[AoS] Invasion of Chaos [PG-14&1/2]

[Anbu-of-Sand]

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Quick Guide:

[b]Bolds[/b] = Mostly Attack Names / Card Activations / Card Summonings
-------- = Change of Place / Area / Location
[u]Underlines[/u] = Most Likely a Link
[i]Italics[/i] = Mostly Thoughts

[b]I know your reading this. If you had the curiosity to click this thread, might as well leave a post / review, no?[/b]
Yes. I took the name from a really old Booster Pack and chose it to be the name of this fan fic, but after reading a bit of this fan fic, you may find out why I did such a thing. If you do not know, this is my second attempt at a fan fic, mainly because I thought my first attempt was too typical. You know, your average Duelist Academy fan fic? Yeah that kind. But however, after thinking about a new plot and whatnot for a fan fic, I thought of a new, somewhat original idea for a fan fic. The title may have already hinted you on said idea, but without further ado, I present....[/color]

[size=6][color=blue][b][u]~ Invasion [/u][u] ~ of ~[/u][u] Chaos ~[/u][/color][/b][/size]
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[spoiler=Authors Notes, Trivia, and Whatnot]
- Each Chapter will have around 20 paragraphs, which may vary on size, so I am sorry if in some cases Chapters are shorter / longer then other previous Chapters, with the only exclusion Chapter 0, the Prologue, only having 10 or so.

- I will post 2 new Chapters either every page, every two pages, or whenever I feel like it.

- The reason why I chose a fan fic based on Chaos is because well, Chaos is my favorite Archetype / Deck to play. Chaos Sorcerer being my favorite card was what really helped me think of the idea.

- Once a monster is destroyed, the person who defeated the monster may use it for it's own, with if the defeated monster was a LIGHT or DARK, it's Attribute will be replaced with just a white orb where it's Attribute previously was.

- Some drawbacks, effects and whatnot have been edited. For example, Cloudians can use their effects by removing Fog Counters from anywhere on the field, not just themselves. But most likely ones that require Tributing other monsters, when the monster would be sent to the Graveyard, etc.

- When a card would be returned to the Deck / Hand, it instead will return back into card form, and when it is, it cannot be used for a certain of time, for the card will become a dull gray color, and will only be able to be used once again when the image comes back. Also, there is no Graveyard, just the ability to use the card for your own after it is destroyed / defeated.
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[spoiler=Chapter 0 - Prologue - The Beginning of The End]
All around the world, Duel Monsters was one of the most popular card games to play. Ages from young to old played this game, thrilled watching their monsters fight opposing monsters. The holograms that came from the duel disks that were used to play were so real that it made some people wonder how it was even possible for such a game, to look this beautiful. One of those people were my dad, Grie Galishimo.

I am Jay Galishimo, at this time, I was your average looking ten year old boy. My dad was a scientist, one of the many people who helped create duel monsters. My dad was a nice guy, who did his best to keep the family intact and whatnot. Seeing that with him always doing his studies in his office and other places, it was mostly just me all by myself at home. With my dad being one of the people who help make the cards, he would always have a sneak peek on what would be released before it would be actually presented to the public. He would always bring some papers and other things back to show me a sneak peek as well. He would even sometimes give me some cards before they were even released. The very first card he gave to me was [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Chaos_Sorcerer"]Chaos Sorcerer[/url]. At first, it seemed like a normal card, until the very night I got the card that is. While I was sleeping, I felt a tap on my shoulder, only to wake up and turn around to the card my dad had gave me. Chaos Sorcerer.

At first, I freaked out, thinking it was all some absurd dream, but it looked too realistic to be a dream. His red and black outfit looked like it was just freshly made from the finest of cloths, the aura's emitting from his hand, one of bright yellow, and one of a dark purple, look like they were about to explode. It was all too much for me to bare at first, seeing I was only ten at the time. Trying to get out of my dream, I went out of my bed, getting ready to charge straight on at Chaos Sorcerer. Thinking I would go through it, hit my head on the wall or something, and wake up. After doing so, I did not hit the wall.

Chaos Sorcerer let out a hearty laugh. "Hello" he said to me. His voice sounded quite normal, for a monster, well, not a monster, but a [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Spellcaster"]Spellcaster[/url] that is. I greeted him back, stating my name, which he then replied. "I already know who you are, Jay Galishimo, I can tell by your looks, you are the son of Grie Galishimo, my creator. You see, your dad, has, how can I put this in simplest terms, a 'gift'. Your dad when creating cards, somehow, brings us to 'life'. Not to your world, but in ours, [b]The Spirit World.[/b] The Spirit World you see, is a world of where all duel monsters roam free from their cards, and live somewhat of a normal life like you humans do. Only very few people in the world can see, feel, and talk to us, you being one of them, seeing your dad must have passed his 'gift' to you through his genes."

After Chaos Sorcerer going on and on about the Spirit World, I grew interested in meeting more and more duel monsters from the Spirit World, which I did, with every new card I got from my dad. Seeing I could only use Chaos Sorcerer in a duel if I were able to remove from play a LIGHT and DARK Attributed monster from my Graveyard, I asked my dad to get me only LIGHT and DARK monsters, although in some cases when he couldn't, he would give me another one of his newest cards. Even though I was too young to duel, I wanted to be prepared and have a deck in advance just for Chaos Sorcerer.

By the age of 12, I had started to Duel. Duels were one of the most exciting things that have occurred in my life. Most of my opponents although seemed to have fun as well dueling, there feelings towards dueling couldn't be compared to mine, seeing I had an actual, true connection to my cards. I never felt so proud when I would see one of my monsters conquer another monster through battle, and working together to get me the win. Although in the inside, I felt sad that I couldn't share and tell my gift to other people, seeing they would think I was crazy, until one day while walking home, I saw a this girl on the sidewalk, seemingly talking to well, nobody.

She was about my age, had long black hair that went a bit past her shoulders, and was wearing what seemingly looked like a casual school uniform. I've seen her around school here and there, normally by herself, just talking to the thin air right in front of her. I walked up to her, tapping her on the shoulder, asking who was she talking to. She looked straight at me, her eyes were a light brown color, and had a shine to them, she was pretty cute. Me being speechless - I was too busy staring into her eyes - she then giggled, and pointed up. At first when I looked up, I saw nothing but the clouds. The clouds looked though, quite different. Some were white, some were blue, some were green, and a few other colors too. It wasn't until then, when a small group of yellow clouds hovered down in front of me, then popping out into a form of a cute, little, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Cloudian_-_Smoke_Ball"]ball of smoke[/url]. It was then, I figured out, she too had the gift. I was filled with joy finding out I wasn't the only one in our school who had the gift, and by the time I knew it, we were the best of friends. Her name was Tyra Degihami, and although she didn't duel that much, or seem that interested in dueling, she had quite a variety of cards. They were cards of an archetype named [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Cloudians"]Cloudians[/url], all resembling different clouds and whatnot, with along a few other cards as well of the [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Fairy"]Fairy-Type[/url].

Like I had said before, we were the best of friends, but around the age of 14, I wondered if we were even more than friends. Also at the age of 14, something happened that would change our lives forever, well, an idea that my father had that had the possibility to change the game of duel monsters to be exact. My father figuring out that me and Tyra were the best of friends, the main thing linking us was both having the gift, he wanted to share this gift to the world, in which he made, [b]The Chaos Generator[/b], which he briefly named off of my favorite card, Chaos Sorcerer. He had made the machine in his room of our house, seeing he wasn't entirely sure the other scientist would approve of his theory.

His theory was, he would take a sample of his DNA and place it into the Machine, which had the data of every single card out there, and actually bring the cards to life during a duel, and outside of duels as well, as if the Spirit World and our world would fuse and become one. He wanted to start things off slow, and asked me for my favorite card, Chaos Sorcerer, which I gave to him. I gave it to him, which he then slid into the same slot he had placed his DNA. Tyra and I then watched to see what would happen. As soon as he did this, the machine started emitting a bright, yellow aura, which was most likely the LIGHT side of Chaos Sorcerer. Everything was working out perfectly, which turned out making my dad laugh with joy. But then, something went wrong.

The yellow, LIGHT aura from Chaos Sorcerer started to let out the DARK aura from Chaos Sorcerer as well, the 'evil' side of him I call it. The Aura's reflected back and forth, as if they were fighting against each other, or trying to fuse as one. Tyra and I became slightly scared, and backed away from the machine. But before we even took two steps back, we felt, and saw, a bright, white, glow emitting from our cards, more specifically our monster cards. When we took out the monster cards, the images were gone, only leaving the text and everything else. We then saw behind us, was our actual monsters. Tyra touched her Cloudians to see if they weren't just in spirit form, and when figured out were real, she hugged them with all her might. My LIGHT and DARK monsters that is, act differently. They were acting like wild animals on a rampage, snarling and growling at each other. It was then at that moment they came out of their cards, when the machine, blew up.

It didn't actually blow up though, it released a giant ray of light, which stopped us from seeing anything, but when the light finally died down, I had noticed my dad had disappeared. I frantically panicked, wondering what had happened to him, until I saw him, not my dad, but Chaos Sorcerer. All our monsters, well, Tyra's monsters, were back in their cards, while mine on the other hand, stayed out of their cards. I had no idea why, I couldn't even think straight due to the disappearance of my father, who was right next to me just seconds ago before the fray of light occurred. At first Chaos Sorcerer fine, until he gave me an evil smirk, and shot two rays of LIGHT and DARK aura from his palms into the air, blasting through our houses roof.

This is when my monsters went crazy and berserk, and started to attack me and Tyra. We had to evacuate the house, but when we did, it wasn't any better outside then it was inside. Outside, everyone who was dueling or had their cards with them where getting attacked by their monsters, or being protected / running away with them from other monsters. After a bit of running around the city finding a safe place to hide, I had noticed that all of the monsters that were on a rampage had something in common, they were all monsters of the attributes LIGHT and DARK. This meant the blast from Chaos Sorcerer's palms must've taken control over all the LIGHT and DARK monsters, making them his army.

After a week or two from trying to survive, the city had been in ruins. Buildings, houses, malls, everywhere was destroyed, on fire, and some things too horrific to explain. Survivors would try their best to fight off the LIGHT and DARK monsters with their own that weren't one of the two attributes, but at the end, were overpowered by Chaos Sorcerer's army, being held captive as slaves or even worse, put to death. Most of the humans chose to hide, and do their best to survive with their monsters, seeing even the simplest thing such as finding food could've been too big of a risk, leading to some people dying due to starvation. Nobody knew how long this chaos would last, and how long if reinforcements from other countries would come to save us, that is, if the same hadn't happened in other countries.

