Yu-Gi-Oh!: Evolution! (PG-13)

[The Great Milenko]

This is my first time writing on here (well, I did write once before, but it dosn't count) so be nice. I don't know how much time I have to write per day, so somtimes it will have to be short and sweet. A little backstory; Yu-Gi-Oh!: Evolution! takes place a little bit more in the future, after 5D's. In this timeline, somone invented spaceships that can take humans to other planets. After a while, we (humanity) began to unite as a people, and moved toward other intelegent life. Right now, we have taught many different species how to speak our language, and we know how to speak theirs, for the most part. But some species can't make the same noises we can, and vice-versa, so we made a machine that can translate millions of known languages. After more time passed, these aliens began to live on Earth, and some humans lived on their planets, like colonies. They have become so integrated, that almost all predjudice against other humans has ceased, because they are human, at least, and they don't glow or have tentacles. But hate crimes againste the aliens have arisen, naturally. But most of us are content living side by side. We even taught these aliens how to play Duel Monsters, and turns out, they have games simular to it, which we learned how to play. Pretty soon, aliens began to make their own Duel Monsters cards, and selling them to us, and we sold ours to them, and all sorts of new rules and cards and ideas came out of this. Then, aliens began particapating in tourmnaments, and winning! Then, we started accepting the aliens into the schools, some even teach! And all sorts of stratagies are found. We found out very soon that we would need a new form of money. We called it "points". And there are all sorts of new jobs arising, like space pilot, and even space duelist. They travel in spacships, and duel all sorts of aliens, and meet new creatures, and see new cards, and everything. Our main character is one of these...

Cody ran as fast as he could. He had to make it to that lot in time, before the classes ended. It was a one day class, and he need the badge it promised if he was ever going to be a space duelist. He had finally bought the ticket to The Neo Titanic, an uptown high class ship that showed him all sorts of planets, and he even got to duel many different people, and things that wern't as human. He was quite impressed with one particular "out of bounds" card, or a card not printed on Earth, and he had decided that it didn't make any sense that the aliens should get it so good. So when he got back to Earth, he had decided to make as many points as he could, get a space badge, buy a ship, and take off for "The Final Frontier." He loved that show; Star Trek. He never could get enough of the nerdy stuff, the comic books, the role-playing games, and of course, the trading card games. He was part of a hugh role-playing internet thing where he would get a mass-sent I.V. or Information Video, which was where you told the machine what you want to say, and it sent a video of a generic silhouette saying what you said. And the I.V. would tell you what was happening, and you would reply with what you were going to do. But Cody hadn't gotten one of those in a long time. He was waiting patiently though, and he could wait. Right now he had to get to the lot where the guy was giving the "space lesson", so he could get the space badge, and take off to be a space duelist. He just had to get the space cards that he couldn't find on Earth, and besides, he was into the extreme kind of stuff that space dueling promised. He finnaly got to the lot, and he walked around back, just like the directions said. Around back, he saw a not so human looking thing talking to people, who where pressing buttons on their translators. So he turned his on, walked up to the thing, and said "Hey. I'm Cody. I'm here for my lesson." The alien turned around and shushed Cody, sending him a mental message saying "Not now, wait..." Well, he waited as long as he could, and when the alien was done talking to the others, it came to Cody and asked, in it's own language, "Do you know what that is?" And held up a picture of a space ship. And Cody said "A ship?" "Good! Here's your licence." And the thing handed Cody his licence. "Now, that will be 2500 points" Cody downloaded the points onto the aliens bank, and left. He couldn't belive it! He finnaly had a space badge! Now, he could really be a space duelist. What kind of magical duels awaited him in that mystic sky outside of Earth? He couldn't wait!

