Umbra's Fanfic Contest - Character and Card (Finished)

[Umbra]

As some of you might know, I'm currently writing a fanfic called Legacy of the Tormentor.

(For you others, it can be found here.) And now, for the first time, I'm hosting a contest about it. The contest is actually two separate mini-contests. In each of these mini-contests, you will be given points based on several judgments, which are more described under each mini-contest. The points will be on a 1-10 scale, 10 being the highest and 1 the lowest. The highest score possible is 90 points. When both contests have finished, I will add up the total number of points, and the person with the highest points is the winner.

 

However, there are also certain things in this contest that you must take in moderation. There are some “point modifiers” that can affect your final score. These modifiers will be listed below. There will be positive modifiers and negative. Your sum of positive/negative modifiers will be listed in the prize list if you make it there.

 

First Mini-Contest: Character!

Characters go here. Follow this form:

 

Name:

Age:

Gender:

Decktype:

Favourite Card:

Biography:

 

The characters will be judged under the following topics:

 

Interest: How much I am interested in the character. Has it a special decktype, a well-written biography?

Duel Possibility: Has the character got a useful deck?

Originality: Does the character only use custom cards? Does the character use a decktype not well heard of?

 

Second Mini-Contest: Card!

Here, post a specific card that your character should use. If you have followed Legacy of the Tormentor, you will know that the characters have certain cards called “Avatars”. If your character has one of these, it goes here.

 

The cards will be judged under the following topics:

 

OCG: How good is the grammar/spelling?

Picture: Does the picture fit the rest of the card?

Balance: Is the card's Level/ATK/DEF balanced?

Effect: How good is the effect?

 

Modifiers:

Perfect OCG: Card Score * 1,2

Unfitting Picture: Card Score * 0,5

Short biography: Character Score * 0,8

Godmode Character: Character Score * 0,2

Godmode Card: Card Score * 0,1

Well-written Biography: Character Score * 1,4

Character is a former King of Games: Character Score * 0,0

 

Prize List:

Winner: 4 positive reps, Character and Card will be used in Legacy of the Tormentor.

Second: 1 positive rep, Character or Card will be used in Legacy of the Tormentor.

Third: 1 positive rep.

 

Current positions:

1. zeid; Rayous Valiant and Rayous, the Reflector Knight (33 + 34) = 67 points. Modifier Score: +2

2. BlueKyubbi; Sieg Grandeval and Forgotten Soldier - General Yamatoshi (35 + 31) = 66 points. Modifier Score: +1

3. vulture; William Degauss and Vice Warrior - Greed (30 + 35 = 65 points) Modifier Score: +1

 

Entries reserved:

None.

 

Submissions to be rated:

Nemrit (barbarius) in Contest 1 & 2

 

 

 

Deadline has expired.

 

Good luck!

[Guest Ixigo]

Very well, I shall enter. Also gave me a chance to catch up with the story, whose latest chapters I've missed.

 

=====

 

Here's the character. Some inspirations for this character come from the anime and manga series Claymore. If you adopt this character in your story, feel free to change anything in the personality / biography that does not fit it.

 

Name: Priscilla

Age: Unknown

Gender: Female

Appearance:

Decktype: Spellcaster and Warrior themed deck based around the card "Reversal of Worlds" (see below).

Favourite Card: Reversal of Worlds (Field Spell), Black Moon Angel (Effect Monster, "Avatar" card)

Biography: Priscilla was a young teenager with extreme latent potential when she became one of the Tormentor's most valiant supporters, and had fought the Dreadroot ever since the dawn of time. In the battle against Dreadroot, she was forced to watch her comrades, friends and companions fall one after the other as the darkness pushed through. Cornered by the armies of evil and driven into near-madness, she surrendered herself to the ultimate darkness, falling into the Dreadroot's clutches. Becoming a servant of darkness herself, she commanded the dark legion into the Tormentor's palace, and was amongst the ones to watch the Tormentor fall. After the victory, her mind reverted into a child-like state, with very simple, pure definitions of 'good' and 'evil'. She is still under Dreadroot's mind trap, and her mission is to exterminate the Tormentor's bloodline.

