER, AND I REPEAT, [color=red]NEVER[/color] COMMENT ON YOUR STORY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ACTUAL STORY!!! DO THIS AGAIN AND I WILL KILL YOU PERSONALLY!!![/b] "Still... Next time it will be different... I have 3 trump cards... Mental Master and Mental Mistress, and Psychic Dragon. I will conquer all!" [B]Still muttering to himself, I see. This makes that comment even worse. When writing dia/monologue that isn't changing focus or direction, keep it all flowing. I.e., don't cut it half way.[/B] He walked away. [B]To where?[/B] Yusei sees the man. [B]Where did Yusei come from?[/B] "What's with that guy? I could have sworn I heard my name mentioned... And something about him being ruler, or something..." He pondered. [B]Yusei's pondering, which means he's thinking, which means he's not talking, which finally means no quotation marks. Although not mandatory, to distinguish thought from text, make it italicized instead. Two more things: One, again, put 'he pondered' earlier. Two, when changing which character is speaking, ALWAYS make a new paragraph.[/B] "Hey you!" He yelled to the man. "Want to duel?" He asked the man. [B]'He yelled to the man' is fine. 'He asked the man' is unnecessary, as the question mark gives it away.[/B] "Fine then, if you insist." The man said. [B]If this man hates Yusei, why instantly go into a duel with him? Plus, I'd think they'd have a problem riding their duel runners in a MUSEUM![/B] [/quote] There. Finally. Thankfully I didn't lose too much blood. Now, if you are going to continue, then organize your page properly. I ain't gunna bother teaching you how to set up the first post, because I expect either this to die or you to ragequit. Either way, my work here is done. Good day, sir. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted December 28, 2010 Report Share Posted December 28, 2010 Or, my idea that's as pro as ever: Go to the RC section, nowhere else, till you learn to be a good card maker. It's fun to make cards using Jazin Kay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I am Fate. Embrace me. Posted December 29, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Atman, I'll have you know that Sayer doesn't have a runner and this is a normal duel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
--------------- Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 [quote name='The Duel Destroyer' timestamp='1293598560' post='4891866'] Atman, I'll have you know that Sayer doesn't have a runner and this is a normal duel. [/quote] Two things: One, I don't watch 5Ds, so I don't know who Sayer is, but I'm pretty sure the meme 'Card Games on Motorcycles' didn't pop out of nowhere. Regular duels without holographic disks or motorcycles is boring. And, two, lrn2write before you go throwing your "I'll have you know"s around. This is my last post here. I'll be checking in to see what your next move is. Don't make it a wrong one. With love, Atman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 [quote name='atman' timestamp='1293601677' post='4891975'] I could be wrong but you NEED a duel runner to duel in Yusei's time era. And, two, lrn2write before you go throwing your "I'll have you know"s around.[/quote] It's not so -.- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
--------------- Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 [quote name='=Evangelion=' timestamp='1293602672' post='4892006'] It's not so -.- [/quote] I see. Come back in a minute for an edit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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