He finally had everything he needed to fly, and Cody was waiting in a damn line. He could have been in space dueling who knows what like an houir ago, but he still had to wait to get his deck leagalised if he wanted to actully duel up there. So he had been waiting for 2 hours to get a little stamp, just so he could space duel. He was begining to wonder if it was all really worth it. Then it was his turn. What?!? His turn? But the line was like a mile long last he checked. He looked again, and sure enough, it was empty. No one in front, or behind him. That was a little wierd. Then a very bizzare voice said "It's your turn, Cody. Go into the sky, and eventully you willl save me..." "What? Who are you, and what do you mean, 'I'll save you'?" "Who I am isn't of importance right now. You must take off for the sky, duel with all your human heart, and save this world..." Cody couldn't belive it. Was this voice trying to say he was like, "The One" or somthing? If this was true, he wasn't scared of his destiny. If it wasn't true, he was crazy, but he didn't care. He was going to be a space duelist, chosen one or not. He got his deck all leagalised, ran home, got in his ship, and took off. The process of getting out of orbit seemed to be a bit of a hassle. The man in charge had decided to be a ****, and give Cody some crap. "Please read that badge number again." "Look, I have read this thing like, 5 times already. Is in in the freaking system or not?!?" "I don't belive you are striking the proper tone, sir. You should show more respect to higher power." "You know what?!? **** it! I'm taking off, weather you like it or not. I'm begining to doubt that your even sopposed to be here." "Sir, I can have you arrested and thrown in prisen to rot for the next 1000 years." (The life expectency has greatly increased in the future) "Oh can you? All I want to do is duel some aliens? Is that so wrong?" "You're a space duelist?" "I'm going to be." "Then I'll make you a deal. We'll duel to see who gets their way. If I win, you must give your ship to me, and you jump into the trash disposal, which would kill you, of course. If you win, I'll go in the trash disposal. And if you refuse, I'll arrest you, take your ship, and see that you get a life sentance." Cody thought about it, and said "I accept."

"I draw!" Cody's opponent was a wierd one. He was staking his life on this duel. Cody couldn't understand why he was doing this, but Cody wasn't prepared to lose. After all, he was going to be a space duelist, and that voice told him he was going to save them somday, so he couldn't die now. "Now I play 'Lightsworn Gift'! A Continuous Spell Card that says 'When ever either player sends card from the top of their deck to their Graveyard, they draw 1 card for every 2 sent.' The I play 'Deck Leak'. Another Continuous Spell that says 'Whenever a player draws cards outside of their Draw Phase, that player sends cards from the top of their deck to their Graveyard equal to the number of cards drawn.' Then I play 'Foolish Draw'. Target player, which is you boy, draws 2 cards and sends the top 6 cards of their deck to their Graveyard." Cody drew 2, and sent 6. "Then, because of 'Deck Leak', send 2 more." Cody sent 2 more cards. "Then, because of "Lightsworn Gift', draw 3, then draw 1. The order is very important." Cody drew 4 cards. "Then send the top 3 cards of your deck to your Graveyard, then send 1. Once again, the order is immportant." Cody did. "Now, because you sent 3 then 1, you draw 1 more because of the 3 sent." Cody drew 1. "Then send 1. Now I play 'Deck Destruction'! We both discard our entire hands, and draw the same number of cards. Then, because of 'Deck Leak', you send the same number of cards drawn from your deck to your Graveyard. I end my turn. Bye bye boy!" Cody couldn't draw! He had lost. Was the voice wrong? Was he really going to die?!?

Cody flew down the trash chute. It was burning hot, and he could feel burns all over his body. He was going to die, and he was upset. The voice told him he was going to save them, but aparently the voice lied. He was doomed. Damn! Why now? Just when his life was getting good. What kind of person would chalenge somone to a life or death duel? It was so extreme. And what kind of hand was that? Every single card was exactly what he needed, it's almost as if the man cheated. Damn it! He did cheat! That must be why he was so sure of himself. Cody was coming towards the end of the chute. Sh-