Personality: Priscilla retains some of her former characteristics as a champion of the Tormentor even after all those years in the service of Dreadroot. She is polite and does not use under-handed tactics to achieve her goals, preferring a direct approach. Her manner of speech is very formal regardless of the circumstances. She can be extremely calm in the toughest of battles, but when someone challenges her perception of morality and of good or evil, her tortured mind retaliates and she can completely "lose it" for a short period of time, until she simply forgets the incident.

 

=====

 

Here are the cards. The first one is a Field spell, not really an entry, but the basis of her deck. It is a card that essentially reverses the playing field with the Graveyard. Since I was dumb enough to forget to copy-paste the effect and there's little chance you can read it from the card, I'll give you a breakdown of what this card does. However, this card does not count as the contest entry, so yeah.

 

 

=====

 

Reversal of Worlds:

 

When this card is face-up on the field, the following effects are true for both players:

 

-Each time you Normal Summon, Set or Special Summon a monster on your side of the field except by this card's effect, it is destroyed and sent to the Graveyard.

 

-Each time a Level 4 or lower monster is sent to the Graveyard by an effect other than this card's effect, it can be Special Summoned on its controller's side of the field in face-up attack or defense position, or face-down defense position.

 

-Each time a Level 5 or higher monster is sent to the Graveyard by an effect other than this card's effect, the controller of that card may remove from play a number of monsters on his / her side of the field equal to the number of monsters required to Tribute summon that monster to Special Summon the monster on his / her side of the field in face-up attack or defense position, or face-down defense position.

 

-Monsters with Special Summoning conditions can be Special Summoned from the Graveyard after the summoning conditions are true (for example, Armed Dragon Lvl 7 can only be Special Summoned if it is in your Graveyard, and you offer an Armed Dragon Lvl 5 on your side of the field as a Tribute on the turn after it destroyed a monster in battle). Monsters offered as a tribute to fulfill Special Summoning conditions are removed from play instead.

 

-Spell cards activated from the player's hand or the field are removed from play.

 

-Trap cards activated from the field are removed from play.

 

-Each player can activate a Spell card from his / her Graveyard as if it was in his / her hand. Continuous and Equip Spell cards are moved to the controller's side of the field.

 

-Each player can activate a Trap card from his / her Graveyard as if it was Set on his / her side of the field. Continuous Trap cards are moved to the controller's side of the field.

 

-Fusion and Ritual Summoned monsters are not destroyed when they are Special Summoned on the field. Fusion material monsters and monsters offered as a tribute by the effect of a Ritual Spell card are removed from play instead.

 

=====

 

I think the above covers the functions of the Spell card. Now, onto the "Avatar" monster:

 

 

Effect: When this card is sent to the Graveyard while "Reversal of Worlds" is face-up on the field by battle or by an effect other than "Reversal of Worlds'" effect, Special Summon any number of monsters whose total Level stars are equal to or lower than the Level of this monster from your hand, deck or Graveyard. Any monsters Special Summoned by this card's effect are not destroyed by "Reversal of Worlds" effect.

 

This card is my entry. I forgot to put the underlined part in the card effect.

 

=====

 

By the way, I have a lot of ideas for monsters / Spell and Trap cards that function together with Reversal of Worlds (although, only Written cards so far), so if you end up using that and need ideas or help, feel free to ask.

[Umbra]

I think you possibly eliminated all competion.

 

Now, on the story: Which chapters have you missed?

[Guest Ixigo]

Hopefully not, I'm sure lots of people have great ideas here.

 

Due to my short absence from the forums generally, I didn't get a chance to read the three latest chapters of your story. I finished them now though. Great work, although I'll post more on that in the fanfic thread shortly.

