Umbra's Fanfic Contest - Character and Card (Finished)

[vulture]

I shall make a new one as well to make sure I am not defeated. Also I have more maneater cards if you need them, but they are only written.

[Kyub]

Can you rate my second character plz, Umbra?

[Glorious eXcess]

bobscholtz911911: Ever heard of a person called DJ-Osiris?

yes, but i made the wannabe as a 'tribute' sortofkindofmaybe, but can i post the real Aphet card, i simply wanted to put the more well known version

[Jack Witt]

Name: Jack Witt

Age: 14

Gender: Male

Decktype: Kaiju Deck (just look at my fan fics and my Kaiju created cards)

Favourite Card: Godzilla/Kiryu

Biography: Calm and mostly alone, but he liked it that way, until the Dreadroot killed his father and sister, who he had lived alone with for 7 years after his mother died, and now he was the youngest Pro duelist to play Duel Monsters, and had a record of 50 straight wins, and now he was challenging anyone who he thought was somehow related to Dreadroot, and now he was after revenge. Thats when Jack met his friend Maria, but it was shortlived and she too was killed after Jack destroyed a serevnt, as his duel spirits *Godzilla* and *Kiryu* were directly intune with his anger and had come alive and destroyed half of the city, but Jack got away with it and was now angryer than he ever was before. Jack then met other duelist and started a group known as the Scatters and were hunting down any body who had seen Dreadroot or talked with him.

Looks: Wears Jeans, a blue cap, red gloves, a yellow shirt with Kiryu on it.

 

[vulture]

Back-up Entry

 

Name: William Degauss

Nickname: "8th Deadly Sin"

Age: 18

Appearance:

Gender: Male

Decktype: Lucifer, and the Seven Deadly Sins

Favorite Card: Sin Lord Lucifer

 

 

This card may not be Normal Summoned or Set. This card may only be Special Summoned by Removing From Play 1 "Vice Warrior - Envy", "Vice Warrior - Greed", "Vice Warrior - Gluttony", "Vice Warrior - Sloth", "Vice Warrior - Wrath" "Vice Warrior - Lust", and "Vice Warrior - Pride", from your Graveyard. When this card is Special Summoned discard one DARK Attribute monster from your hand to destroy all cards on the field (Excluding this card).

 

Biography: William was a boy born to privilege. He could buy anything he wanted and he did. He was a spoiled brat, buying things to make him look like a punk, because he knew his parents absolutely despised it. They finally cut him off and he ran away to his Aunts house. When his parents were murdered by a street thug at the age 18 he happily reaped the life insurance and will. Sadly for him, they had enough time to write him out of the will, so he was exiled from their house and he could only claim the life insurance. He became very angry with his dead parents. He began to club vigorously and hold extravagant raves and parties but eventually his money ran out. He then joined the Underground Dueling League. Here he began to claw his way towards the top but his cheating strategy prevented him from reaching the title of champion. He currently wastes most of his money on smokes. He has developed obsessive compulsive disease due to the shocks that the Underground Dueling League duel disks give out. Currently oblivious to the struggle of power but would work for either side with pay.

 

Personality: In a worlds of saints and sinners, William is a sinner. He is prideful and envious. He is overindulgent and does not establish barriers for himself at all. He strikes out at those who 'might' help him, though he hasn't found someone who will help him yet. He is above all greedy and will steal and cheat to get what he wants.

 

Now for the cards.

 

This is his avatar card.