The year is now 3010; 1 year after the chaotic outbreak had started. There only very few of us left, it is hard to tell who are actual survivors, and who are just slaves, tricking survivors and bringing them to the king himself, Chaos Sorcerer. Anyone, or any group who would try to rebel and defeat Chaos Sorcerer's army, and more importantly, Chaos Sorcerer, had failed. After me and Tyra watching from the clouds, which was her Cloudians in disguise, have noticed throughout the year, that the army of Chaos Sorcerer fought as if they were in a duel. After thinking throughout how we could defeat Chaos Sorcerer and bring peace back to the world, or at the least, the city, we knew Tyra and I cannot do this with just the two of us. We needed to find more, trustful, survivors. Ones who were brave. Ones who were confident in victory. Ones who were smart. Ones who were tactical. For it was time to take a stand, and by the looks of it, it was now, or never, for it wouldn't be any longer until the rest of the survivors, including me and Tyra, were captured.
[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Chapter 1 - Reinforcement of the Army]
"Look out!" Jay yelled to Tyra. Tyra turned around, ducking the eerie neon green katana of the [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Gil_Garth"]Gil Garth[/url]. The Gil Garth let out a disturbing noise from it's metal mask, slowly dragging it's feet towards us. Although the Gil Garth was slow, it was twice our size, and it's katana could slice through the toughest of materials. Tyra ran back to Jay, hiding behind him. "This may be the end Jay." She said in a scared, tiresome voice. Jay looked at her, it looked like she was about to cry. Jay took out a card from his pocket, and called the monster forth. [b]"He lies in the forests, training day and night, perfecting his skills, and now, it is time to put him into action. I summon, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Legendary_Jujitsu_Master"]Legendary Jujitsu Master[/url]!"[/b]

The card glowed a bright white, disappearing from Jay's hand. At first, there was nothing, until the ground started to rumble, and the Legendary Jujitsu Master launched up from the ground beneath the Gil Garth, landing a blow right at the chin of it's metal mask. The Gil Garth collapsed and landed with a thud, that shook the ground as much as Jay's monsters summoning did. "Let's go!" Jay yelled. He knew that his Jujitsu Master attack power wasn't strong enough to defeat, or even match up to the Gil Garth's, and told Tyra to follow him, but he did know his defense power could.

They both ran behind a pile of bushes, watching as the fight continued. The Gil Garth slowly came back up, it's small eye holes staring right at the Jujitsu Master. The Gil Garth then swung it's katana furiously at his opponent. The Jujitsu Master dodged every single blow the Gil Garth had tried to land, which only made the Gil Garth more furious. It then focused all it's might into it's heavy, mechanic legs, and charged at the Jujitsu Master. The Jujitsu Master charged at the Gil Garth as well, when it's hands started to glow a bright blue, his muscles started to pop, and then roared quite the battle yell. When they made contact, the Gil Garth's blade was what it looked like an inch inside of the Jujitsu Master's chest, and the Jujitsu Master's palms were struck right at the only part of the Gil Garth's body that wasn't covered in armor, the chest as well.

At first, all was silent, until the Gil Garth slowly released it's grip onto it's katana, having it drop to the ground, and collapsed once again. The Gil Garth glowed a bright white, and shot up into the sky, and had vanished, remaining only the card of the Gil Garth, except it's attribute was no longer DARK, but was replaced with a white orb. The Jujitsu Master picked the card up, and slowly walked to Jay and Tyra. "It's safe to come out now." he spoke, giving the Gil Garth card to Jay, which he had then put back into his pocket.

Jay and Tyra slowly walked out, which lead to running to the Jujitsu Master. "Are you okay?" Jay asked, staring at the wound where the Jujitsu Master had been injured, which didn't look that serious to him, but was still bleeding quite a bit. "I'm fine, it takes more then some poorly crafted blade to take me down." Jujitsu Master said with a chuckle. "You sure? I'm pretty good with medicine, and can improve the wound." Tyra offered. "I'm fine really." Jujitsu Master replied once again, but with somewhat of a more serious tone. "Well, it's been about twenty minutes since we chose to take a stand and look for reinforcements, and so far, all we have is a new monster and an injured Master of Jujitsu." Jay said. "Is that suppose to be an insult?" Jujitsu Master asked, with a somewhat angry look on his face. "No, sorry if it offended you, but I'm just saying, we need more monsters if we want to survive throughout the city, and hopefully find more survivors. All I have with me is Legendary Jujitsu Master and this Gil Garth. So what I was thinking was, Tyra, you think you cou-" "Oh no, no, no, no." Tyra replied, interrupting Jay.

"I know what you want me to do. You want me to get out one of my monsters don't you?" she asked, knowing that Jay's answer was going to be a yes. "Well yeah, but, as you may have noticed throughout the months we have been in hiding, the monster effects also affect the monsters we summon in the real world, and seeing majority of your Cloudians can't be destroyed by battle, this only leaves card destruction as a threat, which only a decent amount of monsters have. So would you please do it? For me?" Jay asked.

Tyra thought about it, then conceded. "Fine. [b]But only one.[/b] For the mean time that is." Tyra took out her Deck, and skimmed through her cards. [b]Deep within the Clouds lies a cute little monster, although it's appearance may be similar to one of the cutest animals on Earth, it is quite the cloud to be reckoned with. I summon, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Cloudian_-_Cirrostratus"]Cloudian - Cirrostratus[/url]!"[/b] Her card glowed a bright white just as Jay's card had, and disappeared. A cloud then from the skies slowly lowered, somewhat slightly expanding in size. The cloud then grew eyes that looked like they were made from stainless glass, along with whiskers and toes and pointed ears, that were quite small. The cloud then let out a large meow, which then smaller versions of it popped right from it, there eyes however seemed like they were angry, and also varied in color.

"....a cloud that looks like a cat? [i]Really Tyra?[/i]" Jay questioned. "Shut up Jay! Just wait till you see her in action!" Tyra shouted, then softly petting the cloud, though her fingers did just ending up going through the cloud, the cat-like cloud let out a soft purr. "I guess it'll do for now....come on, we've been out here for hours and still no sign of any survivors!" Jay said, then ran out of the cities forests, running back to the city. [i]Maybe looking in the forest wasn't such a good idea for a place to look for survivors....[/i] Jay had thought.

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After what seemed like hours of walking, Jay and Tyra finally reached back into the city. The city was full of chaos, literally, for it has been for the a long time. Buildings were on fire, some were destroyed, even survivors that were in the middle of the city were chased by monsters. It was something you did not want to see. Jay slowly walked into the city, looking in all directions for any sight of monsters that were one of the two attributes under Chaos Sorcerer's control. Everything was clear, he had then signaled Tyra, her cloud, and his Jujitsu Master to follow him to what seemed like an abandoned mansion that was just on the border of the city and the forest, the only reason Jay assuming it was abandoned was all of the cracks and broken windows, and well, part of it was on fire.

Jay and Tyra slowly entered the mansion. It had an 'eerie' feel to it. The slightest sound made Tyra scream quite loud. "Shhhh!!" Jay said. "Sorry, it's just, this mansion is so....freaky." Tyra answered. After the scream, something felt wrong. It was as if the slightest sounds and all the silence became more well, silent. Jay and Tyra walked up the stairs, which seemed like it would break at any moment, while her cloud just floated up to the second floor, while Jay's Jujitsu Master took a leap from the first floor all the way to the second. However, the Jujitsu Master's landing had caused a huge thud, which then echoed throughout the mansion. It was then, more sounds started to occur. Tyra started to freak out, as did Jay, but not as much, seeing he had a Master of Jujitsu to protect him, while all Tyra had was well, a cloud that looked like a cat, a chubby one at that as well.

The sounds started to grow in volume, which made the sounds sound more clearer. "What's that noise?" Tyra whispered to Jay. "I think it's....music? Jay answered back. Which then, a sudden burst of what was music, was heard in the mansion, but what seemed like it was coming from all directions. What was even somewhat more odder is, the music was quite similar to Beethoven's Fifth Symphony oddly enough. [i]What kind of monster would listen, or even know Beethoven?[/i] Jay thought. It was then, when blue spirits of what seemed like the skulls of a skeleton burst out from inside of the walls. "Watch out!" Jay yelled.

Tyra turned around to see one of these blue spirits aim right her, which she then ducked straight to the ground, but even though the spirit had missed, it had went through a few strands of Tyra's hair, which sent chills down her back. "Ewwww...." Tyra said, scratching her head vigorously with her hands, trying to remove the weird feeling the spirit gave to her when it went through her. "Legendary Jujitsu Master, think you can help us?" Jay asked. "Of course" The Jujitsu Master replied, but as soon as he was about to take leap into action, Tyra put her hand in front of his chest, stopping him from taking the leap. "Wh-what are you doing?!?!" Jay asked, seeing he was confused of why Tyra interrupted his monster from attacking.

"You think my monster isn't strong enough? Or doesn't look fearsome enough Jay? Well just watch." Tya answered. She took out a card from her Deck. "I activate the Continuous Spell Card, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Cloudian_Squall"]Cloudian Squall!"[/url] The card shot up to the sky, vanishing from her hand. In replace, the sound of thunder and lightning had happened. It was then when Jay and the Legendary Jujitsu Master looked up, to see a indoor storm was occurring. It then started to rain. The odd thing was, it wasn't really well, rain. These cloud-shaped figures fell from the storm, landing on all of the monsters, including the spirits. The figures then sunk into all of the monsters, giving them a slight blue-like glow to them. Tyra gave out a simple smirk, and yelled "Cloudian - Cirrostratus, use [b]Monster Absorbent![/b]".

The cloud then floated to the middle of the room, which it then let out a fearsome roar, quite odd coming from a cat Jay thought. All the tokens that were in the spirits came out from them, sinking into Tyra's monster. The spirits facial expressions then changed into their normal eerie faces, to a face of panic, for they were slowly going towards the cloud, but not on purpose, it was as if that Tyra's monster was sucking them in. When every visible spirit was sunk into the cloud, it was bigger then ever. It then let out yet another fearsome roar, with followed with a bright light, then a loud explosion occurred.

The glass from the windows broke into pieces, the furniture blasted from the center of the room all the way to the sides, Tyra, Jay, and Jay's monster barely could stay in place. When they looked around, the spirits and Tyra's monster was gone. Jay and the Jujitsu Master was confused at first, but only to then see the air in the center of the room form into a figure, which then turned back into Tyra's monster, letting out a small purr.

Jay and the Jujitsu Master's faces were priceless. Their eyes wide open, as if they were going to pop out, along with their jaws which seemed like they were hanging only by a mere piece of skin. Tyra let out a small giggle, walked up to them, and put their mouths back into place. After Jay and the Jujitsu Master were done spacing out, the music had stopped far after the explosion of the spirits. It then appeared in the middle of the room, on top of one of the chandelier's, the monster [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Skull_Conductor"]Skull Conductor[/url] standing on top. His face also like Jay and the Jujitsu Master's, was indeed, priceless. Shocked at how such a mere, somewhat tiny, cloud could overcome his spirits, he dropped his baton, then fell from the chandelier, crashing into thousands of bones. The bones then turned into dust, which were blown away by a slight breeze which had came from the open door, with underneath the pile of dusts the card of the Skull Conductor.

Tyra slowly walked up to it and picked it out. She let out a shudder, and brought her hands into a position that seemed she was going to rip the card. But before doing so, Jay yelled "STOP!! What are you doing?!?!?" Tyra simply replied "What does it look like? I'm ripping the card." "But, we need more reinforcements!" Jay replied. "[b]Human[/b] reinforcements" Tyra answered back, with once again getting ready to rip the card, when Jay snatched the card from her hand. "Well so far, we found [b]nobody[/b], if we can't find any more survivors, monsters are the next best thing." Tyra let out a groan. "Fine....but you keep it, the card freaks me out."

