bbstar95 Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 this is my first card i do not know if i uploaded it right. [img]http://img717.imageshack.us/img717/1983/327169.jpg[/img] LORE: this card cannot be normal summoned or set this card cannot be special summoned except by tributing 3 face up attack position feind or thunder type monsers ,this card is also treated as a thunder type, once per turn you can tribute 1 face up feind or thunder type monster to special summon 1 face up level 4 feind or thunder type monster from your hand, deck or graveyard the monster special summoned by this effect cannot attack the turn it is summoned Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makor Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 [quote name='bbstar95' timestamp='1294699718' post='4925947'] this is my first card i do not know if i uploaded it right. [/quote] you did, but add the lore. just copy and paste what you have in the description box and put it below your card so that people are sure to be able to read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbstar95 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 [quote name='Makor' timestamp='1294699867' post='4925956'] you did, but add the lore. just copy and paste what you have in the description box and put it below your card so that people are sure to be able to read it. [/quote] ok i will thnks so what did u think of my first card is it ok, any OCG corrections?there i added the lore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xzero015 Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Post the lore as you need corrections to the OCG (text). Missing capitals and the like. 6/10 Playability (Strong, but nothing overly special. Very good for a first attempt. Has a few annoying flaws called "summon loops" you need to sort out however.) 7/10 Image (A really nice image, make it yourself? The background could do with a little work and the creature fiend needs to be more centralised though. Shame it's slightly out of focus.) 8/10 Originality (A thunder/fiend has been done before a bit with summon skull but we've never has something with a proper effect, a nice mix with a nice effect) TOTAL ---> 7/10 (full detailed rating system is in sig) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
War Chess Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Yay ! +REP for no attachments !' Time to ... OCG Fixes ! This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card cannot be Special Summoned except by Tributing 3 face-up Attack Position Fiend-Type or Thunder-Type monsters .This card is also treated as Thunder-Type. Once per turn you can Tribute 1 face-up Fiend-Type or Thunder-Type monster to Special Summon 1 Level 4 Fiend-Type or Thunder-Type monster from your hand, Deck or Graveyard. That monster cannot attack this turn. Well, its a risky effect, I like you took risk to do this, but its broken. Because it has a high summon cost. Also it has an effect that can recycle monsters (tribute #1 to summon #2, then tribute #2 to summon #1). Not even limiting the summon from hand or Graveyard could help. What really finished the card was its low ATK and DEF, higher it or lower the summoning conditions. The picture is out of focus, therefore, not realistic. 4/10 Because its broken, out of balance, terrible OCG and blurry picture. 10/10 for the effort and creativity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xzero015 Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 [quote name='War Chess' timestamp='1294701369' post='4926057'] Yay ! +REP for no attachments !' Time to ... OCG Fixes ! This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card cannot be Special Summoned except by Tributing 3 face-up Attack Position Fiend-Type or Thunder-Type monsters .This card is also treated as Thunder-Type. Once per turn you can Tribute 1 face-up Fiend-Type or Thunder-Type monster to Special Summon 1 Level 4 Fiend-Type or Thunder-Type monster from your hand, Deck or Graveyard. That monster cannot attack this turn. Well, its a risky effect, I like you took risk to do this, but its broken. Because it has a high summon cost. Also it has an effect that can recycle monsters (tribute #1 to summon #2, then tribute #2 to summon #1). Not even limiting the summon from hand or Graveyard could help. What really finished the card was its low ATK and DEF, higher it or lower the summoning conditions. The picture is out of focus, therefore, not realistic. 4/10 Because its broken, out of balance, terrible OCG and blurry picture. 10/10 for the effort and creativity. [/quote] Personally I thought the OCG was fantastic for a first attempt, just takes a while to get into the habit of using capitals and all the jargon, phrasing was generally right. Broken, honestly? I think the high summon cost is fine when you consider the ability to stick every fiend in your deck into the graveyard... ok maybe it is a bit over-the top. Add a once-per turn to that though and it's a whole different picture. Or better would be "You cannot a tribute a monster summoned by this effect." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ieyasu Tokugawa Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 [quote name='War Chess' timestamp='1294701369' post='4926057'] Yay ! +REP for no attachments !' Time to ... OCG Fixes ! This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card cannot be Special Summoned except by Tributing 3 face-up Attack Position Fiend-Type or Thunder-Type monsters .This card is also treated as Thunder-Type. Once per turn you can Tribute 1 face-up Fiend-Type or Thunder-Type monster to Special Summon 1 Level 4 Fiend-Type or Thunder-Type monster from your hand, Deck or Graveyard. That monster cannot attack this turn. [b]This is correct. Good job War Chess[/b] Well, its a risky effect, I like you took risk to do this, but its broken. Because it has a high summon cost. [b]Broken because it's weak? Confused 0_0[/b] Also it has an effect that can recycle monsters (tribute #1 to summon #2, then tribute #2 to summon #1). Not even limiting the summon from hand or Graveyard could help. [b]Once per turn dude, not that crazy with it's summoning requirements, though just making it Grave is what I'd do, prevent you from bringing Summoned Skull from your Deck.[/b] What really finished the card was its low ATK and DEF, higher it or lower the summoning conditions. [b]You say it's broken then say to raise its stats? They're fine where they are.[/b] The picture is out of focus, therefore, not realistic. [b]Meh, he'll/she'll find out about the archives eventually[/b] 4/10 Because its broken, out of balance, terrible OCG and blurry picture. 10/10 for the effort and creativity. [b]I disagree with the first rate, but the second is about right[/b] [/quote] I do say OP'd because of the Deck and hand Summoning, gives you too much variety, summon Batteryman D then tribute it to Summon Summoned Skull from your Deck. Also, make sentences with periods. I nearly died reading this because I couldn't find room to breathe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
War Chess Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 [quote name='xzero015' timestamp='1294701677' post='4926069'] Personally I thought the OCG was fantastic for a first attempt, just takes a while to get into the habit of using capitals and all the jargon, phrasing was generally right. Broken, honestly? I think the high summon cost is fine when you consider the ability to stick every fiend in your deck into the graveyard... ok maybe it is a bit over-the top. Add a once-per turn to that though and it's a whole different picture. Or better would be "You cannot a tribute a monster summoned by this effect." [/quote] Sorry, yes, takes time to adapt. [quote name='Metagross386' timestamp='1294701922' post='4926083'] I do say OP'd because of the Deck and hand Summoning, gives you too much variety, summon Batteryman D then tribute it to Summon Summoned Skull from your Deck. Also, make sentences with periods. I nearly died reading this because I couldn't find room to breathe. [/quote] Well, this is my opinion, I think its broken. I'm not an expert, just my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ieyasu Tokugawa Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 [quote name='War Chess' timestamp='1294702043' post='4926089'] Sorry, yes, takes time to adapt. Well, this is my opinion, I think its broken. I'm not an expert, just my opinion. [/quote] I do think it's on the verge of being OP'd, just not as much as you said. Still needs to be weakened a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
War Chess Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 [quote name='Metagross386' timestamp='1294702191' post='4926096'] I do think it's on the verge of being OP'd, just not as much as you said. Still needs to be weakened a bit. [/quote] I'll take this in consideration, thanks. I thought it was OP at first, then I looked at it and seemed broken for being so confusing. Anyway, forget about it, you understand what I meant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbstar95 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 thnks for all the comments and suggestions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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