[Kei-kun]

This seems like an interesting fan-fic. I'll defiantly have to read it. As for this contest, I'm in. Just give me a little while to type of my character and get the cards in order. ^^

[Umbra]

Rating on Ixigo's submission:

 

Character Judging:

Priscilla (Ixigo)

 

Interest: Biography's well-written, just a little cliché. But I'm not complaining too much. Long enough for a fan-fic biography. Somewhat unlikeliness though; she was a servant of the Tormentor, and suddenly she became a captain? (Referring to: commanded the dark legion into the Tormentor's palace,) Personality suits her well, and I sense plot power in this character.

Rating: 8 points.

 

Duel Possibility: Spellcaster/Warrior, two of the most supported types in the game. (I sense A.Forces) But then, along with the Reversal of Worlds, which I only have began to understand, it becomes a much more complicated deck. I would only recommend this to experienced players.

Rating: 7 points

 

Originality: So far, only custom cards have been seen. But also, Spellcaster/Warrior, as said above, is a common decktype. Also, her biography seems a little “I've heard it before”.

Rating: 6 points.

 

Modifiers fulfilled:

Well-written Biography: *1,4

 

Character Score: 21 points * 1,4 = 29 points.

 

 

Card Judging:

Black Moon Angel (Ixigo)

 

OCG: Only a few errors spotted, except for the one you posted. Only minor errors.

Rating: 9 points.

 

Picture: The picture fits the name halfway. The wording “Black Moon Angel” makes me think “Angel of the Black Moon” which certainly isn't seen in this picture. Since I don't know the theme, I can't set a rating on how it fits with the rest of the cards.

Rating: 7 points.

 

Balance: Nothing out of the box here. 2900/2200 works good for a two-tributer, Effect could be a little overpowered, since it allows you to, for instance, summon two Command Knights, and with an A.Forces out, you would get 4800 est. damage.

Rating: 7 points.

 

Effect: Effect works good with any discarding card, such as Raigeki Break or Card Destruction. You'd get a bunch of new monsters, and get to do some impact on your opponent. It's a win-win. However, it could, as stated above, be a little overpowered.

Rating: 8 points.

 

Modifiers fulfilled:

None.

 

Card Score: 31 points.

 

Final Score: 31 + 29 = 60 points.

[Kyub]

I'll enter. I'm reading the fanfic now to know how to shape my character.

 

EDIT:

Name: Twilight

Age: Unknown

Gender: Male

Appearance:

Decktype: LIGHT and DARK deck based around day and night.

Favourite Card: Sunset Slasher (Effect Monster, Avatar)

Biography: Twilight is a mercenary, hired by the Dreadroot to defeat all who carry the Legacy of the Tormentor. Twilight was a warrior that travelled worlds to satisfy his eternal lust for battle. He finally succumbed, but his soul lives on, travelling in the hopes of finding an opponent that can finally put him to rest. The Dreadroot has granted him an Avatar and deck, to signify his allegiance to the Dreadroot.

Personality: Twilight's mercenary life has given him a rather neutral outlook on life. To his opponents, he is polite and sympathizing, as he has already suffered the cruelty of death. When he gets angry, though, he loses himself in the heat of battle, making him thirsty for blood and victory.

 

========

 

Sunset Slasher:

 

========

 

Feel free to judge him.

[Guest Ixigo]

Just wanted to go over some of your comments to clarify some things.

 

Interest: Biography's well-written' date=' just a little cliché. But I'm not complaining too much.

[/quote']

 

*shrugs* Like I said, I was inspired by Claymore. But yeah, I guess it is kind of cliche... well, in my view, most concepts are - the point is how you end up using them.

 

Somewhat unlikeliness though; she was a servant of the Tormentor' date=' and suddenly she became a captain? (Referring to: [b']commanded[/b] the dark legion into the Tormentor's palace,) .

 

I meant "servant" as "person who belongs to the faction of". Not servant as in, "housemaid" ;>_>. And since she fared well enough in a battle to be the sole survivor, she wouldn't be half-bad. Well, as I said, you can change anything you don't feel fitting.

