LiAM Posted January 5, 2011 Report Share Posted January 5, 2011 I'm looking for some witty one-liners or snappy words of wisdom etc. Go go go. Take my advice; I don't use it anyway. An apology is a good way to have the last word. Blessed are the pessimists, for they have made backups. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen. Children act like their parents, despite every effort to teach them good manners. We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing. Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative. Sex is heredity, if you're parents didn't have it, chances are you wont. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legend Zero Posted January 5, 2011 Report Share Posted January 5, 2011 Action may not always be happiness, but there is no happiness without action. The funny thing about common sense, it ain't all that common. A couple of my favs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JG. Posted January 5, 2011 Report Share Posted January 5, 2011 Military intelligence is a contradiction. All David Caruso's one-liners. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Revan of the Sith Posted January 5, 2011 Report Share Posted January 5, 2011 If "Pro" is the opposite of "Con" then "Congress" is the opposite of "Progress" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clair Posted January 5, 2011 Report Share Posted January 5, 2011 Anything by Steven Wright is hilarious. "A fool and his money are soon partying." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zeroshot Posted January 5, 2011 Report Share Posted January 5, 2011 Smart people speak when they have something to say. Stupid people speak when they have to say something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flaring Rose Posted January 6, 2011 Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 When life gives you lemons, keep them, free lemons Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nu. Posted January 6, 2011 Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 "Time that you enjoy wasting is not wasted time..." ...Said YCM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brinolovania Posted January 6, 2011 Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 Life is like a game of poker. If you don't win...you lose. -Garfield Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tentacruel Posted January 6, 2011 Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 [quote name='tonymann' timestamp='1294262444' post='4913944'] If "Pro" is the opposite of "Con" then "Congress" is the opposite of "Progress" [/quote] Siggied. OT: I am not a crook. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mehmani Posted January 6, 2011 Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 WE DO NOT FORGIVE WE DO NOT FORGET WE HAVE OVER NINE THOUSAND PENISES AND THEY ARE ALL RAEPING CHILDREN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scanty&Kneesocks Posted January 6, 2011 Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 sorry but here comes a pretty big one liner. "I'll admit it. In order for us to live, it's true that we must commit some atrocities. Sometimes people do terrible, despicable things. But do you really think 'living' is a sin? Thinking life is a sin, is the result of arrogant values. You don't really think it's a crime for a bird to snatch fruit from a tree, do you? Does a tiger feel guilt for eating its prey? Is it really a terrible thing to join together and create new life? Everything that is necessary to continue living, is not only right, I believe it is sacred. The birds, the tigers, the ants, even the grass... they all work so hard to live. It's a beautiful thing. And to love the lives of others, is just as important as loving yourself." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mehmani Posted January 6, 2011 Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 [quote name='Scanty&Kneesocks' timestamp='1294345153' post='4915920'] sorry but here comes a pretty big one liner. "I'll admit it. In order for us to live, it's true that we must commit some atrocities. Sometimes people do terrible, despicable things. But do you really think 'living' is a sin? Thinking life is a sin, is the result of arrogant values. You don't really think it's a crime for a bird to snatch fruit from a tree, do you? Does a tiger feel guilt for eating its prey? Is it really a terrible thing to join together and create new life? Everything that is necessary to continue living, is not only right, I believe it is sacred. The birds, the tigers, the ants, even the grass... they all work so hard to live. It's a beautiful thing. And to love the lives of others, is just as important as loving yourself." [/quote] Yeah, I like loving myself too. I'm sure that most people like loving themselves more than the lives of others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nu. Posted January 6, 2011 Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 [quote name='Mikhail Tal' timestamp='1294339058' post='4915696'] WE DO NOT FORGIVE WE DO NOT FORGET WE HAVE OVER NINE THOUSAND PENISES AND THEY ARE ALL RAEPING CHILDREN [/quote] http://www.4chan.org/r9k/ Shoo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Revan of the Sith Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 R.A.P. stands for Retards Attempting Poetry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nu. Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 [quote name='tonymann' timestamp='1294452065' post='4918924'] R.A.P. stands for Retards Attempting Poetry. [/quote] a.) This is one-liners, not acronyms. b.) The very fact you're stereotyping something means you don't know what the f*** it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brinolovania Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 [quote name='Nu.' timestamp='1294453962' post='4919004'] a.) This is one-liners, not acronyms. b.) The very fact you're stereotyping something means you don't know what the f*** it is. [/quote] a.)It is a one-liner, making fun of rap becuase many people dislike it. b.)...Stop taking this seriously, man. Also, as my geography teacher says: Rap is bad because the always forget to add the "c" at the beginning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Revan of the Sith Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 Adults are kids with money. Forgive and Forget. The best key to happiness. Well i may forgive you but i will never forget. Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. - Euripides Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. - Frank Dane Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. - Martin Luther King Jr If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? - Scott Adams Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change. - Confucius Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and higher education positively fortifies it. - Stephen Vizinczey Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are idiots. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~/Coolio Prime\~ Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 [quote name='Clair' timestamp='1294263891' post='4914003'] Anything by Steven Wright is hilarious. [/quote] YES The king of one-liners and surrealist comedy. "Now I'm totally abstract with my art, no brush, no canvas. I imagine people complimenting me at a fancy art show in my head." "There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot." "I was in a speed reading accident. I crashed straight into a bookmark and skidded four lines into a semi-colon." And that deadpan delivery really makes it. <3 [quote name='tonymann' timestamp='1294452065' post='4918924'] R.A.P. stands for Retards Attempting Poetry. [/quote] Jesus christ people. Try listening to some of it that isn't mainstream commercialized crap. And my famed one-liner is, "When I see an apple I call it an apple." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catman25 Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 "Learn how to die, and you learn how to live." - Morrie Schwartz? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Tin Trooper Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 There's no point in being mature if you can't be childish sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Amazing Avian Posted January 12, 2011 Report Share Posted January 12, 2011 A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. - Fred Allen I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. - Rita Rudner I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. - Dave Edison If law school is so hard to get through, how come there are so many lawyers? - Calvin Trillin As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car. When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. A day without sun shine is like, you know, night. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tentacruel Posted January 12, 2011 Report Share Posted January 12, 2011 If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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