Boom! Cody landed on some kind of ship. He wasn't sure how long he had been passed out for, but aparently the chute had been open and he hadn't smashed into a million degrees of boiling hot metal. Instead he had entered void space, and somhow a ship had cought him. He needed to get in the ship soon though, because he couldn't breath in space. A door opened on the ship and he fell in. Then the door closed and another one opened. He could breath! He yelled out "Hey! I mean no harm! Thank you!" A voice yelled back "Who the hell are you?" Cody walked in the direction of the voice. It was pitch black, to dark to see. Then lights burst on, and Cody felt blinded. "Hey! You're just a boy. What the hell is a boy doing in this damned space?!?" "I wanted to be a space duelist." "Now why the hell would you want to do such a dumbass thing as play cards games in space? What in hell's name is wrong with you boy?" "You mean you don't play Duel Monsters?" "Why in hell would I play such a stupid game?" Cody was stunned. He though everybody played Duel Monsters. "So what do you play?" "Damn it boy! Why do I have to play anything? Why can't I live my own damn life without somone telling me about some damned card game every damn day?!?" "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you." "It's okay, boy. I won't last much longer in this series anyway." "What do you mean?" "This story Yu-Gi-Oh!: Evolution! I won't last much longer. I'm going to die soon. I don't think the author likes the fact that I break the fourth wall." Cody was confused. "If he dosn't like it, then just stop." Cody had no idea what he just said. "I can't stop! He's the one writing the damn thing! If he writes that I break the fourth wall, then that is exactly what I'll do." "Then he's being a bit stupid then, isn't he? Why would he make you do somthing and then be mad at you for doing it." "Because he's a dumbass, that's why." Cody was too confused. "Well, you look tired boy. Go sleep. There's no reason why you should be awake when I duel the mysterious man possesing the forbidden god card." Cody, too confused and wiped out from the insanity of the heat from the chute, layed down and slept.

Cody finally woke up. He wasn't sure how long he slept, but it must have been a very deep sleep, because the whole ship was trashed. The walls were burned, the floors were flooded, and there wasn't a soul in sight. He wondered where the strange man was. Last night, or morning, or whatever, was mostly a blur. Cody couldn't even remember what the man looked like, or what the ship looked like, or anything. He knew what the ship looked like now, however, and it was horrible. The walls, which apeared to have once been a very vibrant blue with all sorts of interesting paintings and artwork on them, now shared a dark orange color, burn marks, and smoke. Cody could aslo make out some claw marks, apearing to come from a VERY large claw. The floors were flooded, about two feet of water. Cody could not see through the water because of the debree and ashes floating around. As Cody's eyes ajusted to the change in light, Cody could soon see he was in some kind of hallway. He had been sleeping on a fold out cot on the side of the room. What lied beyond the hallway, he couldn't tell. It was nothing but darkness from where he stood. He decided to walk forward. Or back. He wasn't sure because he couldn't remember. So he picked a direction, and followed it. After walking for a while, he came to a large room. The room was very dark, so he couldn't tell what it was sopposed to be. Then he remembered somthing. His cards! Did they get all wet from the water? Did they burn up from the fire? Were they shredded from the claw? He reached into his pocket, and he felt his cards They were intact, and unharmed. He took them out to look at them. Then he noticed that there was a card there that wasn't there before. Upon closer inspection, he could see that it wasn't a normal card at all. It apeared to be a wierd rainbow color on both sides. A solid silver, shiny, rainbow glowing card. Suddenly it began to grow. It grew into a whole deck! The cards felt a little hot. He looked through them, and discovered that they were some new kind of monster Archetype that he had never seen before. They were called Dragoneer...

[The Great Milenko]

Please comment people! I would like to know what you think of my writing.

[Twig]

I can't read anything right now since it's in huge blocks of text. Imagine having to read a book with no paragraph breaks.

[The Great Milenko]

What would you suggest I do?

[Twig]

Double space after every new idea. Let's say you're talking about bunnies in three sentences. Then you talk about cats in the fourth sentence. You should double space after the third bunny sentence.

You also have to double space every time a person talks.

Example: *insert bunny cat paragraph here*

"I like cats."

*insert more paragraphs here*

"I like cats too."