 

Duel Possibility: Spellcaster/Warrior' date=' two of the most supported types in the game. (I sense A.Forces) But then, along with the Reversal of Worlds, which I only have began to understand, it becomes a much more complicated deck. I would only recommend this to experienced players.

[/quote']

 

Yeah, it's not really meant to be an easy deck to wield.

 

Originality: So far' date=' only custom cards have been seen. But also, Spellcaster/Warrior, as said above, is a common decktype.

[/quote']

 

Well, like you said, Reversal of Worlds already makes this deck complex enough - if it used unconventional Types with little support, it might get too hard to use.

 

Just a random question that dawned to me - are custom monster types allowed?

 

Balance: Nothing out of the box here. 2900/2200 works good for a two-tributer' date=' Effect could be a little overpowered, since it allows you to, for instance, summon two Command Knights, and with an A.Forces out, you would get 4800 est. damage.

[b']Rating:[/b] 7 points.

 

Just pointing out that to get that effect, you'd have to have Reversal of Worlds out, and if you had that out already before you summoned him, you'd have to first send him to the Graveyard with an effect then sacrifice two of your monsters to bring him to the field. If you end up using this, feel free to change the scores or the effect a little, if you think it's overpowered.

 

Anyway, I am not dissatisfied with your ratings or anything, and I think the scores and corrections are very well-put, just wanting to point those things out.

[Umbra]

Anyway' date=' I am not dissatisfied with your ratings or anything, and I think the scores and corrections are very well-put, just wanting to point those things out.

[/quote']

 

Your outpointing has been noted.

 

Rating on BlueKyubbi's Submission

 

Character Judging:

Twilight (BlueKyubbi)

 

Interest: I can't honestly say I liked the character; the picture seems way too fantasy-ish to fit in Legacy of the Tormentor. The biography's on the other hand quite interesting, but a bit short.

Rating: 5 points.

 

Duel Possibility: A DARK/LIGHT deck, based around day/night. Seems quite good, but with the information I got out of Sunset Slasher, it looks more like it is just the names. However, a DARK/LIGHT deck has many possibilities.

Rating: 6 points.

 

Originality: An undead mercenary who lives on to fulfill his last deal? I like! And with the created cards ( I assume that the Sunset Slasher's Set is created) I'll give this a high rating. The horse from the picture can be useful.

Rating: 8 points.

 

Modifiers fulfilled:

Well-written Biography: *1,4

 

Character Score: 19 points * 1,4 = 26 points.

 

Card Judging:

Sunset Striker (BlueKyubbi)

 

OCG: You use two different Types. Not good. Attribute is capitalized or left out. The rest is minor errors. (Except for “This card can not attack directly -> This card can not attack your opponent

directly.) And also, you use “Tribute” with cards in your hand. That, my friend, is called discarding.

Rating: 3 points.

 

Picture: Picture fits well with the name. One thing though: The eyes are glowing. I'm annoyed by it. It won't be a 10-pointer, because 10 point images are “Wow!” images, if you see what I mean.

Rating: 8 points.

 

Balance: It's basically an altered Summoned Skull. 2400/2200, fits good. But judging from the extremely limiting effect, it sounds more like a Level 4 monster with more than 2000 ATK.

Rating: 6 points.

 

Effect: The effect is not worth the card. It has a Summoning Requirement that can be avoided by Normal Summoning/Setting, and it has a bunch of limitations that doesn't really make sense.

Rating: 4 points.

 

Modifiers fulfilled:

None

 

Card Score: 23 points.

 

Final Score: 26 points + 23 points = 49 points.

[Kyub]

Can I edit it?

[Glorious eXcess]

entry reserved...

