Pokemon: Power of the Stars

[~>Grovyle<~]

[center][size="5"][color="#ffff00"][b][i][u]Pokémon: Power of the [/u][/i][/b][/color][/size][/center] [center][size="5"][color="#ffff00"][b][i][u]Stars[/u][/i][/b][/color][/size][/center] [color="#000000"] Rate/Hate/Flame/Troll/Spam/Whatever [spoiler= Characters]Angus: An eleven year old boy who has had quite some experience with Pokémon.[/color] He is almost always wearing a normal shirt and shorts, and is white. [color="#000000"]
Jackson: An eleven year old boy who is impatient and has no experience of battling. He is arrogant, quick-tempered and tries to crush his opponents. He is also like Angus; wearing a shirt and shorts and is white.[/color] [color="#000000"]
Professor Pine: The Pokémon Professor of the story. She has travelled to many lands, but now resorts in the countryside of the newly discovered region, the Voltech Region. She always wears a lab coat and is related to Professor Juniper of Unova as cousins. She is also white. [/spoiler][/color] [color="#000000"][spoiler= Chapter 1] Angus was woken by a loud [i]BANG! [/i]from outside his house. Hesitating, he ran outside to see the commotion. To his surprise, Professor Pine, a Pokémon Professor who lives in his town, was fighting a man with a Pokeball on his belt and a Purrloin in front of him. He quickly moved his eyes towards the professor to see that she was holding a Great Ball in her hand and a book in the other. In front of her was an Eevee who was lying on the ground, bleeding and bruising. He then looked across to see that the Professor’s house had a large, burnt hole in the side. Inside was an upside-down table and hundreds of scattered papers and books. “Prof. Pine, what’s going on?!?!” Angus yelled over the noise. [i]No response[/i] he thought, so he continued to keep a respectable distance away from the battle. He gathered all of his courage and jumped through the hole in the wall, grabbed three Pokeballs and leaped out to safety. [/spoiler][/color] [color="#000000"][spoiler= Chapter 2] Angus was thinking hard which Pokémon to choose. Should he choose Treecko, the Grass Type? Or maybe the Fire Pokémon, Tepig? What about the Water Pokémon, Totodile? After winning what felt like an hour of debating in his mind, he grabbed Treecko’s Pokeball. He sprinted towards Eevee, picked it up and gave it to Pine and threw his Pokeball. “Go Treecko!” He yelled, and a green creature came out of a shining glow. The Purrloin, without command, used Scratch. Treecko got a cut on its shoulder, which slowly started to bleed. “Treecko! Use Tackle!” Angus yelled again. Treecko body-slammed its opponent, and soon after a repetitive chain in that order, the Purrloin fainted. “Darnit...” The mysterious man said under his breath. The man took off his coat and revealed a black shirt with a yellow star on it. After a few seconds, the star shot up into the sky and disappeared from his shirt. Soon after, he ran away from the town with all his might leaving faces frozen in awe. “Wow! Angus, impressive! You seem like you’ve had experience with battling before.” Professor Pine said. “Yeah. I guess I have.” Angus said with a half-shrug. “Angus, you really deserve to keep that Pokémon.” Pine said with a smile. “Hear that?” Angus said to the Treecko. “We staying together.” The Treecko’s face lighted up with glee as he jumped up into Angus’s arms. [/spoiler][/color] [color="#000000"][spoiler= Chapter 3] Angus and Treecko, after about half an hour, walked into their house to his mum’s surprise. “[i]What [/i]is [i]that!?[/i]” She said in shock, looking at what she described a [i]green terror[/i]. “Mum... It’s okay, it’s my new Treecko!” Angus said, holding his arms out wide to surprise her. “Okay... Well, since you’re a trainer now, I guess you can go have an adventure...” His mum was going to continue talking but Angus had ran upstairs. He got on his knees to get to a box down under the cupboard. He dragged it out from under, lifted the lid and untied his shoes. Fitting his new shoes on, he jogged around his room with them. [i]Perfect[/i], he thought. He ran downstairs towards the door when he was stopped by his mum. “Now you wait there, mister.” She said. Angus was nervous he had done something wrong. “You can’t go yet.” She said, handing him a map of the Voltech Region. “You’ll need this.” She said. “Currently, as you know, we are in Sandirt town, so that means you’ll be heading north towards... Charcoal town." "The town is full of retired train drivers and lumberjacks, so be [i]very [/i]careful.” “Thanks mum.” Angus said with a nod. He walked outside, but when he got there, he ran up to the start of Route 1. His friend and rival, Jackson, was sprinting up towards Route 1 when he bumped into Angus. “Whaddaya doing?” Jackson said. He looked up, he was fairly short for his age, and realised it was Angus. “Hey! How’s it going?” He said. Angus was still brushing the dirt of his knees when Jackson challenged him to a battle. “I need to train my Tepig, so could I battle you?” Jackson said, impatiently waiting for an answer from Angus. “Yeah... I guess.” He replied. Straight away Jackson threw his Pokeball, which released an orange pig-like Pokémon from a flash of red and white. Angus only just managed to throw his Pokeball, because he was too busy wiping the blood from his knee... “Tepig! Use Ember!” [i]Crap, [/i]Angus thought. A small flame burned Treecko, and his energy was dwindling each and every second. “Treecko! Use Tackle!” Angus managed to yell. Treecko’s attack power was lowering by the minute. It, with all its might, tackled Tepig. Treecko was panting, but the Tepig was fairly hurt, too. Tepig launched a Tackle attack, and did the exact same thing, but with much more power, to Treecko. By now, the Treecko was struggling to breathe. “Treecko! Tackle, again!” Angus yelled, forgetting about his wound. This time the Treecko charged with all of its power and tackled Tepig, and the Tepig quickly fainted. [i]What? A critical hit? [/i]he thought. Angus and Jackson, while sprinting, carried their Pokémon to Professor Pine’s healing machine, put them in their Pokeballs and handed them to the machine. It swirled with light, and after a few seconds, the glass shield, which slammed down once the Pokeballs were in, opened, their Pokémon healed. [/spoiler] [/color] [spoiler= Chapter 4] Angus picked up his Pokeball from the machine, and released his Treecko. He examined the green skin carefully, looking for a cut. After a few minutes, all he could see was a centimetre-long scab. He was relieved, and wiped his forehead with his hand. “Treecko, return.” He said, and a glow of red in a lightning shaped manner pulled Treecko of the ground and into the red-and-white sphere. [i]Whew[/i], he thought. Walking outside, he headed for Route 1. He was walking through the small town, in between four small, whitewashed houses and a gate made of trees. He got to the end of his town. He turned around and saw his mum through the window, and waved, but turned around and took a single step. He felt good. Taking each step he realised the risks and adventures he would make.
He walked a bit through the greenery and the dirt, but came to a complete stop in front of a big patch of tall grass. He turned his head, left, right. Checking for danger, he walked for a while through the grass until he encountered a Budew. Angus threw his Pokeball with a right-to-left curl, and landed perfectly on the ground as it opened and released Treecko. “Treecko! Use your Tackle attack!” The Treecko body-slammed the Budew, and it fainted. [i]The Budew was that weak, eh?[/i] he asked himself, but wondered if that was even possible. They ran around the patch of green until they found another Pokemon. “A Lillipup?” Angus said. “From Unova?” Treecko was slightly shocked. “Treecko! Tackle!” Angus yelled, pointing. After that, the Treecko shook its head left and right. Its arm turned to what looked like a vine, and it whipped the Lillipup. “What?! You know Vine Whip?!” Angus yelled, still in shock from the transformation. “Well,” Angus said, calming down. “That’s cool.” Treecko nodded with that and let out a happy cry.
After Treecko’s yell disappeared into the distance, the pair walked past the patch and walked further down the dirt path. Hiding in between the trees was a trainer, who was willing to battle [i]anyone[/i]. He jumped out in front of Angus and said “Let’s battle!”. “Wha?” Angus said before yelling to Treecko to get out and battle. The trainer sent out a Mudkip. “So I heard you like Mudkips!” Angus yelled out, saying “Sorry.” after. “What’s bad about Mudkip?” The trainer said angrily. “Mudkip, use Water Sport!” The Mudkip splashed out water from its pores and it sprayed down everywhere.
“Useless. Treecko, use Vine Whip!” Angus yelled over the sound of rain. “Treecko’s arm again turned into a vine and smashed the Mudkip, leaving a red mark on its side and a face full of pain. “No! Mudkip, use Growl!!” The trainer screamed. The Mudkip let out a cry of pain and a growl mixed together. “Grr. Treecko, Tackle him!” Angus said. Treecko found the Mudkip off-guard and smashed into it leaving it motionless. “NO!” The trainer screeched. “I hate you!” He screamed looking at Angus. “Geez. It was his idea.” Angus said to himself walking away. He looked around a few trees and saw a building with an orange-red roof. He ran past everything and sprinted in. Inside was a lady with pink hair. “Hello. Um, could you heal my Pokemon?” He said awkwardly. “Sure. We’ll take your Pokemon for a few seconds.” She said with a smile. “There! All happy and healthy!” She said after a while. “We hope you excel!” [/spoiler]