Jay agreed, putting it into the same pocket his other monster card was, the Gil Garth. "Well....now what?" Jay asked. "Why are you asking me?" Tyra answered back. Tyra and Jay then started to argue, but only after moments of the argue, the Jujitsu Master shut both their mouths. "Shut it you two. Follow me." The Jujitsu Master said, while walking out of the mansion doors. Jay and Tyra were both confused at why Jay's monster was acting so....I guess he can say 'angry', but both followed along behind the Jujitsu Master.

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Jay and Tyra were not just tired from yet more walking, but were also wondering where the Legendary Jujitsu Master was taking them. They seemed to be a bit deeper into the city, but yet still close enough to the border for a quick hiding place if they were confronted by any of Chaos Sorcerer's army, seeing all the buildings around them were completely demolished, which didn't really make a good place to hide with gaps everywhere on all of the buildings walls, ceilings, etc. The city still was somewhat empty and deserted, but still with the occasional group of LIGHT and DARK monsters chasing after any survivors they found. While Jay and Tyra were looking for any survivors in any buildings they passed by, Jay's Jujitsu Master put his hand in front of them, signaling them to stop.

"Why'd you stop?" Jay asked. Legendary Jujitsu Master just answered with a shush, which Jay knew meant something was nearby, most likely something not good. Just at that moment, the ground started to shake. The ground continued to shake, each shake being bigger then the previous one. After a few shakes, Jay and Tyra started to here a different noise then the shaking, a sound which sounded like loud thumps, but actually when the 'thumping' got as loud as it could, they found out it wasn't actually some random thumping, but steps. They couldn't make out if they were actual footsteps, for the sound the steps made was quite odd, which could only have been described as gears grinding together. Then, out of nowhere, something popped right out from the forest next to them.

It was too fast for them to tell what it was, but they can only describe was some sort of mechanical beast, with along on top of it a boy on the back of it. The beast circled Jay, Tyra, and the Legendary Jujitsu Master, at what seemed like the speed of a racecar,. Tyra and Jay seemed somewhat worried, but Jay's monster on the other hand, calm. The Legendary Jujitsu Master then simply stuck his foot out, leading to the sudden trip of the beast and boy, only to crash into a bush. A loud "OW!!" was heard from the bush, only to reveal, not a boy, but a teenage boy, which seemed like Jay and Tyra's age, coming out from it. The teenage boy looked poor, seeing his clothes looked badly worn out, torn, and of course, filthy. But then again, perhaps it was just because it seemed like the boy had been living in the wild, for how long, they didn't know. "Umm....hi." Jay said. The boy got up and simply answered "Hello to you as well. My name's Arjio. Arjio Kilono. And yours?" Jay paused for a bit, shocked from the boy, well, Arjio's somewhat polite attitude. "Jay Galishimo. And over there's my friend Tyra Degihami. Sorry about my monster tripping you and your....what was that thing you were riding anyways?" Jay asked. "Just my pet." Arjio simply replied. Arjio whistled, which then the creature popped out from the bush, only to reveal it was the monster [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Ancient_Gear_Beast"]Ancient Gear Beast[/url]. The beast let out a roar, which was followed by the sound of it's gears grinding together, making a really disturbing noise. "Calm down, it's okay. Their good people....you three are good, right?"

Arjio questioned. "Of course!" Tyra answered. "And you seemed to miscount, unless you didn't see my monster." Tyra taking a step to the side, showing her Cloudian - Cirrostratus, which was hiding behind her during the whole thing. "Hey Arjio, how long have you been out here?" Jay asked. "You and your questions! Well, since the Invasion of Chaos pretty much, or that's how I like to call it." Arjio replied, following up with a simple chuckle. "Well....think you can help us fight against, well, put an end to the 'Invasion of Chaos'? Me and Tyra are trying to find survivors you see, to help us overcome Chaos Sorcerer and his army, and you might be the only other survivor we'll find in these next few days, even weeks maybe." Jay asked. "Sure!" Arjio asked without any questions or arguments, which Jay found quite....odd. "Great!" Tyra answered. "So....what's the plan?" Arjio asked. Jay took a long pause to think about it, and answered. "Well....we exactly don't have one....yet that is." Jay answered with a slight chuckle, showing his embarrassment when answering. "What?!?!? Well, no problem! Walk with me." Arjio replied, then continued to walk back into the forest. Jay, Tyra, and their monsters looking somewhat confused, chose not to speak and just to follow Arjio and his Ancient Gear Beast.
[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Chapter 2 - Ancient Gears and Geartown]
After walking for what felt like hours, but actually just a rough 20 minutes or so, Jay, Tyra, Arjio, and their monsters, came to a halt when Arjio stopped walking. They seemed to be in the front of a rocky, empty, and possibly dangerous, cave. Arjio started to walk in after his small pause to 'admire' his what Jay and Tyra only can assume to be his home, but Tyra just stood in place, while everyone else, including her monster, followed Arjio. "Come on Tyra, don't be such a baby." Jay said, following up with a small laugh. Tyra became slightly angered at Jay. Still scared, she followed up behind them into the cave. As soon as they entered, the sound of gears turning rapidly echoed from every direction. Tyra shuddered, and hid behind Jay. "What's wrong? Scared of some machines?" Jay asked, and once again, followed up with a small laugh. "NO! It's just....the sounds remind me of that creepy Skull Conductor monster and his spirits." Tyra answered with a small whisper.

"Don't be scared! They're just more of my monsters!" Arjio answered cheerfully along with a huge smile. Arjio then got onto his Ancient Gear Beast, and rode straight, further in the cave. Jay and Tyra couldn't match with Arjio's monsters speed, but they thought perhaps their monsters can. Jay rode on the back of his Legendary Jujitsu Master, which ran at speed that was twice as fast as Jay and most likely Tyra's combined. Tyra on the other hand, couldn't ride on her pet, so sadly, she had to do some jogging along with her pet floating next to her during it. "Guys wait up!" Tyra yelled, but as soon as she did, she saw them already standing in place.

The cave ended right then and there. Kinda weird how they ran just to stop a few moments after Tyra thought. At first glance, the cave's ending was what you would see in well, a cave. Giant boulders, spiked rocks hanging from ceilings, etc. etc. However, it wasn't until Arjio let out a huge whistle, everything started to change. Gears once again could be heard from all directions, but was twice as loud as before. The cave then started to change shape, along with increasing gradually in size it also seemed. Boulders and rocks slowly began to turn into Gears of all shapes and sizes, which also resembled to be buildings and whatnot, all in gear form.

"Welcome to [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Geartown"]Geartown[/url]!" Arjio yelled. His voice echoed around the 'cave', which was then, Jay and Tyra saw a few of Arjio's monsters, who were from the archetype known as [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Ancient_Gears"]Ancient Gears[/url] come out from the Gear homes, castles, and whatnot. They all varied in shape and size, and all seemed to be out of shape, due to all the odd sounds, slow movement, and rust that could be seen on them. "I guess it's time to introduce some of my other monsters. First off, I'd like you to meet the 'medic' of my team here, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Ancient_Gear_Engineer"]Ancient Gear Engineer[/url]." The Engineer seemed to be like a human robot, but of course, with that Ancient look to it. He had a drill that spun rapidly for an arm, with his other arm seeming to be some sort of scooping object. It also had what seemed like at the least, a backpack, which most likely held extra parts or something Jay thought. "As you can tell, he helps with repairing us and everything, but he also is a pretty good help on the battlefield too." Arjio said. Arjio then introduced his next two Ancient Gears. "Say hello to Ancient Gear [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Ancient_Gear_Soldier"]Soldier[/url] and [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Ancient_Gear_Knight"]Knight[/url]."

It was clear to Jay and Tyra these were the Ancient Gears that Arjio used for battles. The Soldier as you may tell by the name, looked like well, a soldier. It looked no different from the Engineer, only difference being, instead of a drill, the arm of the soldier was a gun, one that seemed to be from the light machine gun variety to be exact. The Knight, as you also might tell by the name, did not have any ranged weapons of sorts, but what a human knight would actually have. One arm was a lance, twice the size as the Engineers Drill, and was as sharp as a needle, along with the other arm being a shield, not that big, but seemed very tough to break through, and was the perfect size for the Knight. "Before we start planning, I have to say, I don't want to bring out all my monsters out at once. Is that okay? Because I don't want to send out all of them, just to see them all get destroyed." Arjio asked. "No problem!" Jay answered. "We'll most likely only need two or so for the beginning of the plan."

"And that would be?" Tyra questioned "Well, I was thinking, seeing that Chaos Sorcerer has like, troops surrounding him, making sure he doesn't get ambushed through any angle, I'd thought that we could use Arjio's Soldier to take out the troops one by one at a distance. If any sound of the gun shots would be a problem, we can also cover up the gun at the tip to silence it, or perhaps have Arjio's Knight quickly take out any other troops that would come our way." Jay answered confidently. "Now, Jay, answer me this, where is Chaos Sorcerer exactly?" Tyra asked. "You don't know?" Arjio and Jay both said at the same time. "Chaos Sorcerer is in the center of the city, on the top of that throne made by bones and debris, the bones most likely from the people he has killed." Jay answered. "But what makes you think it'll be that easy?" Tyra asked.

"Okay okay! Stop with all the questions. I never said it was going to be easy. It was just an idea. Sheesh." Jay replied with a somewhat angry tone. "Wait, so we kinda know what my monsters will do, how about yours?" Arjio asked Jay. "Well....I'm not really sure to be honest with you. I suppose my Jujitsu Master can hold off with a few of the troops head to head, and I guess Tyra's Cloud could take on the smaller, weaker troops." Jay jokingly said. "Haha, very funny. But that only gives us four monsters in all. We need more then that." Tyra said. "I do have the other two monsters, Gil Garth and Skull Conductor, remember?" Jay replied. "WHOA SIX MONSTERS! THAT WILL TOTALLY BEAT CHAOS SORCERER AND HIS ARMY!" Tyra said sarcastically. "Okay I get it, we'll need a lot more monsters. Don't worry, we still have plenty of time to get a few more." Jay answered.

"I know a few places where we can get a few, I guess you can say, unique monsters." Arjio said out of the blue. "Really? That's great!" Tyra exclaimed. "But wait, whats the catch?" Jay asked Arjio. "No catch at all, it just depends what kind of monsters, Attribute wise of course. For these places are the 'ideal homes' for certain Attributes, and Archetypes, but it might take awhile to get there, depending on where you want to go" Arjio answered. "Well, we seem to lack in ranged departments, and by the sounds your monsters could make Arjio, we also need more silent, but deadly, monsters. Any ideas where to find some?" Jay asked. "Hm....I think I know just the place. Follow me." Arjio went onto his Beast, and rode it out of the cave, with Jay, Tyra, and their two monsters following.

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It has been two hours since the three and their monsters have left the cave. They walked deeper into the forests, which they were lead by Arjio to a [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Molten_Destruction"]volcano[/url], which was massive. how it was unseen from the city, when it was clearly bigger then twice the cities size, was a mystery. "What are we doing here?" Jay asked. "To get us some Archers, and perhaps a few other monsters as well." Arjio exclaimed. They continued walking up the Volcano, to find in the center of it, a cave. Arjio told them to be quite, slowly entering the cave.