 

[spoiler=Other Cards]

 

 

[Umbra]

Updated with a deadline. Ratings will come somewhere during the day. (Really tired, woke up too early)

[Jack Witt]

this is just in case

 

Name: Jack Witt

Age: 15

Gender: Male

Decktype: Light and Darkness Deck

Favourite Cards: Light and Darkness Dragon/Red-Eyes Darkness Dragon/Blue-Eyes Shining Dragon

Biography: A happy guy if to say the least, a Pro Duelist with a record of 4 wins and 2 losses. He's Calm and beleives in strategy and winning. His family had been slane by the Dreadroot when Jack was 2 years old, and he never knew his parents, due to the fact he couldn't remember them, he was raised by a young female duelist, who taught him how to love the game, and even bought Jack his three most prized cards, which is why he'll never put one over the other in favortism. Then Jack entered the Minor League where he concured many duelist, and was promoted to the Pro League where he has remained for 3 years. Until one day, the Dreadroots servents came and attacked him, because they wanted his power to control Light and Darkness which opened the doors of Choas, which would allow Evil to flow from the gate and control the planet, but they were all defeated, and Jack ran, as he now realized why some kids parents disliked him cause there kids disapperered after dueling him, till he got older and learned to control his anger. Jack is currently looking for a way to kill Dreadroot, and he duels whoever he can, to see if they have Info.

 

His Avatars

[M.Hats]

Name: Rayous Valiant

Age: 16

Gender: Male

Deck type: Reflecting Slimes

Favourite Card: Cosmos Reflect Slime

Avatar Card: Rayous Reflector Knight

Biography: Rayous’ ancestor, a descendant of the Dreadroot, caused a great victory for the worshipers of the Dreadroot through the unleashing of the powers of an entity known as the Cosmos Reflect Slime. However generations on the linage of this "hero" is all but lost, Rayous is believed to be the last of the heritage. His loose ties to the Dreadroot due to his fading bloodline and lacking interest in their affairs means Rayous could very well turn and side with the Tormentors. The Dreadroot is aware of this and so Rataval has been assigned the role of capturing and turning Rayous should he defy his role.

 

Dueling Possibilities and Personality: Rayous is always calm no matter how severely he appears to be losing or how well he is winning (He doesn’t get excited, when he draws or plays the right card, and he never seems to smile). He seems uninterested and when his opponents attempt banter, he often irritates them as he seems to dismiss most of what they say as small talk and will reply with dry wit (He has been known to cut off other duelists monologues and taunts to ask if they are ever planning to finish their turn). Rayous’ tactics are built around deflecting effects and damage, as such when dealing with other characters quirks or insults he often turns them around against them. Rayous doesn’t disrespect others unless they do so to him, he plays for the most, very honorably and conducts himself in a decent manner both in and out of game. However at the same time Rayous, won’t show much interest in anything and so his opponents can misinterpret this as impolite.

 

Cosmos Reflect Slime is Rayous’ favourite card, using Reflector Knight or Convulsion of Nature with it is one of his main forms of offence. Once one of these combos is on the field every time his opponent draws they draw once more and Rayous can take a card from their hand, this does 3 things; fuels his hand for Cosmos Reflect Slimes ATK and DEF, gives him more options of play and allows him to sabotage his opponent’s hand.

 

Other Combos include:

-Archfiend’s Oath with Convulsion of Nature or Reflector Knight to increase his draw.

-Clone Slime to get out Cosmos Reflect Slime, or a good defence with Multiple Slime, etc.

-Mother Grizly to get out Metallizing Parasite- Lunatite, Clone Slime, etc.

-Staunch Defender with Magical Reflect Slime or Cloning.

-Ameba with creature swap.

And so on.

 

I know a deck wasn’t necessary, but thought it would be a good way of seeing the sort of combos Rayous can get. As he uses the opponents own attacks and cards against them he doesn’t have any particular monsters meant for high attack (with perhaps the exception of Cosmos Reflect Slime). The deck is more themed then competitive but some of the combos work quite well.