[Northern Sage]

I'll do a full review like this, then. First, like the above mentioned, use more paragraph breaks. It's much easier to read that way. (All spelling errors and comments on my behalf are bolded)
[quote name='Exodia the awsome one 95' timestamp='1302015183' post='5116080']
This is my first time writing on here (well, I did write once before, but it dosn't count) so be nice. I don't know how much time I have to write per day, so [b]somtimes[/b] it will have to be short and sweet. A little backstory; Yu-Gi-Oh!: Evolution! takes place a little bit more in the future, after 5D's. In this timeline, somone invented spaceships that can take humans to other planets. After a while, we (humanity) began to unite as a people, and moved toward other [b]intelegent[/b] life. Right now, we have taught many different species how to speak our language, and we know how to speak theirs, for the most part. But some species can't make the same noises we can, and vice-versa, so we made a machine that can translate millions of known languages. After more time passed, these aliens began to live on Earth, and some humans lived on their planets, like colonies. They have become so integrated, that almost all predjudice against other humans has ceased, because they are human, at least, and they don't glow or have tentacles. But hate crimes againste the aliens have arisen, naturally. But most of us are content living side by side. We even taught these aliens how to play Duel Monsters, and turns out, they have games simular to it, which we learned how to play. Pretty soon, aliens began to make their own Duel Monsters cards, and selling them to us, and we sold ours to them, and all sorts of new rules and cards and ideas came out of this. Then, aliens began particapating in tourmnaments, and winning! Then, we started accepting the aliens into the schools, some even teach! And all sorts of stratagies are found. We found out very soon that we would need a new form of money. We called it "points". And there are all sorts of new jobs arising, like space pilot, and even space duelist. They travel in spacships, and duel all sorts of aliens, and meet new creatures, and see new cards, and everything. Our main character is one of these...
[b]A bunch of spelling errors, and one of the most uninteresting history recaps I've ever seen. And some parts are not even particularly necessary. Or maybe people generally think that species (one of which is undefined) can never learn from each other. ...Wait, there are some people like that in real life. That last line was stupendously unnecessary.[/b]
Cody ran as fast as he could. He had to make it to that lot in time, before the classes ended. It was a one day class, and he need the badge it promised if he was ever going to be a space duelist.
[b]Okay, this sentence just stated what the plot summary ended with, thus making the latter (the last mentioned) completely pointless. Unless you really, really wanted to shout at people "THIS IS THE MAIN CHARACTER!"[/b]
He had finally bought the ticket to The Neo Titanic, an uptown high class ship that showed him all sorts of planets,
[b]"showed" in this case sounds either really awkward or really dumb, or both,[/b]
and he even got to duel many different people, and things that [b]wern't[/b] as human. He was quite impressed with one particular "out of bounds" card, or a card not printed on Earth, and he had decided that it didn't make any sense that the aliens should get it so good. So when he got back to Earth, he had decided to make as many points as he could, get a space badge, buy a ship, and take off for "The Final Frontier." He loved that show; Star Trek. He never could get enough of the nerdy stuff, the comic books, the role-playing games, and of course, the trading card games. He was part of a hugh role-playing internet thing where he would get a mass-sent I.V. or Information Video, which was where you told the machine what you want to say, and it sent a video of a generic silhouette saying what you said. And the I.V. would tell you what was happening, and you would reply with what you were going to do.
[b]Please refrain from using "and" in any cases where "and" sounds really dumb. There are other conjunctions.[/b]
But Cody hadn't gotten one of those in a long time. He was waiting patiently though, and he could wait. Right now he had to get to the lot where the guy was giving the "space lesson", so he could get the space badge, and take off to be a space duelist.
[b]Department of redundancy department? [/b]
He just had to get the space cards that he couldn't find on Earth, and besides, he was into the extreme kind of stuff that space dueling promised. He [b]finnaly[/b] got to the lot, and he walked around back, just like the directions said.
