CQB Spartan Posted January 3, 2011 Report Share Posted January 3, 2011 [center][IMG]http://i51.tinypic.com/15cj4zm.jpg[/IMG][/center] This is my 1st fan fic! I will be Accepting Suggestions for the story. Just make sure I goes with the story line. [spoiler=Chapter 1:The Start of a Journey] There once was a orphaned boy named Xavier, a London, England 15 year old boy. He was fasinated in the Art of Fighting.Swords and shields, archery,etc. So one day he decided to move out. To venture the world in search of trainers, for there was none England at the time. So he moved to Maimo, Sweden. He learned to fight there. By his new Master, Sir Richard Ketland. He was a Knight from the king of England who was off Duty.These two grew to be great friends.It took 5 years of training for him to be a master.So one day these two went camping in a forest near Maimo. "Can I tell ye' a Secret?" said Richard. "Yes, Master."Replied Xavier. "500 miles South from here is an ancient cave. Inside, is the legendary blade of the Halloway's! The Blade of the Halloway's is only worthy to a Halloway decendant. I wanted that blade so bad, but I am not worthy Halloway, heck i'm not even a Halloway!. If a Halloway uses the blade, he will wield the power of a God! I was never able to make the trip. Busy with the king's calls. I quit so I can atleast have a glimpes of it." "Master?" asked Xavier. "Yes."he replied. "Were goin' for that blade."Xavier said. "But, your not a Halloway.There's no point." "I have something to tell you, I am an orphan. I was told my father gave me to an orphanage, because he couldn't raise me alone, it was to hard for him." he said, "So we shall go! Ready?" "Wait, we're going to the cave on the very SLIM chance you might be a Halloway? "Yep.Plus my caretaker said he came from a blessed family.Who knows what that could mean?" *Richard looked at him as if he was * "Alright, I'll go with you." [b]SO THE TWO VENTURED ON SOUTH AN UNFORGETTABLE JOURNEY WHERE THEY WILL ENCOUNTER FOES, CRAZY WILDLIFE AND CRAZY PEOPLE! [/spoiler][/b] [spoiler=Chapter 2: Mother Nature's Worst Children(coming soon)] [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CQB Spartan Posted January 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 3, 2011 [b]B[/b]ring [b]U[/b]p [b]M[/b]y [b]P[/b]ost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted January 4, 2011 Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 They say the start of a story can determine half of it. [b]There once was a orphaned boy named Xavier, a London, England 15 year old boy.[/b] Explained. You happen to be the same age as me. If so I suppose you can do better. Work on description and other stuff no one works upon, this isn't some failtroll legacy. You want it to sound dramatic don't you? And it's too orthodox, not to mention terribly boring. Add a pinch of specials. Even the suckish HP had the unique spells. Also fix the ending. But I've seen worse, I suppose this is typical YCM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CQB Spartan Posted January 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 [quote name='=Evangelion=' timestamp='1294116510' post='4910605'] They say the start of a story can determine half of it. [b]There once was a orphaned boy named Xavier, a London, England 15 year old boy.[/b] Explained. You happen to be the same age as me. If so I suppose you can do better. Work on description and other stuff no one works upon, this isn't some failtroll legacy. You want it to sound dramatic don't you? And it's too orthodox, not to mention terribly boring. Add a pinch of specials. Even the suckish HP had the unique spells. Also fix the ending. But I've seen worse, I suppose this is typical YCM. [/quote] Alright, thx for the tips. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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