 

Name: Edward

Age: 13

Gender: Male (duh)

Decktype: Aphet Deck

Fave Card: Wannabe DJ Aphet

Biography: Born and raised in Munich,Germany, Edward was a lonely child when he dueled and played just about anything. His dad abandoned him at age 4, and his mom is an alchoholic who loves to attack Ed when she's drunk. If he's at a competition and there are people rooting for the opponent, he goes insane, as it reminds him of his lonely childhood. He loves to copy his opponent's cards using his wannabes which have suffixes "Aphet" or "Telmet". Currently, he is struggling whether or not to join the dreadroot....

 

Apperance:

here

(thats the avatar)

 

another card from the deck

(for support for aphet)

[attachment=21369]

[Umbra]

@BlueKyubbi: Nope. No editing. You'll have to post a new character to try again.

 

@Bobscholtz: I'll rate yours tomorrow (It's 10:26 PM here, so I'm off to bed.)

[vulture]

Name: Adam Savage

Age: 16

Gender: Male

Deck Type: Carnivorous Plants

Appearance:

 

Favorite Card: Man Eater - The Bloody Plant King

 

Biography: Being born into an occultist family he learned to idolize the pagan god Exodia. Adam is a believer in his own twisted religion of "Death Worship", in this religion he believes he can drain the life essences of duelists by defeating them in duels and by killing the souls of the impure he can enact the will of Exodia. He has devoted his life to defeating the "impure" followers of the Tormentor and Dreadroot. He spent a considerable amount of time preaching to people about his cause but was generally regarded as crazy. Being the only member of his religion he got lonely and invented an alternate persona to appease his ego. His alternate ego constantly urges him to continue his quest and is only known as Serin. He found the cards that perfectly matched his bloodthirsty attitude which were his man eating plant cards.

 

Personality: Adam is deeply superstitious and a firm believer in the occult. The kind of person who would attend every cult meeting. He is a kleptomaniac, if he sees something he wants he will take it. He has a split personality issue, though unlike a lot of characters in Yu-Gi-Oh, his alter ego is imaginary. He is also a clean freak and polishes his cards with a cloth to remove impurities. He is a hardheaded and never gives up. He believes in fate. The kind of person who believes that he is the only hope for humanity and that "Everyone else is crazy and I'm the only one who's sane." Likes to monologue win he's winning a duel which frequently annoys his opponents.

 

Now For His Avatar Card

 

[Umbra]

Vulture's submission noted.

I will rate your cards as soon as I have time.

[Kyub]

Damn it!!!

Fine, expect me to enter another one soon.

[Glorious eXcess]

Come. On, rate it......

[Umbra]

Character Judging:

Edward (Bobscholtz911911)

 

Interest: I don't really know here, Edward seems kinda like a boring character. I have the general feeling that he just doesn't fit in. And the biography seems very cliché.

Rating: 5 points.

 

Duel Possibility: As I do not know what an “Aphet Deck” is, I'll have to judge it from your “Wannabe DJ Aphet” and “Aphet's Trickery”. It's a Warrior, and has a lot of support. It seems to focus on Special Summoning. (I'll be more accurate on the card rating.)

Rating: 6 points.

 

Originality: I've seen these cards a little here and there, but the fact that you use a well-known member's name as one of your cards (I assume) isn't too good for your rating.

Rating: 3 points.

 

Modifiers fulfilled:

None

 

Character Score:

14 points.

 

Card Judging:

Wannabe DJ Aphet (Bobscholtz911911)

 

OCG: Only minor problems. No real issues. But no WOW-moment, so no 10-pointer. The word “all “ instead of “both” makes me think this is intended for Tag Team Dueling.

Rating: 9 points.

 

Picture: The picture doesn't exactly scream “DJ”. It more looks like some sort of cyber-zombie, which the “space-ish” background just increases. Doesn't fit at all. Sorry, but this wasn't good.

Rating: 1 point.

 

Balance: Here, the card works surprisingly well. It has a summoning requirement ( and a long one) which doesn't really fit for such a low level card, but I'm sure the deck has more methods of Special Summoning.

Rating: 7 points.

