My first card(s)

[Culux]

After months of lurking the forums, I've decided to post a card. Its probably really bad, but constructive criticism is appreciated I suppose.

[spoiler=Cards][spoiler=Luminous Lichen][IMG]http://img218.imageshack.us/img218/752/luminouslichen2.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

[/spoiler][spoiler=Sketch of the abyss][img]http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/3048/330496d.jpg[/img]
[/spoiler][spoiler=Deathly Void] [img]http://img820.imageshack.us/img820/58/330496.jpg[/img] [/spoiler][/spoiler]

* Added "Sketch of the Abyss". There are propably extreme OCG errors in the card, and I just wanted to get the rough idea out. Constructive criticism is welcomed and appreciated (especially OCG errors)

*Added "Deathly Void". An old card I found in my folder, I don't think it would have any use in today's meta though.

* Fixed the OCG on "Sketch of the Abyss".

[The Sleeping Dude]

ocg fix
FLIP: Inflict 500 damage to your opponent's Life Points for each monster they control. Then, increase your Life Points by 200 for each monster you control.

kind of OP'd try switching the numbers you can inflict and increase in your life points

FLIP: Inflict 200 damage to your opponent's Life Points for each monster they control. Then, increase your Life Points by 500 for each monster you control.

This should do the trick
8/10 first card newb bonus

[Culux]

[quote name='ks2ill34' timestamp='1292957290' post='4871221']
ocg fix
FLIP: Inflict 500 damage to your opponent's Life Points for each monster they control. Then, increase your Life Points by 200 for each monster you control.

kind of OP'd try switching the numbers you can inflict and increase in your life points

FLIP: Inflict 200 damage to your opponent's Life Points for each monster they control. Then, increase your Life Points by 500 for each monster you control.

This should do the trick
8/10 first card newb bonus
[/quote]

Thank you!! Just getting used to this OCG stuff ^.^

[~Shadow of Alpha~]

[quote name='ks2ill34' timestamp='1292957290' post='4871221']
kind of OP'd
[/quote]

I think it's fine.
Maybe a tiny bit OP'd, but when you take a look at other cards, this is damn well made for a newbie. And in my opinion OK balaced.
But you are right, you could lower the amount of damage by a little bit, 100 would be enough.
Well done for a new member.

[Demon wolf]

I agree, well done (clap clap) Welcome to YCM

[.Ash]

[quote name='ks2ill34' timestamp='1292957290' post='4871221']
kind of OP'd try switching the numbers you can inflict and increase in your life points[/quote]

[quote name='~Shadow of Alpha~' timestamp='1292962214' post='4871430']
But you are right, you could lower the amount of damage by a little bit, 100 would be enough.[/quote]

Why are you guys obsessed with lowering the burn damage? It's not OP'd. At all.

200-100 damage makes this card useless. Keep at 500 (maybe more) just so it can actually [b]do[/b] something.

Image isn't quite realistic, could do with something better if possible. Card is basic. Has basic Plant and LIGHT support, so it isn't all bad. I think you could go with 500 gain as well (still think you could push for more) to add to it's uses.

6/10

[Culux]

Thank you to everyone above for taking the time to review my cards ^.^

*Added "Sketch of the Abyss". (Has extreme OCG errors most likely)

[War Chess]

I like both cards' IDEAS !
Luminous Lichen has an OP effect for a Level 2 I think, but being weak may be an advantage for that effect.
The second card has a nice concept but is full of OCG mistakes.
Look at this : http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/162881-the-ocg-grammar-card-presentation-thread/
And looking at the Yugioh Wikia (just google for it) is a great way to learn.
6/10
Good for a start, just needs the OCG fixes.

[Culux]

I am trying to fix the OCG of "Sketch of the Abyss" . Could someone correct me on this before I change the card?

Activate only when all 4 zones of a column are occupied. Destoy all cards in that column and no cards may be played in that column for 3 turns after this cards activation.

[.Ash]

[quote name='Culux' timestamp='1293019204' post='4873301']
I am trying to fix the OCG of "Sketch of the Abyss" . Could someone correct me on this before I change the card?

Activate only when all 4 zones of a column are occupied. Destoy all cards in that column and no cards may be played in that column for 3 turns after this cards activation.
[/quote]

Hmm. That's an odd one. All I can compare it to is Blasting Fuse, whose OCG is slightly different due to the fact it has to be in the occupied column itself.

But, I think you just about got it right (hard to judge though), just needs laying out a bit better.