The cave just like Arjio's, looked like an ordinary cave, however, all of a sudden, a ball of fire, surrounded by a swirl of flames, shot right past Jay's head. Jay screamed so loud, his voice echoed across the cave. "Who dares approach the cave of the [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Flamvell"]Flamvells![/url]" A voice from deeper into the cave yelled. "Calm down Commando, it's me, Arjio." Arjio answered. The cave then went silent, with only seconds after the silence, footsteps were heard.

What approached from the darkness of the cave came out what seemed like a person, but when it came closer, it was clearly a monster from the game of Duel Monsters. "Guys, I would like to introduce you to my friend, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Flamvell_Commando"]Flamvell Commando[/url]." Arjio said, patting the Commando on the back. The monster looked quite odd, for it's skin was a light purple shade, his hair was long and a bright orange color, as if it was on fire. It's clothing was somewhat more odd, for it seemed like he was wearing a janitor outfit, with the only difference is he had shoulder and leg pads along with it. The monster also had sharp claws on it's hands and feet, along with a tail as well. His hands held what seemed like a futuristic gun, which most likely shot the ball of fire at them. The 'creature' also seemed like it had a bright orange aura around it.

"Welcome Arjio. It has been awhile. May I ask who are your friends?" The Commando spoke. "Hi, I'm Jay, and that's my friend Tyra." Jay answered. "I can introduce myself you know." Tyra said. "May I also ask what brings you here?" Commando asked Arjio. "Well, me and my friends are going to try to defeat Chaos Sorcerer and his army. But the problem is, we only have about six or so monsters. All are pretty strong, but most of them can only handle hand to hand battles, my Ancient Gear Soldier being the only one that can fight from a distance, but you see, Ancient Gear Soldier isn't the most, silent when it comes to assassinating and whatnot. So I was thinking, do you think you can spare some of your Archers for us?" Arjio asked.

The Commando put his hand under his chin, thinking about Arjio's question. "My answer is yes, I will give you two of my Archers, IF you can beat them in a battle." The commando answered. "W-what?" Arjio, Jay, and Tyra said. "Well of course. I can't just give them to you, you'll need to fight them in order to officially own them as your own. Follow me to the battle arena." The Commando answered, walking into the cave. Jay, Tyra, Arjio, and their monsters followed.

[center]----------[/center]

After walking a bit deeper into the cave, they saw a bright light, but not the color white, but it seemed to be a mix of the shades of red, orange, and yellow. After entering the light, they could see a battle arena which was made of solid coal in the shape of a circle, surrounded by fire. Outside of the fire and the arena, various FIRE monsters watching. Across from the entrance they came through, was yet another entrance. The heat made Jay, Tyra, and Arjio sweat rapidly, and smell quite bad. The monsters on the other hand, seemed perfectly fine with the blazing temperature.

"Here are the rules. Like I said, I will spare two of my archers. So one by one, each of you will send out one of your monsters to face my two archers. A two on one if you will. There will be a maximum of four minutes to defeat my archers. If you do not defeat them by then, you lose, and the next person will have their chance. My archers will only be loyal to their victor, so if say Arjio wins, they will only listen to him. Also, during the battle, if it is clear to my archers your monster is going to lose, they will stop by dropping their bows and arrows to the ground. Sound good?" The Commando exclaimed.

"Yes, I think we all got it. But who will go first?" Arjio asked. "Simple. You three will play a game of blade, cloth, and stone. Blade cuts cloth, cloth covers stone, and stone breaks blade." The Commando said, then showing them how to make each figure with his hand. The three silently giggled throughout the Commando teaching them how to play, for it was obvious this was a game of rock paper scissors. The three went at it, only to show Jay and Tyra were both 'cloth', while Arjio was 'blade'. "I guess I'll go first." Arjio said, walking into the arena, along with his Ancient Gear Beast.

The Commando whistled, which then two [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Flamvell_Archer"]Flamvell Archers[/url] walked out of the opposite entrance. Jay and Tyra knew that the Archers were quite weak hand to hand, with only 1000 ATK, but knew when fired up, could have a total of 1800 ATK. The Archers looked like they had a mane which was made of flames, some of it covering the Archers left eye. They were also quite muscular. The two archers also had a strap on 'backpack' made of leather, which most likely held their bows and arrows. They wore gauntlets, which looked like they were made of the toughest of steel, with the color of the gauntlets a mix of red and orange. Their bow and arrows were the most impressive though was their bow and arrow, which were finely crafted and looked like they were made of fire and lava.

The monsters stood face to face on opposite sides of the arena, Arjio standing just behind his monster. "Let the battle begin!" The Commando yelled, shooting his futuristic blaster right above the arena, which formed into a timer made up of the flames, showing 3:59 was how much time was left. Arjio got a bit off track, astounded at the blast of flames that formed into actual numbers.

Arjio's Ancient Gear Beast scratched Arjio, growling at him. "Oh right, sorry. Go Ancient Gear Beast, attack!" Arjio yelled. The Ancient Gear Beast charged right at the Archers at full speed. The Archers took out there bows and arrows, the tips of the arrows bursting into a ball of fire as soon as it was put into place. A scope was attached to the bow, used for better accuracy. The archers both locked onto the Ancient Gear Beast, releasing the arrow. The arrows shot swiftly, and were very silent when shot, both skimming the sides of the Ancient Gear Beast. "Ha! You missed!" Arjio yelled. [i]That's what you think[/i] The Commando thought. The sides of the Beast then was covered in flames, which lead to the Beast stopping in place, dropped on the ground, rolling frantically on it. The gears slowly started to slow, for the Beast was clearly melting.

Arjio ran up to it, trying to blow away the fire with his breath, which of course, did no good. The Commando sighed and snapped his fingers. The fires once covering the Ancient Gear Beast then vanished. The Ancient Gear Beast stood back up on all fours, and seemed like it was apologizing for it's loss to Arjio, making an odd whimpering sound. Arjio patted it on the head, and walked back to the entrance where Jay, Tyra, and their monsters were. "Well, I'm out. How much time was left?" Arjio asked. He looked up at the timer, to see it was 3:00. "WHAT!?!?! THEY BEAT ME IN A MINUTE!?!?!" Arjio was not angry, but very shocked. He then calmed down, and sat there, waiting to see which of the two will be next.

Jay and Tyra then went at it, to lead that Jay was blade and Tyra was cloth. "YES! Don't worry guys, I could handle these two." Jay said. Jay then went up to his Legendary Jujitsu Master, and whispered something into his ear. After whispering, the Legendary Jujitsu Master nodded. Jay then yelled at the Commando about one more ruling. "Commando, do we have to use the current monster we have out now, or am I aloud to switch out to another monster I have in disposal?" Jay asked. The Commando thought about it for quite some time, and let out some restrictions. "Yes you may, but the monster must be a Level 4 or lower." The Commando spoke.

Jay smiled and agreed to his requirements, for his other two monsters fit the requirements greatly. Tyra and Jay both knew which other two monsters he had, the question was, which one would he bring out. His steel-armored terror machine Gil Garth, or his most recent monster,the musical mayhem Skull Conductor? Or perhaps he was trying to trick the Archers into changing their tactics and was actually just going to get out Legendary Jujitsu Master. [i]I have to choose the right monster for this battle, because I don't think Tyra's cloud has a chance against these two monsters.[/i] Jay thought. [i]I guess it's all up to me....[/i]
[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Chapter 3 - Flamvell Archers]
Jay was still thinking what monster he should get out. The heat was getting to him, making him slightly delusional for a bit. [i]Come on Jay....pick already![/i] Tyra thought nervously. "I got it!" Jay yelled. He reached into his pocket and took out a monster card. Tyra and Arjio were too far from Jay, and couldn't make out the monster, all they knew was that he wasn't going to pick his Jujitsu Master. The Jujitsu Master sighed, slightly disappointed he wasn't going to be able to battle, and walked back to Tyra and Arjio. "Sorry, I just wanna try out my other monsters." Jay told his Jujitsu Master. Jay stuck his hand into the air, firmly grasping the card.

[b]"It wields a blade like no other, shaking the ground around it with every step it takes, for it's armor although heavy, is what truly makes this monster a threat. I summon, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Gil_Garth"]Gil Garth!"[/url][/b] With that, the card disappeared from Jay's hand. In front of Jay a white sphere had appeared, which slowly took form of the shape, and the color of the Gil Garth. The Gil Garth's chest was slowly increasing and decreasing in size, with air seeping through the tiniest of holes in it's armors every time.

The Archers expressions towards the monster was questionable. It seemed they weren't scared at all, but at the same time, it seemed like they were trying to hold in there fear. "Are you ready?" The Flamvell Commando asked. "Yes, yes I am." Jay replied. The Commando took a shot at the air above the arena, with a burst that showed that the four minutes had started. "Go!" Jay yelled at the Gil Garth. The Gil Garth then slowly walked towards the Archers. [i]Damn, didn't think it'd be that slow....[/i] Jay thought. The Archers took out there bows and errors, and lined up their shots right at the sides of the Gil Garth. Just like what happened with Arjio's monster, the sides of the Gil Garth was engulfed in flames. However, this didn't seem to affect the Gil Garth. In a negative way that is.

The Gil Garth slowly increased in speed, it's slow walking became fast-paced jogging. It being on fire was actually helping it move faster, even though the flames were slowly melting off it's armor. It then took a swung at the Archer to it's left with it's katana, knocking the Archer to the edge of the arena. The Archer at the time, had it's weapons knocked away from it as well. When the Gil Garth was about to send the final blow on the Archer, with it's katana getting ready to strike right at it's heart, the Gil Garth dropped it's katana. "W-what happened?" Jay asked. Jay looked at the other Archer, who had shot an arrow right at the back of the Gil Garth, which covered it's whole body in flames.

The Gil Garth collapsed with a thud. "It looks like Jay has lost his battle against the Archers, and sadly, one of his monsters as well." The Commando yelled. But when the Commando was about to snap his fingers, a katana shot straight out of the flames that covered the Gil Garth, skimming the side of one of the Archers. The Archer let out a groan, grabbing onto it's injury. The Gil Garth rose from the flames, which not were no longer there, but turned the Gil Garth's metal spikes that were attached to the armor a bright red, which was on fire on each tip.

"Don't count my monster out yet!" Jay yelled. The Gil Garth grabbed it's other arm, clenching onto the spikes attached to it. It then ripped the spikes right out, which then new spikes popped out from the holes the original spikes were. It then threw the barrage of spikes straight at the injured Archer. The spikes penetrated the skin of the Archer in several places, but seemed to not have done much damage. The other Archer threw the injured Archer's bow and error, in which they both shot an arrow straight at the sides of the Gil Garth's head. The Gil Garth slowly reached for his head, trying his best to extinguish the flame. Once again, the Commando sighed, snapped his fingers, and the flames were gone.