 

Effect: It's effect puts it out of play, (it's not exactly specified when) and then it gets back with a little 500 point nuke. But after that, it's basically a Normal Monster. It appears on your opponent's turn, which certainly would kill it.

Rating: 6 points.

 

Modifiers fulfilled:

Unfitting Picture: * 0,5

 

Card Score:

23 * 0,5 = 11 points.

 

Final Score:

14 + 11 = 25 points. Modifier Score: -1

 

 

 

Character Judging:

Adam Savage (vulture)

 

Interest: Exodia worshiper? Family religion? Fanatic? Do I even have to say: JACKPOT!

Rating: 10 points

 

Duel Possibility: Plant monsters. Well, it's worth a try. At least, the cards seem interesting.

Rating: 5 points.

 

Originality: The Carnivorous Plants seems like a good set, but it can easily be used by your opponent. As long as he doesn't let any of his monsters be destroyed by your monsters, the plants go down and there's nothing you can do about it. But hey, it's plants. Big originality + here.

Rating: 8 points.

 

Modifiers fulfilled:

Well-written biography * 1,4

 

Character Score: 23 points * 1,4 = 32 points.

 

OCG: Only one issue. It's no 10, but it's good.

Rating: 8 points.

 

Picture: The background is a little blurry, but the monster itself fits perfectly.

Rating: 9 points.

 

Balance: The low DEF and the effect outweighs the fact that it's a 2400-point ATK Level 4 monster. But I don't really see a drawback here. (Except for that it can't attack directly) You still want your opponent's cards destroyed, right? And I highly doubt that your opponent manages to only get out monsters with more than 2400 ATK when you have this card out.

Rating: 6 points.

 

Effect: The effect, I can see, is a set standard, and can't really be complained on. I assume that the direct attack disable has been added as a drawback, but to me, that's just not enough.

Rating: 7 points.

 

Modifiers fulfilled:

None

 

Card Score:

30 points.

 

Final Score:

(32 + 30 = 62 points) Modifier Score: +1

[vulture]

I am winning, woot!

[Kyub]

Okay, let's have another go.

 

Name: Aria Alkari

Age: 17

Gender: Female

Appearance:

Decktype: Machines and Warriors.

Favorite Cards: Prototype Cyber-Soldier, (Effect Monster, Avatar), Cyber-Soldier Production Facility, (Field Spell).

 

Biography: Aria Alkari was a normal teenage girl from 2014 until she was visited at 14 by a being that called itself Rataval. Rataval told her of something called the Dreadroot, and The Tormentor. He said that the Tormentor was planning to destroy the world, and that she could stop it. Aria agreed to try and help, but Rataval said it was too strong in that time and so she was sent back in time to prevent the coming of the Tormentor. Since then, she has travelled the world, on the orders of Rataval to try and stop the agents of The Tormentor. She was given three things: A weapon, armor, and a dueling deck.

 

Personality: Aria is normally very serious, but in the company of someone she trusts she is playful and kind. She will show no mercy, however, to those that anger her, or hurt her friends. She is very generous, and if she thinks someone is in need, she will forget her current task and help. Her cards mean very much to her, and she protects them with her life. She favors Machines and Soldiers, because they mean much to her, as her father was a soldier and her mother a mechanic. She misses her friends and family very much.

 

==============

 

Since the site now won't let me post my cards, they are added as attachments. Also, on the effect of "Prototype Cyber-Soldier", the effect also means he is immune to Equip Spells.

[Glorious eXcess]

who is the well known member? WTF.....

EDIT: oh, that....well, i posted the card randomly, so I dind;t know if we could modify the card or not.....otherwise i have a different effect for the same card....>_>

[Umbra]

bobscholtz911911: Ever heard of a person called DJ-Osiris?

[Kyub]

Who Hasn't?

[Umbra]

Who Hasn't?

 

Exactly.

[Kyub]

???

[Guest Ixigo]

Grr... fine, I'll make a new character, and (s)he's going to be much better.

 

When is the deadline for submissions?