 

Deck:

 

3 x Reflector Knight

3 x Cosmos Reflect Slime

3 x Metal Reflect Slime

1 x Magical Reflect Slime

3 x Clone Slime http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Clone_Slime

2 x Multiple Slime http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Multiple_Slime

1 x Slime Base http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Slime_Base

3 x Convulsion of Nature

3 x Archfiend’s Oath

1 x Marshmallon

1 x Heavy Storm

1 x Mystical Space Typhoon

1 x Revival Jam

1 x Neo-Spacian Glow Moss

1 x Mirror Force

1 x Cloning

1 x Magical Arm Shield

1 x Physical Double

1 x Metalmorph

1 x Metallizing Parasite- Lunatite

3 x Mother Grizzly

1 x United We Stand

1 x Exchange

1 x Creature Swap

1 x Waboku

 

Side Deck:

1 x Reversal Quiz

1 x Mist Body

3 x An Owl of Luck

1 x Exchange

1 x Ceasefire

1 x Brain Control

1 x Creature Swap

3 x Ameba

2 x Dragged Down into the Grave

1 x Staunch Defender

 

Rayous is constantly reconfiguring his deck, so many exchanges occur with his side deck, and deck.

[Kei-kun]

Name: Reina Holland

Nickname: Rei, Tome Master-Rei

Age:14

Gender: Female

Appearance:

 

Decktype: A Spellcaster deck revolved around the Spell Card “Tome of Sealed Magick” along with the “Spell Chapter” monsters.

Favourite Card: “Tome of Sealed Magick” as it reminds her of her favorite book “Chronicles of Magic”

 

Biography: Reina was born and raised in Great Britian and comes from a family of nobles. Although she lived a prestige lifestyle, she actually hated it. Her parents worked her to become a proper women who would later continue the Holland Family line and because of that, she was very secluded. Growing up, all Reina wanted was nothing more than to play and have fun just like other kids her age. However, her parents forbid any contact with those of lesser status than herself. However, for about a year, she had been sneaking out of the house at night and playing duel monsters at local shops. In that time frame, she had become one of the best duelist in the area and was given the nickname, “Tome Master-Rei” due to her unique deck style and cards.

 

One night however, she had obtained a card from wining a duel that resembled her entirely. Later that night, while she was returning home from dueling, she was attacked and almost killed by 2 men dressed in black speaking of the Tormentor. Scared for her life, she ran away from home the next morning and was met by a man named Vergüenza who explained her legacy as the Arcane of the Tormentor, Riori. Confused yet curious, she sets out to find the rest of the Tormentor blood line for possible answers and as a way to escape her home life.

 

Personality: Hyper and loud at times, she still holds a sense of properness from her parent’s constant training. Though doesn't like the life style of the noble, though she has some respect for it which is shown as she duels. While she duels, she's focused and determined, but still holds a sense of properness.

 

= = =

 

 

The main bases of her deck is to get her Spell Chapter monsters into the Spell Contents and use there effects like normal Spell Cards. She has a lot of cards that reuse these cards either by returning monsters in the graveyard back to the Spell Contents or adding them from her deck. To look at all the cards involved in the set click these links:

 

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/showthread.php?tid=24685

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/showthread.php?tid=25387&pid=400504pid400504

= = =

 

As for the second Contest, here is her Avatar:

 

 

Hope you like! ^ ^

[Umbra]

Judging on BlueKyubbi's second character:

 

Character Judgings:

Aria Alkari (BlueKyubbi)

 

Interest: This was... strange. I’m not going to comment the human-mechanic crossbreeding, and the obvious time-travel. But at 2014, I expect the plot of LotT to have resolved already. And this doesn’t really fit.

Rating: 5 points.

 

Duel Possibility: Machines, perhaps one of the middle Types when it comes to Support, and Warriors. Needless to say one of the most supported. But they mix in an EARTH deck, and I suppose it works well.

Rating: 7 points.

 

Originality: Warriors have been used before in the fan-fic, but the Cyber Soldiers seem quite interesting. Even though Proto Cyber-Soldier’s last requirement didn’t make sense. (That it can’t attack unless there’s a monster with Cyber-Soldier in it’s name on the field, when it has Cyber-Soldier in it’s own name already. Please explain.)

Rating: 6 points.

 

Modifiers fulfilled:

None

 

Character Score: 18 points.

 

OCG: OCG errors here. Examples: “summoned”, “immune to Spells”. No spelling errors.

Rating: 6 points.