"Dang, looks like were not getting those Archers" Jay quietly said to himself. He slowly walked up to his monster, which held down it's head in shame. Jay patted it on the shoulder, being cautious of the spikes. "It's okay, you did a great job." Jay said to the Gil Garth. The two walked back to the far end of the arena where Jay, Tyra, and their monsters were. "Well Tyra, looks like your our only hope." Arjio said, in a slightly depressed tone. "And what that mean?" Tyra asked, quite angry at the way Arjio said his words. "Well, your monster doesn't look that strong." Arjio replied. "Oh really?" Tyra asked. "Yeah, really. Any chance you have any other, more powerful monsters?" Arjio asked in return. Before Tyra was about to snap back at him, she thought about what Arjio said. "As in a matter of fact, I do." Tyra replied. "Sorry Cirrostratus, but is it okay if you sit this one out?" The cat-like cloud in return nodded it's head, floating next to the others.

Tyra took out a card from her pocket. [b]The clouds hide a monster. A monster although large in size, does not prey on the weak, but protects them with all it's might, for the weak is what gives this monster it's power. I summon, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Cloudian_-_Nimbusman"]Cloudian - Nimbusman![/url][/b] The card floated in the air, and evaporated. In it's place, a cloud started to form. First, it started out as a normal cloud, but it slowly started to grow in size.Arms and legs were growing from the base of the cloud, along with a head. The head then formed two eyes and a mouth, which showed a cloud that seemed to stand at a stunning twenty feet. Arjio and Jay's mouths were hanging down, in shock at the monstrous figure Tyra had been hiding. "Quite the monster you got there, but the question is, can it handle my monsters?" The Flamvell Commando asked. "I'm pretty sure it can." Tyra replied. With what she said, the Flamvell Commando shot the air with flames, showing the countdown, and the final match, had started.

"Wow! Who would've though Tyra had such a big monster!" Arjio said. "Problem is, it's stats are so low." Jay replied. The giant monster although well, giant, had a really low attack and defense, both standing at only 1000. "Nimbusman, attack!" Tyra yelled. The monster slowly walked towards the Archers, which for it, only would have taken it two steps minimum to reach the other side of the arena. The Archers shot there arrows at the head, but only went right through, leaving gaping holes inside the monster. The monster, or more specifically, the cloud, slowly regenerated, and at the same time, seemed to be growing in size. "What's happening?" Arjio asked Jay. Jay thought about it, then it hit him.

The Fog Counters. Little did the Flamvell's know, but Tyra all this time, still had her Spell Card Cloudian Squall in play. Jay could hardly see the counters fall from the sky into each of the monsters. "Although my monster may be weak at the start, my Cloudian Squall is placing Fog Counters on each monster on the field right now, excluding the ones watching this battle. For each Fog Counter on the field, my Nimbusman gains 500 ATK. Right now, there is only three, one on itself, and one on each of your Archers. This makes my Nimbusman at a grand total of 2500. Now, Nimbusman, attack with [b]Cloudian Grasp![/b]. With that, the Nimbusman spread it's arms out, as if it was reaching for a hug. It grabbed the two Archers, squeezing them with all it's might. The Archers did their best to get free, but only to slowly, sink into the monsters chest.

The Flamvell Archers were now gone. The Nimbusman then, stuck his right hand into it's stomach, and pulled out two cards. Both that had the images of the Flamvell Archers. "It looks like we have a winner!" The Flamvell Commando yelled. The FIRE Attributed monsters all around us cheered. The Nimbusman seemed to have shrunk in size, for it's gigantic twenty feet seemed to have reduced to ten, and gave the cards to Tyra. "Thanks Nimbusman." Tyra said. Jay and Arjio, including their monsters, all had their mouths wide open in awe. Not just that how easily the monster took down the Archers, but in the time it had done it as well, for the timer was only at 3:30. It only had took the monster thirty seconds to defeat the Archers.

"Whoa....we got to stop underestimating you, and your monsters." Jay said. "What do you mean we? I never underestimated her in the first place." Arjio replied. "Either way, we got the Flamvell Archers. Now what?" Tyra asked. "I guess we should head out back into the cave and get some rest, and continue on with making the plan." Jay answered. The three walked out of the volcano cave entrance, and headed back to Arjio's cave.

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Jay had just started a fire in the middle of Arjio's cave, or Geartown. It didn't really matter to him what he wanted to call it. It was late at night, and with no heat whatsoever in the cave, along with the cold winds outside of it, it was only common sense for Jay to start a fire. Tyra and Arjio were sitting next to him, putting their hands over the fire. First they couldn't stand heat, now they need more of it, only because some cave that was also part town didn't have any. It sure was a messed up world they lived in.

"Okay, so Tyra, think you can get out those Flamvell Archers now? We need to see what other things they can do besides you know, use bows and arrows." Jay asked. "'Kay, but remember, I get to tell them what to do, not you, not Arjio, nobody else but me. Got it?" Tyra asked back. "Fine." Jay replied, being a bit ticked off at Tyra's sudden change of attitude. Perhaps it was her time of the month? He did not know. To be honest, for Jay, sometimes being with Tyra was like every day was here time of the month. [b]"From the depths of the Volcano, these guys shoot down the toughest of enemies, engulfing them in flames. I summon, the [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Flamvell_Archer"]Flamvell Archers![/url][/b]. The cards then flew into the fire, which grew twice in size, coming out of the fire the two Archers, who were temporarily covered in flames.

"Jay, she does know since we're not really battling, we don't have to say a summoning chant to get out our monsters, right?" Arjio asked. Summoning chants although seemed silly, were essential to get fully 'in-sync' with the monster your summoning. If you did not say a chant, your monster in most cases, would not listen to you and do things on it's own. Why they are essential, we do not really know. "What did you say?" Tyra said, glaring at Arjio. "Umm....nothing?" He replied. "Okay! So let's go back to the plan." Jay said, trying to shift topics before Tyra ends up beating the crap out of Arjio.

"Greetings everyone." The Flamvell Archers said in unison. Both had a certain tone to their voice, it was like talking to some guy who had a mix of a British and Chinese accent. Yes. It was that bad. "Whoa....what's with your voices?" Arjio asked. "What?" the Archers asked in confusion. [i]Looks like nobody ever provoked them about that horrid sound that they call a voice....[/i] Jay thought. "Anywho, we've seen you two in action, at a distance that is. Your pretty good. My question is, what else can you do?" "Well, we are both pretty good at one-on-one battles. I mean, look at our muscles." The Archers answered, striking a pose to show how 'buff' they were.

"So, we have Gil Garth and Legendary Jujitsu Master, who can both take on a small group of monsters-" "Are you calling us weak?" The Jujitsu Master said. The Jujitsu Master and Gil Garth both gave evil glares at Jay. "What?!?!? No, no no. I'm just saying that at max, you two can only handle about three people at once, maybe five at max, but together, as long as you two watch your backs, you can handle endless amounts of monsters." Jay replied. "Oh, in that case. You may continue." The Jujitsu Master replied back. "Okay, we also have Tyra's Cirrostratus and Nimbusman, who can take on twice the amount, even more, then my monsters. BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING, I'm not saying you two are weak Gil Garth and Jujitsu Master, I'm just saying Tyra's monsters are pretty strong." Jay said to the Jujitsu Master and Gil Garth in advance, just to make sure they didn't take it the wrong way.

"Well what about her other monsters? And mine?" Arjio asked. "Well, your monsters seem that they would work great together as a group. You know, seeing they aren't the most silent, but are pretty strong, you can have your Soldier and Knight ride on your Beast. You know, your Soldier shooting down anyone it sees, and your Knight taking down anyone trying to take it, or the Soldier down from up close. Your Beast could be running around the center of the city in circles so you can do this repeatedly." Jay answered. "Sounds good to me, but what about my Engineer?" "Your Engineer as of right now, could start building an underground tunnel to the center of the city, where Chaos Sorcerer is, or have the exit of the tunnel as close as it can be to Chaos Sorcerer." "Like before, sounds good to me." Arjio answered. He told his Ancient Gear Engineer to start working on the tunnel, which it did as soon as Arjio finished talking.

"Now the final part of the plan. Before we start the attack, we'll have Tyra's Archers, both on opposite sides of the cities, hiding in the closest buildings they could fine. When I, or well, Tyra calls the signal, whatever it may be, the Archers shoot their arrows right at the throne in the center. My Skull Conductor can help as well from a distance, with his blue skeleton head soul thingy's.That is when all of us will come out from the outskirts of the city, or at least any houses we can hide in, and strike." Jay said. He felt pretty good how he was sort of the 'leader' of the three, making all of the commands and everything. It was like he was a king.

"What a great plan Jay. You have a massive flaw in it though. How do you know that we'll be able to take down Chaos Sorcerer, let alone, his army?" Tyra asked. "We have at most. currently around ten or so monsters, not forgetting a few more I have in my Deck, but even though most of them can handle some groups, we'll still get overwhelmed." "You have a good point there Tyra. We do only have a fe- wait, did you say you have more monsters?" Jay asked. "Well, yeah, but kinda like my Cirrostratus, they can only help on certain things. One with Spells and Traps, one for inflicting some damage, etc. But until we see what monsters they have, and any Spells or Traps they may use, they're practically useless." Tyra answered.

"Oh. Well, we can still look for any other survivors. Or at the least, other groups of monsters. We already found a bunch of FIRE monsters living in the Volcano. It's only common sense that the WATER monsters must be hiding in any nearby lakes or rivers, and so on. But then again, we won't know if they are strong enough, or even have the balls to provoke Chaos Sorcerer and his army." Jay answered back. "Well, there's only one way to find out. I say tomorrow we go looking for some more monsters. More specifically, how can I say it, unique ones." Arjio said. "Unique? How so?" Tyra asked. "You'll both see. We'll head out tomorrow. It's going to be a long trip."
[/spoiler]

[DARKPLANT RISING]

One quick advice.

[i]Although the Gil Garth was slow, [b]it[/b] was twice our size, and[/i]

Is this first person or third person?

Well, the story seems interesting, I might actually even read it. Consider that good, since I rarely do that with fan fics.

[Anbu-of-Sand]

[quote name='=Evangelion=' timestamp='1293004976' post='4873089']
One quick advice.

[i]Although the Gil Garth was slow, [b]it[/b] was twice our size, and[/i]

Is this first person or third person?

Well, the story seems interesting, I might actually even read it. Consider that good, since I rarely do that with fan fics.
[/quote]
Hm....third person I do so believe.

But thanks for the +Rep, hope you'll like the story

[Anbu-of-Sand]

[quote name='Anbu-of-Sand' timestamp='1293139957' post='4877890']
Legal bump. Come on people, don't just view, give some CnC on the Story so far as well.
[/quote]

[Twig]

I'm working on a review, but it might take a while. The only problems so far are a few grammar mistakes.

[Anbu-of-Sand]

[quote name='Twig' timestamp='1293421303' post='4885934']
I'm working on a review, but it might take a while. The only problems so far are a few grammar mistakes.
[/quote]
I see. Care to point some out when you give the review? Thank you in advance.

[Anbu-of-Sand]

Legal bump. You gaiz dun't love me ;_;

[Twig]

[quote name='Anbu-of-Sand' timestamp='1292994123' post='4872786']
[spoiler=Chapter 0 - Prologue - The Beginning of The End]
All around the world, [b]duel monsters[/b] was one of the most popular card games to play. Ages from young to old played this game, thrilled watching [b]there[/b] monsters fight opposing monsters. The holograms that came from the duel disks that were used to play were so real[b],(unnecessary comma)[/b] that it made some people wonder [i]how[/i] it was even possible for such a game, to look this[b],(unnecessary comma)[/b] beautiful. One of those people were my dad, Grie Galishimo.