[b]...Rather than just wandering around aimlessly...[/b]
Around back, he saw a not so human looking thing talking to people, who where pressing buttons on their translators.
[b]More uninteresting descriptions...[/b]
So he turned his on, walked up to the thing, and said "Hey. I'm Cody. I'm here for my lesson." The alien turned around and shushed Cody, sending him a mental message saying "Not now, wait..."
[b]If these alien are psychic, it might have been something interesting to actually bring up in that Plot Summary, because that would be a thing that wouldn't be very obvious like that. If they aren't, then I don't know what the hell that last sentence meant.[/b]
Well, he waited as long as he could, and when the alien was done talking to the others, it came to Cody and asked, in it's own language, "Do you know what that is?" And held up a picture of a space ship. And Cody said "A ship?" "Good! Here's your [b]licence[/b]." And the thing handed Cody his licence. "Now, that will be 2500 points" Cody downloaded the points onto the aliens bank, and left. He couldn't belive it! He [b]finnaly[/b] had a space badge! Now, he could really be a space duelist. What kind of magical duels awaited him in that mystic sky outside of Earth? He couldn't wait!
[b]Some of the language isn't the best, and "as long as he could" is in this case pretty pointless. He seems to have a lot of time on his hands, and the only way he would get the license would be to keep waiting. See?
Also, mystic is probably one of the least used common adjectives in english. (A bit off topic).[/b]
He finally
[b]Hey! You finally used the correct spelling for "finally". And didn't bother to change the other ones. At least be consistent with your spelling.[/b]
had everything he needed to fly, and Cody was waiting in a damn line.
[b]Over to cursing that feels like it was thrown in at the last minute. [/b]
He could have been in space dueling who knows what like an [b]houir[/b] ago, but he still had to wait to get his deck leagalised if he wanted to [b]actully[/b] duel up there. So he had been waiting for 2 hours to get a little stamp, just so he could space duel. He was begining to wonder if it was all really worth it. Then it was his turn.
[b]Very awkward transition here.[/b]
What?!? His turn? But the line was like a mile long last he checked.
[b]Time itself died out of boredom. (The word that's missing here)[/b]
He looked again, and sure enough, it was empty. No one in front, or behind him. That was a little [b]wierd[/b]. Then a very bizzare voice said "It's your turn, Cody. Go into the sky, and [b]eventully[/b] you willl save me..." "What? Who are you, and what do you mean, 'I'll save you'?" "Who I am isn't of importance right now. You must take off for the sky, duel with all your human heart, and save this world..." Cody couldn't belive it. Was this voice trying to say he was like, "The One" or [b]somthing[/b]?
[b]Now I'm sort of warming up to this guy.[/b]
If this was true, he wasn't scared of his destiny. If it wasn't true, he was crazy, but he didn't care. He was going to be a space duelist, chosen one or not.
[b]Nope. Lost my interest again.[/b]
He got his deck all [b]leagalised[/b], ran home, got in his ship, and took off. The process of getting out of orbit seemed to be a bit of a hassle. The man in charge had decided to be a ****, and give Cody some crap. "Please read that badge number again." "Look, I have read this thing like, 5 times already. Is in in the freaking system or not?!?" "I don't belive you are striking the proper tone, sir. You should show more respect to higher power." "You know what?!? **** it! I'm taking off, weather you like it or not. I'm begining to doubt that [b]your[/b] even [b]sopposed[/b] to be here." "Sir, I can have you arrested and thrown in prisen to rot for the next 1000 years." (The life [b]expectency[/b] has greatly increased in the future) "Oh can you? All I want to do is duel some aliens? Is that so wrong?" "You're a space duelist?" "I'm going to be." "Then I'll make you a deal. We'll duel to see who gets their way. If I win, you must give your ship to me, and you jump into the trash disposal, which would kill you, of course. If you win, I'll go in the trash disposal.
[b]Why would he do that? No, seriously, what would be his reason for doing something like that?[/b]
And if you refuse, I'll arrest you, take your ship, and see that you get a life [b]sentance[/b]." Cody thought about it, and said "I accept."
[b]One wall of text down.[/b]
"I draw!" Cody's opponent was a [b]wierd[/b] one. He was staking his life on this duel.
[b]Oooh, got my answer for earlier right there. He's a "wierd" one.[/b]