 

Picture: The picture’s certainly a Cyber-Soldier, but it surely isn’t a Prototype. This looks more like a Cyber-Soldier. But it fits the theme.

Rating: 7 points.

 

Balance: 7/2700/2200. With no battle-affecting effect, I’d say this is very well balanced, considering the Level/ATK/DEF rate.

Rating: 9 points.

 

Effect: Two restrictions (one of them resolves automatically) along with a super-powered respawn effect. Unless your opponent has Macro Cosmos or something like that, you have a 2700 ATK monster just resummoning another one like it whenever it’s destroyed.

Rating: 2 points.

 

Card Score: 24 points.

 

Modifiers fulfilled:

None.

 

Final Score:

 

18 + 24 = 42 points

[Kyub]

Damn it.

Okay, Plan C shall be coming soon.

[Jack Witt]

Dont hold it against me but I didn't feel like making a fan card, due to the fact that their ususally overpowered

[Umbra]

Rating on Jack Witt's Submission

 

Character Judging:

 

Interest: Not much interest. Character's name same as username, uses pop-culture cards... along with biography “general dislike”. Pro-duelist, which is bad. I want a good character, not an expert duelist.

Rating: 1 point.

 

Duel Possibility: Well, I just looked at the Kaiju cards. And to be honest, I don't ever want to do that again. Period. (Way overpowered, and don't give me the excuse that they're pop-culture. If they would have been in my fan-fic, they would be realistic cards. Period again.)

Rating: 2 points.

 

Originality: This is, if anything, where your character might get some points. The Kaijus seem to be a different type of each (almost) which isn't seen that often.

Rating: 4 points.

 

Modifiers fulfilled:

Godmode Character: * 0,2

 

Character Score: 7 * 0,2 = 1 point.

 

Congratulations, you have received the lowest score possible!

[vulture]

We were aloud to make a second character right? Just wondering.

[Umbra]

We were aloud to make a second character right? Just wondering.

 

Correct, as long as you don't make a new character before your old one has been rated.

[Kyub]

Umbra, when does the fanfic take place?

The year, I mean.

[Jack Witt]

well that explains everything I had wanted you to forget the first bio, but you didn't explain that little fact to us, where he had to wait to try again

[Umbra]

@BlueKyubbi: 2008. Late April.

 

@Jack Witt: Sorry for that. You can put up a new submission now if you want to. But just look at what I said when you post the new one.

[Kyub]

Plan C:

 

Name: Sieg Grandeval

Age: 64

Gender: Male

Appearance:

Decktype: Forgotten Soldiers of War

Favourite Cards: Forgotten Soldier - General Yamatoshi, (Avatar, Effect Monster), Barracks Of The Forgotten, (Field Spell).

 

Bio: Sieg Grandeval was born in Germany in troubled circumstances during the Blitz. His father died by an enemy aircraft strike and his mother died when he was born. He led a depressed and sad life until a soldier came to his orphanage. The soldier talked about life in the army and his feats and accomplishments. After that day, he resolved to be a soldier. He grew up and proved to be a very patriotic man. He was recruited into the army, and rose through the ranks very quickly, until he was placed as a general of the frontline soldiers. He won many battles, and people proclaimed him the "Saint of War". However, in one battle, his platoon was ambushed and struck by enemy grenades. He was horribly disfigured by that battle and rendered comatose. He layed in a coma for years until one day in May, when he was visited by a man called Rataval. Rataval sat there and spoke to his mind, telling him of the ones who had put him in that state, and of The Tormentor, the instigator of that battle. Rataval woke him up and introduced him to the new world, but by then, Sieg's heart was set on vengeance for his comrades. He was given a Duel Disk, a Deck, and the location of those who would feel his wrath. To cover his injuries, he wore a cape. He now walks the earth, searching for those that defeated him and his comrades.