[b]I bolded grammar mistakes. See if you can fix them. So far, things are ok.[/b]

My dad was a scientist, one of the many people who helped create [b]duel monsters[/b]. My dad was a nice guy, who did his best to keep the family intact and whatnot,[b](Making a new sentence would be better than making this into one long sentence. It makes it less confusing.)[/b] seeing that with him always doing his studies in his office and other places, it was mostly just me all by myself at home.

[b]This sentence doesn't belong in this paragraph. Think of paragraphs like their threads in the forum. You're talking about your dad. Then you go off topic by talking about yourself. Also, the big blocks of text scare readers.[/b]

With my dad being one of the people creating [b]duel monsters[/b], he would always have a sneak peek on what would be released before it would be actually presented to the public.

[b]Actually is actually unnecessary in this sentence. The first part of this sentence sounds awkward and redundant because you've said he was one of the people who created Duel Monsters already. It would be better as "Because my dad was one of the creators of Duel Monsters...".[/b]

However, he would always bring some papers and other things back to show me a sneak peek as well.

[b]When you use however, you are opposing something. What is this sentence opposing?[/b]

He even would sometimes give me some cards before they were even released.

[b]Proofreading not only helps spelling, it helps on awkward sounding sentences too. "He would even" sounds way better than "He even would"[/b]

The very first card he gave to me was [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Chaos_Sorcerer"]Chaos Sorcerer[/url]. At first, it seemed like a normal card, until the very night I got the card, while I was sleeping, I felt a tap on my shoulder, only to wake up and turn around to the card my dad had gave me, Chaos Sorcerer.

[b]Periods are there to help you. Use them. [/b]

At first, I freaked out, thinking it was all some absurd dream, but it looked too realistic to be a dream. His fine red and black outfit looked like it was just freshly made from the finest of cloths,

[b]Proofreading fixes redundancy too. You use fine twice in this sentence.[/b]

the aura's[b](When using apostrophes, ask yourself why you're using it)[/b] emitting from his hand, one of bright yellow, and one of a dark, dark purple, look like they were about to explode, it was all too much for me to bare at first, seeing I was only 10 at the time.

[b]Seriously. You need to learn where to stop sentences. Saying dark twice won't make it darker. People like it better when you spell out numbers that can be spelled out, especially if it's only three letters.[/b]

Trying to get out of my dream, I went out of my bed, getting ready to charge straight on at Chaos Sorcerer, thinking I would go through it, hit my head on the wall or something, and wake up. After doing so, I did not hit the wall. I hit my head right into Chaos Sorcerer's chest.

[b]Don't say something we'd know in the next sentence. After this, we learned who the murderer was. We figured out it was Bob. <---Might as well delete the other sentence.[/b]

Chaos Sorcerer let out a laugh, not an evil laugh, but a laugh that sounded like one a fancy, civilized person would let out.

[b]You're trying too hard in explaining the laugh isn't evil. You could have just said "he let out a hearty laugh".[/b]

"Hello" he said to me. His voice sounded quite normal, for a monster, or more specifically, a [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Spellcaster"]Spellcaster[/url] that is.

[b]I had no idea pellcasters normally sounded like monsters, and I had no idea a spellcaster was a monster. The more you know~[/b]

I greeted him back, stating my name, which he then replied.

[b]I love it how you use periods at the wrong times but never use it at the right times. Anyways, that isn't the main problem. A rule all authors knows and follows is "show, don't tell." You can just make the character talk instead of saying "greeted him back, stating my name". [/b]

"I already know who you are, Jay Galishimo, I can tell by your frumpy-like black hair and your looks, you are the son of Grie Galishimo, my creator.

[b]Periods. You need them.

I never understood how the Spirit World works. Do monsters just appear in the spirit world once they're made in the human world? I was about to say that it was clever to describe your character by having Chaos Sorcerer say it, but then you just described his hair. Now that I think about it, I don't even know Jay's gender.[/b]

You see, your dad, has, how can I put this in simplest terms, a 'gift'. Your dad when creating cards, somehow, brings us to 'life'. Not to your world, but in ours, [b]The Spirit World[/b].

[b]I swear, this is a blind review. I didn't read this before I said what I said before.[/b]

The Spirit World you see, is a world of where all duel monsters roam free from their cards, and live somewhat of a normal life like you humans do. Only very few people in the world can see, feel, and talk to us, you being one of them, seeing your dad must have passed his 'gift' to you through his genes.

[b]Oh cool, so he can go to yugiohcardmaker.net and make all kinds of monsters appear.[/b]

After Chaos Sorcerer going on and on about the Spirit World, I grew interested in meeting more and more duel monsters from the Spirit World, which I did, with every new card I got from my dad.

[b]You know, I expected Jay to run and scream when Chaos Sorcerer started talking to him, or maybe start blurting out questions. Remember, show, don't tell. [/b]

Seeing I could only use Chaos Sorcerer in a duel if I were able to remove from play a LIGHT and DARK Attributed monster from my Graveyard, I asked my dad to get me only LIGHT and DARK monsters, although in some cases when he couldn't, he would give me another one of his newest cards.

[b]Now I'm confused. What? He meets Chaos Sorcerer when he summons him?[/b]

Even though I was too young to duel, I wanted to be prepared and have a deck in advance just for Chaos Sorcerer.

[b]I love how a Children's Card Game in real life is too young to be played in a Yugioh fanfic. I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as too young to play a card game.[/b]

By the age of 12, I had started to Duel. Duels were one of the most exciting things that have occurred in my life. Most of my opponents although seemed to have fun as well dueling, there feelings towards dueling couldn't be compared to mine, seeing I had an actual, true connection to my cards. I never felt so proud when I would see one of my monsters concur another monster through battle, and working together to get me the win. Although in the inside, I felt sad that I couldn't share and tell my gift to other people, seeing they would think I would've been crazy, until one day while walking home, I saw a this girl on the sidewalk, seemingly talking to well, nobody.

[b]"Would've" is unnecessary.

Nothing much to say besides this whole paragraph is a little boring. [/b]

She was about my age, had long black hair that went a bit past her shoulders, and was wearing what seemingly looked like a casual school uniform.

[b]I love how we get more description of this girl instead of the main character.[/b]

I've seen her around school here and there, normally by herself, just talking to the thin air right in front of her. I walked up to her, tapping her on the shoulder, asking who was she talking to.

[b]I think what's irritating me about this whole thing is that you're telling a story instead of showing a story. When you're using first person, don't let the main character be a storyteller. Let the character be the story.[/b]

She looked straight at me, her eyes were a light brown color, and had a shine to them, she was pretty cute. Me being speechless - I was [b]to[/b] busy staring into her eyes - she then giggled, and [b]point up[/b].

[b]This fanfic is getting worse. It's got to the point where you don't remember what tense you're using and you confuse "to" and "too".

This is a little corny. Boy meets girl, boy stares into eyes, and then boy becomes speechless. Where have I heard that before?[/b]

At first when I looked up, I saw nothing but the clouds. The clouds looked though, quite different. Some were white, some were blue, some were green, and a few other colors [b]to[/b]. It wasn't until then, when a small group of yellow clouds hovered down in front of me, then popping out into a form of a cute, little, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Cloudian_-_Smoke_Ball"]ball of smoke[/url].

[b]I don't find balls of smoke to be cute. I find little cloud beasts to be cute.[/b]

It was then, I figured out, she too had the gift.

[b]no wai!

I thought she was just crazy![/b]

I was filled with joy finding out I wasn't the only one in our school who had the gift, and by the time I knew it, we were the [b]best of friends[/b]. Her name was Tyra Degihami, and although she didn't duel that much, or seem that interested in dueling, she had quite a variety of cards.

[b]Have we learned the main character's name?[/b]

They were cards of an archetype named [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Cloudians"]Cloudians[/url], all resembling different clouds and whatnot, with along a few other cards as well of the [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Fairy"]Fairy-Type[/url].

Like I had said before, we were the [b]best of friends[/b], but around the age of 14, I wondered if we were even more [b]then[/b] friends.

[b]omghelikesTyranowai

I had no idea that was coming.[/b]

Also at the age of 14, something happened that would change our lives forever, well, an idea that my father had that had the possibility to change the game of duel monsters to be exact. My father figuring out that me and Tyra were the [b]best of friends[/b]

[b]NOT JUST BFFs! THEY'RE BOFFs![/B]

, the main thing linking us was both having the gift, he wanted to share this gift to the world, in which he made, [b]The Chaos Generator[/b], which he briefly named off of my favorite card, Chaos Sorcerer.

[b]I would understand his dad naming stuff out his child, but he had to pick the worst thing to name after him. The Chaos Generator. Nope, nothing suspicious about that.

inb4thingsgohorriblywrong[/b]

He had made the machine in his room of our house, seeing he wasn't entirely sure the other scientist would approve of his theory. His theory was, he would take a sample of his DNA and place it into the Machine, which had the data of every single card out there, and actually bring the cards to life during a duel, and outside of duels as well, as if the Spirit World and our world would fuse and become one.

[b]This is the worst idea ever. Didn't he think of all the evil people in the world that would use it for evil! This generator WILL ACTUALLY generate chaos![/b]

He wanted to start things off slow, and asked me for my favorite card, Chaos Sorcerer, which I gave to him. I gave it to him, which he then slid into the same slot he had placed his DNA. Me and Tyra then watched to see what would happen. As soon as he did this, the machine started emitting a bright, yellow aura, which was most likely the LIGHT side of Chaos Sorcerer. Everything was working out perfectly, which turned out making my dad laugh with joy. But then, something went wrong.

[b]Of course.[/b]

The yellow, LIGHT aura from Chaos Sorcerer started to let out the DARK aura from Chaos Sorcerer as well, the 'evil' side of him I call it.

[b]And of course, the dark side is evil. Not all darkness is evil. Tell me this is evil!: [img]http://images.wikia.com/yugioh/images/5/58/KuribohDTP1-EN-DCPR-DT.png[/img] [/b]

The Aura's reflected back and forth, as if they were fighting against each other, or trying to fuse as one. Me and Tyra

[b]Tyra and I[/b]

became slightly scared, and backed away from the machine. But before we even took 2 steps back, we felt, and saw, a bright, white, glow emitting from our cards, more specifically our monster cards.

[b]I've noticed you're using "more specifically, to be exact, etc" too much. If you have something to say, get to the point.[/b]

When we took out the monster cards, the images were gone, only leaving the text and everything else. We then saw behind us, was our actual monsters. Tyra touched her Cloudians to see if they weren't just in spirit form, and when figured out were real, she hugged them with all her might.

[b]Poor monsters must be choking.[/b]

My LIGHT and DARK monsters that is, act differently. They were acting like wild animals on a rampage, snarling and growling at each other. It was then at that moment they came out of their cards, when the machine, blew up.

[b]Then they all died. The end.[/b]

It didn't actually blow up though,

[b]Aww, what?

The evil villain killed *insert hero here*. Actually, he didn't really kill him.[/b]

it released a giant ray of light, which enabled us from seeing anything,

[b]enable - render capable or able for some task[/b]

but when the light finally died down, I had noticed my dad had disappeared.