Cody couldn't understand why he was doing this, but Cody wasn't prepared to lose. After all, he was going to be a space duelist, and that voice told him he was going to save them somday, so he couldn't die now.
[b]Did we miss a line or something?[/b]
"Now I play 'Lightsworn Gift'! A Continuous Spell Card that says 'When ever either player sends card from the top of their deck to their Graveyard, they draw 1 card for every 2 sent.'
[b]No. No, No, No, No.
You don't do that. You managed to botch up a text that already looks horrible by putting the lores in the middle of it. How did you think that this was even the least bit acceptable? Look, if you can't be bothered to make more than three paragraph breaks like this total, that's fine. But you don't, under any circumstances, put the card lores like that. Put them on a new line, put them in a spoiler, demonstrate the effects instead, just don't do that. Please![/b]
The I play 'Deck Leak'. Another Continuous Spell that says 'Whenever a player draws cards outside of their Draw Phase, that player sends cards from the top of their deck to their Graveyard equal to the number of cards drawn.' Then I play 'Foolish Draw'. Target player, which is you boy, draws 2 cards and sends the top 6 cards of their deck to their Graveyard." Cody drew 2, and sent 6. "Then, because of 'Deck Leak', send 2 more." Cody sent 2 more cards. "Then, because of "Lightsworn Gift', draw 3, then draw 1. The order is very important." Cody drew 4 cards. "Then send the top 3 cards of your deck to your Graveyard, then send 1. Once again, the order is immportant." Cody did. "Now, because you sent 3 then 1, you draw 1 more because of the 3 sent." Cody drew 1. "Then send 1. Now I play 'Deck Destruction'! We both discard our entire hands, and draw the same number of cards.
[b]Did you get Card Destruction and Deck Destruction Virus confused? Last time I checked, the ocg name for CD is definitely not DD.[/b]
Then, because of 'Deck Leak', you send the same number of cards drawn from your deck to your Graveyard. I end my turn. Bye bye boy!" Cody couldn't draw! He had lost. Was the voice wrong? Was he really going to die?!?
[b]I can't take a narrator who constantly refers to something as "the voice" seriously. It's just bad.[/b]
Cody flew down the trash chute. It was burning hot, and he could feel burns all over his body. He was going to die, and he was upset. The voice told him he was going to save them, but aparently the voice lied.
[b]I would have been a bit more concerned than just being upset by the fact that "the voice" had lied to him. Especially considering how random the turn of events up to this point have been. [/b]
He was doomed. Damn! Why now? Just when his life was getting good. What kind of person would [b]chalenge[/b] somone to a life or death duel?
[b]A wierd one, obviously.[/b]
It was so extreme.
[b]That too.[/b]
And what kind of hand was that? Every single card was exactly what he needed, it's almost as if the man cheated. Damn it! He did cheat! That must be why he was so sure of himself. Cody was coming towards the end of the chute. Sh-
[b]Wow, this kid cared more about dueling than his impending doom.[/b]
Boom! Cody landed on some kind of ship.
[b]Ouch?[/b]
He wasn't sure how long he had been passed out for,
[b]Considering he's in space, and he was conscious the whole time when he reached the end of the chute, he should have been awake mostly to the entire time, otherwise he would have died from lack of oxygen.[/b]
but aparently the chute had been [b]open[/b]
[b]Past perfect doesn't work that way...[/b]
and he hadn't smashed into a million degrees of boiling hot metal. Instead he had entered void space,
[b]What?[/b]
and somhow a ship had [b]cought[/b] him. He needed to get in the ship soon though, because he couldn't breath in space.
[b]No s***.[/b]
A door opened on the ship and he fell in. Then the door closed and another one opened. He could breath! He yelled out "Hey! I mean no harm! Thank you!" A voice yelled back "Who the hell are you?" Cody walked in the direction of the voice. It was pitch black, to dark to see. Then lights burst on, and Cody felt blinded. "Hey! You're just a boy. What the hell is a boy doing in this damned space?!?" "I wanted to be a space duelist." "Now why the hell would you want to do such a dumbass thing as play cards games in space? What in hell's name is wrong with you boy?" "You mean you don't play Duel Monsters?" "Why in hell would I play such a stupid game?" Cody was stunned. He though everybody played Duel Monsters. "So what do you play?" "Damn it boy! Why do I have to play anything? Why can't I live my own damn life without somone telling me about some damned card game every damn day?!?" "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you." "It's