Yu-Gi-Oh! GX: The Spirit's Revenge!

[Squidward Tentacles]

[spoiler='Episode 1']Episode 1: Part 1

It was a warm day as the boat floated toward the island. A voice came over the intercom. "We will be reaching Academy Island in one hour." Mayuri, a tall, thin girl with dark brown hair tied up in pig tails with indigo eyes sighed. She wore a yellow blazer that showed she was in Ra Yellow.


"Since we're going to be there in an hour..." She said aloud. "Who wants to duel?"


A boy stood up. "I will..." He said.


"Great. I'm Mayuri Yukon. And you are?"


"Yachiru Sazana." He said. He was shorter than Mayuri and had dark red hair, blue eyes, and wore also a Ra Yellow blazer.


Mayuri smiled as their counters went up to 4000. "Duel!" They yelled. They each drew 5 cards. "Ladies first!" Said Yachiru.


"Why thank you," Said Mayuri. "Draw!" She drew a card. "Hmm... I'll summon Amazoness Swords Woman (1500/1600) in Attack Position! Next, I'll activate Amazoness Fighting Spirit! If I attack your monster with higher ATK than my attacking monster, she gains 1000 extra Attack points!"


A woman with long brown hair carrying a sword appeared.


"Next, I'll throw down a face down and end my turn!"


Yachiru sighed. "Draw..." He looked over his cards.


"I'll summon... Fateseer Kashi (0/0) in Defense Position!"


A woman with light blonde hair and wearing a white robe appeared.


"Next, I'll activate Visions of Fate! Now, I can summon another Fateseer monster from my Hand! And I'll choose... Fateseer Sakari (0/0)!" Said Yachiru.


A woman that looked a lot like the first one, except with red hair, appeared.


"Finally, I'll place a face down, and end my turn."


"Draw!" Mayuri yelled. "I'll summon Amazoness Paladin (1700/300), in attack position!"


A woman that looked a lot like Swords Woman appeared.


"And with her effect... her attack goes up by 200! (1900/300) Now, Paladin, Attack Sakari!"


Amazoness Paladin slashed toward Sakari, striking it across the chest. But Sakari didn't disappear.


"Wha?!" Cried Mayuri. (M. 8000/Y. 6100)


"That's Sakari's special effect no. 1! She can't be destroyed in battle!"


To Be Continued...


[/spoiler]
[spoiler='Episode 2']Episode 2: Part 2


"Crap!" Mayuri yelled. At that, Yachiru smiled. "Good... good..." He murmured.


"But..." Mayuri said, grinning. "I can still do SOME damage..."


Yachiru grimaced at the flaw in his plan. "Ooh yeaaaaaaah..."


Mayuri laughed. "You mean to tell me that you didn't plan ahead?!"


"I guess not..." Those were his only words before a voice came over the intercom. "We have reached Academy Island. Students, please take all personal belongings with you. All ashore that's going ashore!" They had to end their duel.


"Nice duel," Mayuri told him. "Since we're both in Ra, we'll have to do this again some time!"


"Agreed!" And together, they walked off the boat.



As they walked toward the Ra Yellow dorm, they heard the headmaster saying, "Everyone to the Main building! the Headmaster has an announcement!"


They joined the stream of people walking toward the main building, and went into the auditorium.


"Welcome, students of Duel Academy! You are the elite! You are the future off dueling!" He said a lot more than that, but I don't want to bore you with the details. And besides, we don't have all day.


After the speech, Mayuri and Yachiru went to the Ra Yellow Dorm, and got settled into their rooms.[/spoiler]

[Squidward Tentacles]

Bump.

[Hellequin]

Right. It seemed you just got tired and seemed to cut off the chapter when you felt like it. I'm not saying that's what you did, but it looks like it. Second, first you said they had 4000 life points at the beginning of the duel, but then when someone took damage you showed the two with 8000 and 6100 life points. Next, we know nothing about these characters, nor is there anything at stake, so I really don't feel compelled to read on, especially after seeing you just cut the chapter off for no reason. Lastly, the episode's name has nothing to do with the episode itself, from what I can see anyway. Description needs a bit of work; you get the message across, but besides that it is just boring. Good luck with episode two, hopefully you can improve from the mistakes people point out to you along with mistakes you see yourself, because that's the only way I see this getting any better.

[Squidward Tentacles]

okay. thanks for the criticism. I'll work on that stuff. and besides, it's just a friendly duel at this time. But i can gurantee in the next few episodes, there will be quite a few cliffhangers.

[Hellequin]

[quote name='Sonic Paladin' timestamp='1293402708' post='4885089']
okay. thanks for the criticism. I'll work on that stuff. and besides, it's just a friendly duel at this time. But i can gurantee in the next few episodes, there will be quite a few cliffhangers.
[/quote]

For this fanfic's sake, hopefully there are. In any case, I'll be checking back up until chapter five or six or so.