[b]Judging from watching Pegasus, he's probably inside a card.[/b]

I frantically panicked, wondering what had happened to him, until I saw him, not my dad, but Chaos Sorcerer. All our monsters, well, Tyra's monsters, were back in their cards, while mine on the other hand, stayed out of their cards.

[b]If there's an exception, you need to explain why it is that way.[/b]

At first he looked fine, until he gave me an evil smirk, and shot two rays of LIGHT and DARK aura from his palms into the air, blasting through our [b]houses[/b] roof. This is when my monsters went crazy and berserk, and started to attack me, Tyra, and her monsters.

[b]I thought Tyra's monsters were in card form?[/b]

We had to evacuate the house, but when we did, it wasn't any better outside then it was inside.

[b]How did they escape the attack?

I love how you put a lot of description in the boring parts, but give little details in the climax.[/b]

Outside, everyone who was dueling or had their cards with them where either getting attacked by their monsters, or being protected / running away with them from other monsters, if they chose to get them out of course.

[b]This story is so predictable.[/b]

After a bit of running around the city finding a safe place to hide, I had noticed that all of the monsters that were on a rampage had something in common, they were all monsters of the attributes LIGHT and DARK. This meant the blast from Chaos Sorcerer's palms must've taken control over all the LIGHT and DARK monsters, as if they were his army, and he was giving them commands telepathically.

[b]Don't say "as if" if that's really the case.[/b]

After a week or two from trying to survive, the city had been in ruins.

[b]This could have been one to three chapters worth of paragraph. But instead, let's just make into one sentence![/b]

Buildings, houses, malls, [b]everywhere[/b] was destroyed, on fire, and some things too horrific to explain.

[b]I love how you don't explain what the readers want to hear. [/b]

Humans would try their best to fight off the LIGHT and DARK monsters with their own who weren't one of the two attributes,

[b]You said humans as if you're not. Maybe the main character is an alien.[/b]

but at the end, were overpowered by Chaos Sorcerer's army, at the end, being held captive as slaves or even worse, put to death.

[b]At the end, at the end, at the end. The grammar went from OK to whattheheckdoesthismean?[/b]

Most of the humans chose to hide, and do their best to survive with their monsters, seeing even the simplest thing such as finding food could've been too big of a risk,

[b]Wait...Are you telling me they ate their monsters?[/b]

leading to some people dieing due to starvation.Nobody knew how long this chaos would last, and how long if reinforcements from other countries would come to save us, that is, if the same hadn't happened in other countries.

[b]If it happened nationwide, it probably happened worldwide.[/b]

The year is now 3010, 1 year after the chaotic outbreak had started.

[b]This whole thing seems like a summary of some other fanfic, and that this fanfic is a sequel.

But seriously, the main character and Tyra must be on the verge of killing themselves for letting this chaos to start in the first place.[/b]

There only very few of us left, it is hard to tell who are actual survivors, and who are just slaves, tricking survivors and bringing them to the king himself, Chaos Sorcerer. Anyone, or any group who would try to rebel and defeat Chaos Sorcerer's army, and more importantly, Chaos Sorcerer, had failed. After me and Tyra watching from the clouds, which was her Cloudians in disguise, have noticed throughout the years, that the army of Chaos Sorcerer most likely fight in a way, like how they would fight if they were still sane, AKA, in an actual duel.

[b]"To be exact, more specifically, AKA, and the list goes on..."[/b]

After thinking throughout how we could defeat Chaos Sorcerer and bring peace back to the world, or at the least, the city, we know me and Tyra cannot do this with just the two of us. We needed to find more, trustful, survivors. Ones who were brave. Ones who were confident in victory. Ones who were smart. Ones who were tactical. For it was time to take a stand, and by the looks of it, it was now, or never, for it wouldn't be any longer until the rest of the survivors, including me and Tyra, were captured.

[b]I love how you said in the paragraph before that any group who would try to rebel failed. Then this paragraph says the main characters are going to get a group and try to rebel. BUT OF COURSE THEY WILL BE VICTORIOUS SINCE THEY'RE THE MAIN CHARACTERS, AMIRITE?

I started off with good expectations, but then it got worse and worse...PROOFREAD! I bet this would have been two times better if the sentences weren't so messed up, but that doesn't help the predictable plot. This was a blind review, and I still managed to know exactly what was going to happen. The big problem is that you wrote this as if this was a summary. You skipped the parts that were supposed to be climatic. Also, they were so many things you didn't explain, like "why did Chaos Sorcerer become evil?", "what happened to the dad?", "why did the machine explode in the first place?", "what have they been doing in the past year?", "what were they thinking about letting a whole nation be destroyed?"

This was disappointing. [/b]
[/spoiler]
[/quote]

[Anbu-of-Sand]

Thank you for the great, detailed review Twig. I will do my best to fix up the prologue, and I will also consider your advice in further Chapters for this Fan Fic, along with answering some of those questions that may have kept some readers wondering. And sorry I didn't leave a reply when you had just posted, really busy with other things. Almost even forgot about my fan fic D:

[Anbu-of-Sand]

Bumpage. CnC anyone? D:

[pyrowiz23]

Kuriboh is evil he stares u down and when u come to pet him he b**** slaps you across the face.

[Anbu-of-Sand]

Bump. Chapter 3 added!

[Anbu-of-Sand]

[quote name='Anbu-of-Sand' timestamp='1296273144' post='4970042']
Bump. Chapter 3 added!
[/quote]

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

Read the prologue and notes, etc.

Looks very promising. I love the format, like a war diary.

I (think) I read your first fanfic and like you said it was a bit bland, but this looks very good so far.

Won't evaluate your writing ability on the basis of the to-the-point informercial chapter.

Will look forward to reading more later.

[Anbu-of-Sand]

[quote name='Bahamut ZERO' timestamp='1296590708' post='4979178']
Read the prologue and notes, etc.

Looks very promising. I love the format, like a war diary.

I (think) I read your first fanfic and like you said it was a bit bland, but this looks very good so far.

Won't evaluate your writing ability on the basis of the to-the-point informercial chapter.

Will look forward to reading more later.
[/quote]
A POSTER!(?) :D

But thanks for the quick point about it looking promising and how you'll continue to read the Fan Fic :) I'm somewhat new to Fan Fics, so I'm slowly getting better with every single review. Whether how bland they are (no I am not saying your post / review is bland). Anywho, Chapter 4 may be added somewhere this month. Yes I know that sounds like a long time, but hey, I [strike]have a life, unlike some people on the site[/strike] have lots of homework and whatnot to do as well.

[Anbu-of-Sand]

Legal Bumpage.

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

Have read chapters 1 and 2.

Concept is interesting, but writing is somewhat lacking, which is wierd given how articulate and detailed you are in your card reviews.

So is this place one world inhabited by humans and spirits equally, or do we keep passing between two worlds via these caves?

Also,

Person A "When the conversation is switched from one person to another."

Person B "Please start a new paragraph. It's easier to read that way."

Person A "Thank you"

[Anbu-of-Sand]

[quote name='Bahamut ZERO' timestamp='1297538196' post='5004883']
Have read chapters 1 and 2.

Concept is interesting, but writing is somewhat lacking, which is wierd given how articulate and detailed you are in your card reviews.
[b]I see. Will do my best to make the writing well, less lacking.[/b]

So is this place one world inhabited by humans and spirits equally, or do we keep passing between two worlds via these caves?
[b]Nope. The humans and 'spirits all live in the human world. When the Chaos Generator started acting up, all monsters, spells, and traps, came to life. The caves are just hideouts in the human world for Arjio and other monsters. No two worlds really, just the monsters and whatnot 'crossing over' to reality.[/b]

Also,

Person A "When the conversation is switched from one person to another."

Person B "Please start a new paragraph. It's easier to read that way."

Person A "Thank you"
[b]Will consider.[/b]
[/quote]
Thank you for ze review, a rep goes to you.

[Anbu-of-Sand]

Legal bump. I plan to actually start working on Chapter 4 and spacing out the previous Chapters so there will be less lengthy paragraphs.

[bigword]

very interesting. Good luck to you. they got such good promise!

[Anbu-of-Sand]

[quote name='bigword' timestamp='1297846432' post='5011904']
very interesting. Good luck to you. they got such good promise!
[/quote]
Why thank you for the review, and a rep goes to you.

-Edit-
Woot! 2 Pages!

[Synchronized]

[quote name='Anbu-of-Sand' timestamp='1292994123' post='4872786']
All around the world, Duel Monsters was one of the most popular card games to play.

[b]It sounds like the real world! Or something.[/b]

Ages from young to old played this game, thrilled watching their monsters fight opposing monsters. The holograms that came from the duel disks that were used to play were so real that it made some people wonder [i]how[/i] it was even possible for such a game, to look this beautiful. One of those people were my dad, Grie Galishimo.

[b]Your dad's a conspiracy theorist. He thinks there's more to this game than simply holograms. Based on the title and as a writer myself, I can almost tell this most certainly is the case.[/b]

I am Jay Galishimo, at this time, I was your average looking ten year old boy.

[b]What does your average ten year old boy look like? That's something that would really enhance the paragraph. Let me get a good idea so I can picture it in my head.[/b]

My dad was a scientist, one of the many people who helped create duel monsters. My dad was a nice guy, who did his best to keep the family intact and whatnot. Seeing that with him always doing his studies in his office and other places, it was mostly just me all by myself at home.

[b]Huh? I get what you're trying to see, but grammatically it looks as if you struggled to get there.[/b]

With my dad being one of the people who help make the cards, he would always have a sneak peek on what would be released before it would be actually presented to the public. He would always bring some papers and other things back to show me a sneak peek as well. He would even sometimes give me some cards before they were even released. The very first card he gave to me was [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Chaos_Sorcerer"]Chaos Sorcerer[/url].

[b]HE'S REAL. Or not, but I know for sure he'll be relevant later.[/b]

At first, it seemed like a normal card, until the very night I got the card that is. While I was sleeping, I felt a tap on my shoulder, only to wake up and turn around to the card my dad had gave me. Chaos Sorcerer.

[b]Called it! And I legit didn't even read that part until after I finished the previous sentence! Predictability's not always bad, though, if you can live up to the hype.[/b]

At first, I freaked out, thinking it was all some absurd dream, but it looked too realistic to be a dream. His red and black outfit looked like it was just freshly made from the finest of cloths, the aura's emitting from his hand, one of bright yellow, and one of a dark purple, look like they were about to explode. It was all too much for me to bare at first, seeing I was only ten at the time. Trying to get out of my dream, I went out of my bed, getting ready to charge straight on at Chaos Sorcerer. Thinking I would go through it, hit my head on the wall or something, and wake up. After doing so, I did not hit the wall.

[b]Didn't it hurt when he tapped you on the shoulder with one of those aura's? Or are they just for show?[/b]

Chaos Sorcerer let out a hearty laugh. "Hello" he said to me.