okay, boy. I won't last much longer in this series anyway." "What do you mean?" "This story Yu-Gi-Oh!: Evolution! I won't last much longer. I'm going to die soon. I don't think the author likes the fact that I break the fourth wall." Cody was confused. "If he dosn't like it, then just stop." Cody had no idea what he just said. "I can't stop! He's the one writing the damn thing! If he writes that I break the fourth wall, then that is exactly what I'll do." "Then he's being a bit stupid then, isn't he? Why would he make you do somthing and then be mad at you for doing it." "Because he's a dumbass, that's why." Cody was too confused. "Well, you look tired boy. Go sleep. There's no reason why you should be awake when I duel the mysterious man possesing the forbidden god card." Cody, too confused and wiped out from the insanity of the heat from the chute, layed down and slept.
[b]Let's recap what just happened: He's picked up by a random guy that doesn't get anything resembling a description (much like the main character), who starts monologuing about how he thinks card games are stupid, and then proceeds to insult the author. I'm not even going to think about this for now. But the lines were completely over-the top, and don't make any sense in context from what we've seen so far. They don't even work as exposition.[/b]
Cody finally woke up. He wasn't sure how long he slept, but it must have been a very deep sleep, because the whole ship was trashed. The walls were burned, the floors were flooded, and there wasn't a soul in sight.
[b]Alright,
BIG LIPPED ALLIGATOR MOMENT![/b]
He wondered where the strange man was. Last night, or morning, or whatever, was mostly a blur. Cody couldn't even remember what the man looked like, or what the ship looked like, or anything. He knew what the ship looked like now, however, and it was horrible. The walls, which apeared to have once been a very vibrant blue with all sorts of interesting paintings and artwork on them, now shared a dark orange color, burn marks, and smoke. Cody could aslo make out some claw marks, apearing to come from a VERY large claw. The floors were flooded, about two feet of water. Cody could not see through the water because of the [b]debree[/b]
[b]I can't really blame you for spelling debris wrong. It's like spelling Peugeot, you just can't go from auditory pronunciation.[/b]
and ashes floating around. As Cody's eyes [b]ajusted[/b] to the change in light, Cody could soon see he was in some kind of hallway. He had been sleeping on a fold out cot on the side of the room. What lied beyond the hallway, he couldn't tell. It was nothing but darkness from where he stood. He decided to walk forward. Or back. He wasn't sure because he couldn't remember. So he picked a direction, and followed it. After walking for a while, he came to a large room. The room was very dark, so he couldn't tell what it was[b] sopposed[/b] to be. Then he remembered somthing. His cards! Did they get all wet from the water? Did they burn up from the fire?
[b]Anyone knows the might of the cards, Simple million-degrees masses won't hurt these baddies![/b]
Were they shredded from the claw?
[b]Seriously, is he the psychic one? How else would he know that a (hypothetical) monster had been roaming around last night/day/morning/whatever? Or is this story just stupidly written?[/b]
He reached into his pocket, and he felt his cards They were intact, and unharmed. He took them out to look at them. Then he noticed that there was a card there that wasn't there before. Upon closer inspection, he could see that it wasn't a normal card at all. It apeared to be a wierd rainbow color on both sides. A solid silver, shiny, rainbow glowing card. Suddenly it began to grow. It grew into a whole deck! The cards felt a little hot. He looked through them, and discovered that they were some new kind of monster Archetype that he had never seen before. They were called Dragoneer...
[b]That's seriously one of the worst notes to end on I've seen. There's no grand reveal, as the archetype mentioned is a custom one. It's just a cut short. That kind of exposition is okay in an episode recap, but here, it's horrible.[/b]
[/quote]
Final Thoughts; Characters and plot are bland, character descriptions are non-existant (where a character bio would actually be welcome), and some things just feel awkward.

[Crimson Blaze]

Aw, come on. This person's first language is obviously not English (and if it is, I feel SO sorry for him). He has a good idea, but just needs to improve his grammar and spelling. The large blocks of text and unorganized lore are definitely unacceptable, though. Don't give up, man. Just keep trying and you will improve over time.