 

Personality:

Sieg is a very polite person, if not creepy because of his jet black cape. He shows no mercy to those who anger him, however, and when he takes his cape off for battle, and his crimson red eyes and injuries are revealed, his wrath truly shows, and those who would face him are helpless against his strength. He does not like to make friends, preferring to call them "Allies" and even then counts all his enemy.

 

=================

 

His cards are shown as attachments, as it seems I cannot post the pictures.

 

=================

 

I hope this makes the grade, as I spent at least an hour writing the Bio and Personality.

[Jack Witt]

new guy

 

Name: Adrian Omaro

Age: 14

Gender: Male

Appearance: I dont care this is your choice, but he wheres a vest

Decktype: Sand deck

Favorite Card: Gaara of the Desert

(ever watch Naruto then you know what Gaara looks like)

 

Avatar: Gaara of the Desert

 

Bio: A baby boy had been, found by a young female duelist, he is one of the heirs of the Tormentor, the girl Ashley, took Adrian in, and it was she who gave his name. when he turned 7 she taught him how to play Duel Monsters and helped him win a contest, where people whould design cards and the winner got their cards made into real cards, and would be givin the only copies of them. 3 years later he won a tournament and was accepted as a genious in the field of geography with an IQ of 194 at 11 years old. 2 years later the dreadroots servent Avatar appeared and killed Ashley, forcing Adrian to run, but he vowed on Ashley's grave with his blood, to find a way to defeat Avatar and his master The Dreadroot.

 

 

Personality: Normally calm, but he gets reckless if you mention the name "Avatar." Is a really good duelist, and prefers to beat his oppoent up, at the same time protecting his Spell and Trap card, with other magic and traps, and his Gaara of course downs't need protection with his two spell cards Sand Armor and Sand Shield

----------------

Here are the sand cards

 

[Gaara of the Desert~Earth/Warrior/Effect~4 Stars~Atk/Def: 0/0~When this card battles an opponent’s monster all Battle Damage is reduced to 0.]

 

[sand Armor~Equip Spell Card~This card can only be equipped with a “Gaara of the Desert.” The equipped monster cannot be destroyed by battle.]

 

[sand Shield- Equip Spell Card~This card can only be equipped with a “Gaara of the Desert,” The equipped monster cannot be targeted by Spell, Trap, or Monster Card Effects.]

 

[Desert Funeral~Continuous Trap Card~This card can only be activated when a “Gaara of the Desert” is face-up on your side of the field. When this card is activated, destroy 1 monster on the field and deal damage to its owner’s life-points equal to the destroyed monsters attack points.]

 

[shukaku the One-Tailed Beast~Earth/Beast/Effect~12 Stars~Atk/Def: 4500/3800~This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Special Summoned by Tributing 1 “Gaara of the Desert,” 1 “Sand Armor,” 1 “Sand Shield,” and 1 “Desert Funeral” on your side of the field. When this card is destroyed by battle, and sent to the graveyard add 1 card with “Sand” in its name from your deck to your hand.]

 

[Rebirth of the Sand~Trap Card~Special Summon a Monster from your graveyard that has “Sand” in its name.]

 

[sandstorm~Spell Card~Pay 1500 life-points to activate this card. Flip all face-down Spell or Trap Cards on the field, face-up. All the cards that can be activated, are now activated, all cards that cannot be activated are destroyed.]

 

[sand Ninja-21~Earth/Warrior/Effect~4 Stars~Atk/Def: 1300/1500~When this card is drawn, discard it and draw 1 card. When this card is Special Summoned from the graveyard, select 1 monster on your opponent’s side of the field and increase your life-points by an amount twice that of the selected monster’s ATK.]

 

[sand Ninja-7~Earth/Warrior/Effect~1 Stars~Atk/Def: 100/300~When this card is drawn, discard it and draw 1 card. When this card is Special Summoned from the graveyard, select 1 monster on your opponent’s side of the field and increase your life-points by an amount equal to 1/4 of the selected monster’s ATK.]