[b]Oh boy. Picturing those Mountain Climbers from the Pokemon Video Game series. I don't think that's the "cool" factor you want Chaos Sorcerer to have there.[/b]

His voice sounded quite normal, for a monster, well, not a monster, but a [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Spellcaster"]Spellcaster[/url] that is. I greeted him back, stating my name, which he then replied. "I already know who you are, Jay Galishimo, I can tell by your looks, you are the son of Grie Galishimo, my creator. You see, your dad, has, how can I put this in simplest terms, a 'gift'. Your dad when creating cards, somehow, brings us to 'life'. Not to your world, but in ours, [b]The Spirit World[/b]. The Spirit World you see, is a world of where all duel monsters roam free from their cards, and live somewhat of a normal life like you humans do. Only very few people in the world can see, feel, and talk to us, you being one of them, seeing your dad must have passed his 'gift' to you through his genes.

[b]His dad makes jeans too? Oh wait, not [i]those[/i] jeans.[/b]

After Chaos Sorcerer going on and on about the Spirit World, I grew interested in meeting more and more duel monsters from the Spirit World, which I did, with every new card I got from my dad.

[b]Okay woah woah woah woah woah. Come on, really? That would've been an awesome paragraph to read and listen to! Tell me what Chaos Sorcerer is saying, don't just say "he said stuff"! That would've been a great, great read and you could've even included another example of him meeting a different monster![/b]

Seeing I could only use Chaos Sorcerer in a duel if I were able to remove from play a LIGHT and DARK Attributed monster from my Graveyard, I asked my dad to get me only LIGHT and DARK monsters, although in some cases when he couldn't, he would give me another one of his newest cards. Even though I was too young to duel, I wanted to be prepared and have a deck in advance just for Chaos Sorcerer. During duels, Chaos Sorcerer if not on the field, would be in his Spirit form right next to me, as he is all of the time.

[b]You just said you were too young to duel, and then said that during your duels, Chaos Sorcerer is right next to you. What?[/b]

By the age of 12, I had started to Duel. Duels were one of the most exciting things that have occurred in my life. Most of my opponents although seemed to have fun as well dueling, there feelings towards dueling couldn't be compared to mine, seeing I had an actual, true connection to my cards.

[b]Okay, Yugi 2.0. What kind of connection? You've got a somewhat interesting premise here, but you're just skipping over everything.[/b]

I never felt so proud when I would see one of my monsters conquer another monster through battle, and working together to get me the win. Although in the inside, I felt sad that I couldn't share and tell my gift to other people, seeing they would think I was crazy, until one day while walking home, I saw a this girl on the sidewalk, seemingly talking to well, nobody.

[b]Was she a [i]D.D. Warrior Lady[/i]?[/b]

She was about my age, had long black hair that went a bit past her shoulders, and was wearing what seemingly looked like a casual school uniform. I've seen her around school here and there, normally by herself, just talking to the thin air right in front of her. I walked up to her, tapping her on the shoulder, asking who was she talking to. She looked straight at me, her eyes were a light brown color, and had a shine to them, she was pretty cute. Me being speechless - I was too busy staring into her eyes - she then giggled, and pointed up. At first when I looked up, I saw nothing but the clouds. The clouds looked though, quite different. Some were white, some were blue, some were green, and a few other colors too. It wasn't until then, when a small group of yellow clouds hovered down in front of me, then popping out into a form of a cute, little, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Cloudian_-_Smoke_Ball"]ball of smoke[/url]. It was then, I figured out, she too had the gift.

[b]Way too simple. "I wanted to share my gift with someone! Oh look, two seconds later I found someone!"[/b]

I was filled with joy finding out I wasn't the only one in our school who had the gift, and by the time I knew it, we were the best of friends. Her name was Tyra Degihami, and although she didn't duel that much, or seem that interested in dueling, she had quite a variety of cards. They were cards of an archetype named [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Cloudians"]Cloudians[/url], all resembling different clouds and whatnot, with along a few other cards as well of the [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Fairy"]Fairy-Type[/url].

Like I had said before, we were the best of friends, but around the age of 14, I wondered if we were even more than friends. Also at the age of 14, something happened that would change our lives forever, well, an idea that my father had that had the possibility to change the game of duel monsters to be exact.

[b]Ener-D?[/b]

My father figuring out that me and Tyra were the best of friends, the main thing linking us was both having the gift, he wanted to share this gift to the world, in which he made, [b]The Chaos Generator[/b], which he briefly named off of my favorite card, Chaos Sorcerer. He had made the machine in his room of our house, seeing he wasn't entirely sure the other scientist would approve of his theory.

[b]Who needs a furnace when you have a Chaos Generator? I assume your mom wasn't happy when she came home from work that night.[/b]

His theory was, he would take a sample of his DNA and place it into the Machine, which had the data of every single card out there, and actually bring the cards to life during a duel, and outside of duels as well, as if the Spirit World and our world would fuse and become one. He wanted to start things off slow, and asked me for my favorite card, Chaos Sorcerer, which I gave to him. I gave it to him, which he then slid into the same slot he had placed his DNA. Tyra and I then watched to see what would happen. As soon as he did this, the machine started emitting a bright, yellow aura, which was most likely the LIGHT side of Chaos Sorcerer. Everything was working out perfectly, which turned out making my dad laugh with joy. But then, something went wrong.

[b]Of course it did. I expected that, what I didn't expect was you to describe this so...blandly.[/b]

The yellow, LIGHT aura from Chaos Sorcerer started to let out the DARK aura from Chaos Sorcerer as well, the 'evil' side of him I call it. The Aura's reflected back and forth, as if they were fighting against each other, or trying to fuse as one. Tyra and I became slightly scared, and backed away from the machine. But before we even took two steps back, we felt, and saw, a bright, white, glow emitting from our cards, more specifically our monster cards. When we took out the monster cards, the images were gone, only leaving the text and everything else. We then saw behind us, was our actual monsters. Tyra touched her Cloudians to see if they weren't just in spirit form, and when figured out were real, she hugged them with all her might. My LIGHT and DARK monsters that is, act differently. They were acting like wild animals on a rampage, snarling and growling at each other. It was then at that moment they came out of their cards, when the machine, blew up.

[b]And then he woke up.[/b]

It didn't actually blow up though, it released a giant ray of light, which stopped us from seeing anything, but when the light finally died down, I had noticed my dad had disappeared. I frantically panicked, wondering what had happened to him, until I saw him, not my dad, but Chaos Sorcerer. All our monsters, well, Tyra's monsters, were back in their cards, while mine on the other hand, stayed out of their cards. I had no idea why, I couldn't even think straight due to the disappearance of my father, who was right next to me just seconds ago before the fray of light occurred. At first Chaos Sorcerer fine, until he gave me an evil smirk, and shot two rays of LIGHT and DARK aura from his palms into the air, blasting through our houses roof.

[b]If you thought the winter storms were bad, try having your roof blown off by a giant Spellcaster. Now that's just awful. I hope your dad has house insurance.[/b]

This is when my monsters went crazy and berserk, and started to attack me and Tyra. We had to evacuate the house, but when we did, it wasn't any better outside then it was inside. Outside, everyone who was dueling or had their cards with them where either getting attacked by their monsters, or being protected / running away with them from other monsters, if they chose to get them out of course.

[b]Can you explain that last sentence? They chose to get them out? I thought they all just came out at once.[/b]

After a bit of running around the city finding a safe place to hide, I had noticed that all of the monsters that were on a rampage had something in common, they were all monsters of the attributes LIGHT and DARK. This meant the blast from Chaos Sorcerer's palms must've taken control over all the LIGHT and DARK monsters, making them his army.

[b]I thought Chaos Sorcerer was good, and he was your friend, and always by your side? Why is he suddenly evil?[/b]

After a week or two from trying to survive, the city had been in ruins. Buildings, houses, malls, everywhere was destroyed, on fire, and some things too horrific to explain.

[b]Explain them! That's what makes a story good! Give detail, man![/b]

Survivors would try their best to fight off the LIGHT and DARK monsters with their own who weren't one of the two attributes, but at the end, were overpowered by Chaos Sorcerer's army, being held captive as slaves or even worse, put to death. Most of the humans chose to hide, and do their best to survive with their monsters, seeing even the simplest thing such as finding food could've been too big of a risk, leading to some people dieing due to starvation. Nobody knew how long this chaos would last, and how long if reinforcements from other countries would come to save us, that is, if the same hadn't happened in other countries.

[b]Well of course, there's only one Chaos Sorcerer, right? Listen, I know he was banned, but he's not [i]that[/i] powerful.[/b]

The year is now 3010, 1 year after the chaotic outbreak had started. There only very few of us left, it is hard to tell who are actual survivors, and who are just slaves, tricking survivors and bringing them to the king himself, Chaos Sorcerer.

[b]Really? Really? You couldn't have made a more intriguing king? Demise? Dark Magician of Chaos? Chaos Emperor Dragon? Chaos Sorcerer is the king? I can't take him seriously, I still picture the Mountain Climber from the Pokemon games with a scruffy voice.[/b]

Anyone, or any group who would try to rebel and defeat Chaos Sorcerer's army, and more importantly, Chaos Sorcerer, had failed.

[b]I activate Skill Drain! Oh wait...[/b]

After me and Tyra watching from the clouds, which was her Cloudians in disguise, have noticed throughout the years,

[b]I thought you said it was one year?[/b]

that the army of Chaos Sorcerer fought as if they were in a duel.

[b]So wait, I activate Skill Drain![/b]

After thinking throughout how we could defeat Chaos Sorcerer and bring peace back to the world, or at the least, the city, we knew Tyra and I cannot do this with just the two of us. We needed to find more, trustful, survivors. Ones who were brave. Ones who were confident in victory. Ones who were smart. Ones who were tactical. For it was time to take a stand, and by the looks of it, it was now, or never, for it wouldn't be any longer until the rest of the survivors, including me and Tyra, were captured.[/quote]

Let me tell you why I hate this story. It's not your writing. I hate this story because you literally just told me an entire Season's plot in a matter of what, 3,000 words at the most? This has the potential to be such a great story, but you rushed through everything, and now I feel like, what's making me want to read the next episode? I feel like in Episode 1, Chaos Sorcerer will be defeated and a new villain will appear.

You've got some really good descriptions, and some really poor ones, too. Another suggestion I'd make is using Spell Check, because a lot of words were spelled wrong or were grammatically incorrect, and that the story more difficult to follow.

[Anbu-of-Sand]

[quote name='Star' timestamp='1297901088' post='5013056']
Let me tell you why I hate this story. It's not your writing. I hate this story because you literally just told me an entire Season's plot in a matter of what, 3,000 words at the most? This has the potential to be such a great story, but you rushed through everything, and now I feel like, what's making me want to read the next episode? I feel like in Episode 1, Chaos Sorcerer will be defeated and a new villain will appear.
[b]I'll be honest, I started writing the story a week or so prior to going back to school, so I was in a bit of a rush. I also didn't want my Prologue to be to long, so I thought that cutting it a paragraph or two would be fine. I will do my best to revise the Prologue with your input to make it more entertaining and whatnot. Oh, and Chaos Sorcerer won't get defeated for quite some time. Just saying.[/b]

You've got some really good descriptions, and some really poor ones, too. Another suggestion I'd make is using Spell Check, because a lot of words were spelled wrong or were grammatically incorrect, and that the story more difficult to follow.
[b]I will spell check it and see what I can do to fix it.[/b]
[/quote]
Thank you for the review, and a rep goes to you.

-Edit- Just re-did the grammar mistakes and whatnot my very best. Will now have to find time to edit the Chapter for some more things.