Darth Revan of the Sith Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 For a couple months now i have been working on a book... and i have decided to show the amount I have done to YCM... I hope you like it... I will post new chapters as soon as possible... [spoiler=Gabriel Chapter 1] Gabriel Chapter 1-In the Beginning In the beginning the world was covered in water. Many sea creatures lived among each other in harmony. One day however a species of humanoid sea men and women mined rocks from the earth’s core and began to build a floating city-state above the water. The city was a gigantic circular city with abundance in technological genius floating above the giant sea. The city was named Atlantis and its inhabitants lived a prosperous life above the water. It was not long after that many others of the same species began to do the same thing and soon four other city-states had been created, the resulting city-states were called Shangri-La, Heaven, Hell, and Valhalla. Eventually these humanoid fish species began to adapt to their new environment gaining feet, hands, and hair on their head. Their scales were replaced with skin and they grew new organs in their body. For over 1000 years the five civilizations began to live together in harmony, until a new leader of Hell named Lucifer amassed a giant army in an attempt to take over all the five city-states. None of the other four city-states knew what Hell was planning until Hell invaded Shangri-La. After constant preparation for war Hell had started what they called operation S.A.T.A.N. in which they invaded and literally destroyed Shangri-La of the face of the planet. The incident alarmed all the other city-states and they began to prepare themselves for what we call “The First War”. It was too late however as the city-states of Valhalla and Atlantis soon fell. Hell was not prepared for the fact that Heaven had prepared for the worst even before Lucifer took to power. Heaven was well aware that some time one city-state would start a war, so they started a military system called the Angelic Army. It wasn’t long before both civilizations began dabbling in nuclear warfare. The war went on for an accumulated 5000 years until a nuclear accident completely wiped both city-states off the world. An accelerator in Hell exploded causing a giant nuclear explosion. Heaven had already sensed the problem and began operation B.I.B.L.E. in which many of the citizens of Heaven were evacuated on three giant ships called Maphotika’s. Hell was destroyed however Lucifer survived, his whereabouts are still unknown to this day. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Gabriel Chapter 2] Chapter 2-Gabriel My name is Gabriel and I joined the Angelic Army Fifty years ago, although I can’t really call it that anymore because twenty years ago it was renamed the Angelic Expeditionary Force. Our people are very different from people who live on Earth. At random times in our lives we become half immortal which means that we do not age and we don’t die of natural causes, unnatural causes however are a whole different factor. People usually hit half immortality between the years of twenty and forty. That remained a factor until I turned fifteen. I was born seventy years ago, at first I lived just like everyone else. When I turned fifteen however everything changed, I stopped aging and for the first time in history a person became half immortal at age fifteen. Five years later I joined the angelic army. After graduating from the academy I went under the rank of lower angel. In the Angelic Expeditionary force there are four ranks, lower angel, high angel, saint, and god. Ten years ago I was promoted to high angel. Soon my missions became more intense but I never gave up. Because of my excellent mission success record I was asked numerous times if I should be promoted, I replied every time no. If I were to be promoted to saint I would be stuck on a ship giving orders to people. How do I know these people will do it right? Therefore I plan to remain a high angel for a very long time. After we carried out operation B.I.B.L.E. a meteor hit the earth resulting in bacteria mixing together and matter bending to create mountains, volcanoes, plants, animals, and of course humans. Our job is to make sure the humans don’t do anything stupid. So occasionally we interfere in what they are doing. My partner Bard and I have been best friends for years. He turned half immortal at age thirty five. Bard and I were sent on a mission to investigate the cities of Sodom, Gomorrah, Admah, Zeboim, and Bela. Spies have claimed that the cities have been conversing with Lucifer in an attempt to start a new empire similar to Hell. Bard Checked out Bela and Admah while I went through Gomorrah and Zeboim. We then joined up to investigate Sodom. Before the investigation of Sodom we concluded that Admah, Zeboim, and Gomorrah were working with Lucifer, even though we couldn’t find the damn sneak. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Gabriel Chapter 3] Chapter 3-Sodom As we were walking we met up with one of our human informants, Abraham. “Look I know we haven’t seen each other in a while but, to make the story short we have investigated four of the five cities and we’ve concluded that Bela is innocent while the other three are not. We have yet to check out Sodom however. Do you have any information regarding the city?” Asked Bard. Abraham replied “Sorry I don’t have any information on that particular city but my nephew Lot lives there you can talk to him. I will inform him of your visit, you men will lodge with him.” We traveled thirty miles to Sodom and met up with Lot he led us to his house and we ate dinner with him. “So what can you tell us about this city?” I asked politely. “Well at first it was in chaos, there was crime everywhere and people were afraid to leave their houses. That was the case until this mysterious person showed up at the city and started preaching about becoming a force to be reckoned with. He also said that he would end all of are suffering if we joined him to conquer what he calls the other inferior places of the world or something like that.” Explained Lot. “Well that just proves it, he’s definitely here.” I said. All of a sudden there was a giant crowd gathering outside of the house and we could completely see Lucifer out in front of everybody. I was scared for the first time in my life; the man that started the First War was standing right outside the house I was eating in. At the top of his lungs Lucifer yelled “LOT! WE THE PEOPLE OF SODOM SAW YOU ALLOW TWO MEN TO ENTER YOUR ABODE! GIVE THEM UP AND WE WILL SPARE YOUR RETCHED TREACHEROUS LIFE!” Lot didn’t leave his house. He calmly replied “I will not hand over my guests. However, I will give you my two virgin daughters instead for you to do as you wish. I was planning to scream at the idiot for what he just said but Bard stopped me. Lucifer replied “You fool! Now we will kill you AND your entire family!” As they marched toward the door Bard and I grabbed our Helios Pistols (hand guns that temporarily blind people) and blinded all of them including Lucifer. As they all scrambled everywhere we told Lot and his family to pack their things and that we were taking them out of here. We immediately left the south area of the city where Lot’s house was. Lucifer and his men were looking everywhere for us but we far too ahead of him. As we left the city we saw a ship fly right out of the city and Bard and I concluded that Lucifer left the city. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Gabriel Chapter 4] Chapter 4-The Mistake As we were almost 100 miles from the city we stopped and I began to speak “Look as we continue on you are going to hear a huge noise, under NO circumstances are you to look back got it?” They all nodded. We continued on and I talked on my communication device (C.D.) to head command. “Bard and I are evacuating the city we need you to drop nukes in Sodom, Gomorrah, Admah, and Zeboim.” “Roger that, make sure you are at least 110 miles from the drop-off point over.” Said the correspondent for HQ. “HQ, we are at least now 135 miles from the drop-off point you are clear to go over.” As soon as I said that four giant bombs hit all four cities and Sodom was engulfed in a giant explosion as the city began to be destroyed piece by piece. As we walked on Lots wife got too curious and looked at the explosion and right in front of us she turned to ash. With my glasses I could see the horrible sight happen before me. As I saw her turn to ash I felt sick, knowing I had failed to save her even though I specifically told her not to look at the city. I couldn’t even speak…I failed, All I could do was walk on. We had brought Lot to Abraham’s house and he would live there until he could find a new home. I didn’t even speak to the poor man. His face was pale and he looked like he had just been murdered 4 times in a row. I might as well have considering I accidentally killed his wife. When I got back to the ship I sat in my room all day and all night. For over fifty years I have had a perfect record…Until now, now I felt like nothing but a rookie. I felt like a rookie who went way over his head on the mission. The next day I walked around the ship looking for Bard until I found out he was on another mission. I didn’t know what to do, I kept backtracking what happened over and over and over again trying to figure out what I did wrong. I kept thinking that maybe there was something I missed, something that I could have done to prevent this. However it only led to the same outcome *I wasn’t paying attention*. I wasn’t watching her when she looked at her city in ruin. It was a trivial moment in my life but I was soon given a moment of redemption.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Gabriel Chapter 5] Chapter 5-Enoch Time came and went and the remaining inhabitants from Bella separated and formed little villages throughout the world. The population was at a mere 1 million and we were worried about the end of the new civilization. While we were trying to find a solution the higher ups had ordered me to find a new informant. Since they had given me the choice on who that would be I chose a man living in a small village near the end of the giant land mass we called Aman-Sur. The man’s name was Enoch and he was the king of the village. Enoch had wife and a child and I had chosen him out of all the others because of his exceptional political skills. Me and Bard had landed on the village (unseen at first) and asked to see the king. The villagers had told us he was away but would be back in three days time. We took shelter in a house that had been abandoned by its previous owners. Our job was to grab Enoch and bring him to our ship so he could learn our language. It would take a while however (at the most 300 days) but I had the feeling it was going to go well. It wasn’t long before Enoch returned and we were allowed to talk with him. Bard stood before the king, “King Enoch we beseech your help our society is in serious need of an informant to keep us up to date on event’s going on in this world will you please come up to our ship so that we may teach you a language we know well”. I had no idea that Bard knew the language here. Enoch stood from his chair and instead of talking back to us; he addressed the public around him. “My fellow people, I have ruled this beloved place of mine for many years. However the chance for me to gain good knowledge is right before me, and I must go. I know this must be sudden, but please understand me, for I must go”. The public wasn’t happy but after three days of trying to console them, we took him on our ship and headed for headquarters. For 200 days we taught him our language, but he still didn’t know all of it. He became good friends with Bard and I and also with the other soldiers here. When it came to 270 days he was almost finished and I was very sad to know he would be leaving. However my responsibilities come before friends, and there would be nothing I could do.[/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTFauKorean Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 wow you added a lot more chapters than i remember, anyways liked the story but how to improve. mostly format, just change indentation and grammer and it should be fine, its harder to read with out good paragragh breaks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Revan of the Sith Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 I tried 5 times to put paragraphs in but it keeps reverting back to this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTFauKorean Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 [quote name='Halubaris Maphotika' timestamp='1298244525' post='5021725'] I tried 5 times to put paragraphs in but it keeps reverting back to this... [/quote] hmmm thats weird it works on mine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Revan of the Sith Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 Well i guess it cant be helped......................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Revan of the Sith Posted February 21, 2011 Report Share Posted February 21, 2011 yea i just tried it again it wont work hmm... I really dont know why.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Revan of the Sith Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 Srry guys chapter 5 is comin soon... EDIT: Chapter 5 is HERE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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