 

[sand Ninja-14~Earth/Warrior/Effect~3 Stars~Atk/Def: 700/900~When this card is drawn, discard it and draw 1 card. When this card is Special Summoned from the graveyard, select 1 monster on your opponent’s side of the field and increase your life-points by an amount equal to half of the selected monster’s ATK.]

 

[sand Ninja-28~Earth/Warrior/Effect~6 Stars~Atk/Def: 1900/2100~When this card is drawn, discard it and draw 1 card. When this card is Special Summoned from the graveyard, select 1 monster on your opponent’s side of the field and increase your life-points by an amount equal to 3 times the selected monster’s ATK.]

[Umbra]

Judging on vulture's submission:

 

Character Judging:

William Degauss

 

Interest: Didn't like William as much as I liked Adam, I can tell you that. Still, interested indeed. The Underground Dueling League doesn't really fit.

Rating: 8 points.

 

Duel Possibility: I'll be judging this from the cards you have provided. It mostly seems to be a DARK Warrior-type deck, (You don't want to face Tualatin or Tribe-Infecting Virus. Especially not Tualatin. A William/Flora duel could be interesting.) along with the 7 Sins + Lucifer. Those cards contradict each other, really. If I were you, I would create a “Sinner” card, that's effect would send the 7 sins to the graveyard to get Lucifer out easily.

Rating: 8 points.

 

Originality: The 7 sins bring a little twitch to the oh-so-common Warrior decks.

Rating: 6 points.

 

Modifiers fulfilled:

Well-written Biography: * 1,4

 

Character Score: 22 * 1,4 = 30 points.

 

Card Judging:

Vice Warrior - Greed

 

OCG: Minor issues.

Rating: 9 points.

 

Picture: Couldn't actually be better. Jackpot!

Rating: 10 points.

 

Balance: 4/1800/900, works well. But thanks to the drawing power, I'd lower it a little.

Rating: 9 points.

 

Effect: An extra card can be both good and bad. This card could cause you to deckout faster, but in turn it provides you with more options. The S/T total block is a little too much, don't you think? Perhaps just an activation block.

Rating: 7 points.

 

Modifiers fulfilled:

None

 

Card Score: 35 points.

 

Total Score: 30 + 35 = 65 points.

 

However, since one profile can not take more than one position on the prize table, you can choose which character you want there. Either William with 65 points or Adam with 62.

[barbarius]

entry reserved

 

name: Nemrit

age: 15

gender: Male

decktype: crippled and injured warriors.

favourite card: blinded by fate, injured - hospital demon (avatar card)

biography: Nemrit is a shy person that almost never comes out of his shelter. The only time when he comes out of his shelter is to duel. He lives in a shelter because his parents died in a fire. He was there when his parents died and because of the fire he got sireously injured. He lost one of his legs and the half of his head is burned away so he can only see with one eye. He also misses 3 fingers on one of his hands. Because of his injuries he always wears a black cape. Nobody knows him because he hasn't got any relatives. He thinks that because of his injuries he wil never become a good duelist. And that's why he loses most of his duels. He had deck of warrior type monsters but after the death of his parents he replaced all his cards. For crippled and injured warriors.

[Guest Ixigo]

gender: Female

 

biography: Nemrit is a shy person that almost never comes out of his shelter. The only time when he comes out of his shelter is to duel. Helives in a shelter because his parents died in a fire. He was there when his parents died and because of the fire he got sireously injured. He lost one of his legs and the half of his head is burned away so he can only see with one eye. He also misses 3 fingers on one of his hands. Because of his injuries he always wears a black cape. Nobody knows him because he hasn't got any relatives. He thinks that because of his injuries he wil never become a good duelist. And that's why he loses most of his duels. He had deck of warrior type monsters but after the death of his parents he replaced all his cards. For crippled and injured warriors.

 

...eh? =/

 

Anyway, nice story IMO.

 

Umbra, I'll be finalizing my character soon enough ~ expect him posted up by tomorrow.

[barbarius]

so changed it I'm really really sorry for the stupid mistake

[Kyub]

Bump.

Don't forget about this, Umbra!