EndlessOcean Posted March 22, 2011 Report Share Posted March 22, 2011 Prologue Thomas watched as Jake Hunter walked into the council chamber. He knew Jake was trying to eliminate the council, and did nothing to stop him. For one he was nowhere near as powerful as Hunter, for another thing, he wanted Hunter to succeed in destroying the council. For too long had the council denied his plan just because he was a kid. He clenched his fists and followed Hunter through the council doors. Thomas was a 12 year old boy who had been invited to the villain.net website after he shot a shopkeeper in the leg. He had brown hair and pale skin. He was wearing a black leather jacket with waterproof trousers. As he entered the council chamber, he overheared Necros saying that the nanobots were working. He knew what this meant. He would have to find a way too alert Jake without Professor Mobius, The mind-reading freak. Hunter permitted himself a small smile. Thomas knew that that meant that the first council member was about to die. The meeting started. Any Good? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bahamut - Envoy of the End Posted March 23, 2011 Report Share Posted March 23, 2011 Well... Yes and no. Initial plot seems good, if we're following protagonists with unpure intentions, sort of baddies fighting against baddies kind of. Four characters loosely introduced, Thomas, Jake Hunter, Necros and Prof. Mobius. Necros is a good villian name, Thomas is a dull protagonist name. Please refer to a character consistently by one name, don't keep switching between Jake and Hunter, its unnecessarily confusing. Has potential, get a few chapters on the go and get it out there for a proper look. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.