[i]Activate only when all (4) zones of a column are occupied. Destoy all cards in that column. No cards may be played in that column for 3 turns after this card's activation.[/i]

I'm liking that you used the Senet theme here. The fact that it is a quick-play means it is slightly more versatile than Blasting Fuse, but the fact remains that neither of them are great. Not worth destroying your own cards like that, I think.

I think this gets another 6/10.

[War Chess]

Best way to the OCG of the card is :
Activate only when all 4 zones of a column are occupied. Destoy all cards in that column. No cards can be played in that column for 3 turns after this card's activation.

[.Ash]

I think mine was right. This should just about back me up on it.

[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Blasting_Fuse"]Blasting Fuse.[/url]

[War Chess]

[quote name='snowyash07' timestamp='1293022568' post='4873386']
I think mine was right. This should just about back me up on it.

[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Blasting_Fuse"]Blasting Fuse.[/url]
[/quote]

Ok, this part is right. But, nowadays, we use "can" instead of may !
Its in the OCG thread of the forum, just look at it !

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/162881-the-ocg-grammar-card-presentation-thread/

[.Ash]

I must've skated over that. So, the final fix should be:

[i]Activate only when all (4) zones of a column are occupied. Destoy all cards in that column. No cards can be played in that column for 3 turns after this card's activation.[/i]

[Culux]

Thanks for the OCG help ^.^ I hope to perfect my OCG now sometime soon. I've fixed "Sketch of the Abyss" and I've added a new card (Deathly Void) which I don't think would be much use in todays meta to be honest.

[War Chess]

Deathly Void is way overpowerd !
And one is written in number, so 1
Too OP !
3/10

[Culux]

Thanks for taking the time to read and rate my cards... again ^.^

[.Ash]

[quote]Deathly Void is way overpowerd ![/quote]
[quote]Too OP ![/quote]

*facepalm*

Deathly Void is really UP'd.

Easy to be worked around and not worth paying the majority of your LP for. Saying that it wouldn't be used in the meta is an understatement. It wouldn't be used at all.

[Culux]

[quote name='snowyash07' timestamp='1293027671' post='4873504']
*facepalm*

Deathly Void is really UP'd.

Easy to be worked around and not worth paying the majority of your LP for. Saying that it wouldn't be used in the meta is an understatement. It wouldn't be used at all.
[/quote]

I suppose. And then there's also the fact I've made sure you have to pay the LP cost. Should I take out that bit?

[Lexadin]

[b]1st Card[/b]
It's img is, well. Bad. Try using images from sites as [url="http://www.pixiv.net/"]Deviant Art[/url], [url="http://www.magicdeckvortex.com/art_catacombs.htm"]Art Catacombs[/url] or [url="http://s825.photobucket.com/albums/zz178/JazinKay/"]jazin Kay's archives[/url].

Well besides its OCG (which is already fixed) its effect is quite ok. As its basicly an healing Just Desert I would love to use it in my Burn Decks.
It might be a little OP, perhaps lower the heal to 300 per monster or so.

Overal not a bad 1st card. A 6.7/10

[b]2nd Card[/b]
Oce again its pic isn't that good.

However the idea of a colomn detonation is brilliant. I like it. It also looks ballanced.

A 8/10

[b]3rd Card[/b]
Well, again its pic is bad.

And I must say it's horribly UP. As you pay halfe your LP for something that your opponent wouldn't even bother.
Try lowering it to 2000/3000ish.

A 6/10

[Culux]

[quote name='Lexadin' timestamp='1293028690' post='4873535']
[b]1st Card[/b]
It's img is, well. Bad. Try using images from sites as [url="http://www.pixiv.net/"]Deviant Art[/url], [url="http://www.magicdeckvortex.com/art_catacombs.htm"]Art Catacombs[/url] or [url="http://s825.photobucket.com/albums/zz178/JazinKay/"]jazin Kay's archives[/url].

Well besides its OCG (which is already fixed) its effect is quite ok. As its basicly an healing Just Desert I would love to use it in my Burn Decks.
It might be a little OP, perhaps lower the heal to 300 per monster or so.

Overal not a bad 1st card. A 6.7/10

[b]2nd Card[/b]
Oce again its pic isn't that good.

However the idea of a colomn detonation is brilliant. I like it. It also looks ballanced.

A 8/10

[b]3rd Card[/b]
Well, again its pic is bad.

And I must say it's horribly UP. As you pay halfe your LP for something that your opponent wouldn't even bother.
Try lowering it to 2000/3000ish.

A 6/10
[/quote]

Thank you SO MUCH for this full review ^.^ I'll ty and pick better pics in the future and thanks for the site recommendations.

[Lexadin]

Meh, the least I can do for a new member.

[Culux]

BUMP. Just looking for a few more opinions before I let this fall into the darkness