[DARKPLANT RISING]

The longer the better. It goes for basically [i]anything[/i] in this world.

[~>Grovyle<~]

lol
Chapter 3 will be heaps longer. And as some may know, the Voltech Region has Pokemon from all other regions.
BTW, any feedback? Is it good even though it is short?

[DARKPLANT RISING]

You see, if something's too short it's never good. Being short is fine. It makes it easier to read. But too short is a no. At least make it 5 legit paragraphs.

[Quiksilver]

Alright. First off, make spaces between your paragraphs. While this doesn't apply to chapters 1-2, and barely applies to Chapter 3, all I see is a wall of text. Writing-wise, the story is very scant on details and all characters seem two-dimensional. The "you must have had experience with Pokemon before" makes absolutely no sense to me as well. What are you trying to say with that sentence?

You need to expand on your writing and make sure to include details about EVERYTHING. It's incredibly focused of as now- find Pokemon, battle here, win there. Try giving more insight into the characters (thoughts, background) and their surroundings (Were the hell are they?), because of now the fanfic isn't too good.

[~>Grovyle<~]

Sorry about that.
I'll try to improve that soon. I did add quite a few thoughts, just so you know. I'm trying to make suspense, as the characters are more explained later in the Fanfic.
And the "You must have had experience with Pokemon before." part is explained in the Chapter 4 or 5, as Angus has flashbacks of what happened years ago to him (no spoilers).
Chapter 4 will also include heaps more about their surroundings as they start to travel, and more characters are introduced.

[StealthyTyranitar]

This just seems to me like any other Pokemon RP. Catch and Train Pokemon, defeat Rival, Stop evil force from taking world.